Are controlled crying techniques only used for sleeping?

[missie_mack]

Mods- Feel free to move I am not sure if this is really the right section

Relating to a post in another thread. Do you believe controlled crying or crying it out only a technique used for sleeping or can it be implemented in general day to day life? :detective:

[NibbleCurlynBub]

I believe it is used directly to affect sleep..

I don't really see many awake scenarios when it is a good idea or even makes sense..

So I vote for sleeping. :o

[stardance]

maybe if someone didn't cuddle or try to distract them but left them to "cry it out"

so i don't see a need...only for sleeping and oly for those that agree with it's use.

sorry to but in but......
i read the other thread...they sound heartless and (don't want to scare you im sure you've thought of this)
why does he only cry (hysterically) there...
what do they do when your not there...
like if him and a playmate have an argument do they help them resolve it or tell him to get over it iykwim?

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

Do you mean like ignoring a tantruming child or a child that excessively cries or whinges?

[missie_mack]

I believe it is used directly to affect sleep..

I don't really see many awake scenarios when it is a good idea or even makes sense..

OK just to explain myself better. If your child or another child is crying for whatever reason (insert due to injury or just due to being upset over a issue in general as examples) leaving them to cry so they learn to settle themselves without seeking any comfort or minimal comfort. Does this constitute controlled crying or a crying it out technique?

[stardance]

OK just to explain myself better. If your child or another child is crying for whatever reason (insert due to injury or just due to being upset over a issue in general as examples) leaving them to cry so they learn to settle themselves without seeking any comfort


i suppose people could do that...
but i wonder how emotionally stunted their child would become.
i think it would have effects later on.

carers need to care about their charges whether it be mums or childcare workers.

[Benji]

OK just to explain myself better. If your child or another child is crying for whatever reason (insert due to injury or just due to being upset over a issue in general as examples) leaving them to cry so they learn to settle themselves without seeking any comfort or minimal comfort. Does this constitute controlled crying or a crying it out technique?

I wouldn't think so........

Whose toddlers don't cry during tantrums? :confused:

I know I leave him to tantrum, I'm not going to indulge his tantrum because he wants a lollypop/hurt the cat/make a mess. Stuff that :laughing:

[Chunkydunks]

I don't think its a good idea but some people may find it works for them

[missie_mack]

I wouldn't think so........

Whose toddlers don't cry during tantrums? :confused:

I know I leave him to tantrum, I'm not going to indulge his tantrum because he wants a lollypop/hurt the cat/make a mess. Stuff that :laughing:

And if its not a tantrum? If hes crying for another reason? :detective:

[NibbleCurlynBub]

OK just to explain myself better. If your child or another child is crying for whatever reason (insert due to injury or just due to being upset over a issue in general as examples) leaving them to cry so they learn to settle themselves without seeking any comfort or minimal comfort. Does this constitute controlled crying or a crying it out technique?
In my experience that actually works in the reverse.

I suppose it could be applied to a toddler tantrum effectively. Actually once DS is beyond reasoning, I do just let him sort himself out until he is reasonable again. So yes in that sense it could work and if done right could work really well!

But to turn a baby down when they are hurt or tired or upset and crying and refuse to comfort them... Would probably just teach them that they aren't cared about.. :(

[Nowhere]

I dont do controled crying personaly but i have no issue with others doing it

But your example if the child is hurt and crying well if the child is hurt of sore in anyway i dont beleive Controled crying is appropriate at all, If there child is hurt and crying they need comfort reasurence and maybe even for the mum or who ever to check them over to make sure its not a bad hurt, There is nothing controled about letting a hurt child cry

[SmileyBJ]

I know I leave him to tantrum, I'm not going to indulge his tantrum because he wants a lollypop/hurt the cat/make a mess. Stuff that :laughing:

:iagree: In the case on a tantrum yes Id leave them to cry, if they hurt themselves or something else was the issue then no controlled crying would not work.

[ButterflyKissesX]

Tantrum - definatley leave them to cry.

