Child Care workers child, hurting Liv!

[DB&O]

Ok, so I have to get this off my chest & hopefully you will all give me some helpful advice & I wont have to stress so much anymore :fingerscrossed:

Olivia attends d/care one day a week & last week just as I arrived to collect her, another child in her room scratched her rather vicously (sp?) in the face not once but three times, including two scratch marks just above her eyes, one of the carers told off the little boy & then came to see to Olivia but while the carers back was turned the little boy ran off & started targeting the other children. Then while I was collecting Liv's things I noticed that every time the little boy went near any of the other kids the carers would say "play nicely, be gentle".
I was really upset about the scratches, especially when the were all red & raised up but told myself these things happen, but I also decided that if it happens again today I will speak to the carers to see what is being done to protect the other kids from this little boys scratch attacks.

However when I was leaving the d/care centre today, I saw one of the carers from Liv's room arriving for work & she had the little boy in question with her, so it turns out the little boy is hers & now I feel like I can't say anything to the carers about his behaviour because its one of their own. What should I do, I like the centre & Liv is happy there but I don't want to feel that they wont act beacause its a carers child & don't want Liv being hurt every week.

What should I do? What would you do?

Sorry for the long post but any help would be appreciated.
Ciao,
Brooke.

[Niki]

i would deffinatley say something, ask her 2 put herself in your shoes, i bet she wouldnt want some1 doing that to her son

[~Emmylou~]

All I can offer in the way of advice is what I did when this happened to us....pretty much nothing LOL.
A little girl at Emily's daycare who is about 2 was biting her. She came home two weeks in a row with a huge bitemark on her thigh :(
I guess my attitude was that these things happen with kids at that age, and I figured that whatever was causing the other little girl to bite Emily would pass quickly...it did and it hasn't happened since.
I would play it by ear, it will probably blow over. Kids this age go in and out of phases weekly and this little boy will probably move on.

[BiLL|z0r]

Personally say something and reverse the situation that they wouldn't like it if your child was scratching them. If it doesn't get resolved scratch their car for everytime the lil boy scratches another child ;) They'll soon learn :) (I'm evil aren't I :devil6: )

[shed]

I'd scream the house down and demand they take more care.

[Beany]

Say something. If nothing gets done, take it to management level and, if they are wishy-washy about it, threaten legal action.

Either way, you need to get Liv away from that boy - whether its him that goes elsewhere or Liv.

[nemosmum]

Im sure that this mother (childcare worker) would be just as embarrassed and upset to hear her child is hurting other children just like the rest of us would.

My son attends the daycare I work at and I would be mortified if he hurt someone.

So please dont feel like you cant say something just because its the carers child.

Let the staff know that you are concerned and what reassurance that this child is being appropriately supervised so they can avoid any further incidents.

If they dont respond appropriately then speak to the director.

That said my son has been biten several times at day care and I accept that this is apart of group care and is also age appropriate, so even though I hate the thought of my son getting hurt :( I know that this is what happens sometimes in group care situations.

[munchkin05]

. Then while I was collecting Liv's things I noticed that every time the little boy went near any of the other kids the carers would say "play nicely, be gentle".
I was really upset about the scratches, especially when the were all red & raised up but told myself these things happen,
However when I was leaving the d/care centre today, I saw one of the carers from Liv's room arriving for work & she had the little boy in question with her, so it turns out the little boy is hers & now I feel like I can't say anything to the carers about his behaviour because its one of their own. What should I do, I like the centre & Liv is happy there but I don't want to feel that they wont act beacause its a carers child & don't want Liv being hurt every week.

What should I do? What would you do?

