Potty Mouth 2 Yr Old......help

[SHORT TERM MUM]

I am in need of some help fellow bubhubbers. I am a foster mum and i have a two year old in my care at the moment that can swear with the best of them. I have to indure daily verbal assult from her and im at a loss as what to do. I know she is only doing what she has been exposed to from her own family (hence why she is in care) and she knows no better, but my family is now paying for it. We have tried time out, take away dolly, no treats and just plain ignoring her. But this only makes her shout it out louder and for longer untill i crack. Today i had to endure a 45 minute car ride with her telling me to shut up and that im a f***head. All this was said to my own kids aswell. If i didn't have to return her baby brother to his carer i would have turned around and gone home. And once there she told me to p***off in front of the other carer. I need some help please......Sorry for the long winge but i need to vent or i might do my head in. My own kids never speak to me or anyone else like this so it is hard to take it from a 2 year old.:banghead:

[Tam-I-Am]

As I've never been in this situation (and DD is only 11 months old) I don't have a lot of experience, but I've worked with damaged kids in my professional life, and all I can advise is be consistent in whatever you try to do - she will eventually respond.

Behaviour change is a funny thing from a psychological stand point. This little girl is obviously swearing to get a reaction. When she doesn't get that reaction, she works harder to get it (yelling louder + for longer). This, in psychological terms, is known as escalation - and its at this point that you're giving in (I certainly understand why, BTW, I'm not criticising). However, if you're looking for long-term behaviour change, it is imperative that at this point, you stay consistent - ie don't give in, keep going with what ever strategy you have selected, and be strong. The behaviour will eventually die.

The other thing to remember is that she is looking for attention - this has been the most effective way of getting it. Instead of giving her attention when she's engaging in this behaviour, make sure you give her lots of positive attention when she's behaving in a desirable way - go overboard on it, make it really obvious to her that she will get lots and lots of attention when she does a whereas, when she does b she will be ignored etc.

Good luck, keep your chin up - you're doing a fantastic job, and well done for taking on such a difficult child.

PM me if you need to - I don't mind hearing a whinge!

[*Country Bumpkin*]

Wow what an awful predicament.... Tragic that a 2 year old knows such language:no: :shame:

I really dont know what you can do other than what your doing. Hopefully she will relise that language such as that is not acceptable, its difficult to say though as 2 year old do pick up so much from other children and adults and have such little concept of right and wrong and what is/is not acceptable...

Have you considered speaking to a child expert perhaps someone who deals with child behaviour? You can often get contact details for them through gouvernment funded progrmas- perhaps this would help...

Other than what you are already doing- confiscating toys, time outs etc.. I really dont know what you can do. All I can say is be consistent and hopefully she will relise that there is no need for that language.

Although Im not a mother YET I have had alot of experiance with children and have looked after a few with behavoiural difficulties etc.. and consictency seems to be the key..

Good luck!! Oh and what a wounderful person you are- taking on someone elses child- BIG HUGS TO YOU!!:hugs:

[mysonroger]

As I've never been in this situation (and DD is only 11 months old) I don't have a lot of experience, but I've worked with damaged kids in my professional life, and all I can advise is be consistent in whatever you try to do - she will eventually respond.

Behaviour change is a funny thing from a psychological stand point. This little girl is obviously swearing to get a reaction. When she doesn't get that reaction, she works harder to get it (yelling louder + for longer). This, in psychological terms, is known as escalation - and its at this point that you're giving in (I certainly understand why, BTW, I'm not criticising). However, if you're looking for long-term behaviour change, it is imperative that at this point, you stay consistent - ie don't give in, keep going with what ever strategy you have selected, and be strong. The behaviour will eventually die.

The other thing to remember is that she is looking for attention - this has been the most effective way of getting it. Instead of giving her attention when she's engaging in this behaviour, make sure you give her lots of positive attention when she's behaving in a desirable way - go overboard on it, make it really obvious to her that she will get lots and lots of attention when she does a whereas, when she does b she will be ignored etc.

Good luck, keep your chin up - you're doing a fantastic job, and well done for taking on such a difficult child.

PM me if you need to - I don't mind hearing a whinge!

that is such fantastic advice. brilliant.

[little mermaid]

Fantastic Clarabelle! Can always count on you for sound advise! :kiss: :hugs:

[nick]

Hi short term mum.
A couple of things you could try are:
1. a star chart (a positive strategy): for every day that she does not swear she will receive a star sticker (make up a little chart and buy some stickers and then you will need to explain very clearly how it works). If she gets a star for every day of the week then she can recieve a special gift (one that preferably involves spending time with you rather than a material gift; like playing in the park of cooking together. etc...). Given she is so young it might be easier to start with a smaller time frame, like half days, or hours if it is really bad. Then make the prize one she gets at the end of the day if all hours have been swear free.
2. Fill a big jar with things she likes (like little fairies or wands or...). then tell her they are hers, but she will lose one every time she swears. Have a an empty jar next to the full one, nto which the objects go that she is losing. Then put the jars somewhere she can see but not reach. She can win an object back if she has a swear free period (pre-determined). This idea is straight out of the supernanny.
goodluck!

[SHORT TERM MUM]

Thank you all for your advise and support it has given me a few more ideas to try. Im going to see if i can get some professional help for her. And in the mean time keep giving her lots of hugs and kisses. Thanks all:yelclap: