loss at 22 weeks, my Lucky

[reflect169]

i went into early labour at 22 weeks.
i had a very healthy, very normal pregnancy. i didnt drink, smoke or take drugs (i dont do these things anyway, other than the occasional drink) i ate healthy, quit jobs. everythiing i could. my partner, myself, and our families were thriled when we found out i was pregnant. and when we found out it was a boy shane (my partner) and i were very happy, as we both had secretly been hoping for a boy. anyhow, on a sunday night, i started getting contractions, which i thought were constipation, until i started thinking they were braxton hicks. my nipples had started leaking a few weeks before.i tried showers, going to the toilet, trying to sleep, but the pain wouldn't go away. at 2.30, (4 hours after the first contraction) a purple thing hung out of my vagine whilst i was on the toilet, i screamed for Shane, and he freaked out when he finaly noticed. he told me to stand up and keep my legs closed, ran to get my dad (who stays with us over the week due to work), and they both tried 000. he then dressed me and we ran down stairs to the ambulance. my dad drove to the hospital behind us. short while after we arrived the staff put us in a double bedded room, and i got shane to fetch my dad. they pumped me with pethadine and gave my gas, just like i had asked.at about 9.08/9.12 i broke my waters, and at 9.18 promptly Monday morning, april 4th, Lucky was born. his heart was beating for 2 hrs 48 minutes. he weighed in at 570gms 100grms heavier than most babies at his gestational age, and heavier than some who have been born at later stages and survived. he was 28 cms long, again longer then most, and longer then some born later. he had big shoulders and chest, and knees like his dad. his skin was a healthy baby colour, not as translutent as u would expect. his body jerked a few times in his first born minutes, as u could see his body trying to breathe although he didnt know how. he couldn't open his eyes, however he gripped the hand of myself, his maternal grandad, his oldest paternal uncle, his father, and maybe his sunty (i cant quite remember anyone else other then his uncle, as i remember telling scott to put his finger underneith his hand) he was held by us all, and his paternal grandmother. and was kissed by us all including his paternal grandfather. at 11.06, his heart siezed to beat, and he died quietly and peacefully in his mothers and fathers arms. I watched the spitting image of my patner die. he was the soul of our love.

his time was not long, but his impact was amazing, our memeries of Lucky are many and none between.

does anyone know about pregnancies after such a thing. the docters found no reason. nothing in the tests.

from the mother of a spirit,
ami xxx

[Rockett]

I am in tears reading your post.I am so,so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.
Hold those precious memories close to your heart.

[mumof2girls]

Dear Ami my heart goes out to you and your partner for your loss, I can't imagine what you are going through but you are in my thoughts and prayers. Try and be strong and as you said his time here wasn't long but what an impression he made on yours and your families lives, keep your precious memories close to your heart.

[madvoice]

That post has me in tears. The photo and story you shared was just so precious. My heart truly goes out to you. It makes me want to go into my 12wko daughter's room and hold her so tight. If you ever need to talk or just want support we're all here for you. You are such a brave person for sharing with all of us.. complete strangers (well most of us).

I just can't stop crying.

[Emily's moocow]

Dear Ami,

Thank you for sharing your story I too am in tears. What a beautiful memory you will have to hold onto. I had to stop writing and go and pick up my sleeping baby, I've had what I thought was a bad day but it all pales in comparison.

I hope that you and your family can treasure the short time that Lucky was here and remember he came to you for a reason.

Please take care and remember we are all thinking of you and your family

Love and Best Wishes
Teresa

[reflect169]

butterfly, mumof2, madvoice, terasa, thank you all so much. i am in tears too reading your replies. and it really does help to have people to talk to. espscialy strangers, amazingly enough.

my partners exgirlfriend, had a little boy, about 18 months now, and shes pregnant with another boy. for some reason this really effects me, i dont want to be so upset, but i am. my old school friend has also just had a aby girl, shes my age. i am so happy for her. but for some reason, i find myself jelous of shane's ex. specialy when she's with us and shane's family. can anyone give me some advice. and i would love to hear some baby stories, if anyone would like to share, they make me happy. i have the most beautiful visions of sleeping babies being held by their mothers now, that makes me very happy, thankyou.

[Ana Gram]

nothing i can say will ever make it better, but i am heartbroken for you. Your son will always be alive in your hearts and memories, cherish those moments, write memories of your pregnancy and your short time with him down so you will always remember.

[reflect169]

i have many poems and songs, that i wrote during the pregnancy. they always take me back. :)

[jaz]

I just want you to know we are all thinging about you & your famnily, My love & thoughts are with you always......xoxoxoxo

[Briannabear]

Dear Ami,
I just read your post. I'm so incredibly moved that I dont know what to write. I'm in tears. I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious child.
I feel like going into my daughter's room and just watching her sleep... I feel so blessed to have her right now.
My heart goes out to you and all your family. Your little angel must be so special to be able to touch so many peolpes hearts like he has.
I hope you can find some comfort or support from all of us at Bubhub.
You and your family are in my prayers.

[lealah]

Dearest Amy, i dont really know what to write, i want to tell you how amazing i think you are , your strength is increadable. I wish i had the perfect thing to say to make it all ok... but i supose the only thing i could say is that i think he will come back again ... that your little angle must have been needed for a little longer... i lost a baby once too although i didnt go as long as you did it was still quite a few weeks and i like to think that what kept me strong was believing that that the same little spirit keeps coming untill the time is right....... i now have a beautiful big 16 month old boy who was born 1 week over and almost 12 pound, love and light to you amy.. i think your an amazing woman....... lisa
++++++

[TwoBlue]

Dear Ami
I, like all the others that have posted have been left in tears after reading your thread. I truly admire your strength.
I will be praying for you and your family
You have been blessed to have Lucky in your life and i know he will never leave your heart.

[Baby Girl]

Ami,

I too am in tears after reading your beautiful story.

You are an incredibly strong person.

Thank you for sharing Lucky's life with us all.

It has made me realise just how LUCKY we are.

[Lallas' Mum]

Ami,

I think everyone who reads your story will shed a tear even if only on the inside. I think what really impacted on me was how beautiful the moments you spent with your son were. You may not be able to hold his hand anymore but you will always hold his heart as he will yours and Shane's.

You are rightfully feeling jealous of Shane's exgirlfriend. At one stage she had a relationship with your partner and now she holds a baby while you should be too. It is not her fault nor yours for feeling this way. Just know that what you are feeling will pass (in time) and that it is understandable to feel this way.

Tonight when I put my two sons to bed I will give them an extra kiss. One because I love them and one because I am glad that they are still here with me. Then before I lay my head to rest I will blow a kiss to the night sky for Lucky and thank him for sharing what little time he had on earth with you.

Take care

[rubyred]

dear ami

i have just wiped my tears away after reading your story. i too lost my baby although she was older than Lucky. please take comfort knowing that your future will gradually ease from the pain you are in now and the sun will shine again. it takes time and the best advice i can give you is to staying open and talk with your partner, family and friends. we found talking things through helped enormously. i pray you are blessed again with a child, as we have been, we now have a gorgeous 4 month girl who,when she wakes up, i am going to give the biggest kiss and cuddle to. take care :)

[draught]

Ami
Like everyone else here, I have tears in my eyes and thank you for sharing the story of your gorgeous Lucky.

Now a story to give you some hope. A couple of years ago the sister of my best friend was pregnant at the same time as me and she too went into labour at 22 weeks for apparently no reason, and held her beautiful daughter in her arms while she lived for an hour. They grieved, and she stayed away from me and my new baby for the first six months - which I completely understood. She finally came to see me and my daughter when she was pregnant again, although she was petrified throughout the pregnancy. Now she has two babies, 15 months apart, who are healthy and went to full term, and keep her on her toes. And now she can cope with the babies who were born back then. Her two babies will alway know that they have a big sister up in heaven watching them.

I hope that you are blessed with more babies for your Lucky to watch over too.

[Kirstlea]

Dear Ami

I have just read your story and am stunned. I lost my little girl at 19 weeks just over a month ago. I went into labour etc but I could not look at her, I couldn't imagine having that picture in my head of a little girl I would never know. The hospital has photos of her on file if I ever want to see her but at this stage I don't want to know.

I also had about 10 weeks of knowing something was wrong so had alot of time to think about how we were going to handle it all.

I am very lucky as I already have a little girl who turned 2 a week before we lost the second one, I think that helps take your mind of things.

You must be a very strong person to deal with all of that at such a fast pace. I feel very sad for you as it is not an easy experience.

I too have a close friend who has just told me she is pregnant, but I am estatic for her, truly happy for her. But when I was driving home from her place I found that I also worried for her which I know is silly but I guess that is the effect that losing Morgan has had on me.

Everyone deals with loss in their own way, there is no right or wrong, I hope you are ok and am thinking of you.