.


first i wouldnt speak to the staff in the room i would go and see the director of the day care centre and ask her to keep an eye on the situation and maybe get her to talk to the staff member
also working in child care pre ben i know that staff and there children arent really ment to be in the same room just because of this that they wont tell their children off like they would others ask your director about the center policies on this

when you mention that they were saying be gently play nice etc
in childcare now you are not allowed to say no or anything negative for that matter everything has to be put into a positve eg if you have a kid standing on a chair or something your natural reaction would be to yell out no get down but your not allowed you should really say so and so are feet are for walking on the ground how about you show me how you do that

it sucks but im rabbling on now :ecomcity:

i would talk to the director ask her to keep you annonimis(sp) because liv could (not saying she will ) be treated a little differently if the staff get word of it

let us know how you get on
good luck :thumbsup:

[Daddy2Angels]

I can totally relate in a way. Being a dad for the first time is a new wonderful experience and sometimes I get a case of the Green Eyed Monster when it comes to Mary and other kids around her. Well sometimes too protective :banghead: but recently I went to pick up Mary as DP finished before me and I had the car , but I walk in the centre and ALL THE KIDS HAD WHISTLES! I seen Mary in the bouncer and one of the kids was blowing their whistle extremly loud. (Loud enough for my eyes to find it irratating. Now I am never normally one to try and start anything you know the saying if it ain't broke don't fix it. But when I seen that little girl with the whistle blowing it extemly loud next to Mary (very close to her ear) I wanted to rearrange the face of who ever handed them out. But in a way I am afraid to say anything as I have no idea what goes on during the day at day care. Even if I find the slightest scratch on Mary or Alex my DSS I freak out and want blood for vengance but then I remember kids will be kids. However what is the best way to comfront carers with concerns expecially if it is the staffs child :banghead:

[munchkin05]

[QUOTE= However what is the best way to comfront carers with concerns expecially if it is the staffs child :banghead:[/QUOTE]

as i said before i woudl sujest seeing the director of the center or writting a letter explaining the situation and what you have seen keep it annon if you want
then no one even needs to know it was you
if you dont notice any changes then you want to jump up and down and let them know your feelings

[nemosmum]

Im sorry but to write a letter to the director about a child being scratched is a bit over the top in my opinon.

The child in question I would assume is under two? as Olivia is just one so would be in the nursery? am I wrong?

Now we all know that children under two get frustrated, they dont have the appropriate language to express themsleves and so lash out.
I am not saying this is any excuse for scratching/biting/hitting BUT this behaviour is age appropriate.


I think talking straight to the carers in the room, to make them aware that this childs behaviour has been noted and needs monitoring is more appropriate.:)

[Maghan]

I remember when DS was about 9 months old he came home with a bite mark to his face and later on in the year a bite mark to his arm. I wanted that child who bit my child EXPELLED... well humble pie came my way when he himself turned out to be a biter/hitter/puncher... Apparently this is all normal and part of their frustration.

Whilst no one wants their child hurt, how much damage will a child their same age do to them? As long as the little "monster" is given consequences for their actions there's not much more that can be done. Eventually they get it...

[munchkin05]

Im sorry but to write a letter to the director about a child being scratched is a bit over the top in my opinon.

I think talking straight to the carers in the room, to make them aware that this childs behaviour has been noted and needs monitoring is more appropriate.:)

i dont think it is over the top
the carers in the room are not making the child aware that he has done something wrong

i know our director had her children in the center with her and we would never tell him off or anything cause we were scared of her reaction
and if this childs mother is in the same room as her son then i bet if it was someone elses child doing that to her son she wouldnt stand back and say nothing

i agree kids will be kids and they will come home with bump bruises and bites but i still think the issue needs to be adressed
and as much as you may like to think all child care workers look after all of the children equally if a care giver doesnt really take to a child then that child doesnt get any of the extras eg cuddles etc
its sad but its true

[whatwasithinking]

Regardless of who the parent is I would say something.

In my books the kid could be the Prince of Seba and I still would say something.

SAY SOMETHING PLEASE!!

[nemosmum]

I think in the original post the carers where described as giving the child positive reinforcement and redircting him which is age/stage appropriate. So they are doing something about his behaviour.

I think just making the assumption that these childcare workers would play favourites is inappropriate, I read the post and took it that this childcare worker/mum was dropping her son off in that room , not actually working there herself? correct me if Im wrong?

If it was my child and this was the first incident I would speak directly to my sons caregivers, to give them the opportunity to reassure me that they are fully aware of the situation. This builds communication and trust.

If nothing was done or my comments didnt get an appropriate response then I would speak to the director.

My son attends my centre and so does another childcare workers child and believe you me they dont play favourites, they are doing their job as I hope all childcare workers and teachers do:)

[DB&O]

Hi everyone, thanks for the responses.

