Going back to work

[cheeky boys mum]

:( Hi all
I am sure this been raised many times over and I guess I just need to talk it through.
I have made the decision to return to work. Previously I was very much the career girl and will be returning to the same position.
My dilemma. I love my little boy and unfortunately have no other options then childcare. He went today as a trial run for 4 hours and did not have a gret day. Was unsettled and has been quite clingy since picking him up and is not settling tonight.
I love my job and yes it is my choice to return although I have always said if it impacts my family hubby or son I will take a step back or resign.
I am surprised how I am feeling. I have not even started work and finding putting him in care difficult. :confused:
I worry is he ok. Will it have adverse effects. Am I being selfish? :(
He is 10 months old.
I tell myself I need to return to work and then if I do walk away from my career I do it out of choice and be happy with my decision not left wondering or regretting not going back.
Unfortunately my employer is not family friendly and have only offered part time 3 days a week for 1 month then it is expected I will return to 5 days.
Anyway apologies if I am ranting away.
Just interested to hear anyones experiences.
Thank you
Julie

[brooke]

hi julie
i work full time now and will start my 12mths leave at the end of october
i currently work in a high stress job and have so far said that i will go back full time. I really feel for you. at least your work has offered a month at part time. thats better than some people get. I am already stressing about putting bubs in childcare. I would love to go back part time the more i think about it... and i havent even meet my bubs yet so i cant imagine how you feel....
im sure that it will get easier the more you both do it but just discuss how you feel with your hubby then see how your little one goes...
you never know it might work out great.
good luck
brooke

[cheeky boys mum]

Thanks Brooke. Good luck also.
Its funny I was so convinced I would be back at work after 6 months. How things change.

[draught]

Hi
I have gone back to work after having time at home with each of my daughters, and of course leaving them is not easy. My sister had a terrible time with her daughter in care for the first two weeks and we talked about it and agreed that to make a decision to give up your career based on just a few bad days is not fair on anyone. Her advice was to just give it time and see how you all go after a few weeks before making any big decisions. The first week will be rough for all of you but you will come through it. If you don't, then set yourself a limit of how long you will try it for before you call it quits. If you don't have a personal limit you might make hasty decisions you later regret, or you might find yourself still unhappy with an unhappy baby months down the track. Does that make sense?

Anyway - good luck with whatever you decide - whatever it is I am sure it will be best for you and your baby.

[cheeky boys mum]

Thanks Draught. I think I am getting ahead of myself a bit as we have only just started. :o I have delayed going back by 1 week however I will still put him in care for 3 days for a few hours so at least when he does a full day hopefully we will both be a bit happier and prepared for our separation.

[xkwzit]

Hi Cheeky boy's mum
I think you're on the right track with putting him in for a few hours for a few days in a row. I have heard childcare workers saying that it can be hard for kids who are only there one day a week, because they don't get a chance to get into the routine.

Could you also negotiate some short days at work (maybe taking some work home to do)? Then at least the days aren't quite so long for him up front.

Don't worry about your changing perspective, before DD1 was born I thought I'd be starting back part time from 3 months old - I have NO IDEA what planet I was on at the time. :confused: You just don't know what you can do until after you've had your baby. They are all completely different...and I was still getting myself together at the 3 months mark :eek: .

Cheers

[Chickadee]

You've gotten some great advice here, I don't really have anything new to add! I think setting a time limit or schedule like Draught suggested is a good idea.

I went back to work at around 4.5 months, part time, 3 days a week. Luckily I have a very understanding boss and senior people around me so have been able to cope with sudden sick days, having to leave work early sometimes, not working late, etc. What I didn't expect was the change in my attitude to work. I sum it up to people like this: before I had Chloe I had a career. Now I have a job. I still like my work (most days) but it's never going to be priority 1 with me - that is always Chloe. And I no longer care if I ever move up to the next management level or not. If my boss ever insisted I increase my hours up to full time I'd be looking for a new job.

A friend of mine juggles her work hours with her partners. She gets up and is at work by 7 while her hub does the morning routine with their son and gets him to daycare. She leaves work early at 3, picks up their son and is home in time to get dinner at a reasonable hour. So their son gets a shortened day at daycare. I think it's hard on them both but it works.

[cheeky boys mum]

Things do change dont they.
I have spent alot of years working hard and progressing in the company. Always putting in the extra time and intolerant of "clock watchers". Now I feel I should go around apologising to all those people who I quietly used to think had a poor work ethic when some of them their priorities were right where they should have been at thats with their families as number one.
I will see how it goes take one step at a time. I just need to get over feeling guilty.
So many people have their children in care and some without a choice. I am lucky in that respect.
I think I am just so surprised at my own feelings and ashamed that before being a mum I really didnt get it and thought people were lazy at not working :o
Thats bad isnt it.
Ultimately we want to have another child so realistically this is probably only a short term plan anyway.

[Chickadee]

Julie, I don't think you're bad for any ideas or thoughts you might have had about "lazy" co-workers! Pretty normal actually.

& it is possible to still go after that career if you want it, even if you're limited to a strict 9-5 office schedule - it just means being flexible in other ways like bringing kids back to work occassionally when I have to work a little late. My dd has crawled around a boardroom while I worked there and just on monday sat on my lap & coloured as I typed & talked to a coworker. Or you can take the extra work home to do in the evenings and weekends. I dont like doing that but will do it for urgent deadlines, and at least it did get noticed & recognised by my boss and clients when I was sending emails and reports out on my days "off" or at 3am! And actually, clients and co-workers have phoned on my days off with questions that can't wait and always ask first if I'm ok to talk - knowing I may be in the middle of something with Chloe. I guess I've been lucky about the people I've worked with so far.

Try not to feel guilty. Your son will probably settle into daycare with time and as he learns the routine there. And the day may soon come when he sees you arrive at the end of the day, runs to give you a cuddle, and then goes back to playing!

[cheeky boys mum]

Thank you Martha for your supportive comments.
I will let you know how it all goes.

[jessica]

I go back to work tommorrow, after having the best year with my precious angel - feeling very emotional and horrible... I've been settling bubs into the whole carer thing slowly - started with one hour stays, then half days and then whole days over about a month - initially she screamed the whole hour - it broke my heart! now she loves it!!! thank goodness!!

Still this dosen't make it easier... will be a teary night and probably a horrible first day but financially it has to be done!!

Wishing to be a SAHM forever!! :(

[cheeky boys mum]

Great to hear Jessica. I hope all goes well.
I wouldnt say he loves it yet but he is getting better.
Will you be working full or part time?
I have a month or so part time then expected back full time.

[Merlion]

I went back to work 2 days a week from 5-9 pm about 2 months ago when my baby was 6 mths old and have increased my days to 3 days a week 4-8pm. My parents look after her till my hubbie gets back from work. But in the past two weeks everytime my bubs sees me leaving she starts crying :( and becoming very clingy. My dad has to entertain while I sneak out and I feel really bad but it had to be done. She's getting better though. :)

[Milosmum]

maybe a mummy nanny if you are having problems feeling comfortable with day care? I went thru a number of options with my son, now 15 and a half months, but the relief I felt to find my current carer and her 2yo daughter!

Unfortunately I am in prahran and a bit far to share a nanny but PM me if you need some suggestions as to putting out feelers or support.

5 days a week in a month from now is quite full on, given your child's age and the time you have put in to the company - it would be very tempting to give them some perspectives using non-child friendly words!

[Ondine]

Hi guys!

I started back at work casually when Kelsie was not quite 3 months old (I was needed at work to help with stock taking as I had previously been manager). I leave her with my Mum on the nights I work (4pm-7pm) and my fiance has her on my weekend shifts. I start back full time on Monday (8:30am - 4:30pm) as manager (but only for about 3 months before my store has to close and I am made redundant). Due to all our friends and family working full time also, Kelsie will be in daycare 5 days a week. She is not quite 5 months old. I have been feeling really guilty about it all, but I keep telling myself it is only temporary! She thus far has been great being left with other people, so hopefully all will go down well. I think for me, I just feel guilty about missing the special things that might happen in the next few months - first sitting up alone, crawling, standing, first words, teeth, etc. I really wanted to be around as a SAHM for that, but with Christmas coming up and our savings slowly dwindling - it can't be.

