Is jealousy wrong?

[ShellKiz]

Ive just found out that a lesbian couple i know are 5 weeks pregnant... Is it worng that i am jealous of them? One of the girls is 21 and has 2 kids already and is now pregnant with her 3rd.
I know it is wrong to wish it was me and not them that was pregnant but i cant help it.
Has anyone else been in this position?

[DrGirl72]

HI Shellkiz, first of all, I don't think feelings are ever "wrong", they just ae and I don't think ou can fight them. Secondly, I'm sure you are absolutely not the only one in that posittion, I know I've been there. Afew weeks ago I found out some friends were pregnant with no.1 after doing IVF for at least four years and with one late loss... I was jealous that it wasn't me and of all the peopl I know I think they really deserve a BFP... but I still felt it. Don't be too hard on yourself.

[gymmummy]

i understand how you feel-
its not them personally its the fact that you want to be in that position right now, and anyone close to you that becomes preggiers- its like why cant i be preggiers to???
if you weren't trying it wouldn't bother you at all:hugs:
with the second it took a bit longer and i started to feel as if something was wrong and it wasnt fair that my friends could fall but i couldnt- but before trying for the second when i was happy with 1 finding out people were preggiers i was really happy for them.

your time will come and i'm sure there will be somone else out there looking at you thinking why cant that be me:baby:

sending you baby dust:fingerscrossed:

[YMo7]

when DH and i were trying for our 1st together (my 2nd, his 4th), his SIL fell pregnant and had a baby and when we went to visit her in hopsital (after we tried unsuccessfully for a bit over a year by then)i had to walk out of the room coz i was so upset that she could have another baby and i couldn't that i cried. (not in front of her). jealousy is an emotion and as such, we cant control... having said that, emotions are NOT bad things.. you have every right to feel the way you do, i just wouldnt let them know you were feeling like that unless you were really close... you are NOT wrong for being a bit jealous.. its only NATURAL!

[ShellKiz]

Hey girls,
Thanks for your replys.
I know i should be 'happy' for the couple in question, but im finding it hard to. Its easier for me in that i dont have alot of contact with them face to face, mostly on MSN so that makes it easier with pretending to be happy.
I guess the main grievance is that the first 2 times the birth mother has given birth it was cause she was having them to see if she was a lesbian or not. Now she has another one on the way in a unstable relationship.
I guess its the good old 'What about me' syndrome!

[2mums]

Hey Shellkiz,

I have also felt this way - my work colleage announced she was 9 weeks pregnant at the end of last year and it broke my heart.. Then to make me feel even worse she miscarried about two weeks after she told us when we were away on our honeymoon.

its really hard when we have to "work" so hard to get pregnant and so much of it is out of our control - well in our case because we go thru a clinic..

But I also figure in a lot of states in Australia lesbians can't access fertility treatment so for that I am thankful

[em27]

Shellkiz - I think watching people have children in "less than ideal" circumstances is difficult regardless of whether you want to have children yourself or not. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I would just advise you to take a step back - especially as you haven't actually even started ttc yet. If you are feeling like this already, what happens if it takes you a while to conceive?

It took my partner and I 3 years of fertility treatment to finally achieve the precious pregnancy (our first baby is due in June) not including another 18 months prior to that to sort things out with a donor, have all the tests and counselling required by the clinic and do tracking cycles. In that time we watched so many people around us have one/two/even three children while we waited. We had 6 early miscarriages and found the whole process utterly devastating. I cut contact with several close friends because I couldn't watch them get what we so desperately wanted. Bitterness and jealousy almost destroyed my relationship and I have never felt so unhappy in my entire life.

The up side is we survived, our relationship is stronger than ever, we adore our donor and know he will be a fantastic parent, and we really learnt who our friends were and we are so glad to have them in our life. And while we are still nervous about something going wrong again, we are starting to get really excited about our baby arriving.

Sorry - I hope you don't think I am being rude - I certainly don't mean to be. I just wanted to put things into perspective for you. ;)

[ShellKiz]

Hey Em,

No you werent rude at all. I was having a bad day and was just highly sensitive. The jealousy lasted the rest of the day and i got over it. It was just the inital shock of it all that got me. I was also angry at the time to, after all no one likes to have something they want but dont have rubbed in their face.

Im stoked to hear that you and your partner are pregnant. Its awesome to hear and i hope everything goes well for you all.