help wanted

[vickymom]

I missed my period for 5 days and I bought the pregnacy test this morning, it is +.

i have no idea about what to do. I have a 15 month dd with me now and my relationship with my busband is becoming worse and worse since my dd was born. i was considering a divorce.

this is no way that i can keep the baby.I have made a appointment with my gp tomorrow and i don;t know what will happen. i am in perth. is it ok to choose termination? can i do it in secret without informing my husband?

how much does it cost?

can i go to public hospital? i don;t have private insurance.

[sunnyflower]

:hugs:

I am sorry to hear that your relationship is not as you want it to be.

is it possible for to get some counselling first before you make this decision?:hugs:

[NibbleCurlynBub]

:hugs:

I am sorry to hear that your relationship is not as you want it to be.

is it possible for to get some counselling first before you make this decision?:hugs:
:iagree:

[Chickadee]

is it ok to choose termination?
Medically it's probably ok, it's certainly early enough in the pregnancy. If you mean morally, then unfortunately the only person who can answer that is yourself. I personally believe that nobody should ever be judged because it's nearly impossible to put ourselves in someone elses shoes.


can i do it in secret without informing my husband? Absolutely. But it's highly recommended that you have some sort of support person with you. :hugs:


how much does it cost?
can i go to public hospital? i don;t have private insurance.
There are private/public clinics that you can phone to find out. Try Marie Stopes, not sure if they're in Perth though. The Family Planning Association of WA (www.fpwa.org (http://www.fpwa.org)) has clinics including one in Northbridge. They don't do terminations but can give you advice and referral.

[vickymom]

:hugs:

I am sorry to hear that your relationship is not as you want it to be.

is it possible for to get some counselling first before you make this decision?:hugs:

i have never used counseling before and i don't know how it works.

if it is marriage counseling, i will not consider about that. he cheated on me more than once and tought i am idiot.. there is no way we can go back together.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

There are tons of different reasons to get counselling.

It is basically just someone to talk to who isn't biased in any way who may be able to offer some guidance.

It comes in many forms and if you go alone, it need not have anything to do with your marriage at all.

[sansha]

You can have a termination in Perth and you do not have to tell your husband although I do think there is somewhat of a moral obligation to consider the rights and feelings of the father. Some of the cost may be covered by Medicare I think, but not all. You'll need to speak with the clinic about costs.

[Blueberry Crumble]

I hope someone here can give you some links or numbers so you can speak to someone who is experienced in counselling women with unwanted pregnancies. I also think it would be a great idea to speak to someone first (someone who is NOT anti-abortion... who sits on teh fence IYKWIM) And then decide from there.

I would hate to be in this situation, and would never judge anyone who is.

Good luck :)

[Hokey Pokey]

i'm sorry to hear your in this situation:hugs:

[confusd]

is it ok to choose termination? can i do it in secret without informing my husband?


if you dont tell you husband, you should tell SOMEONE who will help support you.

you should talk to someone (either gp or counselling) termination can have bad affects on people after they have gone through it i dont mean marriage counselling i mean about you decision

:hugs::hugs:

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Perhaps start with the Pregnancy Problem House on Wanneroo rd.

They offer counselling and will be able to help you.

See their website HERE (http://www.pregnancyproblemhouse.org/)

[vickymom]

Thank you all.

I appreciate your kindness

[MummyDaddy]

I am an advocate of pro choice ... but I just want to ask you honey if you could possibly go through the pregnancy on your own and have the baby.

The only reason I ask is this.

I had a termination with my ex - the father of my child. I then had the next child. But now there is never a chance of a sibling for my child with her father. As in both parents the same.

I'm just pointing out that if you have this chance - then maybe you could go through with your pregnancy.

Many girls do. They have the second baby but leave the bad marriage.

If you choose a termination you will get a lot of support here.

You can ring the Family Planning Australia hotline and they can tell you the near clinic. You then simply make an appointment.

You don't need to tell anyone and if you don't have private insurance i think you might get a medicare rebate but not sure how much.

It will cost around $300.

Good luck ... such a tough decision.

Please now that you could go through your pregnancy with DD on your own and come out the other side with two precious children minus the bad husband.

Whatever you choose will be right for you.

I hope I havn't offended you by pointing out the alternative.

I am pro choice and believe you should make the right decision for you.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Whispers]

You should really discuss it with your husband. In my opinion he should have a say in a life he helped create

[vickymom]

I am an advocate of pro choice ... but I just want to ask you honey if you could possibly go through the pregnancy on your own and have the baby.

The only reason I ask is this.

I had a termination with my ex - the father of my child. I then had the next child. But now there is never a chance of a sibling for my child with her father. As in both parents the same.

I'm just pointing out that if you have this chance - then maybe you could go through with your pregnancy.

Many girls do. They have the second baby but leave the bad marriage.

If you choose a termination you will get a lot of support here.

