Happy with just one? Chat to me!

[naiwen]

Hello :wave:

Over the Christmas break DH and I talked it over and decided once and for all that we will not be having any more.

We both feel that the risk is just to great, if the next baby came at 20-24 weeks or my liver shut down completely then our family would be devastated and we do not feel it is worth it when we have one beautifull perfect child.

Also I think that one of the things that was preventing me from feeling complete with just DS was my worries about all the nonsense people spout about only children spoilied/selfish/lonely etc.

I am now in a place where I dont care what others think of my choice and I know DS can be well rounded and happy without me producing another sibling to satisfy convention.

I am getting implanon put in this week :D.

It's nice to know I will be able to just focus on DS and help him grow :goodvibes:.

So please chat to me, do you get much negativity for your choice to have one? When did you know you did not want any more? Has your child ever asked for siblings?

[naiwen]

Bumpity bump!

[Ashleigh<3]

I guess I get a lot of negativity from people, simply because of my age.
They assume, "Bah, you're too young to make such a serious decision".
But I'm truly happy with just the one.
Coincidentally, my health is in order, my hormones are regular and I'm not clucky! I am stoked and have NO plans whatsoever for more.

[Loopy Linda]

well obviously i am not mother of lone child,

but i did want to say doesn't your attitude change after a) sn child, b) making a decision for no more kids.

after Gordy's birth i was too scared to try again. i got over the fear and did consider one more.

then when you are happy with your decision you ( well I) started to make all these life plans. like when i was consdering another my future sort of consisted of in such amount of time have a baby, in so many years start to look at work etc. now i know there is no more babies ( and i am happy with it) i have different plans. work and future plans for dh and i are so different knowing that our family is complete right now.

i am sure Edward will be a very rounded young boy. also by being an only child it increases the amount of oppurtunities you and dh are able to provide him with, he is a very lucky and loved little boy and that is all that matters

[naiwen]

Good for you Ashleigh!

Even at 29 I am sure people will tell me that I will change my mind, but I am quite capable of knowing what I want and sticking with it LOL.

I think if your child has plenty of friends there is no reason why they cant be social.

[naiwen]

Thanks Linda,

Yep I think DS being a SN child is part of it, knowing how much time and energy he needs was a consideration.

Just being happy and at peace with my decision makes me feel so much better, it's a cliche but he is so perfect and special that we just do not feel the need for another!

[Leisa21]

Well done on making a decision, it must feel truly wonderful to have the wonder taken away. I know thats one thing that gets me. I always said I would have 3, or more. I thought I wouldn't feel complete until I had lots of kids to fuss over. DH was the same, we both wanted a huge family. But we talk all the time and say how happy we are just the three, we feel complete. How could life get any better. Our only thing is we worry that he will be lonely and we want him to have what we had growing up. I get very, very clucky over babies but the truth is I dont really want another.

I feel the pressure to have more (mainly from myself) I know I didnt go through what you did with Edward but I did have a very scary pregnancy with PE and other concerns and I too am worried something will go wrong. After our loss we also feel like it was a sign to say stop, sit back and enjoy what you have.

But yeah, long story short, we are happy with one, very happy. I dont know if I can say we wont be having any more though so you probably dont want my opinion:p. I just thought I'd share as its not that I want more its that I feel pressure that I should. I cant wait until we make a firm decision on what we will do.

[naiwen]

LOL I do want your opinion, I used to worry that Edward would be lonely but I had a brother growing up and by the time I was 2 he was 8 and at boarding school so I was practically an only child anyway!

I used to say I wanted four but I dont want to have kids just because thats what everyone does or to make up the numbers, I only want to have them if I want them with all my heart and soul.

Very cheesy sounding but even before I had DS I had dreams of a blond little boy with blue eyes that was my son, in the womb I knew he was a boy with blond hair. I have such a deep connection with him it's hard to describe really!

[Leisa21]

Hooray, I'm always happy to give it:D.

Thats how I feel too, I desperately wanted children. I wasnt supposed to be able to naturally and it happened, quite easily too. I desperately wanted Aidan he was so yearned for with all my heard and soul. How could I have another child just because I feel I have to. I worry I would resent it, even though I'm sure I wouldn't. I dont thinks its fair to my any other children.

And its so not cheesy I used to say my first child would be a boy, I knew he would be Aidan and when I was pregnant from the beginning I knew that what we were having. I'm obsessed with Aidan (hopefully in a good way lol) I know what you mean, I'm also worried that another baby will change what we have:o.

[naiwen]

LMAO it's a good thing you are not 29 otherwise I would be worried we were separated at birth!

Please dont think I am trying to say you shouldnt have another baby BTW, I am just explaining my own conditions for myself IYKWIM.

I just seem to have arrived at a space where I know that just one is right for all of us, I have finally managed to shed any feelings of guilt over not giving DS another brother or sister, after all what child would want to know they were only born because we thought we should to make up the numbers!

I think I have known in my heart for a while that he is the only one for me but I needed to get used to that and feel comfortable with it.

No one thinks badly of you for only having one husband or for having 3 (in a row lol) so why is it any different with children!

[Leisa21]

Maybe all that stalking has turned me into you LOL:p

What your saying makes perfect sense, I know you're not trying to bring me to the dark side:devil6:LMAO.

