4 year old daughter - too lazy to use toilet

[aiya232]

My daughter is 4 1/2. It seems that she is too 'lazy' to urinate in the toilet, but will always do her poos in there. Sometimes she will go, but still everyday I am changing clothes and knickers. It is an exasperating, and frankly embarrassing problem. She doesn't seem to care that she is sitting in wet pants. I have taken her to the doctor to test for infections, but it all came back clear. I ask her if she wants to go to the toilet and she gets upset. Even when she has wet, and I ask her to go to the toilet and get changed, she often becomes upset. She tells me that she 'just likes wet knickers' and she doesnt' know why she wets. She is worse when she is deeply invloved in an activity. My feeling is that this is an emotional issue, but i just don't know how to help her. I try my best to be patient and not scold her, but i have just lost my temper at her after she urinated all over the computer chair and didn't even say anything. In fact, she went back and sat on it while it was still wet. She will eventually take her wet clothes off, but will then just wander around the house half naked and I struggle to get clothes on her. If this is a psychological/emotional issue, i just don't know how to help her. She is otherwise a normal, happy, lovely little girl, but this is stressing me out and taking its toll on everyone. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated

[2s'nuff]

Have you thought about putting her back in nappies? Maybe the threat of bring put back in them will be enough to got her weeing in the toilet.
Have you tried a reward system for weeing on the toilet and taking away toys/privileges when she has accidents?

Good luck,
Lisa

[HarvestMoon]

Omg i have been going through the exact same thing with my 4yr old DS for a while now. He just doesn't care that he has wet pants.. will happily sit in them all day long. He wets the bed and sleeps in it all night.. it doesn't bother him one bit. Everything stinks of urine cause he just goes anywhere.. doesn't say anything about it either. If i tell him to go to the toilet he just goes into the bathroom and wets his pants then goes and gets a fresh pair from his room.

I don't know what to do about it. I assume it is an emotional issue as well. I've tried talking to him about it but i always get the " i don't want to talk about it", won't even look at me reply.
I tried putting him back in nappies to see how he reacted but he just chucked a massive tantrum because he didn't want to wear it.

I have no idea what to do either. Hopefully someone will have a helpful reply cause i am well and truely fed up with it as well.

[Lastcenturymum]

A friend of mine had a son who had a muscular development issue and I wonder if it isn't something similar? He was different in that he would dribble urine a lot, (and faeces) but it came down him not feeling the sensation that he needed to go.

I guess if your girl goes to the toilet for poo, then it's different to that, but something to mention to the Dr. How frustrating for you. I'd be going round the twist and finding it hard to not get angry. I'd be investing it further if it doesn't improve soon.

[aiya232]

Thanks for all your replies. It is good to hear that I am not alone here. I have tried the reward system - we have had stars, stick on earings, ticks that equate to a prize that she can choose once she has enough etc. She gets excited about it for awhile, but then she stops caring. I have asked her if she would like to go back in nappies and she says 'yes.' I have never actually done it though, so it might be interesting to try. I just feel that when i have taken her to the doctor, that it is not taken seriously. I am expecting too much from her at a young age. She's adjusting to the arrival of her sister..... She might be upset about something that happened at kinder...I just don't understand why sometimes she can do it, and other times she doesn't and she doesn't even care. I don't know anyone else whose child wets this regularly at this age or who doesn't care about being wet. Somedays, the laundry just stinks like stale wee. I think her two year old sister will be dry before she is.

[SpottySocks]

What does she when she is at kinder? Would the threat of not being able to go to kinder make her use the toilet?

Have you tried just taking her to the toilet every hour or so. Not asking just saying, it's time to go to the toilet, maybe before very meal and every new activity she has to go to the toilet - could even make it that you all go at the same time? How close is her 2 year old sister to being TT, could you give the 2yo loads of attention and praise every time she tried to use the toilet - might encourage you older DD to do the same. Also when she is wet try just changing her, not talking to her at all, just clean up the mess, change her clothes and ignore it but when she wees in the loo give her heaps of praise etc.

Sorry not much help. Goodluck!

[bgbgbb]

My nearly 5yo daughter is the same.

We took her to a paediatrician when her toilet training regressed at 3 and it turns out she has what is called Sensory Processing Disorder. This means that some children are either over- or under-sensitive to any of the 7 senses and avoid or seek stimulation above and beyond what normal people do.

My daughter is under-sensitive to touch and in her vestibular (balance) and proprieceptive senses (sense of where you are, eg: respecting other people's personal spaces). She is forever chewing her hair & sleeves, hanging over stuff, loves swings and scary rides, stands too close to people and loves touching their hands, etc. And she loves the feeling of wet knickers.

We see an occupational therapist for her, who helps us divert her need for stimulation in these senses away from what is not socially correct (or just plain irritating to everyone else) to other means (ie: special chewy things or getting her a swingset)

It would be worth seeing a paediatrician about your daughter's problem. For some time I thought my DD was just plain lazy and I used to get angry with her, until I realised it was something she could not help. I now approach her toileting the same way I would my 2 year old-with constant monitoring and reminding how to do it right. It works a lot of the time.

