Does your child/baby cry at sleep time?

[Lilyloo]

Or do they go down peacefully?

My DD, 18 months, has ALWAYS hated going to sleep. I hoped that as she got older, she'd grow out of it.

I've never been big on CC, and I will not let her cry herself to sleep, so every single night is a drama. I dread bed time. I drag it out as long as I can because I just can't stand the drama associated with it. I end up in tears nearly every night, because it's just such a stressful situation.

I usually end up on the floor in her room patting for 45minutes to an hour, until she's fast asleep. Whilst I don't mind doing this (it's better than hearing her cry), I don't want to be doing this forever IYKWIM.

DH tells me to 'let her cry' but I simply can't.

I know all children are different, but when do they get to an age, where they just accept it's time to go to bed?

[sansha]

I'm sorry you're having trouble. Sleep problems truly suck. My son was an awful sleeper but was very much improved by sleep school (involved some crying I'm afraid) and now he actually asks to go off to bed of his own accord.

Have you tried any of the no-cry methods thus far. They never worked for me, but other's have had limited success.

Would you consider going out for the evening and letting your husband use a sleep training program, if it is too hard to hear the crying (which I understand, I was a mess when we started).

If you are this stressed about bedtime, I think it would be a good idea to get some help from your local sleep school or child health clinic just to give you some perspectives and advice. It can be solved and continued stress in your household is going to do far more harm to you than a few nights of sleep training for your daughter.

I truly hope you have some helpful answers. Sleep deprivation and dramas nearly drove me insane so you have my sympathy.

[oipic]

((hugs)) hun, sounds like exhausting work, especially if it's every night.

My DD is only 6 months so I have limited experience but I've found more times than not she will self settle. She sometimes has a bit of a cry but not much. I'm another one that can't listen to crying so I try things like dummy, patting, rocking, bringing her back out for 15 min etc.

Do you have a set routine to let her know it's bed time? Like bath, feed, story etc. I'm sure you do but if not maybe you could try that.

[Freya]

My DS (19 months)runs into his room excited saying Ni, Ni Mum. I have no idea how this happened because it used to be soooo hard to get him to sleep.

I hope you can find a solution, that sounds really draining and while yes it is better then letting her cry there has to be another way.:hugs:

[pookiesossige]

Ugh... sleep problems are the worst... been there done that! But you know, it's been so good for so long now that I had forgotten how bad it was until I read your post... All I can say is that it DOES end. Eventually they learn that it's lovely to lie there and think and rest until you fall asleep :):yes: They learn that mummy and daddy go to sleep as well... they learn that the lead-up to sleep can be a nice quiet relaxing time if you make it that way.

Don't put bedtime off- just prepare for it. No cooking or cleaning clatter or chaos, just quiet stories from one parent while the other dims the lights, turns the telly off, closes the curtains in ALL the rooms and gets the bed/bottle ready. Sometimes the whole hour before bedtime needs to be like this. Then the last thing that's needed is consistancy- the same thing every night- telly and lights off, quiet story, song and cuddle.... no matter how long it takes them to learn. AHHHH so frustrating but this too shall pass!!! :hugs::hugs:

[monkeytoes]

What happens if your DH puts her to bed? Does she cry?

Could it be that your DD loves spending time with her mummy so much that she wants to stay awake?

I'd take a back seat for a few days and let your DH settle her. (Even better if you go for a walk while your DH is doing the bedtime routine).

Both of my kids go down without a peep. But it wasn't always that way.

[UmmInayah]

I could have written your post myself. (Infact I posted something similar about crying at every sleep in the NCSS)

Anyway, I used to have to rock her, crying in my arms, doing anything at all to console her, sing to her etc.

The past couple of nights I have decided regardless of how long it takes her to sleep, I am not going to let her cry. So, I have been letting her do whatever she wants. She gets up, plays with her bear, will lie on me, ask for milk.. absolutely anything to not go to sleep. Eventually she will let me pick her up and cuddle her, and then she has been asking for her pillow, so I put her down and pat her or rub her back and she falls asleep. Easily a 1.5 hour routine at the moment.

