View Full Version : how to deal with those who don't support?
I'm having a battle at the moment. I *love* co-sleeping and so does my partner! However, my mother has made it her mission to make my life hell about it. My in- laws are aways asking "when are you moving him to the cot?". They don't know we still co-sleep - they think he's in a bassinette! ;)
What can I say to people about why we want to continue this arrangement? My mum keeps telling me it caused me no harm (although now I found out I was formula fed and never allowed in mums bed I'm feeling a little bit of resentment!) and I'm in for all sorts of trouble as Liam gets older. I just don't know how to deal with her! Help!!
If it was a nonclose relative or friend I would just say, 'This is my choice and I am prepared to live with the consequences, both negative and positive.
Since it *is* a close realtive I would add, "I thank you for your ideas and concerns but..." to the front of that quote.
Well you've got a couple of options:
1. Don't tell them, they don't need to know
2. Make a stand "this is what is working for us, so that's what we're doing", and listen NO MORE.:D
I've personally never understood the
in for all sorts of trouble as Liam (or whoever) gets older comments. Surely you just do what you are doing while it works for you. When (or if) it stops working for you, you'll change the plan. Most plans do change, it's a side effect of living.:D
Just tell them it works for you as well as your family so it shouldnt be their worry
This can be such a tough one. Some family members (some of mine included) just don't get it. We did it tough when DS#1 arrived as everyone seems to be an expert and being family it is hard to communicate your needs when some members are defensive. My mum has remimded me most of my life that I screamed for 20 hrs out of every 24. Only two years ago did she tell me that I was put onto cows milk at 2 weeks of age at the Health Nurses recommendation! No wonder I screamed! I have received that response "We never did that with you and you turned out OK" many times when I have tried to convey to my mother some of our parenting techniques. What is the definition of OK? I have learnt only to provide information on a need to know basis. We are on bub no.3 so we don't cop as much 'advice' as we once did.
We always have had the cot set up in readiness for each baby but that doesn't mean the baby has always slept in it. By having the babies room 'ready' ,to an outsider it looks as though the baby is settled into their own room/cot etc... No-one has to know the details of your personal sleeping arrangements. Unless they ask, I don't feel obliged to tell them where baby sleeps. And even then it depends on who is asking. I figure there is no hope in expecting my mother or MIL to understand why we co-sleep so I don't see it as any of their business and I really don't feel the need to explain to them anymore. I have often steered my mother into other conversations purely just to avoid explaining the Why's for the umpteenth time. I honestly believe that those people who don't understand, nor want to understand, attachment parenting are always going to have their criticisms at the ready. I have learnt to brush them off and diffuse any potential conflicts as quickly as possible.
The way you rear your children is your business alone and well-meaning family members are best left out of the loop and need only to know that you and your family are happy doing things your way.:D All the best!
I felt embarrased with my first child co-sleeping
but now I just trust myself as a mother so much more
I am doing what works for our family
I am not worried what others think
If I think someone is judgemental i won't mention it
or talk about it with them
It is no one else's business really
My MIL co slept so she has the kids over and they sleep together
Now mum has accepted it too and will say,
"I would rather sleep" and now welcomes the idea
I agree with X on this
Some people we just don't tell and when we hear negative comments I say well it works for us:D
It's hard isn't it. I feel judged because we kind of co-sleep. But it works for us and we're happy.
It's hard to trust your intincts too, as there is so much 'advice' out there that is against our natural instincts! You're doing a great job! Find people who have similar values to you- it helps when you know you're not the only one who does it.
I usually just tell my mother to mind her own business- but we've got that kind of relationship where she's not going to take offence. My MIL doesn't ever say anything to me (which I'm suprised about) but I think she knows I'm not going to change my ways.
My arguement to people that get all upset about it is- that the rest of the world, except for us westerners, all sleep with their babies- and everyone else can't be wrong! And I also say it works for me- better than getting up in the night and it's very snuggly.
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