I feel so down.....

[Mischief]

I am so hopeless at breastfeeding. I do everything that the LC told me to do at the hospital, but I just cant seem to fill Ollie up.

He can suck away for an hour and then still scream because he's hungry. If I express and give him a bottle he's quite happy after that! :( I just feel so useless. Besides the fact that I thought babies were suppost to empty the breast better than a breast pump can...the pump empties me in about 10-15 minutes, like I said Ollie can suck for an hour and I'll still pump out 50ml off the breast.

We have our six week appointment with family health, but its not for nearly 3 weeks yet (they were booked out). I'm considering expressing most of his meals and just give him comfort sucking time to keep my supply up and him happy.

Am I a rotten mum, cause I really feel like a total failure! I'm so tiered because he's only sleeping an hour at a time, then wanting more food.

[Mum&bubs]

My DD was like this too so i know how you must be feeling but dont worry you both will get the hang of things. I found that breastfed babies are more demanding & wanting to feed more often. But you'll get it going :thumbsup:

[Spewiesmum]

Contact the Australian Breastfeeding Association. They'll have counsellors in Tassie. I had similar problems to you but in the end I found out I had "empty calories" in my milk and DS is a formula baby. The ABA were great (with me being in tears and feeling much the way you did) and will help all they can.

[BB'smum]

Hi Kitkat,

I can totally relate to what you are going through. I have 2 boys and breastfeeding has never been easy for me either. With my first son he was always hungry after a feed until I made a conscious decision to try him on a bottle of formula. I know that the clinic sister's look down on it, but what do you do when your child is never content due to hunger? After 9 weeks he was on formula alone and a completely different little man! He slept from 10.30 pm until 7am every night. I had the same problem but worse with my latest bub, he wouldn't even go to sleep until between 2.30 - 4am!!!! I was a wreck!!! I alternated formula and breast feeding with him and that really helped, especially as I would give him formula for his last feed of the day and he would sleep through from about 10.00pm until 6am at the earliest.

The fact that you are worrying about it proves that you are a good and loving mother and your little man is lucky to have you. Do what YOU feel is right and you will both reap the benefits!!!!

Keep up the great work girl, it will get better.

Luv 'n' bubbles,

Anita ;)

[nemosmum]

My bub was the same he would feed for an hour or more and most times it was every two hours day and night!!!

Thats went on until about 10 weeks or so, so dont stress:hugs:

I really hated bfing for the first 4 months, I got depressed and cried just thinking about the next feed, hang in there it does get better:yes:

If bubs is still unsettled after an hour or more of feeding perhaps its not hunger thats making him unsettled/cry.

My son suffered from reflux but it went undiagnosed for months, so he was a very unsettled unhappy baby. He also suffered from allergies, so what I ate affected him alot. These are just things to think about also, Im not in any way saying your bub is suffering from allergies or reflux.

Your doing a great job so dont beat yourself up, we've all been there:hugs:

Hope your feeling better

sxx

ps ditto to contacting ABA, they had counsellors 24 hours a day, I would often call them in the middle of the night when I was feeling overwhelmed and they were fabulous..............they are a great support network:smiliedance:

[wa mum of 4]

Hi,
REMEMBER this there is a six week rule.
Everything falls in to place after six weeks, relax, dont stress.
Consider this you are still both getting used to eachother, regarding expressing and bottle feeding, careful bubs might get nipple confusion.
Has the L/C checked attachment, bubs might be getting too much wind by not being on properly. There is obviously nothing wrong with your milk if bottle feeding settles.
Keep going it will work out.:thumbsup:
Need to chat PM me.
Sarah

[SassyDiva]

Hi Kat, Good on you for perservering :thumbsup: It's hard - I ended up giving up with DS1 cause we just couldn't get the hang of it and he would screem the house down, made me very stressed and felt like a second rate mum.. so as I said hats off to you for your persistance.

Have you rung the Breastfeeding Association.? they give wonderful advise and even have day clinics which allow you to take bubs along for the day and give practical hand on advise.

From my experience some babies feed better than others cause as I said I just couldn't get it happening 1st time around but DS2 is still a boobie boy so dont put so much pressure on yourself and do what you need to do to keep your sanity.

Good luck

[lukaelmo]

No no no!

Don't feel bad. If you do want to continue BFing then ring the ABA and ask them to help. Ring them as many times as you need to in order to get it right.

When I was in hospital with the dude, I was continually making the midwives come help me feed the dude. It really can take a lot of time to get into the rhythm, and remember that bubs needs to learn what to do to.

You are doing a fantastic job with your bubs and you DO NOT SUCK at BFing :D .

[Alisha's Angel]

Hey Kat

Just wanted to pop you a line to say i understand how you feel. My daughter alisha, now 8 months, and i couldn't get the breast feeding thing down pat. My nipples are too flat and she was too eager. Breastfeeding is great and a fabulous expreience for both of you but don't think it's the be all and end all. It just doesn't work for some people and thats ok. Don't let anyone make you think you have to breastfeed or that you are less of a mother if you don't. I now suffer with post natal depression becuase i took breastfeeding too hard. Alisha is happier and healther since she's on formula and as gorgeous as ever.

:)

[Mischief]

He's awake again. Arrggg....I just feel like bawling. Actually thats what Ive been doing most of today!

[draught]

I understand - I too felt down etc. But there are ways around this that don't involve you feeling like you have failed etc. You are doing a great job - being a mother is hard work and you are coping really well!

My first suggestion is - although you saw an LC at the hospital, go and see one now. Babies change as they get older - there is a good chance that this many weeks on he is comfort sucking, getting lazy, not getting enough from a feed and therefore is hungry. If you get your attachment sorted he can start to feed more efficiently and things will start to look better.

Ditto to the advice about ringing the ABA - they are wonderful and will give you some moral support as well as advice.

By the sounds of it he doesn't need formula as your breast milk satisfies him. If you start expressing every feed your supply will drop as expressing is not as good at producing more milk as him sucking properly is. Rather than waiting three weeks, either ring and ask for an emergency appointment (crying always helps here I have found) or find an independant LC and get help now - that way you can enjoy him and not be in tears all the time.

Be kind to yourself in the meantime.

[MariaO]

You poor love - just remember it is very early days. You are doing wonderfully - contact the ABA or a lactation consultant.

Can you express and let someone else feed while you go for a sleep?
Please sleep anytime you can - don't even think about doing any housework or cooking.

I hope it settles down very soon.

[Funkychicken]

No no no!

Don't feel bad. If you do want to continue BFing then ring the ABA and ask them to help. Ring them as many times as you need to in order to get it right.

When I was in hospital with the dude, I was continually making the midwives come help me feed the dude. It really can take a lot of time to get into the rhythm, and remember that bubs needs to learn what to do to.

You are doing a fantastic job with your bubs and you DO NOT SUCK at BFing :D .
I second everything Ali said! I can't stress enough just how fantastic ABA are at helping mum's with issues just like yours. You're doing the hardest job in the world at the moment-you deserve lots of :hugs: and lots of :yelclap: .

[abbynmonique]

i find too that although it sounds simple in theory , it is the hardest thing to figure out IN the world!!lactation consultants all give the same advise, but all in a unique way,, so i suggest hunt down as many as you can for advise untill you feel that it is workiing for you,, they may be right in what they say but sometimes it takes a differerent approach for you to understand it.
and if expressing is working for you to fill him up ,, give yourself a break, and just express for a week or however long u need,, with my first son, i couldnt latch him on properly no matter how many times i was shown ,untill i was terrified of the next feed,, with sore nipples ,so i ended up expressing for 2 months,, i found it easy and i was able to relax ,only took 15 mins , same time as preping formular , i say,,after the 2 months he went on fine, with no drama and i fed him for a year. and personally i never had a supply problem, but i would sneak in an extra expressing sesh most days to stockpile the freezer , so maybe you could try that to keep the supply up. Now my newborn is giving me the same grief,, shes 3 weeks old and i have had all the same probs , so back to expressing i went , only for a week this time ,, and it helped so much, i feel sane again, if i feel funny or really teary, i just give her the bottles of ebm and it makes me feel a whole lot saner.. i think its just the newborn hump you have to get over,, but as i said ,this worked for me, give it a go if you feel like it ,, or just keep hunting down advise,, one of the chemist ladies even helped me with latching this morning, and she made more sense to me than anyone, good luck,, and just like labour, it will be over ( one day!! you will love it!!)

[Goosie22]

Hi,

As someone said it takes a while to get things sorted out, usually around six weeks.

I dont think its helpful at all to suggest giving formula and saying that it causes no problems is very simplistic and short sighted. As it can just compound the problems you are having and potentially cause new ones.

It is very normal for babies to feed so frequently as they digest the BM so fast, having a good mouthful of the breast is very important to aid in breast drainage. Some good videos on the subject of postitioning and attachment are "follow me Mum" or "Breastfeeding Basics(I think??)by sue cox. Ring up your Maternity Hospital or CHN and ask them if they have the videos (they usually have them for classes) The LC you have seen should have copies also. A simple easy to read book explaining attachment and Positioning might help also "Bestfeeding". Its not going to harm you or your baby to feed every hour if you have to. If you could contact the ABA you will find endless support.

Breastfeeding takes persistance and perserverance in the begining, its very labour intensive in the first weeks but evens off to an almost automatic reflex But Bottle feeding remains the same ammount of work day in day out.

[munchkin05]

i had lots of problems with bf ben
i used to top him up when ever he needed it with a bottle of formula that lasted untill he was around 10 wks then he refused the bottle all together

im now proud to say he his 1 in a couple of weeks and still has his booby

i went to the lac consultant and she told me that cause i had given him a bottle that he would choose the bottle over me but he chose boob lol

i guess like everything we do for our children it is a personal decision and if you really want to still bf go for it just feed him when he wants and it will all settle down

i know how you are feeling i went through it all aswell everyone you speak to makes bf sound so easy what you dont normally hear is that it does take practice and lots of it

dont feel bad just do what ever you feel is the right decision for you and your bubz

good luck :smiliedance:

[misskittyfantastico]

I really feel for you KitKat. The ladies have given great advice so I don't have anything to add. I just wanted to send you this:hugs:

[Tam-I-Am]

Hey sweetie,

Its hard work, isn't it! When I read your post about crying all day, I just wanted to jump through the computer to give you some of these :hugs: :hugs:

Okay, no, you're not a bad mother - a bad mother wouldn't care about their baby's well being. You clearly do.

And just remember, as much as we're told breastfeeding is so natural etc etc, in this day and age we don't have role models - its not a commonplace thing to see mothers b/f their babies everyday like it was for people in bygone days - which is why it was natural back then!

It does take a while to sort out, it really does - I have lots of first time mums since I had DD, and ALL of them have expressed how difficult breastfeeding was for 6 weeks - 2 months. Please hang in there (as a mum, I mean, not b/f - you can decide what's right for you there!)

But take the others' advice - the ABA are fantastic, and have a face-to-face with the L/C - so they can see what's happening.

Good luck, you're doing fine!

[elissas]

The first couple of months I found DS would take on average about 45mins to feed, and then I had to burp him for about 15-20mins after coz he's a windy baby.

And with 3hrly feeds round the clock it wasn't easy.

The best thing is to not stress, as "stressed mum, stressed milk". Put on some relaxing music or some tv show you can get stuck in and just chill with it. He may be picking up on your anxiety too, rather than just be hungry.

And it does start to change at about 6 weeks. Around then the feeds got a little shorter and I ended up with TOO MUCH milk till about 4mths. Then my supply settled.

It gets easier and easier. Now DS just feeds on one boob per feed, and takes about 5mins to feed, sometimes 10 if he's REALLY hungry. And his belly has improved so I can burp him or just keep him upright for 5mins, and his body can handle the rest itself easily enough.

I look back now and have to remind myself just how much harder feeding was at the start. You soon forget and learn to cherish the time together.

Maybe try some meditation techniques while you're feeding too. I did that sometimes at the start - I visualised the milk flowing while I was feeding, the perfect amount with the perfect flow. It helped a lot with staying relaxed and I believe it helped my supply in a big way. And it helped to keep the critical mind at bay - you know, the one that wonders whether they're getting enough, whether it'll be there tomorrow when you wake up, whether you'll get any sleep... all the stuff that kills the beauty of the experience.

[elissas]

I also wanted to add:

Trust in your body's ability to produce milk. It's not over ever, even after the last drop is gone - there are women who have managed to re-lactate, or some who have even lactated for adopted babies or when a surrogate has carried them.

I had one friend who started lactating again when her little boy was 4 - all of a sudden she woke up with milk again.

There is so much knowledge out there now and so many people who can help.

[Mischief]

Thank you all for your advice and support.

Ive been expressing heaps, I pop Ollie on to have a suck after I have expressed or before depending on if he wakes up before I pump or after.

He sucks away for about 20 minutes or so, gets milk (helps make sure my breast is drained as well as making sure my body hopefully keeps up the supply) then I change him while his bottle warms up. This is what ive been doing today and Ive had a very happy baby who has been sleeping well so far! :)

Mum told me the other day she only fed for 3 months. When I asked her why she said her milk dried up by then.....so maybe I'm destined for the same fate. By evening my milk supply has dwindled to about 50ml per breast, in the morning i get 150ml of each breast! So expressing that keeps Ollie happy for the rest of the day! :)

[Tam-I-Am]

Hey Kat,

What a fantastic job you're doing!

Be aware that its really normal to have low supply in the late afternoon - that's why so many babies are unsettled at this time of the day. Try to relax before the afternoon feeds, that should help a little.

Your supply will even out over time, you're not destined to have your milk dry up! Hang in there!

