Life as a sole parent looking for a donor

[provencein3]

Someone made the comment to me recently that its harder for a single female to find a donor. I would agree. Women generally tend to think of donating to a couple....we all want the best for our children...and having two people is generally (though not always) best.

I have to agree life as a single mum is not always easy. However on the weekend a male friend of mine was telling me about a date he'd been on. I went out with this fellow when I was 38. He delayed my resolve to become a mum.

I met the woman he went out with. I thought she was quite nice..early 30's ( another late starter in the baby stakes) very switched on, has her own HR business, and apartment over looking Noosa river, well dressed. He told me some of the insensitive comments he'd made to her. All I could think was "what a load of bollock".

Then my son appeared from his sleep, looking a little dishevelled, holding onto his Thomas the tank engine DVD which he loves so much and takes to bed with him. He was chatting about something only he would understand, looking absolutely adorable.

I thought .....hhmmmm....what would I rather.....bollock :thumbsdown: ....adorable child :thumbsup: ....bollock:thumbsdown: ....adorable child:thumbsup: ........... Did I make the right decision to go it alone, or should I have continued out "on the market".

It might be a lot harder for me and take a lot longer but the reward cannot be denied.

[wa mum of 4]

Hi,
You go girl.:smiliedance:
Who has the right to judge what type of parent/s can raise healthy well-adjusted children.
What difference does 2 parents make.
I am married but my husband works away and home 1 week a month, apart from having him to cry to when the kids get too much, I pretty much raise the children. I think I am doing a pretty good job at it to.
I see some two parent families and wonder how could people like that have children .
There is really no hope that those children are going to be "normal" well adjusted adults.
If you can give your children the necessities for life and unconditional love I think the children will grow up just fine.:thumbsup:
Good luck finding a donor
Sarah

[provencein3]

Thanks Sarah for giving me such a fabulous example of what I'm trying to convey to the world.

[mauve]

You've put that perfectly K, couldn't have made my point any better.
I'm in pretty much the same boat, having left my very bad tempered ex after 12 years. We TTC for 11 of them, the main reason I stayed 10 years longer than I should have was that I wanted a child.
How lucky I am that I decided on the path less travelled at 38. Had we succeeded, I'd have been raising a child who would be learning all the wrong behaviours.
A son who would see bad treatment of women as the norm and probably end up treating women the same way?
A daughter who would grow up thinking that putting up with less than she deserved was ok?
Nope, give me peace in my heart and forget living a lie for the wrong reasons.
Good luck!

[wa mum of 4]

Hi again,
I did go on a bit :ecomcity: but I truley believe everyone has a right to children but the childs needs should be paramount. I dont care if you are black, white, gay, straight, single or married its how you love that matters.
Sarah

[provencein3]

I'd agree Sarah and I'm not some bitter twisted female that spits on happy relationships. In fact I envy all you ladies that have a fullfilling relationship with your partner/spouse, that also have a partner that shares the child raising duties. It would certainly be easier raising children

My grand aunt I guess you'd call her died a "spinster"..wonderful word..at the age of 83. women have always ended up single but for some reason there seem to be a lot more of them these days.

Just because I'm single now doesn't mean I always will be. Its just I had to make the choice of which I can live without for the time being. Children couldn't wait. In the interim I try to ensure my son has male role models in his life. As yet he hasn't noticed the lack of a father.

I'd agree that a child deserves two loving parents but we can't always guarantee that and again as I said, there nothing that says my child/children won't have that. And then we'll just be one of those fabulous homogenous families that exist everywhere.

Maybe that should be enuf on that topic.

[jason lovett]

hope you find someone kind enough to help you out as i'm the wrong sex,
your right though people over 50 cant adopt and singles also have trouble adopting and yet look around you and see all the children who are dragged up living in unhappy enviroments with abusive mums and dads some dont even realise their violent or abusive domestic fighting is phycologicaly hurting those kids...i know a woman who has raised her 4 kids and they are all good kids all on her own.single mums do it just as good as anyone.

[JAC]

Good luck with your search for a donor.

Single mums are to be admired for their strength and unlimited source of energy!

I too have raised children alone after leaving a domestic violence situation and my children are well adjusted, healthy and loved. We are very close and we all value each other.

Sometimes the one well adjusted parent is better than two - that are not!

I am sure that a sibling would be wonderful and fit in with your life style choice so may your dream come true.

Take care.

[provencein3]

Hi julie :wave:

Welcome to bubhub.

wishing you much success in your ventures to find yourself a donor :fingerscrossed:

[sophi3smummy]

I honestly dont see how it should be thought of as a lesser choice to be a single mum, I'm lucky enough to have a partner and a beautiful daughter, quite a few of my friends are single mums, and they really are just as good if not better because they have one less distraction lol I'm sitting here at work (with my hubby) watching him scratch his back with a ruler...maybe some kids would benefit from having mum around to be the only and good influence :P lol
On a slighty more serious note, I am about to be a donor to a single mum, she's a wonderful loving woman that's an amazing mother and will be again soon *fingers crossed*

[anemone]

Hi Provence
Great thread. Good on you for going it alone and getting away from Mr Bollocks. And congrats on your DS.

I seriously considered the SMC option a couple of years ago, when my then relationship fell apart. I joined a SMC group and went to meetings.
In the end, I decided it prob wasn't for me - mainly cos I didnt have that much support and couldnt see how it would work financially or logistically (most family are O/S). I was leaning towards coparenting when I was lucky enough to meet my now dh.

But I strongly think that 2 parents are not at all necessarily better than one. Especially when the man is resentful or didnt really want the child/ren in the first place. I see that a lot. The woman ends up doing 90% of eveything anyway and effectively being a single mum.

I have never had the experience of looking for a donor. But I can see that perhaps some sections of the community would only donate to heterosexual, married couples. Predjudice sadly is still all too common. But Id *hope* that attitude was in the minority.

Wish I was 5 years younger and had completed my family - I would definitely donate.

Hope you find a donor soon!

[provencein3]

Thanks ladies


As someone said to me, when there's only one parent its all about the children.

Anemone, were you on smcaustralia. There's been a few ladies on there who have done the research and gotten their heads around going alone, as its obviously not an easy decision, and then met a partner with plans for marriage.

Anyway still searching for a donor if there's anyone out there happy to discuss :D