Trusting again?

[mumofmadi]

I am hoping someone can help me find ways to trust. I find it extremely hard to trust men. When I was young I was molested by 2 of my older male cousins for about 3 years. I have been in councilling for years to help me deal with this.

Lately I am finding myself wanting to be in a relationship & thinking it would be great for my DD to have a positive male role model around. I know that this is something that has to start out slow, but am finding that I can't even get it started. As soon as a guy shows interest in me, I push him away, without realising that I am doing it. I get scared thinking that the only reason he wants to get close to me, is to get close to my DD. I was actually with a really nice guy for awhile, but when I had to pop down to the shops for some milk, he told me that he would look after DD instead of me taking her. I freaked out majorly, screaming at him asking why did he want to look after DD while I wasn't in the house, what was he going to do to her. He calmed me down & we talked about it, he said he understood, but couldn't be with me if I didn't trust him. Which is fair enough, as I wouldn't stay in a relationship if I wasn't trusted.
I don't want to be single all my life, I want to find my true love, but I don't see how I can when I can't get over my trust issues & my thought of someone hurting DD like I was. & knowing that it is usually the ones that are trusted that end up sexually molesting children.

Please help me, I feel like a complete freak!!!

[Pax]

you are not a freak you are right to feel untrusting, molestation is way too common to be complacent about.

to be honest if my relationship ended with my DH i would never have another until my kids grew up as I am like you also.

Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better, you cant forget what has happened to you. why not just have boyfriends but not live with anyone ..

dont plan to be in a live-in relationship.. take it slowly and not introduce your child to anyone until you have known them for a long time.

check these blokes out get to know them very well asking their friends and family about them

go very slow.. is the only advice i can give to make you feel more trusting.

[Benji]

:hugs:

You're not a freak. This is quite common.

I hope you can get past this.

I am going through something very similar.

My first sexual experience was me being raped in a house full of people :( and I went on to be in extremely controlling relationships. My last long-term partner controlled everything from what I wore, what I ate, to where I was 'allowed' to work etc.

I've finally met a GREAT man, and I just can't even 'commit' to dating him. He makes me angry that he's so nice and caring towards me and he would never hurt me. It makes me uncomfortable :o

I hope you get your answers :hugs::hugs: life just isn't fair sometimes.