My letter to Matilda, one year on..

[faroutbrusselsprout]

Hi my darling girl,

It's been a whole year today since I gave birth to you.
It has been the longest year of my life and you have never been far from my thoughts.
Your Dad, Noah and I just got back from the beach, we let 4 ballons go for you, I hope you got them! :p
One from each of us and one from ALL the other people in your family that love you and miss you too.
We each wrote a beautiful letter to you, even Noah, he is such a sweetheart. I'm so sorry you never got to meet, but he understands.

I finally got the strength to fill in your paper work today, it was hard and bought back so many memories, but we did it!
All your special things are in the most beautiful box daddy and I found for you.
Your ashes are in a tiny silver box resting with your hat and blanket you had at the hospital.

I know you are around me honey, I'm sorry I don't listen to you sometimes, it still just hurts so much to know that I will never have you in my arms again.

I'm so so sorry darling, I hope you didn't go through any pain and that I took it all away from you. I wanted so much to keep you hidden away inside me, safe and warm, but you were so very sick.
I wish we would could have looked into each others eyes but you were so tiny and looked so peaceful I know you would have felt all my love through my touch.

You are such a special part of me and daddy, and we will never ever forget you. I need to keep strong for your little brother or sister, please help me take care of them, I still get so scared sometimes.

I'm not going to ask why this happened, I just know you came to us for such a short but very special time.

Matilda, you will remain with me always, but darling I have to let go a little bit today, I have to get over this grief to be a strong mummy for our new baby.
I know you understand sweetheart. You still remain as cherished as always but it's time for me to forgive myself and the world a little bit to be the best mummy I can be.

I love you my little butterfly, fly free and strong away from that sick little body you were so cruelly given.

We love you Angel.
Mummy.


Matilda Jane
Tiny Matilda Jane, born on Summer’s day
The Wheel of the Year near its Zenith
Fragile and peaceful
She came to us for such a short time.
We think of her often and feel her presence
A gentle breeze on our cheeks.
A tiny longed for daughter, a treasured sister, a grandchild, a niece.
As the light of the sun begins to fade her precious energy returns to Mother Earth.
She lies safe in the arms of the Goddess of Light until her time to return.

[faroutbrusselsprout]

I found this old post from me in 2008. I put in in the "get support" section...and not one person replied..
Can we make an effort to reply to this section? I forgot how horrible I felt when I saw noone replied..
:hugs:

[Dot]

I'm so very sorry for your loss, the letter Is beautiful!
Thinking of you and your family on this very hard day.
Many hugs .... Xxx

[MummaFug]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I am sorry that no-one replied to your thread and that the support wasnt given when you needed it most.

What a beautiful letter you wrote to your daughter and a great idea to set balloons off.

I am sorry for your loss and am thinking of You, Matilda and your family

[Amphictyonis]

Im so sorry you didnt get the support when you needed it.. :( :hugs:

May Matilda always be in your hearts feeling the immense love you had for her.
Im sure she is watching over your family everyday.

:angel:

[DoubleDelight]

I hope that your heart is a little lighter than the day you first wrote this and that your beautiful Matilda soars beside you ever day :hugs: :hugs:

[quitecontrary]

Oh my darling, you must've had such a hard year before you wrote that letter. Sorry that you didn't get support from "us" when you needed it back then. Hugs to you and your little ones x

[earthfairy]

Sending you lots of love....I hope your heart feels a little less heavy & has started to heal....

Im so sorry no one replied to your post, this makes me so so sad :(


:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[aprileviesmum]

So sorry for your lost.:hugs::hugs:
Such a beautiful letter.

[sandy cheeks]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:
What a beautiful letter so sorry no one replied.
Sorry for your loss
RIP :angel: Matilda

[MermaidSister]

I'm sitting with tears streaming down my face, and not just saying that to make you feel understood.

Because I can't even pretend to imagine how you feel and have felt.

I hope you find some closure and move forward with the memory of your little girl resting peacefully in your mind.

[Bellini]

I have tears running down my cheeks, that is the most moving thing I have ever read. I am so so so sorry for your loss :( :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

What a beautiful letter and poem. Rest in peace Matilda.

[delirium]

That brought tears to my eyes :crying: I'm so sorry no one supported you when you needed it most :hugs:

[Emi]

i am so sorry for your loss!!!

may matilda rest in peace!

[MothersMilk]

Reading that just made me burst into tears.
I'm sorry for your loss and that nobody replied to this the first time :hugs::hugs:

[~Temet Nosce~]

:hugs: if I had of seen it at the time I'm sure I would have responded.
Time will never really heal the pain completely but I hope that your heart is filled with more and more joy from your boys as you watch them grow :)

[lambjam]

That's the saddest but most beautiful letter. My boys are giving me strange looks as I dab my eyes.

I'm so sorry no-one replied to you when you were in such pain, but can only assume your post was unseen rather than ignored, as I can't imagine anyone being able to ignore what you wrote.

I hope the time between then and now has brought you some peace and happiness :hugs:.

[yellowlilly]

Reading this bought tears to my eyes. You have been through such an ordeal and hopefully you have become stronger because of it....

:hugs: I can not even begin to imagine how you felt and am not going to try. I will, however, have you and your family in my thoughts.

[sandramm1]

You are such a strong woman for writing such a beautiful heartfelt letter. Thankyou for sharing it with us. Lots of hugs to you and your precious family.

[EvangelinaOne]

I am so sorry to hear that no one replied to you. That is wrong and shouldn't ever happen. Thank you for reminding us all to make sure we check this section more often. My thoughts are with your family.

[Tam-I-Am]

What a beautiful letter to your gorgeous girl. I, too, am really sorry that nobody replied - I wish I'd seen it, I would have :hugs:

[faroutbrusselsprout]

Thanks everyone.
I really really REALLY appreciate all your replies. Sorry to drag up such an old post but I take such comfort in securing her existence.
I was thinking of her today as her (official) due date is approaching and I remembered pouring my heart out here in 2008.
I wanted to remember what I wrote and to see how far I had come, and boy have I come a long way.
Although I am not "over" it as such, I am in a much better place.
Thanks again everyone
:hugs:

[MimiGrace]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[CookiesRYum]

oh it made me cry.. sending you much loves.. what a beautiful letter..

I hope you have found some peace with it all

HUGS

[Shanaynay]

I read this post in 2008.
It's not really the sort of post you forget.

I'm sorry I didn't at the time.
I probably didn't know what to reply as I couldn't really relate. And probably I felt a little guilty as I had a new bubba myself.

Next time I will :yes:

[veve]

what a wonderful letter to write to your little girl, at such a sad time - the love in that letter is so obvious :hugs:

I'm truly sorry that your little girl didn't stay- but you sound so wonderfully connected with her :hugs: to you and your family.. .

xx
Jen

[myrainbowfamily86]

i am so sorry for your loss and that no-body replied when you needed support.

I have just today finished reading Jane Hansen's book called Three Seasons, i sobbed on the lounge while reading a lot of it. It breaks my heart to think what one must go through when they lose a precious baby. It really reiterates how special our time as mummies is.

I now understand a little more about how a grieving mother must feel and that whilst many of us are unsure of what to say, to say nothing is the worst. Jane Hansen made me understant that to say nothing seems to suggest that it didn't happen, doesn't validate or honour that a child was born and lost.

I wish you all the happiness in the world and i'm sure she was indeed a very special little angel.:hugs:

[*Chels*]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: RIP Matilda.

When my Nana died we released balloons at her funeral.Now every anniversary,we let them go too.Its sweet because my DS1 understands it a bit more now hes older,and likes sending the balloons to heaven for Nana:crying:

[SassyMummy]

Nobody replied? How awful that must have felt. I'm so sorry.

I don't normally venture into these sections because I have never lost a child and therefore don't feel I can relate, at all, to what you must be feeling.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Fuchsia!]

Im so sorry for your loss and that no one replied last time, but that letter was so beautiful, and so sad, it made me cry and cherish what i have.

Love to you and sending you lots of hugs :hugs:

[mumma2noah]

What a beautiful message. I am sitting here crying as I cannot imagine how you would have felt. Makes us all realise that even on "those" days when everythings a little stressful, we should not take our precious little people for granted. Thankyou for sharing =)

[waitsee]

A beautiful letter, you releasing balloons was a great idea, I'm not sure on anything I can say but offer :hugs: instead.

I'm sorry your thread didn't get a reply when you first posted it :gloomy:
:hugs:

[Bexta]

Sorry no one replied to your beautiful letter to your Daughter. :hugs:

[Love is all you need]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: the letter brought me to tears it was a great idea sorry no one replied to your first thread

[mum2bubba]

:(

RIP baby Matilda. :angel:

[bumMum]

I'm so sorry for your loss. it's a beautiful letter.

[Pinkzy]

:hugs::hugs::hugs: What a wonderful, beautiful letter to a wonderful, beautiful little darling who is watching over her strong mummy and family from Heaven. RIP little Matilda angel xoxo