Another 'should i, shouldnt i'!!!???

[MyTwoBlue]

Ok so I know this has been covered before and this time is pretty similar but id like to know what you think…

For those who don’t know me, im a single mum to be. Ex is a bleep. Makes out that he gives a flying but really doesn’t. Dictates to me how things are like im stupid. We don’t talk…much. Anyway I emailed him photos from my 20 week scan and got no reply. Im guessing he did this to upset me, and I did get upset. I have just had my 28 week growth scan done and I want to email him photos BECAUSE just to show him it didn’t bother me that he didn’t reply to my last email. And I also want to add a little dig about it not being a problem that he obviously doesn’t care, but at least I will always be ok knowing I did everything I could to give him the chance to care…I wont say ill always be able to tell our kids I tried, that’s hurtful for them.

We when were together I wanted the babies sexes to be a surprise but he insisted on finding out. We didn’t last til then. I found out what they were and when I asked him if he wanted to know he said he didn’t…to make me feel like again he didn’t care, and/or to have some kind of enjoyment not knowing, and knowing I had always wanted it to be a surprise but when he left I needed to know the sexes so I could prepare. I want to add in the email that the babies are boys so he knows.

OMG I so want to do this, but I don’t know whether it is better to do this OR not do anything including waiting weeks before I even tell him his kids are born. I know I sound like the nastiest person ever…but seriously im so over being the nice one, I need a bit of satisfaction too.

Dramas I know, but id appreciate anyone who has been through the same telling me their thoughts :D

[MummyDaddy]

Been through it.

Don't contact him.

I wish I'd listened to everyone who told me the same thing when I was pregnant.

It's not worth it.

If he's going to come around - it won't be from you emailing him.

He'll do it because he wants to.

Don't make it easy for him.

Sending him information makes it easy.

Give him nothing.

It's all he deserves.

[MyTwoBlue]

O you are the bestest, you just made me feel so great and put a huge smile on my face :D thanks hun

[MommaBear]

honestly dont bother, i second everything Pheonix said, everyone told me not to contact him etc... and stupidly ''doing the right thing' i did and its been my biggest regret ever. it gives him the power to constantly make me feel like cr@p.
If he really wants to be involved then you need to let him do it himself trying to force the babies onto him will only hurt you and your boys in the long run.

[Bubmum]

Hugs..being single and pregnant and wondering how to deal with an absent Father is the pits.
I thought I could make an amicable relationship in the same situation, and it is not worth it. You do not need to do anything more for this man, you are busy growing babies. Anything you want to share with him, share with a friend.
Just as an example, the other day it was my bday and my friends took me out for dinner, treated me to a massage and a mani/pedicure. One friend gave me a laptop, and I was generally spoilt. FOB called at 5 that afternoon mumbling about how **** his day was and how he couldn't see me that night...turned up the next night wanting a meal, and asking to borrow money. Grrrr. Kind of put things in perspective. I wish I could erase him from our lives because he is constantly just out for himself.
If i was you, I would be enjoying the good times when you don't have to deal with them.

[SPC]

You can always just keep things for him, in case he turns up at some point. I have photos, footprints etc, put away in case FOB decides he wants them. I think it's important to maintain the moral high ground. Why not just tell him that his silence is upsetting you and that you'll no longer be contacting him as you don't want the negative emotions to affect his children. But make sure he knows he can contact you if he wants to. So then the ball is in his court and it can eat away at him. Then presume you're not going to ever hear from him and get on with enjoying your pregnancy. Your babies are going to be surrounded by people who love them, you'll all be just fine.

[MyTwoBlue]

honestly dont bother, i second everything Pheonix said, everyone told me not to contact him etc... and stupidly ''doing the right thing' i did and its been my biggest regret ever. it gives him the power to constantly make me feel like cr@p.
If he really wants to be involved then you need to let him do it himself trying to force the babies onto him will only hurt you and your boys in the long run.

i second that you second what pheonix said! and like you said about regret, now that i think back i did regret sending him that email with pics...he doesnt deserve them, and SO true about giving him the power to constantly making you feel like ****. gosh i dont know what i would do without you girls sometimes!!