I am hoping she also grows out of it. I am starting to wonder if maybe she just doesn't know how to fall asleep?

[justmum]

If you're putting it off, chances are by the time she goes down, she's over tired. Over tired children do have more trouble falling asleep for some reason.

Also, your feelings of unhappiness and desperation are probably making it hard for her to sleep as she is probably picking up on your tension.

I highly recommend you get hold of a copy "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Pre-schoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley. It has a heap of ideas about sign posting for bed and gradual parental withdrawal.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

My DS (19 months)runs into his room excited saying Ni, Ni Mum. I have no idea how this happened because it used to be soooo hard to get him to sleep.

I hope you can find a solution, that sounds really draining and while yes it is better then letting her cry there has to be another way.:hugs:
:iagree:
DD does this too.. I have NO IDEA why she likes bedtime. DS goes willingly too..

Both were rocked as newborns for ages and ages and ages so I have no idea why that is.

Perhaps a soft toy might help, both of mine have one for bedtime.. Maybe that would help? :o

[justmum]

Perhaps a soft toy might help, both of mine have one for bedtime.. Maybe that would help? :o

:iagree: Nibble that's an excellent suggestion and one that Elizabeth Pantley makes too - helps bubs bond with something comforting

[NibbleCurlynBub]

:iagree: Nibble that's an excellent suggestion and one that Elizabeth Pantley makes too - helps bubs bond with something comforting
Oh wow thanks. :o

[threechooks]

Mine goes down without a peep except the last two nights, I'm hoping its teething and not a permanant arrangement:p It took 5o minutes to get him asleep tonight :no: but i realise i've nothing to complain about compared to others :)

[Little Gorilla]

A few things I can suggest -
- night light - there is a teddy bear one you can buy that is like a plastic see through one that changes colour once on. I made a HUGE deal about buying this for DS etc and he loves it.

- some soft bedtime music in the room, you could start by staying in there for the first couple of songs and then say that mummy will be back soon to listen to the music. Meditation CDs are good.

- those glow in the dark stars that go on the roof of a bedroom, they worked really well.

- I also spent alot of time playing in DS's room, making it a room he really loved and wanted to be in...we hid "treasures" under his bed and just made his room seem the best in the world...he ended up just loving be in there.

That's all I can think of now.

[*babygirl*]

does she like being cuddled by you? (my DD isnt a big 'cuddle' girl) but when she is super tired and only wants me i chuck her in my ring sling and talk to her... even if its just me recounting my day and she sits in there and cuddles me with her bottle (or boobie whichever one you do:)) and she goes off to sleep before i know it...

maybe its worth a shot? turn out most the lights and just sit somewhere comfy with her.. or do what you have to do.

maybe start earlier than normal and see if she gets sleepier quicker iykwim.

i HATE hearing DD cry as well:( its heartbreaking and i could never 'get used to it':no:

also have you tried a soothing CD and/or night light?

[Lilyloo]

Wow, thank you so much for all your replies and suggestions.

I think, as some of you have said, she just likes being with me. We are very close. I'm a full time stay at home mum, so basically i'm with her every waking hour of every day, so when its time for bed, she'll cling to me and snuggle into me and not want me to leave her. She will happliy fall alseep in my arms, or even in her cot, if my hand is on her or in my bed with my arms wrapped around her, but i don't really want to get into the habit of having her sleeping in my bed.

She has her 'baby' (doll) that she likes, and I have tried to associate baby with sleep, it sometimes helps, but I guess it's no subsititute for the real thing.

Once she's alseep, she's a great sleeper, it's just getting her to fall asleep on her own that's difficult. We've had this problem for so long now, I guess I just hoped she's grow out of it soon.

