Why Won't He Listen To ME !!!

[bambino]

DS is 2yrs and 3 months.

Since he was able to walk, somewhat talk, understand and observe, he just does not listen to me.

He will take intructions and orders from everyone else but me.
Even when it comes to discipline, he just totally ignores me. DH has to come in and take over. DS will sit up straight away and take note of the "NO" from Daddy, but not me.

It's driving me nuts. Especially when DH is at work and it's just me and DS.
He will do naughty things, whinge, cry, have tantrums etc and I just can't get him to stop. I say "NO" or tap the back of his wrist and he'll either hit me back and cry louder or just sit there and scream at me.
DH just has to look at him and he'll stop being naughty.

I've tried everything from changing the tone in my voice to ignoring him, but it's just getting worse.
He won't even take a simple instruction from me like "pick up your spoon or toy or get in the car" :hair:

I'm going nuts. When he eventually falls to sleep in the afternoon, I just sit and cry. I'm at a loss as to what to do. DH doesn't understand the stress and pain this is putting me through.

How do I make DS listen to me ?????

[cja]

If it makes you feel any better my DS who is 2yrs 1mth old, has a definite preference for my DH at the moment too....maybe it is an age thing? or perhaps becasue DS sees more of me and because I am usually the one that is there for all the ordinary, routine stuff and DH is always there for fun times?

[Mrs Potts]

How do I make DS listen to me ?????
There is the million dollar question...

*sigh*

[wana_b_lil_mama]

Ok, so I work in childcare. Righty-o...
I see this ALL the time, especially when ur with them @ home all day, every day!! Kids are soooo good with carers and when we tell parents, they simply don't believe us!!

What you will have to do is show him that when u ask him something and he refuses to do so, he will lose something that he wants/likes.

Have u tried time-out? If u cant get him to sit in time out, a good thing to do is resume ur day as usual, and show him that it doesn't bother u if he wont listen and that he will miss out on fun times if he doesnt listen.

Eg; if u have asked him to pack away his toys, add something in like "we will have ice-cream or watch ur favourite show "- " after u have packed up.

Be patient and let him take his time!!
If he doesnt listen then YOU have a bowl of ice cream in front of him and tell him he can have it when hes finished (or for his age assist him in packing away but make sure he actually helps!!) or YOU sit down to watch ur program!!

For 2 1/2 (did u say?) use short sentences and be persistent and dont give in! thats why alot of mums have a hard time getting their child to listen because its tiring putting up with it ALL day! They will soon realise they cant just do as they please..but being firm will set them boundaries that make them feel safe..they need someone to tell them no!!

Hope this helps and isnt too abraisive!!:thumbsup:

[veve]

I find that at approximately the age of two .. the child simply starts to malfunction ... the ears break - the attitude chip (that wasn't part of the original deal) kicks in, the stubborn characteristic you have always liked suddenly triples in strength... and you get the urge to leave the at the shops - rather than battle to get them in the car.

its the age .. :hugs: it will pass .. and YES they are ALWAYS better behaved for others .. Jack has always been impecible when he visits my parents .. but his behaviour at home is completely different ..

xx
Jen

[Mrs Potts]

it will pass ..
But don't hold your breath on that. I have the 8 yr old model and I'm still waiting for it to pass...:hair:

I've come to the conclusion that children's ears are purely for decorative purposes. ;)

[bgbgbb]

I agree, time out can work wonders. It's all about demoralising them by having to stay put. You have to stand over him if he threatens to walk away and (gently) push him back down until he stays for the required time.

I find if they dont want to come when I need to go somewhere in the car I get in the car and drive out the driveway. Scares them to bits and they never try that one on with me again.

If they dont eat their dinner, then they get no dessert (and I make sure everyone else does).

Its'also important that your husband takes a step back until you'ré assertion is making an impact in your son's mind. I have found the best way to combat this is that you are the one to reprimand your child when hubby is home, but when your child does right, you are also the one to reward him for his good behaviour. If he runs crying to Dad then Dad has to walk away. The most important thing is you are united against him!

Best of luck!

[JimJamsMum]

I agree with time-out. Trying to get DS to sit in one place unless I'm standing over him is useless though and I find for me and DS that the part about time-out that works is the fact that's he's not getting any attention. So, I shut all the doors upstairs and close the gate so he's in a space approx 1.5 x 1.5m. He is away from the family and can't see us. There is nothing for him to do but just sit there by himseld. He can yell and scream all he wants and I just ignore him. Once he has calmed down he's allowed to rejoin the family. It works wonders. BTW, he is 22 months old. Something similar might work for you.

It is frustrating when you know he's mucking up just for you. As my grandmother says, "they always muck up for their mothers".

[SassyMummy]

IME, kids are always worse with their mother. Why? Because they've learnt that mum will love them no matter how big of a sh*t they be. Mum will never leave them, despite their behaviour.

They don't know this with other people though. They don't know how far they can push before they're abandoned. So they don't risk it.

DD is always so much better for everyone else than she is with me... but as she gets to know someone well, she gets more badly behaved for them. I think it's because she's comfortable with them, and trusts that they'll still look after her needs regardless of her behaviour. She's still not AS sure about that as she is with me, however.

They're just like that.

And it makes sense as to why they won't listen. They don't truly understand the consequences of their actions. I mean, they may be able to understand that not packing up results in that toy being taken away... but they might not understand why packing up is important to do.

Or why it's not a good idea to touch a hot oven.

Or why Mummy acts like a psychopath just before he shoves something in the VCR.

They just don't understand that stuff yet, so it makes sense as to why they might try to do it anyway.