[MyTwoBlue]

Hugs..being single and pregnant and wondering how to deal with an absent Father is the pits.
I thought I could make an amicable relationship in the same situation, and it is not worth it. You do not need to do anything more for this man, you are busy growing babies. Anything you want to share with him, share with a friend.
Just as an example, the other day it was my bday and my friends took me out for dinner, treated me to a massage and a mani/pedicure. One friend gave me a laptop, and I was generally spoilt. FOB called at 5 that afternoon mumbling about how **** his day was and how he couldn't see me that night...turned up the next night wanting a meal, and asking to borrow money. Grrrr. Kind of put things in perspective. I wish I could erase him from our lives because he is constantly just out for himself.
If i was you, I would be enjoying the good times when you don't have to deal with them.


thankyou so much for the reminder, honestly. bugger him, this is my time! and i was reading a book last night this lady had written who was having twins, and she was determined to enjoy it cos she was not going back for more lol and this is most likely the same for me. i dont want to look back and feel like i let him ruin it for me when hes not even here. :hugs: dealing with your ex, arent they the most selfish grrrrs in the world! happy birthday, sounded like an awesome day. what a great friend :D

[MyTwoBlue]

You can always just keep things for him, in case he turns up at some point. I have photos, footprints etc, put away in case FOB decides he wants them. I think it's important to maintain the moral high ground. Why not just tell him that his silence is upsetting you and that you'll no longer be contacting him as you don't want the negative emotions to affect his children. But make sure he knows he can contact you if he wants to. So then the ball is in his court and it can eat away at him. Then presume you're not going to ever hear from him and get on with enjoying your pregnancy. Your babies are going to be surrounded by people who love them, you'll all be just fine.

gosh you are too nice, the only box ill be keeping for my ex is a huge box of get stuffed lol. no way i would tell him he is upsetting me!! i have always been super nice to him but not over the top even when i was hurting so bad inside and couldnt stop crying, just so he would think i was quite fine without him. i would never let him know how much he has hurt me cos he doesnt care and that would make his day! And your right they will be surrounded by people that love them and me, and i cant wait to shove that in his face LOL :D

[MamaKoala]

What's that saying? Something like The best revenge is no revenge. Moving on and being happy is better than any dig at him. You have nothing to prove to him, he doesn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing you still care enough to be bothered by him.
He's had more than enough chances of being a part of your boy's life so you don't owe him anything more. You do however owe yourself the chance to be happy. So focus on being happy and forget about showing him anything.

[SmileyBJ]

Been through it.

Don't contact him.

I wish I'd listened to everyone who told me the same thing when I was pregnant.

It's not worth it.

If he's going to come around - it won't be from you emailing him.

He'll do it because he wants to.

Don't make it easy for him.

Sending him information makes it easy.

Give him nothing.

It's all he deserves.


:iagree:... too true.

[Bubmum]

Aw Angeliz, thanks...I do have some pretty amazing friends. They make life good, and spoil me and my beautiful daughter rotten.
I think you will have your hands full with your little babies when they come, and you won't have the time to think about the silly little man. And I think those pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for..they make your head spin around a little bit, and I think when you don't have your partner around to get cranky at, you take it out on yourself. Bring on those bubbas I say, and then you can out up pics here of 2 of the most adorable little dumplings in the world.:hugs:

[MummyDaddy]

Angeliz, I think you're super special and really strong and I really hope that you don't contact him.

I just forgot to add one more thing ...

Whatever you do and wherever you go - HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH ... you can always be proud that you did the right thing and continue to do so :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[MyTwoBlue]

Thankyou Phoenix Rising and Bubmum. I hope to hold my head high though my new attitude can make me think otherwise...i just have to keep reminding myself that im doing everything for a reason.

An update: tonight i got my monthy 'i give a sh!t' call from ex....and....i turned the call to silent and didnt answer and im not going to call back!! and i feel GREAT :D and im not going to answer any of his calls or any forms of contact until after the babies are born...and i will be calling him when im dam ready. I will not be tempted to contact back if he does. I need to do this to be the better person...sounds odd but its on my terms now...he cant play with my emotions anymore!!