Anything else NOWAY toddlers thrive on mummy and daddys love cuddles kisses and attention. and plus i cant stand to hear him cry for any other reason breaks my heart.

[MountainGirl]

oh god, I hope not,.. how heartbreaking for the kid,..and how distressing for the other kids,..

MM hon,..the trust is gone,..you are going to be worried about him all the time. take him out before it starts to affect his behaviour,.xx

[sahm]

I'm not sure if this is what you mean but I have "let" my DS cry/whinge sometimes, if I'm in the middle of doing something that needs to be finished.

I do believe it's important for children to learn to wait their turn.

But that said, if I'm trying to get dinner in the oven and he's wanting to be cuddled, I have activities around me for him to do, and even if he continues to whinge, I talk to him, explain to him that I know he wants me, and I'll be with him as soon as I'm finished. When he was a baby, I would have in his bouncer and do the same reassuring talk and be with him as soon as I could.

It's not controlled crying as such, but I'm guessing that's the kind of think you're talking about?

[forbetoel]

My 2 year old is currnently doing the tantrum thing over anything. I ignore him, even when he is crying. I will go up to him and tell him that mum isn't able to help him until he stops crying and talks to me.

I am not going to comfort him when he is being such a brat. Since i have started ignoring the crying he has already got a lot better. He may be crying, but he is not after comfort, he is just trying to get what he wants and is investigating ways test how much power he has over situations.

ETA...if he crying for another reason, then I comfort him.

[naiwen]

If DS cries I comfort him, end of story LOL. It works for us anyway.

I suppose you could extend the CC idea to non sleep issues but seems unkind to say the least?

TBH it sounds to me like the staff want to do what is easier for them not optimum for your boy, just my take on it though.

[SassyMummy]

If DD is screaming about something for no real reason, she doesn't get comforted.

I'm not going to comfort her when she's yelling and crying because I told her to clean up her toys or I'll take them. What's the message there? That whinging and b*tching is fine and acceptable, and even encouraged?

Nope, sorry. It's not even anything to cry about.

If she hurts herself, there's no way in hell I'm not going to comfort her if she wants it. Even if she hurt herself from doing something dumb she was warned not to do.

DD is 3.5 however, and were she younger, it would have been a bit different.

[Mrs Potts]

I have never heard of CC being used in any situation other than teaching a child to settle to sleep, and I can't see how it would work. But of course, I don't know everything ;)

And even though I'm an advocate of CC, I don't feel there is ever a need for "crying it out", except perhaps where tantrums are concerned.

Yes, occasionally I leave my (older) children to cry. If there is a valid reason for their tears (injury, etc) then of course I take care of it, but I'm not about to indulge a whingey, whiney child just because they're not getting their way. As someone else has said I will tell them that I will talk to them once they've calmed down. But I certainly wouldn't call this CC.

[Chunkydunks]

Mrs Potts I'm fairly sure Stardance was refering to the staff at the centre being heartless and not you.

[Mrs Potts]

Thanks Chunkydunks. I've edited my post now - having one of those days.

[mum2bubba]

Depends why they're crying.

If they're hurt/hungry/tired/bored etc then I think parents/carers should attend to their children but if its a tantrum for example then I think its fine to just let them cry a bit.

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to leave them for a few minutes and not go to them straight away (as long as they're not hurt), but I don't think I'd leave them for a long time. Maybe no more than a few minutes, like if they're whinging cos they're tired. I dunno everyone is different. Sometimes we CAN'T get our kids/babies straigt away cos we're busy.

[missie_mack]

I guess the question is do you see this as another form of controlled crying though? Or do you see not providing their requests for comfort etc as a form of controlled crying? Or do you see it as all together something different? If so, what?

[forbetoel]

Yes, it is absolutley a form of controlled crying but far worse. Control crying usually involves the mother regulary coming in to reassure her child. In a childcare enviroment the child is just cut off from their mum.

I have said this before on this site, and I still struggle to understand how some people can be so against controlled crying, but think that it is O.K to leave your child crying all day in daycare, where they get NO comfort at all from mum or dad. It really blows my mind.

I really feel for you MM. Such a horrible situation.