Help! I'm ready to give my kids away!

[Melissa1983]

I have two girls, Mikayla 2 1/2 and Abby 18mths and I am ready to give them up for adoption!!!

Has anyone got any advice on how to handle the terrible two time..... Mikayla is constantly throwing trantrums, doesn't listen (I can yell til I am blue in the face and she still won't listen), we were toilet training and were going really well but the last 2 days she has wanted a nappy and acts like a baby... I am just pulling my hair out.... I went to the doctors and he has diagnosed PND and has put me on some tablets but I still don't know how I am going to cope....

Abby is just a crier of late - I can't leave her sight or she just screams...I am dreading it when she starts going through the terrible twos if this is any indication.....

I feel I have no control over my girls and that I am failing as a mother..... my sister tells me that it is normal and that all children go through it.... I suppose I am looking for advice on how to handle it so I can repair my relationship with the girls because right now I am feeling a little resentful.....


Mel :(

[MyL&S]

hi mel,

I just read your message and it all came back the terrible two's...

My son is 4 in 3 mths and 1 on the way (8 days till my DD).. and all i can say is the terrrible two's turns into the checky 3's.. I can tell you that i have certaintly felt the way you have when i'm almost ready to tear out my hair :mad:

I have since attended the 1,2,3 magic program and has worked wonders... a bit like the program the nanny..
Expalin to your girls if they are naughty that you will tell then once to stop if they contiune you will count 1, and if they still continue you will count 2 then up to 3 if you get to 3 they will go to thier room or wherever you decide until how ever many mintues they are, you wait 5 seconds between counts.. i do this for my son i only have to tell him once to stop...

consistancy is the key...

I'm sorry if ive rambled on a bit but this technique really works for me..

[maybe1more]

Kids will be kids, you arent a super mum, no-one is, and never think your a bad mother, if your girls arent listening to you then maybe try to sent then to the naughty corner, dont you feel guilty but let them know you mean bussniess, your the adult and they are not to run rings around you, you sound very devoted to your girls and maybe you need a break, have you thought about day care once a week or fortnight, it could help you feel normal again, and you can either have both of them in so you can have 'your day' off, or you could just put one of them in, it doesnt mean your 'plaming your kids off' after all you have them 24/7 they do heaps of acttivites there and you can finally do yor shopping pay bill or whatever on your own. Your girls will love interacting with other kids and the breather will do you the world of good and them.Is just a surgestion. Hope this helps please dont stress out too much it will get easier. :)

[Elfin]

I agree with the ladies here. It is such a difficult time and I think we all have times when we would readily give our kids up for adoption so don't think you are alone. It is really difficult and tough at times to be a Mum. It is a phase and things will get better, try to distract them and keep them busy as much as possible. It is really important that you get some time to yourself, have some 'selfish' time. Get your hair done, go for a walk, shop, see a movie whatever you find relaxing.

No matter how great we are as parents we all need a short break to recharge. I think this is valuable for both parents and the children. Don't feel guilty, leave the kids with their Dad or someone you trust and escape for an hour or two, it will definitely make you feel better and more able to cope.

[Melissa1983]

Thank you everyone for you help. I have already tried the 1,2,3, and that doesnt work, as soon as i start counting Mikayla counts along and laughs. I use to have them in day care and they were angels there, but as soon as i bought them home they just play up. I have tried removing things Mikayla likes doing. eg Watching Hi5 for the day but even that doesnt work. Its hard to have time to my self, as i am away from my Husband at the moment, i am seeing my parents, but they are even finding them hard to cope with. When i am home with my husband they still do it, i just dont know what else i can do, i feel i need to just get away from it.. I sometimes regret having them, but when they smile or give me kisses, i hate myself for thinking of it. I was only 19 when i had my first, and then fell straight away which was an accident.
It also doesnt help when my youngest is sick all the time with throat and ear infections. But she gets very jealous of Mikayla when she comes near me, so i think that isnt really helping matters either, because Mikayla wants me as her mum too. :(

[AM]

If you feel as though you need some small slice of serenity in your life, I just read a really good book which has helped me to be able to roll with the punches a little more, and keep my cool.
It is 'Buddhism for mothers' By Sarah Napthali
Great book, and really I think it would apply to anyone, you don't need to be Buddhist to read it!

Angie

[Emily's moocow]

Speaking of books I've been given some of the chicken Soup for the Soul books. There is one For the Mothers soul. I too have been diagnosed with PND and am on medication. This book has helped me put my life into context and have a bit more patience and understanding with my kids. Mel where do you live Do you go to Playgroup or similar places where there are other mums to talk to.

Keep your head up. I know youre feeling lost now but trust me there is light at the end of the rainbow.

Best Wishes
Teresa
Mum to Brock 5 1/2 Jacob 4 and Emily 9 months

[Melissa1983]

Hi Emma's moocow

well currently i am in Townsville on Holidays and back to Melbourne in August, and then get packed up and move to Nowra. So after August i will be in Nowra.

[moggs]

Hiya,

My daughter is a bit over 2 so I fully understand the terrible two's! I think you are being too hard on yourself. I find one child difficult to deal with let alone two so you must be feeling overwhelmed! I find motherhood quite demanding especially if your are a sahm.

What is PND? Sorry if I seem a bit stupid here!

I don't think all techniques work but I read a great book 'toddler taming' and they do suggest the time-out thing (as does supernanny). For me it works, the doctor who writes this book suggests that time-out isn't a form of dicipline but two give the both of you some time apart so you can both calm down. I know she isn't listening to you (my daughter doesn't either) but you can take her to her room (or another room) and if necessary shut the door if necessary and leave her there for 2-3 min (one min for each year of her life)...

I hope this helps, all we can ever do is our best...good luck!

Moggs xx

[Melissa1983]

Hi Moggs

PND is Post Natual Depression. I have the book of the Super Nanny and have tried this off that, and it hasnt worked. I think my 2 year old is very stubborn

[tobysmum]

Hey there I think all mums have felt the same way at least once (a day ;) ) My 2 yo makes me so angry that i feel that I will lose control sometimes so I just calmly pop him in his room for a time out until I calm down. I don't care what he does in there eg play with his toys just as long as he is away from me from a few minutes so I can calm down! Then for me the most important thing is not to hold a grudge a 2yo forgets something as soon as it has happened and so should we. Having another child over to play with helps for my son a lot. I also keep most of his toys packed away and change them constantly so when he is having a particularly bad day I bring out some new toys to divert his attention. The best thing I ever did was get a double jogger pram so packing both kids in there and going for a walk is fantastic as I find I can just tune out whilst outside and walking. Dp is pretty good and makes sure he gives me time out and mr.2 goes to daycare 1 day a week which is a godsend. I also have a couple of really good friends who will take him for me, one with her own kids and one without. With my boy sometimes he just really wants my attention so I have learnt to let the housework go and the errands and just get down and play. Put on Hi-5 and dance around with them.