Help! Toddler has gone very clingy with new baby arriving soon!

[summermumma]

I am hoping someone may have some advice or experience with this situation. DD has just turned two and is normally a fairly independent and outgoing little girl. However I am expecting number 2 in four weeks and DD has become very 'mummyish' and clingy with me in the last few weeks. I was hoping it was just a phase but it's getting worse. She goes to childcare once a week and normally is fine when I drop her off but has now started saying 'no childcare' and crying when i leave her and trying to clutch onto me. Usually she is fine once I go, but the last couple weeks the girls at childcare have reported she is being quite 'sooky' and needing extra cuddles during the day etc. They seem to think it's due to the impending arrival. She is also wanting me to carry her a lot - not ideal at 8 months pregnant(!) - and asking to sleep with me on the couch at bedtime (definitely not!), wanting to be held like a baby sometimes (which I let her) and wants me rather than DH mostly.


I guess there's no way of knowing for sure what this behaviour is caused by but suspect the childcare workers are right - we have talked about the new baby with her so she knows it's coming. And a couple of close friends have just had their 2nd so she has observed the amount of mummy's attention that newborns require.

DH and I discussed it and decided that I really need to try and stop the carrying thing now, before the baby comes, because it will be harder on her if I stop carrying her because of the baby. Do you think this is the way to go?

Has anyone else had a similar situation with the above behaviours - what did you do, what happened when the baby arrived? One of the childcare workers told me her daughter got even worse once the baby arrived. I know you have to try and involve them with baby related tasks etc. but am still worried about her clingy behaviour and what may happen. Any tips / advice / thoughts would be appreciated! Thanks!

[Just Add Water]

Our four year old has regressed in his behaviour and has become quite sooky as well. He also keeps getting upset suddenly and saying that he doesn't want me to leave, which is odd. He's a bit older though so obviously can understand things a bit better.

With your little one does she like dolls? Perhaps get her a doll with a pram that she can take care of herself - I had a friend do this and her little one became "the big sister" to the doll and then really enjoyed having "two babies" when bubs was born.

Kids are known to regress when there is another baby on the way or bubs is just born, they are trying to ensure that you wont forget them. Two is hard to sit down and have a conversation with but there are plenty of books out there that she may understand.

Good luck with it!

[SimplyMum]

I like the doll idea.

Perhaps buy her a doll and make a big scene of the new baby (doll)- perhaps have a party. Give her baby a birth certificate and everything. And than tell her, Mummy will have one just like yours soon and than we can both play dolls together. And when bubs makes an appearence- get everything with bub and doll together with their respective 'Mummies'. When you get some clothes out for bubba, get some clothes out for the doll so your daughter can dress her etc etc.

Just an idea. I only have one and am not looking at another for a while (although would love one), so I'm just chucking these ideas out there.

[mum of 3]

my dd1 was the same close to dd2's arrival and when she was born it was even worse she hated her and would try and hurt her every chance she got i tried the doll thing and i found it worked quite well she would bath her baby when i was bathing dd2 and we got her a little cot to go next to her bed just like our room lol now she knows that is not going to miss out and that she still has her time with mum she is alot better
good luck:flowerz:

[Pinkarella]

When I was due to have DD2, I had the same with DD1 and two of my friends who had their babies around the same time had the same with the first ones and just today I was chatting with a lady in playgroup who is due in 2 weeks and whose 2 year old is behaving exactly the same. I think little kiddies "just know", the doll thing worked with my friend but not with me, my daughter is not into dollies. I can't really remember what I did after baby was born, all is a bit of a blur now :laughing:, but I do remember giving all the attention Sophie wanted in between "baby duties", it was very tirering but my poor bubba was in shock, even with all the talking and preparation, it was still hard for her that mummy wasn't available all the time. It passed very quickly though, it was a matter of weeks and I doubted she even remember there was a time when there wasn't a baby with us. I made sure that it wasn't Sophie having to wait for attention all the time, sometimes I would go to her first and then to the baby, to balance things out :D

Good luck!

[nicky1988]

I'm a childcare(Toddler) teacher and have worked through this problem with many parents. what i suggest to them is:
- talking about the new arrival with big sister or big brother and what their important role is
- having a doll that is "their" baby
-try to spend as much time as you can with her before and after baby is born(which is hard i know)
-grandparents are also great in that they can spend one on one time with the older one whilst you deal with the new one
-and there is also a great book called "There's a House in My Mummy's Tummy" by Giles Andreae. I read this book all the time with the toddlers when a parent lets me know they are expecting another one. Let your DD's childcare teachers know what you do at home so they can implement the same at childcare, if their not already.

[summermumma]

Thanks so much for the helpful replies so far. I guess it's good to know it may get temporarily worse with the arrival of the baby (even though this is obviously not exactly what i wanted to hear!). Better to be prepared though...

The doll idea sounds good - she does like dolls, so I might get a few accessories for her doll so she can change it's nappy, feed it, bath it etc when i'm tending to the baby. And I had heard of the book so I'll try and get hold of a copy.

I will also be using the grandparents as much as possible for attention - she has a good bond with them.

Any other suggestions would also be appreciated!