number 2? mixed feelings

[anna's mum]

Just wanted to have a bit of a vent re second baby. My dd is 3 1/2, I have just started a PhD & we have just bought an outrageously expensive house. Our dd was unplanned - we had been together for about 6 months when we found out, & I also had an awful time with morning sickness. However - little babies are cute, & I'd like dd to have a sibling sometime :)
Does anyone else have a mixed feelings, & do they just resolve themselves, or do you have to just bite the bullet one day? :rolleyes:

[~Emmylou~]

I think mixed feelings are probably MORE common the second time - because this time you know exactly what you are in for!

We really wanted another baby and it wasn't until I actually fell pregnant that I freaked out a bit - mainly about having two babies close in age.

But yeah, I do think sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and follow your heart, it always works out. If you think about something like this too much it is very easy to talk yourself out of it.

[talon]

I'm in the same position. We do want another child (number 2) but I had a rough time with morning sickness, labour and birth with number 1. I am freaking out a bit as we are trying for number 2 now but I am a bit scared. That's why I have taken the "bite the bullet" approach!

[Milis]

I feel the same too, we've decided to try for #2 and I've been lying awake at nights reliving DS's traumatic birth and stressing about whether I can do that again.

Also, things are just starting to get into a normal routine with DS and I'm starting to get my energy back (and my body) and we live in a tiny 2 bedroom apt and drive a tiny car that just fits one car seat etc...

I know that I do really want another bub so it will all work itself out in the end, it's just the thought that's a bit daunting.

[mikki'smum]

Hi. Yeah, I am in the same position. Life is just starting to get a little better, getting out and about, more sleep etc etc. Do you really want to go back there?? Million dollar question. Also, we too, live in a two bedroom place and there is no chance of upgrading any time soon. We are in the wine grape industry which is going backwards and finance is a little tight. BUT, I do want my little girl to have a brother or sister... ahh decisions decisions. I'm starting to agree with everyone else though. Don't think about it. Just do it. It always works out in the end. Good luck. I know I need it.

[Chub Chub]

Me too me too! I was starting to feel a bit selfish as we have been deciding when to have number two. I am more scared of the morning sickness this time then the fact of having two kids! I am secretly hoping for an "accident" then the real decision making is done for us!

[OscarTheGrouch]

I am pregnant with #2 and I definately have mixed feelings. DS is only 8 months old, but we decided to have them close together so I can go back to work full-time after #2 is born, instead of going back to work and then going on maternity leave again.

[mollyandkurtsmum]

I have felt like that with all of my pregnancies. Its a big change and all big changes ae scary and I think a new bub is the scariest of all especially if you are just getting your "me" time back and youve just brought a new home. Its alot to deal with all in one big lump. but its alot of good things so congratulations and yay a new bub to fhelp fill your new home :smiliedance: :smiliedance:

[*Chels*]

Im the same!!
I hear people talking bout having more kids,and asking me if im having another!My son is only 7 months old!
I cant even be bothered having sex so theres no chance of getting preg again:laughing:
My son is BF and is a really crappy sleeper.I cant imagine going thru this all again.
Plus we are struggling for money,and one day I want to buy a house,but I just wonder how it will ever be possible without both me and my DF working fulltime.
I really dont want to keep struggling with money,I would rather just give my DS everything I can.
Plus I really just do not know if i want another.sure i love brand new lil babies-they are soooooooo cute,but they grow up too fast!!!
I might change my mind but I think i would be quite happy with just one.

[Mahjong]

Im in the same boat. Im am constantly asked by people in the street when I am having another and then being told I "HAVE" to have another, having an only child is selfish and they will be brats etc (Funny, my husband is an only child and he's reletively normal! :P)

Im getting really clucking again and I feel like I am depriving my son of a playmate. I had a shocking pregnancy though and he is a shocking sleeper. I had PND and dont know whether I can do it again.

I have my days where I want a baby right now. Other days it's HELL NO!

[anna's mum]

I have my days where I want a baby right now. Other days it's HELL NO!

Exactly!! I thought time would help - that a right decision would just happen, but dd is now 3 1/2 ... I guess we'll just have to see how the house goes ... :confused:

[tanni_83]

Im the same!!
I hear people talking bout having more kids,and asking me if im having another!My son is only 7 months old!
I cant even be bothered having sex so theres no chance of getting preg again:laughing:
My son is BF and is a really crappy sleeper.I cant imagine going thru this all again.
Plus we are struggling for money,and one day I want to buy a house,but I just wonder how it will ever be possible without both me and my DF working fulltime.
I really dont want to keep struggling with money,I would rather just give my DS everything I can.
Plus I really just do not know if i want another.sure i love brand new lil babies-they are soooooooo cute,but they grow up too fast!!!
I might change my mind but I think i would be quite happy with just one.


well i was about to type out my story until i read yours except elise is now 1yr old....its just so hard these days with money and buying houses etc :(

[defaipe]

well im trying to con my hubby into having #3, we have 2 gorgeous girls, our baby who is almost 7months and our princess whos 2&1/2. hopefully he'll cave soon :thumbsup:

[wa mum of 4]

Hi everyone,
I have 4 children and although I dont want anymore I am happy with my 4 but my life is caos. :eek:
I dont sleep much, I go to uni, I am never on top of my washing, the house is always untidy and I wouldn't trade it in for anything.
My life is non stop and I love it, But I guess each to their own.
Just a little imput, life is what you make it what ever choices you make.:thumbsup:
Sarah

[Me]

Wow - I came on specifically to start a thread to this effect and low and behold i'm not the only one! great - i was starting to feel guilty about mixed feelings on No2.
I really wanted to have No 2 close behind no 1 and even in the first few weeks/months after birth i was really keen on No 2. but it's just these last few days that i've started to think, "do i really want No 2???" i was an emotional mess during my preg with depression and after birth i have never felt better in myself. i do not want to risk my daughter seeing me like that again - i keep thinking " will it be the same???" i guess the truth is no-one can ever tell you what it's going to be like - you just need to make the decision on if you want to take the risk or not.
my daughter also is a crappy sleeper and although things have been better in the last month or so(after a stay at riverton) it's still not perfect and the sleep deprivation gets to me on days. she also has separation anxiety - even to the point that when dh is holding her she is reaching out for me. unfortunately i gave up bf about 3 weeks ago - i had constant supply issues from 6 weeks onwards and tried all i could to increase supply but it was still a constant battle. i really miss bf and if we had no 2 i would again give it all i could to bf for at least the first year. there are so many things i would do differently second time around but still, do i really want to go back???
as of last night i got news that has encouraged me to think seriously about returning to work(i wasn't going to go back at all) and hence another reason to postpone all thoughts of No 2...
i guess i am just so confused and this post probably makes no sense to anyone reading it but it's good to vent my thoughts...
THANKS FOR STARTING THIS THREAD!!! it's great to know i'm not alone in my confused state!!!

[maybe1more]

Hi ladies, well they do say every pregancy is diffrent. Im currently pg with bub number two (my ds is almost 3) and my first pg was good, no sickness. I thought i was in for a bad pregnancy this time around and i did have m/s which i wasnt used to put once i got to 13 weeks it went.
My sisters first pregancy was a nightmare she suffered from dizziness fainting and was sick the whole way throught, but with this pregancy (she`s 22weeks) she hasnt been sick at all.
So do let it put you off, i know its easy for me to say but who can resist a beautiful newborn of your own again???

[BiLL|z0r]

I'm bepibarina's hubby and I am even more cautious about having a 2nd. Bubs are cute and give your life so much joy, but I don't know if we can through it again. Even I got the male form of pnd at bit and didn't really enjoy the first few months of being a father. I felt like a bad person for feeling that way and never want to have those bad feelings again. I'm more comfortable to only have 1 because I'm an only child while Bepi is 1 of 3 so it's different. I had heaps of friends as a kid but also learnt how to entertain myself.

At this stage in my life I'd rather start looking at saving for a home as it's getting too expensive and before long we'll never be able to afford it.

[maverick]

Hi Gang,

Just thought I would chime in on this one as oddly enough it is a topic close to my heart at the moment.

Just to set the scene, my wife and I have just discovered that she is pregnant with our second child and we are both definitely older parents. I am 43 she is 37 so it is with some trepidation that we are starting all over again. Our first DD is now approaching 4 and is a real treat, however the first year was very stressful and I remember saying to myself on occasions that I don't think I could go through this again.

Well that was 3 years ago and although I know it is going to be tough going for the first year after the birth of this baby I reckon I have changed in myself as well. I now know what to expect for one thing. Also I have seen the end result of DD and I love her to bits, I could only hope for another like her. Of course there are the added pressures on us due to our age like will the baby be healthy, this really is playing on me at the moment but I do not want to discuss it with my wife cause I know she is worried about it as well. That may sound strange but I just cannot bring myself to talk about it, it has to be my greatest fear.

So as to the original posters question, you just have to grip that bullet between your teeth and start chomping.

cheers

Mav

[leab]

I know it has been a while since the last post on this thread and indeed since the original post but I had to reply
I have been thinking about No.2 a lot lately and had always planned on the 2yr age gap but a few weeks ago I changed my mind.
It's been pretty intense with No.1 lately with teething and sleeping issues and I'm starting to feel trapped.
I want my life back again!
I told DH that I think I want to leave it until No.1 is in school.
He was dissapointed to say the least, but I want to get preg. for the right reasons, not because I think I should.
I also want to finish my uni degree and am going back to work when No.1 is 1yr old.
I'm only 27! I think I still have time

[SassyMummy]

I understand how you can go from "I'm ready for another one now" not long after you have #1...but a few months down the track you're thinking, "Um...can I even HANDLE another?"

