struggling with my DS pushing boundaries mostly at bedtime

[Issey]

hope someone can give me advice, not sure where to put this.

I am a single parent of a lone child and bedtime is becoming a nightmare as he uses excuses to get up. 1. need a poo is the most common and then tries, goes back to bed and wants to go again, this goes on for about 1 hour!! He is supposed to be asleep but still in toilet since 7.30pm it is now 9pm OMG :confused:

He is also having problems dealing with not seeing Daddy much. That is he asks about him non-stop, I let him talk about him, share stuff, be positive etc etc but it is constant to the point I am now thinking it is not normal :confused: He also makes up stories about his Dad, both good and bad and all obviously not true.

I don't know how to deal with any of it.

If there is a better section for this let me know. thank you.

[aquarius]

hi debster

i'm sorry my situation is different to yours and my DD is a different age, but she does have bedtime dramas too!

i would let your DS have two goes at doing a poo and then tell him that's it, no more trips to the loo, he has to stay in bed. i'm guessing he's just looking for attention? if he hasn't managed a poo after two tries, he didn't need to go in the first place! i'm sure he'll carry on a treat but you need to be firm, as long as he knows you'll let him get up, he'll keep trying :hugs:

i'd also have everything he might possibly think of as an excuse ready next to the bed (drink of water if he says he's thirsty, teddy if he says he's scared, etc)

i'm sorry i dont know about how to deal with him wanting his daddy, but if it helps, i think it's normal as my friend is a single mum and has a 5 year old DD who is the same, constantly talks about her dad who she doesn't see at all, makes up things about him, etc. another friend is foster mum to a 7 year old and he does the same thing with stories, constant talking about his dad who he rarely sees. i'm sorry no helpful advice there but i'm sure others on here are better placed to give some help xx

i hope things get better for you soon.

[Issey]

thanks for advise yes I will try that, he has been ok for the last couple of nights. Have put water next to his bed etc and told him before he goes to bed he better go to the toilet now otherwise he must stay in bed like a big boy :ecomcity:. Definately attention seeking and wanting to stay up.

also helps knowing other kids do the same about their Dads. DS will start Pre-Prep next week and they said they can help with that using books about how families are different.

[tyler's mum]

Im having the same troblems with tyler also she is starting to sleep back in my bed again:banghead: She was goin so good in bed by 7.30 alsleep by 8.30 now im lucky for her to be asleep by 9. A few time she has still be up at midnight:eek: Ive tryed everything from laying in her bed with her, letting her watch a dvd, read a book, putting her in her bed once alseep. Nothing seem to work

Tyler is also starting to tell stroys about dad but she is talking about my dad her poppy. She has never seen her dad so a bit different to your situation. The other day she was telling her teacher at day care she when to the park with her daddy but it was with my dad.

[Pixie]

My DD has always gone to bed later than most kids. But I started a star chart and a reward system. For the first week she got a treat upon waking up for going to bed on time and staying in her bed, and now 3 weeks on she has to get 7 stars and then she gets a treat. She is in bed without fail or argument by 9pm (early/earlier for her!)

And if she acts up in the day she loses a star. If she acts up on a play date we leave I take ZERO cr@p lol

Amazing how much she wants those stars!

[tyler's mum]

I tryed a reward chart with tyler but it didnt work she didnt understand it. She would say mum give me a cross cause im goin to be naughty:rolleyes:

[aquarius]

I tryed a reward chart with tyler but it didnt work she didnt understand it. She would say mum give me a cross cause im goin to be naughty:rolleyes:

hahahaha amazing how different kids are hey! but also frustrating as well lol!

debster i'm really glad the pre-prep teachers can help out with books and things about different families. my friend's daughter who's 5 and never sees her dad goes round calling every man 'dad' - like her mum will take her round to visit the guys who live next door to them, and she'll start calling one of them 'dad'. or she'll call her uncles or grandad 'dad', like tyler's mum says tyler does.

[Issey]

my DS knows the difference between who is his dad and who isn't but i think it is a 'longing' when he meets someone he wishes was his Dad.

in saying that he never calls my b/f dad just his name.

last night DS insisted on sleeping on the couch but he stayed there all night :confused:

[aquarius]

my DS knows the difference between who is his dad and who isn't but i think it is a 'longing' when he meets someone he wishes was his Dad.

in saying that he never calls my b/f dad just his name.

last night DS insisted on sleeping on the couch but he stayed there all night :confused:

ha! did he say why he wanted to sleep on the couch?! maybe he thinks it's some kind of adventure?!

my DD was up until 10.30pm last nite, kicking sides of cot, squealing, throwing her teddy/blanky out and then screaming coz she wanted them back arrggghhh - DH wanted to get her up again and i said no way! eventually i doped her with panadol - i know everyone says not to do that but couldn't think of anything else!!!

[KimmyGrace]

I have the exact same issues with my 5 year old. He is getting better at the bed time excuses though, I basically go through everything before bed.. wee, poo, brush teeth, water, socks on, enough blankets, night light, etc... and anything else he tries I just have to be really strong and not give in. (Which is hard I admit... esp as a single mother to an only child you absolutely adore...)

One thing I started was a "Stay In Bed Chart" where basically for every night he stayed in his bed (also have problems with him getting into my bed at night) he got a star and after a certain amount of stars he got a special treat.

One thing in particular i identify with is the making up stories about his dad... My son's father died 18 months ago and he tells me things like, "Remember when Daddy and I did this or that..." things that are outlandishly untrue. It's hard because I want him to be able to talk about his Dad but in my opinion it's really unhealthy to let them continue with the stories... it's just them basically fantasizing.

When my son makes up a story I ask him if it really happened and he usually insists it did for a while but I tell him no that didn't happen, but THIS did... and distract him with a story that actually did happen like remember the time Dad took you to see The Bee Movie?

It's a hard one... Goodluck with it... :)