4 year olds!!

[iMischa]

Ds turned 4 in november, and recently hes just become so argumentative, absolutely everything i say no to its like i havent said no at all and he just keeps doing it.. until i tell him if he continues he will goto the naughty corner, and then he starts his whinge/cry. he stops doing what he was doing but the whinge and the cry is just...too much, this happens 20 times a day!!

its like right after every birthday he has set a new set of challenges for us, and we've come up with new sets of boundaries for appropriate behaviour and after a while it sets in and works and we end up with a wonderfully behaved little boy...

but now hes getting older im just worried that the way we deal with him, he's just going to brush off and continue being so defiant, he is starting to get very frustrated with the smallest of things and chucks a tanty..i want to show him that this is unacceptable but at the same time be there for him to help him calm down as obviously this is a relatively new emotion to him that he is struggling to handle..

does anyone have any advice??

i guess im getting extra worried about this, this time around because of the new addition that will arrive in june..

is this just a 'i'm a big boy now' phase and hes trying to push the limits?? we have made a big deal of him being 4 now, and that hes a big boy etc

[bAaM]

When you tell him no do you tell him why? Maybe try and stop saying no to him and say "DS that is not the right thing to do because...."
consistency (sp) is the key though.

Do you yell or raise your voice, I do but have cut right back and only do it when i am so past pushed to the limit lol. But it can work wonders.

I have a very Very VERY spirited little 7yr old boy, and all i can suggest is nip it in the butt now before it gets to where my son is:hugs:

[leishacaz]

My DD1 turned 5 in August and I know what you mean about having an attitude change after a birthday! She thought she was an adult when she turned 5!!

I think what you are doing so far is great. Depending on how bad the tanty is just let him go and get it out of his system then once he's starting to calm down tell him that doing that is not ok and if he's feeling frustrated to tell you so you can help him, you're not going to help him while he's yelling and screaming. As far as the whinge/cry goes I would tell him to stop doing that and if it continues I would put him on the naughty spot. You really need to follow through with any threats that you make, if they don't stop, as thats how they realise they're not going to get away with it next time.

All of this is so much easier said than done, I know, but if you're consistent with your rules and discipline he will soon realise what he can and can't get away with.

Good luck

[iMischa]

thanks for the replies, in regards to some of the questions; i usually speak to him in a very stern not raised voice, my facial expression usually lets him know i mean business, and i do agree with giving an explaination, i do some of the time but sometimes i dont, so i will definately do it everytime

the tanty isn't a massive one or anything but it is upsetting to see him distressed, he gets very angry and then just starts to cry about it, the poor thing. but after 10 or so episodes of that during the day i stop feeling bad for him and feel annoyed..

i guess the biggest thing is he has always been a whinger but now the whinges turn into full blown loud whinge/cry and then followed by a tanty its making me pull my hair out! i guess when he turned 4 i might have expected too much from him??

thank you very much for the replies

[Bo0tifuL]

oh some times i feel like i have a 15 year old teenager in the house with the bloody attitude that goes on!!

My DS1 is getting pretty hard to handle for me, but daddy he is an angel for. I feel like ive tried EVERYTHING, times outs explintions, taken toys away, rewards chart, you name it ive tried it. But i think he is just trying to see how far he can push me atm since DS2 has been born, I dont think its jealousy coz he has had alot more attention since he was born due to worryness about him feeling neglected lol.

But he starts school next month so im hoping he will learn alot from school with dicipline etc.

[fiveofus]

Snap!

We have found 4 very emotional with our DS1 - we talk a lot about anger and that it's OK to be angry - what made you angry, what can you do with your anger. We are also trying to talk about what the right choices are and give him skills to deal with situations that usually lead to his bad behaviour eg DS2 taking a toy etc. Role modeling and practicing what he can do seems to be slowly but surely helping!

There is a series of books all about emotions eg angry/sad/loved/happy etc that are really nice and some of the bigger book stores often have them.

[peta1410]

My boy turned 4 in November also.

I get "but muuuummyyyy, it's not faaaaiiir" quite alot now and the always classic line, "you're not my friend anymore".

:laughing:

I do try to explain why in some instances these injustices are happening to him but alot of it is just lost on him so I've actually found myself hauling out long-forgotten pearlers from my own childhood, such as "life's not fair buddy, deal with it!" or "but you're still my friend so that's ok".

This too shall pass, like you said, every birthday seems to bring a new set of challenges, just roll with it and good luck to you and your fraying patience!! :D