Justmum, you're right, I know she is overtired by the time I stuff around and put off bed time. I know I need to get her to bed before this happens.

Marna, sorry you're still having the same issues with Inayah. Lily does everything she can too, to put off going to sleep, she'll tell me her head is hurting, or she needs water, or she's hot, or she wants milk.... Uhhhh draining, isn't it?

Thanks again for your suggestions.

[Kittylou]

Perhaps a soft toy might help, both of mine have one for bedtime.. Maybe that would help? :o

:iagree:DD has always been really difficult to get to sleep and I never liked to let her cry either. After a year of rocking and patting for ages every night (and that horrible feeling of dread leading up to bedtime), I gave her a teddy bear about a month ago. She is a different baby now. Most nights (and day sleeps too) I say goodnight, put her in the cot and give her the bear, she cuddles him and has a little chat with him and then goes to sleep. Every now and then she'll have a little cry but more often than not she's stopped before I can even turn around and go back into her room.

ETA: I just read your reply. One thing I do to maintain the sleep association is keep that teddy bear for sleep times only. When I take her out of the cot, he stays there and looks after her dummy for her until the next time she needs to go to bed.

[ButterflyMama]

I find a really routine wind down ritual helps a lot, making the transition from being awake to going to sleep
As does calming music
and a snuggle blanket or a dummy, or both
My DD is 19 months and I sing to her every night for 10 mins to get her to sleep.

[UmmInayah]

Marna, sorry you're still having the same issues with Inayah. Lily does everything she can too, to put off going to sleep, she'll tell me her head is hurting, or she needs water, or she's hot, or she wants milk.... Uhhhh draining, isn't it?



Tell me about it! Inayah will do anything to try and make me laugh as well. It's so adorable, but yes, very draining at the same time. She woke at 3 this morning and only just went down for a nap at 11:30 (her usual time :rolleyes:)

[LilMissClutsy]

My question is, how many months do you have to endure of the sleep problems before it ends? I reckon if I knew when it was going to end, I could cope better. But I know that's impossible :)

My son is 17.5 months and is scared to go to sleep on his own as I've just mentioned in another thread begging for help.

He has a sleep teddy, has done since 3 months. We have tried experimenting with different amounts of light in his room, lullaby music has always played in his room on repeat, and controlled crying doesn't work because I can't deal with it. And to be honest, it's not helped by the fact that he makes himself throw up if I leave him to cry so the effort required to change his bedding puts me off from doing this again. I have left him a few times to cry because I simply can't cope being in the room with him but each time "power chuck".

[Tam-I-Am]

I think if bedtime is a stressful affair for you, then bub picks up on that an associates bedtime with being unhappy and stressed - of COURSE they wouldn't want to go if that's the case then! I know I wouldn't.

The others have had some really good suggestions - routine is great, ours usually goes - bath/baby massage followed by a breastfeed (for DS) or drink of milk (for DD), brushing teeth, then a story and a lullabye, cuddles and lights out. We still cuddle DS to sleep (he's only 6 months old), so at that stage, wrap him and cuddle him to sleep. Both of my kids sleep fairly well with minimal fuss most of the time (unless there's something wrong - ie illness).

DD also has a 2 teddies that are for sleep time.

I think justmum is right - if kids are overtired, they're much harder to settle, so you're best to work on catching her tired signs :)

My other suggestion would be to start cuddling her to sleep again for a short amount of time, while you're working on the routine and getting her into bed a bit sooner etc, and then slowly transition into putting her straight into bed. I breastfed DD until she was just shy of her 2nd birthday, and the last thing before bed was always a breastfeed and brushing teeth - she usually fell asleep in my arms. She's 3.5 now and has no troubles going to sleep on her own these days. I think because bedtime was always fun and secure for her, she has no stress about it now. Perhaps work on rebuilding good associations regarding sleep and bed for your daughter, and THEN work on getting her to go down by herself?

Hope you can figure something out soon! :hugs:Good luck!