Family avoids me because I have 'too many kids!'

[bgbgbb]

Í need to know I'm not alone.

I have 4 wonderful children. Like all young children they are noisy, excitable and wonderful. The eldest is mildly autistic & the second has a slight speech delay and sensory processing disorder.

My husband's family are overseas and love that we've had so many kids (unfortunately the economy in their country is such that its not viable for us to go back for a number of years).

My family on the other hand, think I'm 'irresponsible' & 'thoughtless' to have given up a professional career to raise my children.

My father constantly compares my children to my sisters' 'normal' children. He babysits their children, not mine. 1 sister I only see a few times a year, the other is always belittling my choice of direction for the older 2 (the ones with disorders). Last Christmas we were not invited to Christmas dinner, the other 2 were.

My mother over-emphasised the eldest 2's disabilities. She has said on more than 1 occasion that I may have been the cause for them both having problems and that I was irresponsible for having more after the 1st was diagnosed. I dont speak to her anymore for various reasons, not the least that she has a destructive personality disorder (but that's another story altogether).

My friends are very supportive, but I cant help but feel hurt ever time my family slights me and my children. I've tried to talk to them but my mother used to over-react, my father thought I was over-reacting and my sister always thinks she is right anyway.

I'm at a loss.

How have any of you in the same boat handled this sort of disdain?:hair:

[Josh]

How sad for you, your family would probably leave the state if they were related to me,( I have 10 ), come to think of it, my cousin has been avoiding me lately:o, any way I am sure that you have a wonderful family.:sunshine:

[Leeny]

:hugs: I don't have any advice, but all I can tell you is that its your families loss. I guess if you've already tried talking to them i guess you don't have many other options.. If you still want them in yours and your childrens lives, just be the better person, keep inviting them to gatherings etc, and if they come around - great for them... If they don't, that really is very unfortunate for them, but more sad for you and your kids :(

Just remember, it's your family.. If you and your children are happy, that's all that matters :)

[forbetoel]

Your family sounds thoughtless, tactless and rude! They sound like they have pretty messed up priorities when they talk about you giving up a career to raise your children - do they think you are going to live forever? Or be satisfied having a room full of 'work colleagues' at your funeral when you die after retirement.

Your family is plainly in the wrong here. They sound like they would have something to whinge about even if you only the one child. Just be glad you don't share their values.

Enjoy your gorgeous children.

[missie_mack]

I have to wonder what impact your family decisions have on them :confused: It doesn't sound like you rely on them for constant child minding or ongoing free loading :confused:

4 children does not register as a big family in my books :o I would think that is just a little higher than average. When I think BIG families I think of 6 or more :confused: I don't understand what they are carrying on about :no:

[forbetoel]

I am with you MM, I was thinking the exact same thing....4 kids is not a huge family which is why I really think her family would be giving her a hard time no matter what the number.

I think she is truly blessed and spoilt to have 4 gorgeous children. Lucky duck.

ETA..I have 4 kids and both sides of our family are extremely happy, no-one has ever said anything negative. My Mil had 3 kids and wishes that she had 4.

[the_original_duchess]

i just wanted to say you aren't alone. i have 4 children and my eldest has asperghers so i know how you feel. i hardly ever get invited out to family functions because its might be too much of a hassel for me apparently.
but then again i'm also the black sheep of the family so that might have something to do with it too:p

[bgbgbb]

Thanks so much for all that wonderful support. You're right, 4 is not really that many in the big scheme of things. We got a lot of negative comments from family when we announced we were having our third. They didn't dare when I was having No.4 as I gave the impression I would bite their heads off if they did.

Duchess, I too have been the black sheep of the family, but then again, that was not hard because my sister was a complete and utter suck (is that word still used?!)

I want to go for No.5 next year. That will fix them!

One funny point to add, our neighbours had 9 children. They think we have a tiny family!

[anewme]

I'm sorry that your family treats you this way. I also have a mild ASd child with sensory processing disorder and a ADHD child. I also have a very gifted child (IQ of 144 at 12yrs old.) These children are no more special than any other. There is no reason why you shouldn't go on have more babies if that is your hubby's and your desire. My hubby's family Have said some nasty things over the years, I have just tried to ignore them. But I understand it's harder when it your family. So :hugs::hugs::hugs:For you. When they say something mean just go and hug your kids and you will know who right and who is missing out.