Regards

Kirsten :)

[brooke]

hi ami
My husband and I are in tears after ready your story.
I dont know what to say...
but my heart goes out to you and your family
you are a truly string person to deal with your loss how you have.
I completely understand how you would feel jelous of your partners ex any one in your situation would.
All our prayers go out to you and your family.
and god bless little lucky
brooke

[kiara]

Dear Ami,

I hope this doesn't get too long for you to read. My heart goes out to you and your partner for your loss. My bestfriends little sister lost her first born. She was a year younger then you when it happened. (She was 17) She never got to hold her daughter alive as she was still born. I went in with her sister the day she had her. I walked in and remember seeing her there in her grandmothers arms. They had the baby for 36hrs after delivery. She had 5 weeks to go and they baby had died from lack of oxygen due to a blood clot in the placenta. We all spent the next 3 days together crying and laughing and talking about who the baby was like and making memories. It has now been 2 years last Friday since this happened and she is 30 wks pregnant. I was so happy for her and now I have every thought with her as her baby's head is not growing and they have told her that is the baby is still alive in 2 weeks they will give her a c-section and deliver the baby for its best chance of survival. I'm sorry this hasn't been a happy ending but hers is due to high blood pressure. Embrace every memory and cherish the time you had with your son.

My thoughts and heart is with you. Feel free to message me if you wish to talk.

xxx

[Emily's moocow]

You also are very brave my friend for sharing your story. I couldnt begin to imagine what you and Ami are going through. I remember when I was pregnant with Emily and they told me there was something wrong with her and she may not live, I was scared of losing her. God must have been shining down on me because so far there isnt anything wrong with her.

I know it isnt going to be easy for you but remember that somewhere there is a little angel watching over you and your family. You and Ami and your families are in my thoughts.

My sincerest condolences to you both.

Take Care
Teresa
Mum to Brock 5 1/2 Jacob 4 and Emily 9 months

[reflect169]

thank you all for your thoughts. they really help. ucky would have wanted to share his story with the world, some of my friends say, he was too much like his mu, he just wanted to see the world, and couldn't wait. i know everything happens for a reason, and now im not that scared of giving birth.

[Zoe & Troy]

Dear Ami. Im so sorry for your loss. I don't know how you feel, but I am very sorry.

This week I to found out that we had lost our baby. On Tuesday at 14 weeks pregnant we had a u/s to be told that our baby had gone to heaven at around 10 weeks. I don't know what pain you are in, but I know that it must hurt alot. My lovely doctor (she is also a personal friend) has ensured me that the pain will ease. It will probably never leave us, but it will get easier.

Please take care Zoe

Zoe 21 Full time working mummy
Troy 26 Stay at home daddy
Jayden 1 Born 7th April 2004
Bub Bub Sent to heaven 2nd June 2005

[reflect169]

was this your 2nd child?

[maybe1more]

I am so lost for words, i was bauling my eyes out reading your post, you are sooo incrediably brave to be sharing your story, you have been thru sooo much sweetie.Lucky is and angel in heaven now, god needed him too much.My heart goes out to you Shane and your family.

[redbaby]

Hi Ami...
I have also had a good cry after reading your brave post,...... It just made me want to go and cuddle my darling daughter,... I think you and your partner are incredible, and I pray that your lives are only filled with happiness.

[lostmum]

Dear Ami, I too am bawling my eyes out. I am soooo very sorry for ur loss and i think u r a very brave person to b able to speak about this. You and ur dh are incredible people and yes u do have a little angel watchin over u now. Makes me appreciate my little ones that little bit more. I cant say i know what u are going thru but if u ever need to chat u can pm me, i always have an ear open .

Thinking of you , sorry again

[reflect169]

thank you all.

my eyes always water when reading the replies. thank you so much!

xxx ami xxx

[meshan]

Ami,

Thank you for having the courage to make that post. I am very sorry for the loss of your lovely little boy. I am sure he will always be with you in spirit. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family.

[reflect169]

we are going to pick up the ashes tommorrow.

not looking forward to it though.
ami xxx :(

[TwoBlue]

Hi Ami

I pray for strength and peace for you today as you collect your babys ash's

Just remember that Luckys body was merely a shell for his soul.
His soul and spirit are with God now and will always be with you.

My thoughts are with you

[Savannahsmum]

Dear Ami
Thank you for sharing you experience with us. i will remember how lucky i am when it is 2 am and just wanting to sleep but Savannah just wants to play. I hope that if you decide to have more children that they are happy and healthy. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family as well as other families in you situation xxx

[MUMVIC]

Dear Ami

Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story, my prayers go out to you and you whole family. Keep safe, and keep smiling. :)