Not saying you should just let your kid burn themself in order to prevent them from more serious oven burns, but you know, they generally won't "get it" until they HAVE been hurt by it, or understand what a "burn" is or whatever.

It makes sense to me why they don't listen anyway.

[poppygirl]

Bambino - hi, i really feel for you :hugs:...it is really sad to me that when you finally do get to have a break from your DS when he's asleep, all you can do by that time is cry.

It is really important in my mind that - somehow - your DH comes to understand how this impacts on you, and the fact that it is completely normal to feel hurt and angry, upset and stressed, frustrated and confused about DS' behaviour.

I wonder, does he ever see the sort of behaviour DS uses with you? I know it is hard when you are the one at home all day with your child, with that being your main focus, to try and convey the feelings that things like this can bring up, to partners and other family etc.

When this first started happening with my DS (who is also 2 years and 3 months!) and myself, I would tell DP about it when he came home from work, and I would be teary and he would be laughing about DS' behaviour - and as much as that infuriated me, i could actually see how from the outside, stories of DS suddenly getting attitude and oomph were mildly amusing. Since then though, DP has seen how DS behaves with me - kicks me when i change his nappy and dress him, hits me on the face, pulls my hair, screams at me til his litle forehead goes purple, goes from the stereo, to the tv, to the fireplace and fiddles with all of them while staring me in the eye while I tell him not to touch them. In contrast, DP just has to walk in the room, or gently say DS' name, and he listens, and stops doing whatever it is he shouldn't be. Now DP is really empathetic about the way this affects my day and how exhausting and frustrating it is. And i think he knows that it can feel hurtful as well - if you are the main carer, and you feel like you are doing all you can for your child, and in turn it feels at times like they hate you, of course it makes you want to cry.

I sometimes get teary now when DP leaves for work cos i know that DS' behavoiur will escalate once he's gone,and he won't be there to step in when things get crazy with DS.

I have had the most luck with ignoring DS' behaviour once i have asked him to stop doing whatever it is he shouldn't be doing. I generally walk away and start doing something in the other direction and he usually follows me (crying of course;)) but at least it diverts his attention and then we can try and move on again with playing or whatever. I find dealing with this sort of behaviour most difficult when we are shopping or at playgroup or whatever - people often comment on the scream that he does at me :o and people frown when they see him slapping me (also :o).

All the best with trying whatever sits most comfortably with you. Thoughts with you :hugs:

[JabberJaw]

There is the million dollar question...

*sigh*


:iagree::laughing:

[bambino]

Thank you for all your replies. I feel better knowing that it doesn't just happen to me.

Over the last week, DH has been noticing DS behaviour with me by sneakily watching through a door or window. He thinks it's my voice that's not strong enough :mad:

So I made him read this thread......I think he was a bit embarassed by his own behaviour.

I've tried changing tactics to make DS take notice of me.......like when he has a tantrum, I don't yell at him to stop, I whisper, so then he has to stop to try hear what I am saying, and I've introduced a naughty corner, which funnily enough, he seems to enjoy sitting there by himself for a bit, and lots of distractions have come in to effect to help take his mind off what he's actually crying about, I let him help feed the fish, or get the bubble blower out, or let him help with the dishes etc......

So far it seems to helping, but he still has some bad days.
And now I'm back at work part time......phew.....so he's been spending time with grandma and also day care 1 day a week, which he enjoys and has settled in real nice.
And as un-nice as it may sound, the break from DS is doing me the world of good. I get loads of cuddles and kisses when I return in the afternoon so maybe even DS is starting to appreciate me :)

Now lets see how long it will last.......

[bonniebabe1986]

He will take intructions and orders from everyone else but me.
Even when it comes to discipline, he just totally ignores me. DH has to come in and take over. DS will sit up straight away and take note of the "NO" from Daddy, but not me.


Im at the same area with my 4 year old - he will listen to my partner (his step dad) but wont listen to me, never has... i guess its just cos we are mum and we are always here, they like to test boundaries.. right now justin is sitting next to me on the floor screaming : "im not your friend anymore im not your friend anymore im not your friend anymore!!!!"
he will smack me if i smack him... if i tell him off he turns around and calls me "nasty girl"...

grr... I told him to stop and he just told me to "**** off mum" so ive put him on the top bunk of his bed (he cant get down) he can sit there and cool off for a while...

what was i saying? oh yeh, i dont know how many times i have broken down in tears in front of my partner, in the shower, in bed, washing the dishes, even driving because my son is an angel to everyone else except myself...

Im starting to just accept it as being a mum...

dont lose hope though... there are many days where my son is amazing, he will do as his told, he will be loving etc but its taken me a lot of time to get him to the point where he is.. its only every 2nd or 3rd day now that he is a right royal little brat... because i just persisted. if he wouldnt listen or called me names i would put him in his room and shut the door.. if he hit me, id smack his hand... and if he purposly broke something of mine, i broke something of his.. he eventually learnt when half of his new toys got taken away that if he kept being nasty to me that he would have nothing left...

its hard but you just gotta assert some authority over them (but still be their friend).

[Hollywood]

Since DS was approximately 18 months old we have used time out to discipline him when necessary. We just found that simply talking to him wasn't enough, in fact he thrived on the attention and got cheekier. But since we started getting firm with the time out he has become really well behaved.

He still has the odd toddler tantrum when things don't work out for him (can't avoid those I'm affraid), but on the whole he is extraordinarily obedient when it comes to following commands (eg "Put that stick down" or "Take this to Dad" or "Bring that blah blah to me")

We hardly have to use time out anymore (he's 24 months old), because he is so much better behaved now, and that's the benefit of something that works as well as "giving no attention to bad behaviour". The kids just start to understand that bad behaviour does NOT get them attention.

Good luck :hugs: