View Full Version : Having a baby many years after your youngest... What's it like?
With the news rules about IVF in Victoria :smiliedance: my DP and I have casually talked about what it'd be like to have a baby together. It hasn't been anything too serious but the idea is really growing on me.
I spend a lot of time with a friend that has an 18 month old daughter and being around her makes me so clucky. :goodvibes: I never thought I'd ever feel like this but I'm kinda liking the idea of having another little person in the family.
My boys are 4 (turning 5 in a month) and 6 now. We won't be ready to have a bub for at least another year so Dec (my youngest) will be almost 6, or maybe even older. We'd have to go through IVF (same-sex relationship) so that process may take a while as well. Not sure, I don't know much about it.
So I'd like to hear from others that have had a big gap between their children. Maybe even those that have had a child in their mid to late 30's. Has it impacted on the older kids? And how has the younger child coped with being so much younger?
I have done this ( not through IVF) and I couldnt imagine a better life :) My children are 16 yo 13yo 12 yo 3 yo and 4 weeks old. I loved having a baby when the other children were older and this time it is a little more challenging with a 3yo and newborn but it is still fantastic. I am 38 yo and had my first at 22yo. The older kids love the little ones even though they annoy them but I just try to make sure everyone has their own small space that no one else can touch without asking weather it be my 16yo bedroom or my 3yo toy box and everyone is happy.
Go for it!!
It's a killer lol.
No really it is great, I can say that i am making sure I enjoy it more now.
In some ways it's been hard for my daughter but in others it's been great and it's a good example of why she should wait untill she is older before she has kids. She's had her eyes opened right up.
My son enjoys being the yungest I'm sure as he has his sister wrapped around his little finger.
I have a 15 yo, 12yo, 4yo and a 3yo.... So there's a 8 yr gap between the two boys. Its was and is fine. My 12yo and the 4yo (both boys) share a room and have no promblem with it. The older two have been and are great helpers with the younger two. Thats not to say they dont all anoy each other at times, but thats what brother's and sister's do.. So go for it..:thumbsup:
I have an 18 year old and an 8 month old. It's fine and I honestly don't see what the big deal is. It's easier than having all littlies close together. . . and having a baby at 20 then at 38 has been a wonderful experience. .
I have an 11.5 yr old, an almost 9yr old and then a 2 yr old and 1 yr old.
It's wonderful, we are just totally enjoying our family, life is fabulous :valentine:
Yes it's busy...but it's a good busy :bee:
eta - I'm 41 btw :)
I have a 13 year old DS, an eight year old DS and DD who is 16 months.
The older two dote on their younger sister. They love her to pieces:cloud9:.
I have an 11 yr old, 5 yrs, 4 yrs and bub who is 9 months.
I was 31 when i had this bub and 20 when i had my first.
The gap is great, found the hardest gap the 13 month on between #2 and #3! My eldest is an excellent helper, she loves playing 'mum' most of the time! When she wants time out/away from the littlies she can go to her room or outside and kinda entertain herself, shes happy to fix herself or the littlies a sandwich etc.
The only problem now is that i have 3 at school next year and just bub at home.....WHY WHY did i do it LOL just joking. But honestly, the bigger the gap, the more the other kids appreciated having siblings. Well with my lot anyway!
I'm replying to your thread because my Mum was in this same circumstance. I was a surprise miracle baby when my Mum was 39 (my siblings are adopted). They were 7 and 5 and a half. Mum has never actually said there were any cons (only getting used to the idea as is was a massive shock). But the pros:
* my siblings were old enough to help with the baby and be proud that they had a baby sister as most of their friends didn't:laughing:
* as we grew up my siblings (esp my sister) doted on me, as well as all of their friends, and we developed close relationships despite the age gap. Since we've all been adults it makes no difference anyway
* my Mum said having a little one quite a way behind opened all sorts of new friendship doors for her...new school Mums etc. She is still firm friends with many of these people now
* both of my parents felt I kept them young. Even when I was at uni they loved having my friends around and often commented on how different their lives would have been if my brother had remained the youngest
* from my perspective i LOVED my birth position in my family. People often ask if i was lonely - no way! Sure - I had lots of older people around me - but I was so loved and cared for by so many people. It was great.
* also, my Mum said having a baby late in life did wonders for her 'womens health'. Mind you she had fertility problems (undiagnosed - this was the 60's and 70's). She said it gave her a new lease on life.
Hope this helps:)
I have a friend who has a big gap. She had her first at 17 and now has a 24 year old and a 2 yo and a 4 month old. She is loving motherhood this time around more as she in a stable marriage, not an arranged one as first time. I admire the way she has moved countries when 17 and started from square one, got a degree and really grown as a person, all without family support. She hasn't had it easy with her 24 year old who has given her a lot of grief over the years but she has approached it all in an amazing way and is so positive. She was telling me the other day she would love to be a grandma too and I'm like, 'what the'?:D
I have a 19yo dd, 17yo ds and 2yo dd. I love it! The older kids love the younger one and she loves them too, the two older ones were from a different relationship and having the little one I think has brought us closer together as they love to be around her, whereas if she wasn't here they would be off doing their o wn thing. My son doesn't live with me but he visits and we see him and he loves to see his little sister. They were a bit funny about it all when I was first pregnant (I had her a week before I turned 41) but once she was born it was a different story.
I also think she has kept me young, I take her to places where I meet other mums with kids her age, whereas I think if I was on my own and the older kids where off with jobs and friends I think I would feel incredibly old and lonely!
She also puts so much fun into my day, watching her do new things all the time is fantastic.
My first (DD) is coming up for 14 years old and my second (DS) is almost 1. I'm almost 39.
I have found the second time around to be much more relaxed and enjoyable. My pregnancies were both similar but the births were much different. With my first, it was long and horrid and I took all the drugs they would give me. I felt very disempowered and ignorant about what was going on for me.
The second labour was much better, shorter and less painful. I was determined to do it without drugs and were it not for the fact that I inevitably had to had an emergency C-section, I think I could have done it drug free. I felt much more in control of the entire situation and much happier.
I don't find the gap an issue at all. They both have immediate and equally important needs, but those needs are very different.
I say go for it. Six or so years gap is no big deal I reckon.
The responses have been great! It's made the thoughts of having another all more enjoyable. Thanks everyone.
I thought id respond my brother was a suprise when my mum was 40 i was 14 at the time and i love my brother heaps and would do anything for him I wish there wasnt a 14year gap we r different generations and i dont have much in common with him I find myself as more of a mum than a sister (im more strict than my mum 2 lol)
I have had to look after him alot growing up 2 cos there was such a big gap and i was at a age where i could so i think such a big gap has blured the brother/sister relationship into gardian/child relationship which i feel a bit sad about I want to b a sister not a naggie older person and with age this happens.
His at highschool now and I nag at him to get homework done, help mum out & clean his room ect rather than being his age and enjoying running amuck with him.
But im to old now he and my DS only have 10 years between them and they r closer and have more of a sibling relationship than we do.
Actually that reminded me, DH and his brother are 8 years apart and he and his sister 10 years. She has always been his 'little' sister, but he and his brother really didn't have a lot in common, the gap was too big. His brother always said he felt like they were a different generation and wasn't till they were older adults that they started to connect.
Also a friend had 3 close then a surprise 8 years later and while his big sister doted on him, when she was in upper teens she was so caught up in her own issues she didn't have a lot of time for him and he found that hard to adapt to. Also the mum now feels like she has been mothering for about 25 years and finds it tough some times.
But everyone is different. Just different perspectives to hear.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.9 Copyright © 2013 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.