Family Issues

[tupper_lady]

Thank you for taking the time to read me. Relationship advice needed here. For a long time (8 years now) my brother and sister have not uttered one word to another and continued a grudge over goodness knows what (Something I can barely remember as it seems ages ago).

This has put pressure on my relationship with each of them, and their relationships with my mother who has been alone since my father passed away 25 years ago. In those eight years we have never had a family Christmas as they refuse to be at the same place at the same time, so childish as they don’t realise how it impacts other family members.

The latest stalemate is this, my sisters is having her little girl Christened and mum is refusing to go stating that is time to put her foot down. She is insisting to my sister that she will not go unless my sister trys and makes amends with my brother. Quite ridiculous as I can see this is never going to happen. I told mum it was unfair to miss her granddaughters christening over such a thing, and that she is a baby who knows know better.

It is just getting beyond a joke, it is so consuming for mum to think about it and sad too I am sure. However it is having a negative impact on me, as I cant stand to be around my mum anymore because of her constant whinging, whining, bringing it up, negative attitude. She has a negative attitude about life in general now I think, and that is reflecting onto me. I find no joy in being around her and her constant *****ing and nagging about my parenting, work, relationship with my partner is starting to make me upset and second guess myself and everything about me.

Who hear believes in the old saying misery loves company? I simply cant stand to be around her any more as it is bringing me down and impacting negatively on my relationship with others.


I just want to be happy with my partner and our child, but being around mum and her constant criticism, negativity, attitude just plain sucks. How do I distance myself from her without totally alienating her or hurting her feelings?

[five]

Hi there,
Some people just love to wallow in misery, and happily bring everyone around them down too, to keep them company, and reinforce their opinion that the world sucks. The best thing you can do for yourself is just silently remind yourself whenever you are with your mum, that these issues belong to her, you do not have to take them on and make them your issues, so therefore you will not. She need never know the positive reinforcement you are giving yourself, but seriously it works. If you can picture yourself in your mind, your mum trying to hand you a box of negativity, but you just do not take it. It is her box of negativity and she is welcome to it. Also, when talking with her, just try to keep yourself out of ***** sessions, just say Mum, I understand how you feel, but don't go agreeing with her just to make her happy. Just because she has issues with someone, i.e. your borther does not automatically mean you have to the same issues.
All the very best, and you know where to find me if you need to chat :hugs:

[serenitynow]

I just want to be happy with my partner and our child, but being around mum and her constant criticism, negativity, attitude just plain sucks. How do I distance myself from her without totally alienating her or hurting her feelings?

Short answer is - you can't.

Perhaps if you tell her straight that you love her, you are worried about her, but being around her makes you feel bad and why (letters help in this instance), she may see the effect of her behaviour.

But be prepared, she probably won't.

Sounds like your choices are to put up with it, tell her to pull her head in, or take yourself out of harms way.

Tough one. Good luck.