Screaming if alone

[Rainbowbrite]

Ok even i'm not sure where to put this but seeing as i'm an AP mum, i thought this might be best.

As you all know we co-sleep at night so during the day can be difficult. If its just MJ & I home alone i will let her have her day sleeps on the lounge with me as its easier. To get her to sleep I have to bf her till she's almost asleep & then cuddle her while sitting on the lounge watching tv till she nods off. Then i just lay her on the lounge at my feet where she'll sleep for 1-2 hrs. Of an afternoon she'll sleep for an hour, then wake, will climb up on my chest & go back to sleep for atleast another hour.

Ok enough rambling, :ecomcity: to the point. If, like today, we are expecting visitors, I attempt to put her in the cot to sleep so she's not being disturbed. BUT if she wakes in the cot & i'm not there, she screams, cries, shakes etc :crying: Its really upsetting to both of us. I would love her to be able to self settle like she used to but is there any point trying to make her do it?

Up till MJ was 6 months old, i could put her in the cot when she was tired & walk away. She would go straight to sleep, never cried etc. Would wake happy & playful. Then she had her needles & it all changed. She refuses to go to sleep on her own, & refuses to sleep alone. It does get very tiring. I get envious of people whose bubs sleep of a day without issues :o

Is the waking screaming normal?
Should we try to "train" her or is it too late?
Is it worth the stress on all our parts?
Oh & when did you know that your bubs were ready to stop cosleeping?

Thanks ladies.

[tanni_83]

we are EXACTLY the same....i tell you its freaky how much our bubs are alike :eek:

im looking forward to the responses as im looking for solutions as well :fingerscrossed:

[kadownie]

My son is just the same- I tend to just let him stay up a bit longer if we have people over, then he either bf to sleep or falls asleep in my arms. To me it's no biggie. I usually lie him down in his or my bed. If he wakes before it's time- (you know when they haven't had enough) I just lie with him and bf him again off to sleep.

It's interesting that you say that about it didn't happen until your bub had her needles- Cameron was the same- he'd go to bed by himself, sleep all night- but not anymore- he's 21 months now- can't remember if it was around needle time when he stopped being so easy. I feel it's more that he realises that he needs/wants me. He always wakes up crying if I'm not there.

Where as his twin is totally opposite- she goes to sleep by herself in her cot- she does wake in the night and I feed her back to sleep- but she's fine going to sleep. It's weird- I think it's just different personalities do different things. It's convinced me that no 'formula' will work for every child- I followed babywise for my two when they were little- oh the stress and anxiety. I am so glad that I woke up and started my more AP way of parenting- makes life so much more peaceful...anyway- hope you find a solution for your bub- but she sounds normal to me! It's hard when people are there and you feel judged for the way you parent- try not to worry what others think- you're doing good things for your bubby!

[reAllytee]

We are going through this at the moment also & im at my wits end so i havent really got any advice.
Boof wakes up after an hour so is still basically asleep crying & screaming his heart out if im not there he shakes too :crying: i try cuddling him back to sleep & sometimes this works but others it doesnt tis very hard.
We even have this drama of a nite now so he is often waking 2 or 3 times to have a cuddle & then gets put back to sleep but often screams that i put him down.
Funny thing is he hasnt had a dummy now for about 2mths but what ive worked out the last week or so he is have to force it into his mouth because he is screaming & shaking so much but as soon as he realises its there he falls asleep instantly i dunno im confused lol.
So the dummy has made a comeback with us & if that means it soothes him so be it but for now im at a loss so will just stick to that & cuddling.
Guess its just another hurdle to remind us when things get a little to easy that they really arent that easy lol :hugs:

[Rainbowbrite]

It's hard when people are there and you feel judged for the way you parent- try not to worry what others think- you're doing good things for your bubby!

This is the problem exactly! IT was mothers group that came over, MJ was over tired to the point of screaming because she wouldnt go to sleep earlier :banghead: All I get from the group is that their babies self settle, sleep through :ecomcity:

Just woken up from a hell of a night. MJ went to sleep at 7 was up screaming by 9pm & refused to co-operate till she passed out at 10.30 She was asleep but screaming, didnt know what she wanted. Didnt want to be held by me or DH, put down layed down sat next to us etc. NOTHING WORKED :crying: Eventually she passed out on the breast then sobbed for an hour in her sleep :(

Am I really doing whats best for MJ or whats best for me?

[tanni_83]

Am I really doing whats best for MJ or whats best for me?

you are doing whats best for both of you...if you're not a happy mumma unable to function, that vibes is that sending to your lo...i do exactly the same as you. it happened last night. Elise was sleeping in my arms for about an hour, i walked upstairs to bed, she wakes up...thinks its play time. I lay her down to feed back to sleep, she keeps rolling over trying to play, i put her back. that went on for an hour or so until she was finally asleep at 11.30pm :eek: :banghead: my aunty always has a go at me, i just dont bother with her any more....she only does it coz her grandaughter is bottle fed and will fall to sleep anywhere coz she has to as both her parents work and shes passed around so much :rolleyes:

if you believe what you are doing with ur lo is right and you're getting some much needed rest....tell everyone else where to stick it :yes:

[Rainbowbrite]

Can anyone tell me - When did you know that your bubs were ready to stop cosleeping?

[kymmy]

Can anyone tell me - When did you know that your bubs were ready to stop cosleeping?