You can ring the Family Planning Australia hotline and they can tell you the near clinic. You then simply make an appointment.

You don't need to tell anyone and if you don't have private insurance i think you might get a medicare rebate but not sure how much.

It will cost around $300.

Good luck ... such a tough decision.

Please now that you could go through your pregnancy with DD on your own and come out the other side with two precious children minus the bad husband.

Whatever you choose will be right for you.

I hope I havn't offended you by pointing out the alternative.

I am pro choice and believe you should make the right decision for you.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Thank you. no offending at all.

i am not strong enough. i don't have a job and i don;t know how to support two kids by myself. and i am a new immigrant to oz, no family, few friends. and i can not take back to my home country, my parents will not support a single mom with two.

[MelandBen]

Vickymom- please call the Abortion grief counselling association inc which is a national 24 hour crisis line for men and women traumatised by abortion and those experiencing pregnancy crisis situations.
The phone number for counselling is 1300 363 550
or 9450 6091 for crisis line

They are a local Perth based call.

Please if you need any help, feel free to PM me as I am in Perth as well.
No judgement.
:hugs: for you!

[vickymom]

I went to see my gp this morning and she took the test and wrote a referal letter to a women's clinic. that's surgical termination. she even did not discuss anything with me.

i told my husband this morning, he said it was up to me. he was ok with my decision.

My period is only 6 days late now so i suppose medical might a better choice but my doctor does not agree.

i called the clinic and the surgical one will cost me 430 dollars.

[vickymom]

I called the family planning assocation, the pregnancy problem house and relationship counciling. none is availabe. either i reached their mail box, or they are on holiday and i need to wait for at least two weeks for a councilling.

[MyFourCubs]

Hi there,

I'm sorry you seem to be hitting a few dead ends.... clearly nobody thinks women have crisis's over xmas???:rolleyes: You will always get support on here and advice- don't be afraid to keep asking for it.

I am sorry that you are in the predicament you are in. Firstly, I want to suggest a few things that will help you regardless of the decision you make with this pregnancy. You say that you are very isolated- no family, friends, etc. have you tried contacting your nearest Child and family health centre? They should be able to link you up with a playgroup and / or mothers group in your area- this should help with meeting people, gaining a support network etc. Of coarse they too may be busy over xmas but they should have "drop in" hours where you can go and wait to see a child health nurse. i would ring and enquire about these. They also have social workers, councillors etc. (There will be a wait for these too but they may give you a few other places to enquire in the mantime.) Most areas also have playgroups for single parents and families with special needs- you could ring your local playgroup association number or local community centre if your child health clinic does not have these. Regardless of whether you have one child or two you need support, especially if your marriage does break down.

In regards to your pregnancy, you seem to be fairly certain that this is the right desicion for you- as a PP said, only you can make the desicion and if it is one you are comfortable with and feel that you can live with without regrets- than nobody has a right to try and change your mind. However, I dont' EVER think a woman should undergo an abortion without some kind of councilling, it appalls me that referalls are written out so easily without any attempt to discuss your reason behind it and your emotional state. This is one of the reaons so many women are scarred by abortion and you need to make every step you can to try and prevent you being one of them.

If there is any part of you that would consider keeping the baby I would think for a minute about the pluses- having a sibling for your daughter, for one. I have 2 children who are 16 months apart and I cannot describe the benefits that having two children close in age has brought. Yes, there are times when it is difficult and I have not had to do it alone- but as a PP said, you may not ever have the chance again to provide a sibling for your dd, especially not so close in age. If this is something you would consider at all, I do believe that you would find a support system through the places I mentioned earlier- I will not for a second underestimate how difficult this would be for you and while I have had an unexpected pregnancy I was obvioulsy not in your same position- but I do think you owe it to yourself to explore all avenues before a final desicion is made.

best of luck to you with whatever you decide to do.:hugs:

[maiko]

Hi, just wondering how you're doing now?

[vickymom]

Hi, just wondering how you're doing now?
thank you very much. I was going to tell you that I changed my mind. I want to keep the baby.

there are only 7 months to go and I DO want a sibling for my daughter. and the due day is only two days earlier than my dd's birthday, i suppose they will never forget each other's birthday.

Thank you so much . It is your advice give me a second thought.

[MyFourCubs]

:smiliedance::smiliedance::smiliedance:Woo-hoo I am SOOOOOOOOOOO thrilled for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are here for any support, friendship, advice or anything else that you may need. Please dont' be afraid to ask.

:hugs: You are a strong woman and I wish you all the best with your pregnancy:goodvibes::goodvibes:

[maiko]

thank you very much. I was going to tell you that I changed my mind. I want to keep the baby.

there are only 7 months to go and I DO want a sibling for my daughter. and the due day is only two days earlier than my dd's birthday, i suppose they will never forget each other's birthday.

Thank you so much . It is your advice give me a second thought.

I'm so happy for you. :hugs: