Help - being beaten up by our 19 month old!!

[fiveofus]

Hi,

Wondering if anyone has any suggestions. Our darling 19 month old is being really rough.......he has bitten several kids at child-care - he doesn't care if they are bigger or not! He also pinches and hits. It is not just when he is at child care - he is also really rough with us at times - it is worse when he is tired or over excited. He just seems to have bad days where he is really 'aggressive'. We are putting him in 'time-out' when he does do it but I don't feel like we are getting anywhere. The other morning he must have been in there 5 times in an hour. We try to give him very clear messages about what he is doing and why it is wrong. Of major concern is that we have number 2 due in 7 weeks and I am starting to get concerned about how he will be. As I said it is not all the time - when he is good, he is fantastic!! I also wonder if it is related to teething....he only has 11 teeth so far so we are waiting for more soon!
We keep being told 'don't worry - it's just a phase' ......the problem is it makes socialising with friends with kids very stressful - I feel like I have to watch him like a hawk! Also - how long should this phase last - it has been 3-4 months now and I can't see an end.
Has anyone else had any experience like this or got any behaviour management ideas appropriate for an 19 month old????

Thanks,
Morgan's Mum

[Chickadee]

I haven't experienced behaviour like your son's, so am really just grasping at straws for suggestions.

You say it's only on some days that he's aggressive? It might be teething, it might just be general grumpiness due to poor sleep sometimes, or my other thought it that it might be linked to his diet. Some mums have posted previously about links between certain food additives & erratic hyper and aggressive behaviour. Preservative 282 is one such additive that comes to mind, usually it's found in bread and similar products. You might try keeping a food diary together with a behaviour diary and also ask his daycare for ingredient lists for food he gets there. If you do a search on additives or elimination diets you should get some info.

Good luck, I hope you can find a solution soon :fingerscrossed:

[Alekay]

hi i feel for you as it is a hard one to deal with. Have you asked his carers at daycare and see what they do and maybe you can do the same? But i would say that they would probably sit him down and say no you are hurting your friends or something along those lines maybe. Thats what we did when i worked in childcare its hard when the are so young and dont really understand their actions he sounds to me like he is trying to get the other childrens attention. My daughter is 22mths she did this awhile ago i cant remember how old she was and we said no and sat her down away from us she did it only a couple of times and then stopped i think that he will all of a sudden stop when he learns a new way to express himself eg language. There are some good books so maybe have a look at the library or book shop. Good Luck i havent really helped much so i hope you figure something out if i think of anything will write again

[bronny-jane]

my dd is sometimes violent, so we've been trying to get her to give tickles instead of hit:D

we put her in her room as well if she is acting violent, and tell her why, then when its time to come out we ask her if she is going to be good, and she says yes, then we let her out.

[MrsTwith3]

My 2yo DS has the same behavioural "issues". He isnt so much of a biter more of a pincher, scratcher, hitter. It does make socialising hard with friends with kids. You dont get to sit back and relax as your constantly on your gaurd waiting to hear the crying coming from his next victim. It is so embarressing. We have tried the time out thing (a bit useless as he wouldnt stay), tried explaining to him that what he is doing is wrong, naughty, hurting etc.... He does have his good days but when he his having a bad one look out everyone cause nobody is safe.
I dont really have any suggestions to help you just letting you know you are not alone. We are also expecting another bub in sept and are a bit concerned as to how he is going to react and treat his baby brother.
Goodluck with everything.

Mel

[Briswegian]

My son did the same thing occasionally and it was usually due to tiredness or boredom or when his dad went away he didn't know how to manage his little emotions and used to punch me in the face! (all this from my placid boy!).
I put him in time out also even though a little young...just for one minute in his cot and then when he comes out I set up a game to get him to show me his gentle hands (on me or a toy or whatever) and then praise praise praise down on his little level with lots of eye contact and hugs and I tell him that makes mummy happy on the inside.
i also tried to say what might be wrong...you feel sad because daddy's away, or, it's hard when you don't have enough words to tell mummy. I find it helps them a little but more it helps me to be calm and problem solving oriented.