good luck

[claire&declan]

Hi my name is Claire, and I have just had 2 beautiful sons through IVF. I too understand what some of you are going through trying to start your families. We were very lucky to fall pregnant both times without to many problems. I have now decided that I have completed my family. Going through IVF is extremely similar to what you have to do to become an egg donar, we ended up with 2 embryos left that are frozen at the moment that we have decided to donate to a couple who unfortunately cannot conceive themselves. This was not a difficult decision for us as we too had already thought about not being able to have children (that would have devistated me).
I think being able to possibly give another couple the chance to experience life as a parent is the most precious gift I can ever give in life. The funny part is all to someone I have never met, but in the end we are all human and all treasure babies/children/family equal. I have thought about having a full blood biological child out there somewhere and the fact that someday I might meet them which is pretty exciting too. Anyway I just want to say good luck to anyone who is on a donar list waiting for thier chance at a family and congratulations to anyone who decides to become a donar and make a huge difference to someones life. Claire:smiliedance: :wave:

[provencein3]

Congrats on your two boys.

Can I ask what your considerations were from the perspective of donating your embryos. Any resultant child would be technically full siblings to your own children. I know that is an issue that concerns some women or their spouses when contemplating becoming egg donors.

[claire&declan]

Hi Kim,
There were alot of considerations made such as were we open to being contacted by the child once they turned 18, as they are allowed to. Would that child feel betrayed later in life that we didn't wish for anymore children. How would my 2 sons feel later in life once we told them. Weather or not it might effect our family as a whole. But to be honest having gone through the possibilities of not having a child myself, I couldn't just discard these very precious embryos when I know it could change some couples life forever. You only have 3 choices when you have embryos frozen, 1. to try for more children yourself 2.donate them or 3.discard them. I feel like my family is complete, I have 2 beautiful sons and I also have 2 wonderful step children. My husband is 13 yrs older than me and we want to be able to grow up with them so we are more than happy with the family we have and are blessed to be able to give someone else the chance at the happiness that we have got.

In saying all of that can understand why there is a shortage of egg donors as it could cause conflict with alot of families, fortunately my husband and I both agree that it is the best thing to do. Good luck in your search.

Claire

[babydreams]

Wow Claire, what beautiful people you are! To turn your own struggle with infertility and IVF into such an enormous gift for someone else. You truly are very special.

Did you consider doing a known donation? (where you would know the recipients and the child/children created would be aware of who you are all along?) I'm assuming you have donated anonymously through a clinic. Either way, it sounds like you have thought it through carefully and know how much those precious embryos would mean to a couple who can't conceive without them.

I truly believe that the ripples from egg donation stretch out farther than we can imagine. Not just to the parents, but to everyone who is touched by the lives of those children...their future partners, their children and all the future generations, the work they will do in the world...it's really a momentous thing.

Congratulations on your wonderful blended family (I'm hoping to have one of those soon too) and bless you for your generosity and kindness.

Babydreams xx

[claire&declan]

The clinic that we are donating through doesn't do "known donations" that I know of, we have just started the paperwork and have to undergo counciling before we are allowed to donate. I would love to meet the child should it be successful but I don't think I would want to be a part of their day to day life. Not for their sake but their parents, I just think that if you donate you are giving them a chance at their own family and I am sure there would be some couples that wouldn't feel so comfortable with that. It would be nice to see how alike he/she is to my children though. My husband is Anlgo-indian so our children have dark skin and they all look very alike so as far as when they get older it should be easy enough to work out if they happen to meet at some stage, I joked with my husband and said you would just have to stop and say "Can I speak to your parents please".anyway good luck to you and I hope you dream comes true sooner rather than later. Claire

[Melanie&Lucky]

Hi Claire

Thats a really wonderful thing that you and your husband have decided to do. What a truly precious & special gift to another couple. As you know, there are many couples out there who both partners have fertility problems and their only chance may be donor embryos to start their family.