I being the extreme believe in self weaning.
hubby stopped when he was 10
my girl still sleeps in the family bed.
that is her choice.

[kymmy]

on the original ?
i think this is the hard one
bub expects day sleep to be like night time ie. with u
You might want to make it so it has a different feel to the day
I try to make it so bub appreciates the time to himself
I mean everybody need time alone, don't they?
Because you have a lot of closeness when she is awake and alert she may just welcome time out from u (not meant to b unkind)
It may take to adjust and she may cry some especially initially

[Funkychicken]

This is the problem exactly! IT was mothers group that came over, MJ was over tired to the point of screaming because she wouldnt go to sleep earlier :banghead: All I get from the group is that their babies self settle, sleep through :ecomcity:


Am I really doing whats best for MJ or whats best for me?
Ah, mothers group! I have always extolled the benifits of a mothers group to first time mums. They can be so supportive of each other as you are all going through the same things at the same time. My dearest friend in the world was part of my original mothers group. But-there will always be a sense of competitiveness amongst some of the mums. I honestly believe this stems from a bit of insecurity on those mums part. They feel the need to find a baby/child doing things 'more wrong' than there own as a way to feel better about what is going on in their bubbas lives. Believe me, AP or not, some of those mums, if not all, are having or have had the same issues as you are having. From memory, around 12 mths, all babies have a bit of a seperation anxiety attack. it happend first at around 9 mths and then about 12 months. The fact that you have always been there for MJ, night and day, will make such a huge difference to how she comes through this stage. When it passes, and it will:yes: , she will be a happy, contented bubba knowing that no matter how she feels, you are there for her. This sense of trust is so strong in babies/children whose parents responded to them positively throughout the first year. As hard as it may be to picture now, you and MJ will come through this and you will have continued passing on the gifts of love and security.
One of the most reassuring books I have read is Pinky Mckay's Parenting By Heart. If you haven't read it, grab a copy. If you have read it, give it a re-read-sometimes an assurance from someone like Pinky can strangthen your resolve to work through these things.
:hugs: to you, you're doing a sensational job!

[Goosie22]

Hi,
I my first transitioned on the floor around 3-4 then to his bed at 5-6 and sometimes comes in still. My second didnt do the transition and sleeps in his bed the begining of the night and trots in around 3ish to our bed till morning. They are all different and I agree with Sal008 about being there for them and then one day its like I dont need you anymore mum.

[evesmum]

Eve did this as well for a little while and it can be very frustrating but i found the following helped and she now will sleep on her own during the day.

Try doing this when you dont have people over so that you can be consistent and so that she feels reasuured that you are there for her not trying to attend to her and your visitors. Also I found that she would get confused and upset if one day I would sit and watch tv until she fell asleep and then leave her in the lounge room ( which sounds similar to what your doing) and then other days ( when visitors were over) would try and put her to sleep in her cot or our bed. It needs to be one or the other, sleep with you in the lounge room or in bed on her own ( this doesnt necessarily carry over to night time sleeping as eve starts in her bed but comes into us throught the night)

Try sitting in her bedroom and feeding and settling her to sleep so that it is not so unfamiliar to be put in her cot . Or lay on your bed with her and do the same so that she can relax beside you and fall asleep (she will aslo be able to smell you when your not with her when shes in your bed), if she wakes ( which she probably will) crying go straight to her and lay beside her again until she goes back to sleep. You may even be able to pre-empt her sleep cycle so that you can be there when she wakes and before she cries to settle her again. I dont think it is too late to teach her that day sleeps are in her cot or in your bed rather than in the lounge but at the same time I think it will take a little while of being consistent before she feels completley comfortable.

Try not to stress to much it sounds to me like you are very in tune with her and will know if something feels comfortable for the both of you.

good luck and let me know how you go.:thumbsup:

[Notchalk]

What worked well for us for the night going to sleeps was having a predictable routine. The time is always around the same, unless we're out or whatever (not often!). It consists of low lights in the bedroom, Shower, massage, sleeping bag, light off/fan on(for background noise), breastfeed, cot. Will actually pulls off the breast when he is ready for sleep now, and I have to put him straight in the cot (no kiss on the forehead or 'goodnight' :() and he'll go to sleep.

Is there something you could start up during the day for day sleeps? A walk at the same time every day about nap time? She might get used to not seeing you or being held by you when she goes to sleep, and won't expect you to be there when she wakes. Another thing that works to get Will to sleep while I am at work is for DH to rock him in the rocker (yes, he's a small boy) with his foot while using his computer or watching tv. It helps to have him facing away from Dad a bit so that if his eyes flutter open during transition to 2nd sleep cycle, he won't see Dad nor expect to see him.

I hope this helps a bit. We seem to be giving eachother advice on simillar problems! I have decided to trust my gut and not worry about what 'bad habbits' I might be setting up for the future. If he needs me, it's my job to be there. Full stop.

Hang in there!

Jo

[Rainbowbrite]

Well we still let her sleep on the lounge during the day as we very rarely have visitors (which is how we like it :o ). The cot is only used of a night if we want to put MJ in it for some "us" time. It works well for us & with MJ sick at the moment i'm not attempting to change anything.

As for going for walks during the day, sounds great in theory but she will not fall asleep in the pram. Its a pain in the bum, but thats life :yes: When summer comes i'll be trying to get her into the cot more as holding is too uncomfortable for both of us.

Thanks
D