[elissas]

As Clarabelle said, you'll find that supply is less in the afternoon/evening. DS still feeds 2-3 hrly some afternoons and he's 5mths. And yes, you'll have lots in the morning. Until Will was about 4mths old he'd nearly choke on his morning feed, there was so much milk and it was so fast!

My Mum had 4 kids and never had enough milk for any of them, we were all on the bottle from about week 2. I had an oversupply till last month.

Don't believe that you're destined for the same fate. You could even worry yourself into it if you believe it will happen. Spend time reinforcing positive feelings about feeding and supply. Even try meditation or hypnotherapy - the power of the subconscious mind is incredible!

[Tea Lady]

I also found that eating well during the afternoon (ie plenty of nutritious food) seemed to help me have more milk in the evening. I'm not sure if this was just my imagination but it seemed to help.

It's great to hear that you're having a slightly easier time now you're expressing. I had a couple of weeks when I needed to express all DD's feeds too and I actually found my supply went up then :confused: I guess everyone is a bit different hey?

:hugs:

[abbynmonique]

yay!! glad to hear your are feeling happier,, if you have excess milk in the a.m.. you can also express this and save it for the evening feeds as a top up( can be a life saver ) , by expressing more than you need it may improve your p.m. supply too,

[Mischief]

Ive been expressing expressing expressing. If I express in the AM I get enough for his evening feed and morning feed. The middle night feed i give him booby....and I express the rest of the feeds during the day now too usually. If I cant get enough with the pump I give him a suck for a while too. He seems to be able to drag milk out when the pump cant! :D LOL

I'm feeling much better. I dont know how we will go if he goes on a growth spurt. I dont seem to have an abundance of milk by any means, but I have enough for him. If I have to top up with formula later then I have too I guess.

I was looking at the MOBI site http://www.mobimotherhood.org/....its very good, and since reading that I think maybe I have a touch of Postpartum Stress Syndrome.



Approximately one in five mothers1 have symptoms that are more intense than baby blues, for longer than the baby blues period, but not as severe as in postpartum depression. These mothers may be suffering from Postpartum Stress Syndrome. A mother with Postpartum Stress Syndrome may appear to be coping well on the outside and be able to physically care for herself and child. On the inside, however, she may feel exhausted, anxious, inadequate, and plagued by self-doubts because she is unable to live up to the very high standards she is used to achieving. She may have great difficulty adjusting to life with a newborn, and while it is common to feel stress adjusting to life with a newborn, she may feel helpless as well.


But by taking control of the way I'm doing things like this I'm feeling much better. I'll make sure I mention it all to the Dr on Saturday though too!

[Tea Lady]

Great news that you're coping better! Do mention your feelings to the doc - maybe they'll be able to help some more. I think all new mums have times when it's all too much and it sounds like you're doing a great job finding solutions for your difficult time. Anyway, it can only get better now, surely ;) :)

[abbynmonique]

andalso remember that thehindmilk will still be plentiful when your boobs are soft, so putting bubs on after you express is a good idea,, babys feed off your emotions so maybe get a relaxtion tape of some sort and visualise yourself in a calm happy place , with your baby getting plenty of milk and being calm too.. a growth spurt will make them winge for a few days , maybe a week, but then they will settle again, so just offer more milk and keep going with the flow, you are doing great, the best job a mother can do,, dont forget to spoil yourself too,, have you been to the hairdresser lately?"?

[Mischief]

have you been to the hairdresser lately?

Whats a hair dresser? I havent been since the start of March! LOL :o I am long past due for a trim!

Thanks for all your support ladies, I really cant express how much it means to me to have it!

[Motherhoodjoys]

Dear Kit Kat, I want to tell you how normal you are. You are not a failure- you are a champion. You are trying the best you can under very challenging circumstances.
I was tole the other day when I was stressing out about feeding etc that it ALWAYS takes time to get to know anyone and that is what it is like with your baby. It will take time to understand what us going on when he cries.

MOST IMPORTANT is your health and well-being. YOU are number 1 because you need rest and food to be balanced.

The first 6 weeks are a blur and you need toask for all the helpyou need. With both of my children I coped by ringing anyone and everyone- friends, family, helplines at ALL hours. Whatever it took to reassure me I did it.
I will tell you that your baby will be ok wether you BF or FF. Do what is best for you not what everyone else thinks. I would also suggest that you choose 2-3 people that you ask for advice about BFor BF , people who love you and have had children. People who will not judge you or make you feel guilty at any time. I found when I listened to these people I was able to not get confused and i would feel better afterwards.

PLEASE try to write down positive things about yourself -not just as a mum but a person. EG: I am a great friend,I ama great sister etc.
Encourage yourself and know that you were chosen to be your babies mum.
Luv Phillipa





























































































:smiliedance: :smiliedance: