jealous toddler

[WeThree]

my 2 yr old has suddenly started to be rough with our baby, now that she is doing more i think he suddenly perseves her as a threat! up until now he has been protective and proud of her but alot of the time has just ignored her, but now he is sitting on her, kicking her, taking things off her, rolling her back when she manages to get some where etc, although he obviously still loves her as well, i think it is a bit of a love/hate relationship! I know that this is quite normal behaviour but I didnt experience any of this with thomas when cooper was born as thomas was so much older he wasnt jealous and he understood that cooper was only a baby, however coops is only 18 mths older than tilly- still a baby himself! any tips on how to make him understand it all? thanks :)

[Lallas' Mum]

I can't offer any advice but if you do work out what to do let me know!!

I know it SOMETIMES and i do stress sometimes it work if I let my toddler help with caring for bub. Alec my eldest is 20 mths old and Zak (obviously) my youngest is 8wks old. Alec helps me hold his bottle at times and when I change Zak's nappy I ask Alec to help. It has also helped to role play with Alec and use teddies to dress up and pretend with. It does help a little but in the end if Alec wants Mummy and Mummy is busy with Zak then Zak is a prime target.

Luckily Zak is a bit of a heffalump and is 7.74kgs!! So he isn't too fragile:rolleyes: . But it gets frustrating when the biggest element of danger in your baby's life is his brother!!

I do hope things settle down for you and you manage to find a way through it.

[WeThree]

hi tracey, i think thats a good idea, i might see if he wants to 'help' me change her nappy tomorrow, should be interesting :) i think it will probably work a couple of times and then the novelty would wear off pretty quick! i love the idea of role playing, i hadnt thought of that and i think it could work quite well with cooper. your right, your bubba is a good healthy size, he weighs the same as matilda and she is 7 mths! :) (although she is on the smallish size for her age) thanks for the help :)

[draught]

Hi
My two are 20 months apart and for the first 6 months we had no jealousy, lots of cuddles and DD1 loved helping with the baby and saying hello in the morning etc. Then the baby (who is now 8 months) started crawling - and fast - and she is into everything, but in particular DD1's toys. All of a sudden we have a baby being pushed out of the way, kicked over as she tries to climb onto her sister's chair/bed/steps/ leg, and lots of me being told to put DD2 down on the floor, to not feed DD2, etc.....

In our case it is pretty obvious that the problem is linked to DD2 invading DD1's space, so we have been making an effort (in addition to talking about being nice to people and sharing etc - difficult concept for a 2 year old!) to make sure that DD1 does have some time on her own doing "big girl" things without her little sister trying to get in on the action. It seems to be making a difference.

In the meantime I am keen to see other suggestions as I am not happy with the jealousy thing at all!!

[willsmum]

There is a 3 year gap between my two so things are a bit better in that William is a bit more independent. However we have issues where he demands attention at exactly the wrong moment - eg when I am feeding or trying to get Charli to sleep. Usually it takes the form of "Mum, toilet, quick" - something I can't ignore.

He is also getting a bit more physical towards her - eg trying to pick her up or move her away from his toys, especially since she is crawling around now. I don't think it's aggression, more a territorial thing. We just don't leave them unsupervised together. If I really need some time out, eg a toilet break, I stick her in the highchair in the kitchen so he can't get to her. Not fair on her I know, but it's safer.

I usually enlist his help with things (eg asking him to fetch a nappy/wipes/drinking cup etc) for Charli. Also, he has special DVDs that he can only watch when I am doing something with Charli. That usually gives me 20mins or so uninterrupted.

Because I can reason with him to some extent we ask him how he would feel if a big boy tried to pick him up, or sit on him and he understands a bit. Mind you, 5 minutes later he has forgotten. Repetition is the key and we just keep reinforcing that he needs to be gentle and give her "butterfly kisses" rather than full-on stranglehold smooches.

Luckily she is fairly resilient and we haven;t had any disasters yet.

[Supermum]

Dear Coopsntilly

There's a 15½ month gap between my oldest boy and his little sister. Everything was going beautifully until number one reached the developmentally challenging age of 20 months when I think he realised that the little doll he had so lovingly stroked and hugged and kissed was going to turn into another little rampant toddler who would nick his toys!

You've been given some great advice already. Get your oldest involved - give him ownership. He's probably just feeling as if his little sister is fast becoming too much of a threat - I mean younger babies do require more work than a mobile toddler. Passing comments such as "you're such a special big brother", "she loves you very much" and "that's beautiful sharing" helped speed the process up and the whole phase was over and done with in a couple of months.

Number one is now 2¼ and number two 13 months and she follows him around like a puppy. Most of the time :rolleyes: , he's happy with that!
Good luck,

[WeThree]

thanks girls :) its always reassuring to know that you are not alone when going through all these sorts of things!