Difference between Controlled Crying and Controlled Comforting?

[jenandjess]

Hi,

I am considering using cc on my 7 month old DD however through researching how to go about it I have come across two different terms - controlled crying and controlled comforting and am confused!

I just want to know how to go about getting my daughter to go to sleep by herself. She used to be able to self settle but after a bad bout of teething has totally reverted and now needs to be fed before she will settle at night. She has gone from sleeping right through (7pm-6am) to waking three times a night again.

I don't want her to have to scream until she vomits but I am willing to let her cry if it means she will learn to self settle. What is the difference between the two approaches??

Thanks!

[workin'mumof2]

as far as i can gather

controlled crying it- leaving them to cry untill they fall asleep

controlled conforting - leaving them to cry for a short period - 5mins checking on them conforting them telling them its ok to go to sleep ect ect then leaving again for the set time or longer..

thats how i see the 2 anyway

[jenandjess]

That's what I thought, thanks. So with controlled comforting, is there a maximum amount of time you leave them crying? For example, if you wait first 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15 mins etc before going in to them, would you stop at say 30 mins and then just go in every 30 mins after that??

As you can see I forsee a loooong battle ahead with my DD! She can be quite stubborn and I think she might just keep on crying and I might just keep on going in to her for ever and ever....well maybe not forever but it is bound to feel that way :-)

[workin'mumof2]

i dont know if threre is a maximum time but i wouldnt leave a bub more then 15mins...

just make sure you know the difference between a tired cry and a distressed cry. regardless of time we always went in on a distressed cry. it was usualy shortly after that my son would fall asleep.

we dont use it now but good luck

[sahm]

controlled crying it- leaving them to cry untill they fall asleep


That's not controlled crying, that's crying it out.

Controlled crying involves going in at increasing intervals and whispering words of comfort, lying them down, patting them and then leaving.

There really is no difference, except some versions of controlled comforting have you leave the child for a settling period, then going in (if they are upset) and comforting/ patting etc, and staying with them until they fall asleep.

[headoverfeet]

The latest reaserach says not to have a time limit they say you should listen to your childs cries. Have you looked on the raising kids . net . au website? Its a really good website and it explains all your options and even has video clips to watch.

[ikis84]

Controlled comforting is just a way of saying controlled crying, but trying to make it seem nicer.

[Mrs Potts]

According to my documentation/books (and in my experience):
controlled comforting is used on younger babies as you are not leaving them alone to cry at all. You stay with bub patting/rocking/whatever works until bub stops crying and starts to relax, then leave the room. When they start crying again you go back in and do the same again. You continue doing this, and you usually find that the gaps before the crying starts get longer until they drop off.

controlled crying is used for older babies and involves leaving bub to cry for increasing intervals before going in and settling them. The "traditional" method that most people have heard of.

Leaving bub alone to cry until they fall asleep/vomit/something equally unpleasant is not a settling technique, it's just mean.

Obviously, if you prefer to not leave an older bub to cry alone you can use the controlled comforting technique, but generally this works better with younger bubs as older ones get too stimulated by your presence.

[jenandjess]

Thanks everyone, that is helpful information. I have never been that comfortable with the idea of controlled crying and there is no way I could ever let my DD cry herself to sleep or until she vomits. I am prepared for some crying however so perhaps I will think about a bit of a cross between the two. I don't think I could strictly follow the clock if she was getting hysterical but by the same token I can be quite a softie so probably need to leave her a bit longer before going in to her.

[sahm]

Thanks everyone, that is helpful information. I have never been that comfortable with the idea of controlled crying and there is no way I could ever let my DD cry herself to sleep or until she vomits. I am prepared for some crying however so perhaps I will think about a bit of a cross between the two. I don't think I could strictly follow the clock if she was getting hysterical but by the same token I can be quite a softie so probably need to leave her a bit longer before going in to her.

I think that's the key. I hate the label controlled crying or controlled comforting. It's listening to your baby and working out what she needs and doing what you are comfortable with.

[SpottySocks]

If your bub will only settle to sleep with a feed then have a look in the no-cry sleep solutions thread and then at the Pantley's Gentle Removable Plan thread. It worked for us - and was less traumatic than Controlled Crying/Comforting.

Goodluck.

[nick's mum]

I guess it's about reading tired signs then putting bub to bed. I've just started cc with DS2 but as he is under 6 months i stay with him if he is upset - pat, stroke head, or even just sit there but he stays in his cot for at least 1 hour from when he first falls asleep. If he gets really distressed (ie. not stop start crying but continuous) I'll get him up and cuddle but straight back to the cot when he calms down.

It's still hard to listen to him cry but it's just because he is used to being rocked or has dummy to sleep. He has been a catnapper (40mins/1 sleep cycle) during the day but is starting to do it at night as well now. Once the routine becomes familar he won't cry anymore (DS1 was fine and slept great after the first few months). Also lots of cuddles and 'chats' during awake time.

NB I had a go at Pantleys gentle removal plan but it takes such a long time (10 days to a month). I don't know about anyone else but i can handle 2-5 days of reduced sleep much better than 10-30days! Whereas if you go cold turkey with the dummy a little baby will change the habit in a couple of days and an older baby max 4-5days.

[nick's mum]

I guess it's about reading tired signs then putting bub to bed. I've just started cc with DS2 but as he is under 6 months i stay with him if he is upset - pat, stroke head, or even just sit there but he stays in his cot for at least 1 hour from when he first falls asleep. If he gets really distressed (ie. not stop start crying but continuous) I'll get him up and cuddle but straight back to the cot when he calms down.

It's still hard to listen to him cry but it's just because he is used to being rocked or has dummy to sleep and has been a catnapper (40mins/1 sleep cycle) during the day and is starting to do it at night as well now. Once the routine becomes familar he won't cry anymore (DS1 was fine and slept great after the first few months). Also lots of cuddles and 'chats' during awake time.