I felt similarly after bringing DD home...I was raring to go again. Then she started to crawl. lol. I don't think I could handle TWO wriggly, whingy, get-into-EVERYTHING babies at once. The plan is, give birth to another one when DD is about 4 (so by the time bub2 starts walking and stuff, DD will be ready for school...lol). Still, I'll see how I feel about that when the time comes...

[bubbabelly]

I am 6 weeks pregnant and still am having mixed feelings!
DS is only 12 months and will be 19 months when bubs arrives!!!
S*** what have i done! :laughing:
They were both very unplanned and im single to boot!!!
I am hoping everything falls into place!
I too was scared about the morning sickness as with DS i was in hospital on a drip because i couldnt hold even water down.....2nd time round its not anywhere near as bad! I think its bacause i am chasing a one year old i just dont have time to be sick!!!
Hehe im not looking faward to the labour bit either....

[nemosmum]

Well I was very scared originally to have bub number 2 as i had a very bad pg with ds, he traumatic birth, wasnt breathing on arrival etc etc
then he had eczema, allergies and recently been hospitalised with asthma...........

So i have been very cautious about it iykwim
DH on the other hand ahas wanted a 2nd baby since day dot!

But a little while ago i became very clucky and started seriously contemplating having a 2nd bub. But the timing wasnt right so we put it off, thats was over 3mths ago.

Now i am 4 weeks pg and we are both over the moon about our new baby!

However ds is sick again and my only cncern is that this next baby will be just as prone to allergies and asthma and more hospital stays etc etc

I know its not as bad as alot of other poor children/ families who are very very ill BUT its very traumatic to watch our son struggle to breath, then go on heavy doses of steroids which turn him from a sweet 2yr old into an emotional/aggressive crying mess!!!

I know that we will b able to handle anything that happens but still......................

I keep praying that this bub will by pass all of our allergic genes and just come out healthy!!!!

anyway thats my vent thanks for reading:o

[hugomum]

I really have mixed feelings as well, I never really wanted a huge age gap between kids and a few months ago i was really clucky and wanted to go again (when hugo was around 9 months) but as vain as it sounds I only am just getting my body back - it will never go back to normal I don' t think but I have finally lost the 25kgs that I put on when I was pregnant ( went from 50kg - 75kg) I have had to work really hard at it and I just don't know if i am ready to put it all back on again, as it is my stomach is absolutely hanging it's this wrinkly mass of skin. covered in big red stretchmards that just hangs like a spare tire. but everything else is how it used to be.
I am feeling myself again to a certain extent and don't know if i want to go back into baby bubble land. But at the same time i am really clucky and want a playmate for Hugo. hmmmmm its a tricky one

[raelene.jason]

I know exactly how you feel. My baby girl is 3 months old and my husband would love her to have siblings close to her age, but I have to say...I'm not ready to be pregnant again just yet. I can still remember the back ache, morning sickness, huge feet and ankles. And I'm not even mentioning my stomach that just hangs there now. Maybe we might start trying at around 12months. I'm also not to keen to go through Labour again...28 hours was plenty for me right now. Don't know if this message will help but I find it's good to know that there are others out there with the same worries as me. Good Luck with whatever you decide.:fingerscrossed:

[mumma_jessy]

I say bite the bullet! If your waiting for a 'right time' you'll never find it, there is never a 'right time' where all your finances are perfect, your house is the right size, your ready to give up your body, share yourself with a new baby etc etc!

We had our second 8 months ago, i too was worried the whole ime i was pregnant with her, i had a hell of a time giving birth with my first. It's amazing how different they can be, i had my second in 5 hours in the hospital hallway cause i didn't make it to the room! Was so easy, i couldn't beleive i has been stressing for so long over something that ended up being so easy!

As for the dealing with two issue, it's hard for the first few weeks then it's second nature! Number 2 has started crawling this week, and now they are playing TOGETHER! It's awesome to see, it melts my heart and brings tears to my eyes! I wouldn't change a thing! I say if your thinking about number 2, then do it, you won't regret it!

PS, I'm trying to tlk DP into number 3 now, lucky last :fingerscrossed:

[talon]

well since posting awhile ago in this thread we did "bite the bullet" and despite my apprehension about doing it all again I am now pregnant. Still feeling a bit scared but am happy nonetheless. Having done it now I am happy that it has turned out the way it has. Fingers crossed labour is better this time around! :D

[Mahjong]

Congratulations to you :)

[anna's mum]

Thanks for all your replies - it really helps to know that other people go through the same issues - most of my friends just seem to pop them out without worrying about anything!!! At this stage, we are looking at ttc in Nov/Dec, depending on how work/finances are going. My sil just announced she is pregnant, so I am starting to feel a little clucky (this week ...) :D

[blessedmummy]

ive already got two beautiful girls, yeah, i had them close, my eldest was 15months when i had my 2nd daughter, so, yeah, it was hard at first, but i soon got the hang of it, and now its really great cause they are the best of friends! (by the way.. maybe thinking of having no3!! well.. someday anyhow!)

me25
DH25:kiss:
Emily3:smiliedance:
clare22months:smiliedance: