Support for single and pregnant? Is there any!?

[MyTwoBlue]

Hi Everyone,
Did anyone go through their pregnancy alone? I find there is so much support for people who are single with kids but not really for those of us who are preggas. Thoughts?? Thanks in advance

[SPC]

:hugs:

I was alone from 4 weeks. I found the hardest bit the last few weeks of pregnancy - antenatal classes were awful, [don't go alone!], and I was scared and exhausted. It gets easier when you have the baby, in terms of support. Suddenly people appear and want to help. You'll find the maternal and child health nurses and mum's groups etc may be really supportive. And once your babies are here you'll not miss having a relationship so much, as you'll be all wrapped up in your babies. Thing that I found helpful:
*our single 30 something thread has several of us in the same position
*I had 2 student midwives following me and they were amazing , especially during labour
*I had a professional photographer take bump pictures - they are lovely and made something special of that time
*The ABA - yet more mum's groups; the more the merrier
Feel free to PM me - I'm at home alone with 8 week old and happy to chat.

[Freya]

Yes with my son, and now again with my second son.

:hugs::hugs:

You just have to go on. It's wasn't a good experience it was just what I had to do.

[polony]

I was single for almost the entire pregnancy and found some things hard and some things were easy.

Hard things were when I was alone with morning sickness and no one around to help me or hold back my hair. Hard things were bleeding during the pregnancy because of a low lying placenta, and having to get rushed to the hospital because I wasn't sure what was going on.

Easy things like choosing the baby's name and not having another persons opinion or dislikes interrupting it. Easy things like getting to spread out in the big queen bed with a big tummy and trying to get as comfortable as I wanted without having to fight for space or the blanket.

Being single when pregnant certainly has its ups and downs, good and bad, but I think if you try and look at it as positively as you can, you'll be great!

I also thought it was awesome that I was the only one who got to experience listening to the heart beat for the first time and seeing her in my tummy for the first time. Only I got to have that so it was mine all mine. DD and I have a strong and special bond, not only because she grew inside me, but all we had was each other and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Enjoy your pregnancy and appreciate all the little things. Only you have the joy of experiencing them and no one can take that from you!

[mybabyandew]

Yes i was alone in my first pregnancy all though it and now again we my second.Its hurt having no one there and its lonely but its all worth it in the end.Makes you stonger.:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[pegasaurus]

I did my first pregnancy with XDH and the second without. For me, by comparison, without a partner was great. I got the whole bed, I slept, ate and was as active or inactive as I wanted to be. Pregnancy can be pretty insular anyway as you are the only one having the 24/7 physical experience with your unborn.

The shock for me was when I finally gave birth. All of a sudden I had to share!!!!

I chose to give birth alone the second time - I knew what to expect and believed I could birth better if I wasn't thinking about the other people in the room (having my ex suck the gas whilst drumming to Fleetwood Mack's 'Tusk' on his ipod didn't help me much the first time). For me, being with just a midwife worked well- my son was born very quickly with minimal intervention.

I hope it all works out well for you. Please don't linger on what you might be missing out on - being able to experience growing a child is such a huge blessing. :)

[MommaBear]

I was alone my entire pregnancy, and like the other ladies have said there were ups and downs but for me it was mostly downs. I hated feeling so lonely.
Yeah i loved the fact i got to chose everything for her(clothes pram name etc) but when she kicked in my stomach or i felt like **** i felt so lonely. The worst was ante natal classes- i was young and single and everyone else had their partners- it really hit home then just how alone i was.
I felt ashamed of my pregnancy cos of the fathers reaction and the fact i was young and single, some support would have been great!

[lochiebearsmum]

I was alone from the moment i found out i was pregnant.... but i was so ecstatic i didnt really mind... the sad things were when i first felt the baby kick at night and noone to share it with... i also didnt go to antenatal classes as i didnt want to be the only single mum there... i said at the time and still say now nothing can really prepare you for birth until you do it!! But you know what you arent really alone... you have a little person growing inside you, an absolute miracle and in a few months time you will have a precious little bundle in your arms and you will experience unconditional love, no love is as great as that! I thought i would feel sad after giving birth and seeing all the dads in the hospital but i was so wrapped up in my baby i didnt even notice.... one piece of advice: be a proud single mum, i used to hide the fact i wasnt partnered but now i have realised if people judge you for that then they are not worth knowing!! take care and enjoy being pregnant!!:hugs:

[Two To Be Three]

im sorry i don't have much advise but i tell you one thing

:thumbsup:BE PROUD TO BE A SINGLE MUM as i am and i wouldn't change anything for the world

by the way congrats on the :baby::baby: lil ones, the bubs they will be the most important things to you and try not to worry about it from hear on out as they say pregnant woman are strong and get stronger and more proctive of there young, and i belive that you can do it on your own with friends and family helping you out.

please keep your head up and remember if you need to talk you can pm me or chat me to on msn just pm if ya want me msn name

HUGGS and KISSES for you we all know you will get through it with flying colours :goodvibes:xx

[Mylilpresent]

Hi Everyone,
Did anyone go through their pregnancy alone? I find there is so much support for people who are single with kids but not really for those of us who are preggas. I know im not the only one whos doing it but i sure feel like i am. How do you make it the best experience for yourself? How do you let go and love of all those special things happening in your pregnancy that you have noone to share it with. Yeah i know you can involve your friends and family but its not the same. I dont know any different, my partner left when we found out i was pregnant and then i found out it was twins! But i desperately wish it was different and it hurts...alot. Thoughts?? Thanks in advance
Hi Angeliz i know how you feel, wishing that everything was different....I was on my own through the entire pregnancy although did have my mother who I'm lucky enough to be close to. But I did try and keep a positive mind. I just kept thinking that my growing bundle was/is a miraculous present from Above. I kind of visualised her as a lil angel who saw me from her world and she chose me to spend her life on earth with. so She was so unexpected but i felt excited about her. I was warned by many friends that the future would be very difficult and some even suggested abortion. ESp FOB of course!:thumbsdown:
Now she's nearly 8 months.and I love her to bits couldn't imagine my life without her. Some days are tough and lonely but I don't think having a partner is always a cure for loneliness. keep reflecting on the miracle inside you, surround yourself witha positive friend or member of the family. (Get heaps of sleep if you can) I'm always here for a chat too. I'm new to this cyberspace stuff but it is really good to see that we're not alone. There's lots of lovely ladies who have had the awesome courage to go it alone too. Congratulations I hope we get to see some photos..

[Mylilpresent]

:hugs:

I was alone from 4 weeks. I found the hardest bit the last few weeks of pregnancy - antenatal classes were awful, [don't go alone!], and I was scared and exhausted. It gets easier when you have the baby, in terms of support. Suddenly people appear and want to help. You'll find the maternal and child health nurses and mum's groups etc may be really supportive. And once your babies are here you'll not miss having a relationship so much, as you'll be all wrapped up in your babies. Thing that I found helpful:
*our single 30 something thread has several of us in the same position
*I had 2 student midwives following me and they were amazing , especially during labour
*I had a professional photographer take bump pictures - they are lovely and made something special of that time
*The ABA - yet more mum's groups; the more the merrier
Feel free to PM me - I'm at home alone with 8 week old and happy to chat.
Hi there, I just noticed your response included a 30 + community. That's me. Do you know if anyone is from Canberra? I've been here just about a year now and would love to meet a single mum around the same age in the same area?

[May69]

Hi there,
I agree with all the mums. Great advice. I was single the whole pregnancy and my little boy is now 3 weeks old. I have a very public job and the way I coped was being very open and proud that I was pregnant and did not allow people to show any negativity towards me. I just ensured that I came across very confident about it all. I went to pregnancy classes alone and felt fine about that too.

It's how you carry yourself that is important. People will often react to you based on how you are reacting to yourself if that makes sense. I of course had many times where i would have a little cry about certain things like wishing there was a dad to share in the kicks etc but I kept reminding myself that lots of people have different burdens and there will always be people better and worse off than me so I tried not to compare my situation to others.

And now that my beautiful boy is here I am so happy that I have had him. They say the babies pick their parents (or something like that) so this is the baby I'm supposed to have. And our babies will be fine, the most important thing is that they get lots of love and being single we have plenty of that to offer cause we don't have to split it with a partner.

Good luck!

[Larski]

Hi there and congratulations on your pregnancy. Twins! What a blessing. I was alone throughout mine from 14 weeks after FOB left after realising all attempts to make me have an abortion had failed. We have only had nasty contact since then and want nothing to do with each other. I have tried being friends, leaving the door open for contact, doing everything possible to appease him and make him comfortable but he is just verbally and emotionally abusive and I can honestly say now that I want nothing more to do with him. I guess that was his aim and he has been successful in achieving that.

The main support I had were a couple of close friends who knew the details of the situation - everyone else I preferred to keep the details fairly private. The other main support were the girls here on BH (you girls know who you are!) who I chat with regularly now on the single 30+ thread. A bunch of us were going through our pregnancies alone and all had babies this year from April onwards.

I also had a fantastic Obstetrician who knew my situation and was very understanding and non-judgemental. I chose this model of care precisely because I felt I needed one person to 'attach' to throughout my pregnancy who would guide me and take care of me. To me this was really important in the absence of a partner. I knew I would not feel comfortable having a team of caregivers, however nice they were, I just wanted one person I could trust totally and didnt have to explain my story over and over again or have to worry about the team of carers talking about me.

The good things about being alone are what the others have said - making your own choices about everything, not having to share the bed, not having to try to maintain a relationship or worry about whether he still finds you attractive etc.

The bad things are the feeling of abandonment, the grief over the family life you could have had, the worry about how you will cope now and in the future, concerns for your fatherless child etc. The practical stuff was hard too - it got to the point where it was just so difficult doing the grocery shopping or putting out the garbage or walking the dog. These were the times I cursed FOB so much. Having to get someone else to assemble the cot was hard too. Arranging babies layette of clothes was a lonely day. I did go to antenatal classes alone but acted really confident and pretended my partner was at work - I did the classes on two consecutive saturdays so this story was more believable rather than the 6 weeks of weekly meetings.

Good luck and please pm me anytime you need to talk. Join us in the other thred too - dont worry about age, it has become kind of irrelevant! Anyway, find us in the '30 something parents' section and then go into the 'single 30 something parents' and say hi.

[MummyDaddy]

All good advice ...

I would suggest forgetting about the FOB as well. As in don't try involving him - there is no point and i've seen no one get anywhere from trying, on her or in real life.

Seeing a Psychologist is also great to help you get over feelings of abandonment and loss.

Hold your head high. Embrace your pregnancy and love every moment.

Baby arrives so quickly and then you will be having the most amazing experience.

I personally think I have it a lot easier than my partnered counterparts.

I prefer being single!

I went out last night!

No hubby texting me asking where I was.

Mum babysat for me, baby sleeps through so all good.

There is a huge light at the end of the tunnel and if you just stay focused you will enjoy your pregnancy.

Have a baby shower!
Take lots of bump photos!
Get professional photos taken!

Tell everyone no negativity around you.

Go and buy 'Buddhism for Mothers' it is a god send and got me through my last trimester.

If you are a thirty something mummy to be - please do come and join the thirty something single mummy thread. They have all been through what you are going through now and will provide invaluable advice and support.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are going to be a mother and it is the best job in the entire world :thumbsup:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[SmileyBJ]

Congrats on your pregnancy. Just wanted to say that I also was single and pregnant, something I hope never to have to go through again. However one thing which made a difference was completely wiping my ex, not wanting him to be involved and not sharing news with him. It didn't make the fact that I'd lost my family dream any easier however I found it was deffinately a time where I had to make myself and my child the number one priority with no execptions and emotional interuptions.

The end result is truely worth while and you will find support from people you may not have thought :hugs:

[MissMetal]

hey hun :hugs:

Just wanted to say I know exactly what your going through... Im in the exact same position as we speak :o
I had to pack up all my things & move away from my friends (not that they care anymore anyway) & everything I know, I dont know anyone in my new area & tend to hide at home...
This is by far the hardest thing Ive ever had to go through, as well as complications throughout my pregnancy which has been so scary for me
(having no one to support me when I really need them) and living by myself in a unit has been extremely hard & depressing... my friends have all forgotten about me too, as none of them have kids so they dont even bother with me anymore :gloomy:
but..... having said all that, I can see the positive in this whole mess.... my precious bubba, nothing to me is more important than that :yes:
It is sooooo damn tough going through your entire pregnancy alone (especially being the first) & I think you are soooo brave for doing this... is really sucks when you see these happy families with their babies doing sooo well, yet they are complaining how hard it is having a baby & they have all the support they need WTF????
I know I wish more than anything that this all happened the "proper way" for me, but it hasn't..
so i just deal with it day by day as best as I can... some days all I do is cry & other days I feel ok... its very up & down but you just get through it, cause you have to & most of all cause you want to, for your bubbas...
PM me if you like, Im always online seeing though I have no friends now :laughing:
hope your ok, keep smiling for your little ones
Renee :hugs:

[missieQ21]

:iagree:

yes single and pregnent. it's my first and ive got three weeks to go and i agree that there seems to be no support for us mummas2be. the break up between my parnter and i was brutal,i lost everything and even had to flee states, really hard to move on but i belive its better it happen before the baby arrives, then after.
yeah it would have been nice to share all the exciting moments with a significant other, but i belive now that the connection with my bump that has come out of all this is so special.you may not realise, but going through the tough times whilst pregnent probably made your skin alot thicker and will benefit you when your baby is finally here.i agree with the other girls aswell, i did all i could to involve the FOB, but it was all one sided and too many empty promises. if it was so important i belive they'd step-up on there own accord. your probably better off not have the negative energy around you in such a beautiful time of you and your bundles life. enjoy every moment you can.



us single mums deserve all the happiness our babys will bring. :flowerz:

[SPC]

Renee - I notice you are in Melbourne - where abouts? I'm here too, on maternity leave with my daughter, who is 10 weeks old. PM me if you'd like to catch up for a coffee or something. I've only been in Australia for 20 months, so I'm a bit isolated too. I also have a few newborn size neutral clothes that Esme was only in for five minutes, if you need any.
Miranda

[lillies]

The title says it all! :)

where are all the support networks avail for single and pregnant women who are over 30 ?

I would like to create some friendships with others who are in the same situation , and also be able to meet up and chat socially . :wave:
I work full time currently and the weekend would be avail .


currently on 11 weeks and waiting to get a referral from the gp for an obstetrician.

Could anyone suggest an obstetrician who operates at Masada Private thats reasonably priced .

regards

[MummyDaddy]

Lillies, come visit in this thread:

http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=223387&page=34

Lots of ladies in their thirties have been through what you are about to go through - they will have great advice.

Ring Masada and they will tell you which Drs operate out of there.

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!

[SPC]

:iagree:

Lillies - Congratulations! Come and say hello to us in the single 30s thread. We haven't had anyone pregnant for a few months. I received so much support from these girls when I was pregnant and so much good advice.