After a long struggle with infertility we are on a waiting list for embryos so we can only hope that there will be more couples out there like yourselves who have been through IVF and have decided they have finished their families and are in a position to donate any excess embryos. I know that it is a very personal decision for a couple and not for everyone. Its a shame that you don't get to pick between a known donation and anonymous one when you donate the embryos.

Does the clinic advise you whether the embryos result in a birth or not?

I am sure that the recipient couple will be just so overjoyed to receive this very special gift of life and you are both very special people for making this decision.

Cheers

[provencein3]

Actually claire I would have thought that as children that result from egg donation can request information about their donor, perhaps the same would have to exist for embryos.

I guess that's still doesn't allow you to get to know the recipients and the child while they are young but at least there is the possbility that they may one day turn up.

rgds

[sarahstarfish]

Hey Claire

What a beautiful gift - is an enormous thing to donate embryos who are full siblings to your own children, truly selfless.

It IS entirely possible to do a known donation with your embryos - people have transferred embryos to different clinics OR managed to talk their clinics and Counsellors around. The thing with known donation is it isn't a case of tea and tiny cakes every Sunday together, but in most cases is a special relationship between two families who are aware of what they share with each other and in most cases an agreement to keep in very casual contact via letter/photos once a year and an understanding that in the future the children born from a donor's gift may want to meet both their donor and their donor's children. So although you have started both the paperwork (and heartwork), you can still change your mind if you think you might want to find a known donor for your special frosties. I would hate you to think that your options were limited to what your clinic does and doesn't do - they aren't very good at allowing people to see any other alternatives, especially if they are ones they do not offer themselves. These wee embryos are so precious to you, you need to do what YOU feel is right, not what the clinic's rules and regulations dictate.

I think for embryo donors, there is also the fact that you are donating full genetic siblings to your own children, so the needs of your own children need to be thought of as well and if they would like/need to know of these other lives later on. I guess it is natural human curiosity to want to know where we come from and who else is important in our lives and what else we share with them. I know I would certainly want to know about any genetic siblings I had in life, if I put myself in donor's children's shoes.

I also think there is a huge responsibility to those lives yet to be born and what they would want from you and your family - I know we like to think of donating as helping a couple 'have a family', but in reality, much more importantly that that, we are helping a person 'have a life'. Research shows thost most of the people born from donor conception have a great need to know their genetic roots, and a known donation is a good way to ensure that access to that door is kept open for any lives born from your donation. It doesn't mean you live in their pockets, or that you are an 'Auntie', it just means that you are there if they ever need to know more. We give these people 'life', seems the least we can do for them after that is then allow them access to the information we alone hold about their unique genetic story.

Still can't say how amazing I think your gift is - so very few people donate embryos, is a huge step to take and wish you well with your deliberations. I can't say I know how you feel - I have only donated eggs - but I am thinking of my own decisions and muliplying them by 50...is a hard decision to make.

Love

Cindy

[mauve]

Hi Claire :thumbsup:
What an amazing thing for you and your hubby to do. Donated embryos are such a rarity.
I am preparing to do my last IVF cycle using my own eggs (I'm 43) and am currently tippy toeing around in the Egg Donor world. My ex and I tried to have a bub for 11 years with no luck and after we split, I decided to go it alone with donor sperm.
As Cindy has said, I hope you can donate them in the way that rests most comfortably with you and not be limited by a clinic's rules. :thumbsdown:
You are so generous to be giving such a very precious gift and I wish you well.
Sue

[claire&declan]

Thanks for everyones kind words. I am happy with the clinic we are with, they helped us create the family we have today. Their staff are boyond compasionate and helpful and my specialist is also part od this group, all wonderful people. I am not sure about the full details with contact, but I will be telling the clinic that should the recipients want to have contact then I would be open to that for sure. I do know that you can find out if the cycle was a success and also the sex of the baby which would at least stop you from wondering.

I have a half brother that I found out about when I was 16 and we now have a great relationship, he was adopted by a couple who were only children and he was the only child also, so you could imagine how happy he was to meet us all as he had virtually no family. I know that should a child be concieved from our embryos , we would welcome any contact small or large with open arms.

Claire