I just hope that we can be happy with our choice, whatever it will be. What I want is to like you be hit by a lightening bolt that makes me realise that this is it. Either that or have that yearning for another like I did with Aidan. Mum was saying the same thing to me about having more. SHe had 3 and wanted a big family but she said its more then acceptable to have just the one. She said where is the fun in having a beautiful story for Aidan and having to either make one up or say that we had you because we wanted a brother or sister for Aidan.

The one thing that gets to me though is when people say oh you're young it doesnt matter. But we both agree with no big gaps. Andrew's little sister is ten years younger and she was always feeling left out and alone. I personally think it would be worse to have a brother or sister ten years older than me then be an only child, thats me though. I just want to tell them to sod off age has nothing to do with it. The MIL said to us that seeing that Aidan was a mistake we should wait a while so that our next child is wanted :eek: stupid woman has no idea lol. But thats a whole other thread...

[OneNowOneLater]

I honestly dont want another child. And unfortunately i'm too young and "healthy" to have my tubes tied. Which imo sucks. Granted, if i had private health cover, might be easier getting the procedure done, but even then, no surgeon would even touch me cos i am young and healthy. ARGGH.

I'm trying to talk DF out of wanting a "blood child" of his own with me. I went through hell (emotional - ended up with both pre natal and post natal depression really bad) with my pg and i never ever ever wanna go through that again.

I'm happy with my little girl. I dont need any more.

[naiwen]

Hi Specksmum, I had pre and post natal depression as well and it was truely horrific.
I also get frustrated when people doubt that I only want one, the GP that put my Implanon in last night was very sceptical.

Would your DP be interesting in adopting you DD I have heard of people doing this and it sounds like a lovely idea.

Leisa your MIL sound a bit odd LOL, I hope you get to a point where you feel completely comfortable with whatever you decide, without sounding like a total fruitloop perhaps you could meditate on it?

Not sitting down and saying omm haha but maybe go for a peacefull walk in the country or park and just process your feeling without putting any pressure on yourself to make a decision.

[OneNowOneLater]

He probably would, but we've decided against him adopting J, as it will put extra barriers up when it comes time for her to want to meet her bio father. Even tho he's not on her b/c, he pays CS regularly and wont have that responsibility anymore if D adopts J.

LOL, even tho it could be seen as a spiteful way to look at things, it is HER money and she's entitled to it.

I'm inclined to look into Tubal Ligation, so i dont have to fall pg again. Sure circumstances are all different this time, but imo the risks of both pre and post natal dep are too high for my liking. And of course :eyes: a vasectomy is out of the question atm, because he wants a child of his "own" (even tho he's been around J since the day she came home from hospital - literally - and sees her as his anyway)

I doubt any OB/GYN would allow a TL for me for a couple of reasons.

1. I dont have Private health cover (only have extras)
2. I'm young
3. Only have one child....

Its annoying

[nugglyboysmum]

its great that you have come to a decision to have only one adn feel good about and have shed the guilt of an only.

I too have had the guilt about not giving DS siblings, but like you, DS was desperately wanted, took a long time to conceive and had health problems for 18 months. He is so perfect I can't imagine wanting another child as much as him. I love having so much time to spend just on him.

I went through a phase of wanting another bub a few times, but i think thats cause DH was always adamant he wasn't having any more, so i felt like the choice was totally taken out of my hands. 2 days ago DH announces to me that he has been thinking about another bub for a while now and really wants one more. I was thrilled when he said it. But now having a few days to think on it I really have no desire to have anotehr baby now and I doubt those feelings will change the older DS gets. I too had PND and dont want to go through all that again. Also I canot imagine having to constantly be up all night with a baby, DSD has only just started sleeping through regularly and I am LOVING my sleep!

I no longer feel suilt at DS being an only child, I will work very hard to give him plenty of opportunity to socialise with his peers and plan to have an open house policy where he can have friends over whenever he likes.

I could go on forever, but its late.....

[kristin5]

Like a couple of you, our son had problems with his health early on as well. Well, he still does actually, as he has a lifelong bowel condition, but we just don't know as yet how well he will cope (but we are hopeful that he will function pretty close to 'normal'). As this condition is genetic, my husband is worried about the risks of having another child with this same disease. The odds are about 10-15%.

Plus our ages are against us adding another to our family (in our opinion - this isn't to say others shouldn't have babies at a later age, it just isn't what we want to do).

And we feel that we can give Ryley a lot more if he remains an only child. And we do love spoiling him!

Like the previous poster, we will have an open house policy and also will take one of his friend's with us on family holidays.

We actually tried last year to have another child as I felt we could do it if they were close together. It didn't happen. And now I am out of baby mode (and I confess to not being much of a 'baby person' anyway, so I am not one to get clucky).

Ryley is PERFECT. He is outgoing, gorgeous, cheeky, happy, etc. etc. What more could we want?!

[quaver]

There is nothing wrong with only having one. I think you just know when you are at the perfect number. for some it is 0, 1 or 10! i think it is something inbuilt for a very good reason. For me i do want another but i have many friends that have made the decision to stick to one, especially if there were complications with the first, that have never regretted their decision.
dont let others worry about it Naiwen:)