Help my daughter cries constantly

[Emily's moocow]

My daughter is 9 months old and I adore her, but am starting to resent her a bit. If I walk more than a metre away from her she screams if she cant see me she screams. I have to take her everywhere i go. I can be standing near her and someone else can pick her up or talk to her and she will scream and cry hysterically until I get her. Do you have any advice or suggestions.

Teresa :confused:

[mimi]

Hi Teresa

Your girl sounds just like my first ... and come to think of it , my second too! [though she was a crier from birth so having her with me constantly was just second nature by 9 mths LOL!]

I don't know that I can offer any real 'advice' :confused: but I do know that around 8 months is the classic time for bubs to become very clingy - they become scared when they can't see mum! Is this just 'the stage' maybe?

How do you feel about slings and carrying your DD? I found them a great help - enabling me to get things done when baby just wasn't happy to settle ... feeling 'free' to do things might just cut down on that resentment a little :) - speaking of which, I can certainly understand those feelings!

As I said probably not much help, but I think if you deal with this sensitively now - and reassure her that you are there and will not leave her alone - or with someone else!! [my DD started that at 4 months!!] , she will slowly get better ... I expect! I find that some will tell you 'she needs more time away from mum' etc - and many other 'helpful' things :rolleyes:, but I don't think that is the answer at all, as that will only confirm her fears!!

Best of luck :)

[Baby Girl]

I know exactly what you are going through, my DD1 was soooo clingy at certain stages it almost became impossible for me to do anything unless she could see me (including going to the toilet - many times DP was in there with us holding her so she could see where I was :eek: ). She wouldn't go to anyone else except me or her dad (no crying but wasn't happy about it) for about 6 weeks - this only happened at first and then as long as she could see me it was ok.

It is called separation anxiety and as babies memories get more capable they remember the people who they love and need the most - usually mum and dad - but don't know that you will be coming back. As far as they are concerned you have just disappeared and crying is their way of getting you to come back to them. Separation anxiety usually occurs between 8 and 15 months (although could happen anytime I guess). My DD1 seemed to go through stages of missing me and stages of not being too concerned until she was nearly 2. Once she started walking (never crawled) it was heaps easier as she would just follow me around the house. Now she could care less where I am as long as she has something or someone else to play with!!

Be assured this too will pass and crying out for you is the only way she can tell you she needs you and loves you and doesn't want you to go away, she doesn't know yet that you will always come back.

Put yourself in her shoes, it would be scary if the person that looks after your every need and loves you unconditionally suddenly disappears without explanation and you think they are gone forever, wouldn't you cry :o ?

[Kamaikia]

hi look my son (8.5 months) started that about a month ago. I think its half just about attention and half a fear that you will leave them. What i did was put him down with his toys - when he cried i would not pick him up i would simply talk to him. I would walk away and do something but still be in a position where he could see me and reassure him that i would be back. It only took about a week of doing this and now he is quite happy to be put down for awhile at a time. Short periods of crying will not hurt a child, in fact it does there lungs a bit of good.

[mimi]

I know this is a touchy subject - but I have to disagree that crying 'does their lungs a bit of good', Kamaikia. I know from your description that you did not mean leaving your baby to cry for ages alone - but I couldn't help but take the chance to try and dispel the myth of 'crying is good for their lungs'!! While it is normal for babies to cry, I think they should cry with the love and protection of mum's [or dad's] arms around them.

Babies who cry for extended periods of time alone, have very high stress hormones circulating in their systems. High amounts of certain stress hormones can actually cause damage to the developing brain. When these babies are returned to their mother’s arms, the stress hormone levels drop. Crying also has many other physical effects on infants .

To quote from http://pregnancyandbaby.com/read/articles/1992.htm
"As for crying being healthy for baby's lungs? Kitzinger and Taubman both agree the advice is "stupid and inappropriate." In her book, Crying Baby, Sleepless Nights, Sandy Jones elaborates, "The real truth is that crying is hard on a baby, and it uses up his limited resources. Although young babies can't help crying, you can tell it is self-punishing behavior. When a baby's cries aren't stopped, his arms and legs tighten, his mouth gets dry, his lips start to turn blue, his lungs probably ache, his blood pressure goes up, the veins in his head may swell and even break, and his blood oxygen level starts to go down, not up."

"Don't listen to the well-meant but misguided advice you receive that it's OK to let your baby cry. Only you are your baby's mother, follow your intuition -- pick up your baby, hold him, comfort him, love him. Follow your heart."

I don't mean to be nasty to you, Kamaikia, but you have said what sooo many others say - and I couldn't let the words be said without attempting to refute them - sorry :(

[Emily's moocow]

Hi ladies thanks for your advice. I have been seriously thinking about the sling for a week now as Emily wont even sit in the pram because she is facing away from me. I feel she has serious separation anxiety. I love her being with me but I cant even go to the toilet without her (LOL) :D Although she is crawling and standing up, not walking yet she seems to need me constantly. Occasionally she will go to my husband and then laugh at me, as if she is playing a game. Cheeky little thing she is.

I will try and see how she goes for the next week and let you know.