I am also really scared that she will be so used to spending time at the day care centre that at home time she won't want to come with me - she will want the child care worker?? My mother tells me not to be so silly! But it still plays on my mind!!!

I worked up until about a week before Kelsie was born, and it just seems I haven't had a chance to spend enough quality time with her - she is just getting to that fun stage of smiles and giggles!!!

Ondine

[rynosmum]

I went back to fulltime work when my little one was not quite 5 months old. It was an extremely teary time :(. He is now 14.5 months and is in Daycare for 3 days per week and at home with my Mother in law 2 days.

He is so well balanced, loves other kids andis very interactive. He learns all sorts of things at Daycare and has great days there.

I still saw him sit up and crawl for the first time but was at work when he took his first steps (his Dad and my mother-in-law were there) which made me very sad and pretty envious. The same if you see mothers playing with their little ones during the day, you just wish you were with yours !

If it wasn't for the financial side, I'd give up work in a flash. I find though that our time together is such quality time - we go to the park, laugh and play - it teaches you to never take their childhood for granted.

And don't worry - they really don't forget who you are or confuse who Mummy is. When I get home or arrive to pick him up, he drops everything and runs for a cuddle !

[Ondine]

Hi Everyone!

I have been back at work now for just over a week. Kelsie settled really well into daycare - there were no tears either side! The daycare centre was great. They said I could ring anytime to check how she was going, and they called me at morning tea time the first day just to let me know that she was settling in really well and had not been upset (I was a bit disappointed that she didn't miss me!). The only qualms I have had is their feeding schedule . . . they were feeding her every 2 hours if she was whinging and wouldn't sleep. She is already a big baby, and I had her strictly on 4 hourly feeds. After I told them how to get her to sleep that improved, but this week, they started giving her a full 280ml bottle 3 times in the 8 hours she was there. I would BF her at 7am, they would give her a bottle at 9am, then another at about 12pm, then again around 3pm. We've increased her feeds to try and stretch out the bottle feeds again.

And she hasn't shown any signs of forgetting me!!! :) In fact, as soon as she hears my voice when I walk in, she is all smiles and cuddles. She even has a "boyfriend" named Oscar!!! And another thing, she sleeps so much better at night because she is exhausted from the day!

I was really worried about not getting enough time with her, but I am finding that I am enjoying my time with her so much more. I used to get really tired and frustrated by the end of the day, having only had a baby for company. I actually feel happier and can't wait to get her home and am finding that even if she is whinging, I handle everything better.

Ondine

[~Kimmy~]

Wow Julie. Thank you for sharing your experience and feel free to rant - if you want to call it that. I call it talking out your feelings. ;) I'm working at the moment, and hubby and I agreed that I would go back to work after baby was born because we want to pay off our home loan. We have less than two years to go, and after that he's more than happy for me to stay home full time, or work part time whatever I choose. But so far everyone's making me feel guilty about it. And reading your feelings - I know after baby comes I'll probably be the same. I love children and having baby unhappy will probably make me really miserable too. Hopefully I'll be able to introduce baby to child care slowly over a few weeks (I have three weeks annual leave and three to six weeks of maternity leave penciled in at work). I don't want to wait too long to go back, because I know it'll only make leaving baby harder. Not only that, the longer I leave the more work I'll have piled up when I get back. They'll get a temp in to work in reception but won't worry about getting an admin unless I take longer leave.

Jessica, thank you for posting your experience. I think I'll try that with bub from word go to, since I have a smaller time frame. 1 hour first, then half a day, then a whole day.

Having baby grow up with a carer for the first year or two is going to be torture for me, but it's what we agreed on before baby came along. :( Hopefully, by some miracle we'll blitz the loan early and bub will only have to be there for 8 months.. I'm hoping to breastfeed even though I'll be going back to work. Sometimes I wonder if it was selfish of me to want baby now instead of waiting another couple years...

Ondine, reading your post gave me encouragement. I don't want to resent anything. Knowing it's possible to find a carer baby will be happy with, and not forget me is comforting. I hope things continue to be positive for both you and Kelsie.