Nemosmum; the little boys mum does work in Liv's room & is like the 2IC.

I feel like I can't say anything because she is his mum & I know that I would feel hurt is someone was telling me that Liv was hurting there child but I don't want to go to the Director & make it seem like a mountain out of a mole hill. I'm extremely annoyed that she is getting hurt but also realise (having worked in early childhood centres) that this is par for the course & will happen from time to time but don't want it to become a regular occurance.
Yesterday when I picked her up, the little boys dad came to collect him & the carers were saying that he had gone to the toddler room as a reward for being good & playing nicely, then the dad goes (jokingly) 'I find that hard to beleive'. I really saw red, he's laughing at the situation but I'm sure if it was his child he might not be so jovial. I'm trying really, really hard to be diplomatic & put myself in there shoes but it does make it hard when they are not only aware of his behaviour but think its a joke.

I've talked to my DH & we think we will talk to the staff if there is another incident in the next few weeks. What do you all think?

Ciao,
Brooke.

P.S. I felt horrible yesterday when I collected her cause she had a big googy on her forehead & I immediately thought the little boy was responsible, turns out she tripped & bumped her own head.:o

[nemosmum]

Hi,

Sorry for my mistake in my last post:o , can I ask what 21C refers to?

Please dont feel like you cant speak to the carers just because its a ccworkers child, trust me it wont make a difference and if it does then they are in the wrong iykwim.

Perhaps the father is making a joke coz he is embarrassed by the situation, I cant imagine its very nice to hear negetive things said about his child.Just a thought.

But you are right, its not a jke and should be dealt with seriously as the carers are there to ensure every child is safe and happy.

I hope there are no more incidents, but if there are please talk to the teachers in Liv's room as I would hate for you to build up any animosity towards the people who are entrusted with your childs care.....its not healthy.

Good luck with it:hugs:

[DB&O]

Nemosmum; 2IC stands for second in charge. I know I should say something but am really anti-confrontation & just don't know how to go about it without the carer feeling like I'm having a go at her, when really I'm not I just want to make sure that Liv is ok. I can put myself in there shoes & know I would be upset if it were the other way around & also realise that much of this is developmentally age appropriate but just don't want my child to be on the receiving end iykwim.

[nemosmum]

Thanks for the clarification:)

And yes I totally understand where your coming from as I have had some problems with my sons carers as well and find it tricky also.:hugs: best of luck.

[Blessed Mummy of 2]

I am child care worker who also has children (although they attend a different centre). My advise is definately speak up because the staff would have already spoken to the worker about the child's behaviour anyway if it is that severe, they treat them like any other parent. It is their responsibililty to keep all the children safe and they do not usually tell parents which parent has complained about their child.

As a child care worker we have have parents speak to us everyday about concerns so don't be afraid to speak up as you have every right. It is dependant on the centres staff and policies on what they do to discourage this kind of behaviour. Some times this behaviour starts for different reasons such as boredom, too young to understand it hurts, insecurity and attention getting , etc. (although some children are just plain nasty:devil6: ). Anyway sometimes it takes a while to find out the cause but if the staff are any good they should have it under control very quickly.

Anyway I suggest you definately say something so the staff know that you will not accept this behaviour around your child, hopefully this should get their butt into gear. As parents it is not only our right but responsibility to protect our children against anyone, including other children. As a parent I have had to speak to my children's carers on severall occasions, even though this is daunting and uncomfortable:eek: it needs to be done and my issues were resolved quite quickly after that. As I previously stated as a worker parents raise concerns all the time and in my 9 yrs of working in the industry I have never know a staff member to treat that child different after the complaint. We understand that your children are the most precious thing in the world to you :kiss: and would expect you to protect them if you feel like they are not safe.

I hope it all works out for you:fingerscrossed: .

[Hokey Pokey]

I would approach them calmly and just express your concerns over the scratches.
See what they have to say.... you might be suprised they may be just as concerned? If they aren't then I'd speak to the director... yeah these things do happen but if parents don't speak up and let them know they are concerned things won't get done to change anything. They should be doing more than telling him to play nicely, I'd ask them what their discipline guidelines are?