Feel free to pm me if you want any more info.

Kaz

[bgbgbb]

P.S. RE the stale wee smell, after cleaning, sprinkle nil odor in the corners and in the laundry hampers & use a capful of eucalyptus oil in the wash, it gets the wee smell out of both her clothes and stops it spreading to everyone else's clothes.

[MissSparkle]

My DS is nearly 4 and refuses to TT because he is too lazy. When he is at preschool he uses the toilet but at home he puts a nappy on himself. He also doesnt care if he wets his pants...he'll happily sit in his wet pants.
Im frustrated because he will be starting big school next year and he couldnt be bothered going to the toilet. Ive tried all the things they do at preschool with no luck.

[Just Add Water]

My daughter is 4 1/2. It seems that she is too 'lazy' to urinate in the toilet, but will always do her poos in there. Sometimes she will go, but still everyday I am changing clothes and knickers. It is an exasperating, and frankly embarrassing problem. She doesn't seem to care that she is sitting in wet pants. I have taken her to the doctor to test for infections, but it all came back clear. I ask her if she wants to go to the toilet and she gets upset. Even when she has wet, and I ask her to go to the toilet and get changed, she often becomes upset. She tells me that she 'just likes wet knickers' and she doesnt' know why she wets. She is worse when she is deeply invloved in an activity. My feeling is that this is an emotional issue, but i just don't know how to help her. I try my best to be patient and not scold her, but i have just lost my temper at her after she urinated all over the computer chair and didn't even say anything. In fact, she went back and sat on it while it was still wet. She will eventually take her wet clothes off, but will then just wander around the house half naked and I struggle to get clothes on her. If this is a psychological/emotional issue, i just don't know how to help her. She is otherwise a normal, happy, lovely little girl, but this is stressing me out and taking its toll on everyone. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated

There is a collection of books for kids called "everybody feels....". There is sad, happy, angry, scared & Jealous (and perhaps others). They are written very simply and very easy for kids to understand as they are done as a story about other kids so they seem to relate.

We have a few other issues but have found that when our 5 & 8 year old wouldn't talk about things (and behaviour was becoming erratic and downright odd) they were great books. Perhaps have a look for them. It got our kids talking and helped us out a lot.

Another option is to go through and pick out her favourite clothes and put them away and tell her she can't wear them as you don't want them ruined. And then choose her clothes for the day, once she runs out of clothes then put her in her pyjamas and curtail her activities for the day. A shower everytime she wets herself might discourage her as well (this worked for Master 4 when he refused to go to the toilet to poo, he got fed up with having 4 or 5 showers every day).

Not all children respond to reward systems, ours don't so don't get discouraged about that.

Good luck with it. :hugs:

[babuskadolls]

Reading your post was like I was reading about my own daughter! I am having exactly the same problems you are describing. She turned 4 two weeks ago. She is pretty much right with her poos and will always go to the toilet to do them. At night she is dry for say 5 out of 7 nights of the week. During the day is where my problem lies. She is just too engrossed in what she is doing to bother going to the toilet to do a wee. I have tried everything I can think of including going all out when she gets it right and making a big fuss and rewards both cheap and expensive, to yelling, smacking, talking, making her wash out her own pants and taking toys off her when she gets it wrong. It makes no difference whether she is playing with friends, watching TV, playing on the computer or just playing by herself she will not stop what she is doing to go to the toilet. Eventually once her pants get wet enough she will run off to the toilet and then try to hide her pants behind the toilet and go and get a clean pair out of her room. If I remind her to go we can have days without any accidents. The moment I stop reminding her she starts weeing her pants again. I am getting very worried about school next year. She attends kindy 2 days a week and has had only a few accidents there however I think they just has to do with the fact that I make sure she goes before we leave the house and then she is not really there long enough to have the opportunity for that many accidents. I really don't want her to be put in an extremely embarrassing situation next year at school and risk teasing by other kids. I am seeing an incontinence nurse at my community health centre next week in an attempt to get some new info. Other than the toilet training my daughter too is quite intelligent and has no trouble in any other areas. I have been trying to toilet train her since she was 2 years old - I am at my wits end and totally out of ideas!!!:no:

[youngmumof3wa]

I am having the same problems with my daughter. She was trained but now she just wont go. I have seen doctor after doctor and they all say that I am expecting too much of a child so young, she will get there when she is ready.

I have started TT my son (used that 3 days ebook) and he is trained day and night, yet even this has not helped my daughter want to go.

I ask her why she wet herself she just says I don't know, I don't know it was happening, I am sorry. I have had to put her back in nappies for car trips etc as I just can't copy with washing the car seat every time we need to go out.

She has started pre-school and they wont let her keep going if she dosn't stop the wetting.

She is such a clever little girl in all other ways, I just don't understand.

Is there anyone that has found a solution???