Losing Control over my Life!!

[Sam143]

I don't know if any one else out there feels like this?? Obviously my relationship has ended suddenly (through domestic violence) and my family are all trying to be supportive. Their support is now running my life!!! They have decided where I am going to live - when I am moving and what is going to happen when I get there... How can you not feel like a complete failure when even your own family doesn't trust you to make a decision?? Plus saying 'no' is not an option because they will just get mad and I will get no support at all!!!

I really want my own place - I know that I can't afford much but I really want my freedom - but my parents want me with them because they are worried about me and can help me make better decisions at their house... I am 31 years old - I was a national manager for a multi-million dollar company before leaving on maternity leave!!

Financially I will be better off - but my sanity :(

Has anyone got any advice about moving back home with Mum and Dad - whilst keeping sane and having your own independence?

[MissBrightside]

I dont really have any advice, but I kinda know how you feel. Heres a:hugs:
Since I broke up with my DP 4 months ago, I have been going to mums for tea every night. It gets a bit suffocating, and tiring, but its good to have people around IYKWIM.
Maybe you should stay there for a bit until you get on your feet, then find a place of your own. They obviously care about you alot and dont want to see you hurt again.

[Jem]

its good to have people around IYKWIM.
Maybe you should stay there for a bit until you get on your feet, then find a place of your own. They obviously care about you alot and dont want to see you hurt again.

I agree that it is good to have company and support... and whilst its being offered... take it :yes:

Its been a bit over a week now that i have seperated from my partner....And if i didnt have my parents supporting me through it... i honestly dont know how i would make it :o

As for living with them... it might be worth a shot.. even just a trial to see how things go...
I dont know your parents.. so i dont know what it would be like for you living with them....
obviously if they are going to try and control everything you do... then maybe it might be best not to live with them...
sorry im not much help at all.....
some ppl get really offended if you turn them down, and dont take there advice.... whilst some ppl meet half way, and are prepared to help you.. even if you are making decisions for yourself.....

I wish you all the luck. and strength with this decision.. :fingerscrossed: :kiss:

[Sarie]

Aw hon, what a traumatic time for you!
I really don't have any substantial advice for you, having not been in your situation.
But maybe going back to your parents on the short term (don't give yourself a time limit, if you did and stayed past it it might be upsetting for you), give yourself a chance to find a job and a place for you and your son. Give yourself some time to get on your feet.
I know if I were in your situation I wouldn't be able to stay with my parents very long. I've been out of home for nine years and I now struggle to go back and stay for a few days.
Take the help, but don't lose yourself. Remind them that you are an adult and a mother, just because you found yourself in an awful situation doesn't mean you can't control your own life.
Be strong and most importantly have faith in yourself.
Big :hugs: coming to you!
Sarie

[rynosmum]

It sounds like your parents are worried about you and just want you to be 'looked after' for a while. No doubt they have the best intentions. If my child had been subjected to any type of domestic violence, I'd want to wrap them up with cuddles and never let them go - I'd also feel like a failure for letting my child get into that situation (although it's no one's fault except for the abuser).

Move in with them for a while, let them help out where they can. It may be good healing for you both. But let them know that you do want your own place eventually and when the time comes, you will be moving on.

They love you and want to look after you. It may drive you crazy some times but relax in the thought that they are possibly your biggest supporters in your life and as a family you will get through this.

Thank goodness for them.:hugs: :hugs:

[cjb/jbvd]

guess you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

ask yourself honestly if you think that your parents will back off and let you have your own space if you move in with them, and how much hassle will it cause if you don't.

what about your kids lives and if a move will upset them.

not saying your parents dont have the best intentions, they obviously care alot.

but if you know you will be better off somewhere on your own, then you need to tell them. they will love you anyway, and if they get mad, then i'm sure you have wonderful friends who can help you through this too.

only you can figure out if upsetting your parents and doing the right thing for you.
is going to be harder than just putting up with them for a while.

p.s when me and DP split up, the first thing my mum did was assume i was going to get posted back to perth and never see or speak to the ex again. when she found out we were still sharing a house (in separate rooms and everything), she abused the hell out of me and didn't speak to me for two months. then she found out a little while ago i was not even considering moving back to her and dad, she hasn't spoken to me in four weeks. so i have some idea where you're coming from.

[lovingmumof 2now]

I am not sure about your money situation but I moved in with my parents to get on my feet. It was hard and my dad tried to run my life but the company and support was priceless.
e
I guess we have to count ourselved lucky we have parents out there who love us so much but maybe make it clear to them it will only be temporary.

g/luck

Angela - 34
ds Tyler 6
dd Gabriella 6 mnths

[ashleerose]

I only wish i had the support that your parents are offering you.
I too had to leave my ex because of domestic violence, drugs, cheating etc (the final straw came when he pulled a knife on me in front of the kids).
Its been two years and i havent had a night out on the town.
I got a job late last year and its in a supermarket as a casual (i get anywhere from 4 hours a week to 34 hours a week in the busy seasons).
My daughter is in kindy and my son goes to preschool three days a week.
My dad has been supportive in the fact that he will mind the kids for me if i have to work (and in the busy season i pay them). But my mum is of the opinion that i had the kids not her and she wants her life. Mind you these are her only grandkids and when i lived six hours away she would whinge about not seeing them. My parents live not far from me but i avoid visiting as i feel unwelcome, and only do so when i must. My sister lives in Sydney and at the drop of a hat my mum will drive three hours to take her to and from work (ie she catches public transport and is a security guard, not long ago she rang mum and said i dont feel well can you pick me up and take me home, so in the middle of the night my mum rushes to her aid). I dont ask for anything, and yet i am made to feel like a stranger in my own family. My aunt has heard my mothers interpretation of what i am like and sent me an email not long after i left my ex with words along the line that my kids were a mistake and it was all my fault. Gotta love the support i dont have. To make it worse the government sent me a letter saying that when my son turns seven i have to work minimum of 15 hours a week (would like them to tell my boss that one and also explain to my mum who fights with my dad because he helps me when i need to work outside school hours).