today was not a good day to be young

[Jackson84]

there is another parenting forum that i chat on. and for the last few days i have been told that because i am "so young" i couldnt possibly be in a position to make an informed moral judgement. :(

this is the second time people on this site have used my age as a reason to dismiss my beliefs and values.

i truly can not understand what my age has anything to do with these sorts of decisions? especially as what i believe stems from the central belief that we should treat all people and ourselves with respect. granted i dont always stand up to my expectations, but what is so bad about having them?

i am tired of having what i believe dismissed because "older" women think that i have no life experience. i know for a fact that i have had more life experience than some people twice my age! and possibly more than some of these people making these judgements!

i just feel so worn out by it all. mentally and emotionally. how do you cope with this sort of descrimination?

"when you're older you'll know better." well, if that's the case, you shouldnt be bloody well writing off my life as nothing!

:mad:

[Mum&bubs]

aww :hugs: i know just how you feel. Dont worry about them. Just be confident in yourself & know that you are making the right judgements :thumbsup:

[Niki]

dont worry u are entiltled to ur own opinions, being younge can be good to get a different outlook they should remember

[Jackson84]

thanks girls.

i just come away from it all doubting myself, feeling so unsure about what i believe. i often end up questioning myself, and i just dont have the energy to cheer myself on so-to-speak.

the dumb thing is, another girl, only a few years older than me, agreed with these ladies (on this particular issue) and do you think any of them told her she was too young to make such a decision?

[Mum&bubs]

Bugger em!! Just stand up for what you believe in & if they disagree who cares! Or if all else fails...tell them they are too ancient to know the world as it is today :laughing:

[Kamaikia]

All I can say is that there are alot of narrow minded people out there.
Don't ever stop your opinions because there is a small majority of people willing to write them off.
Take some comfort in the fact that you probably do know a bit more then these ladies - hey maybe they're attacking you because they are scared that someone so young could have as much knowledge as them, if not more.
I guess its easy for a lot of older people to dismiss young people today - lets be honest - they never lived like we did, never had the opportunities that we have today, never saw as much as people these days to - maybe this makes them smarter :rolleyes:

[Niki]

you no that yr a good mum and thats all that matters

[xkwzit]

Hiya Jackson
Life is way to short to hang with ppl who drag you down. Seek out ppl who build you up :thumbsup:

Cheers

[misskittyfantastico]

You and your box are far too cool for people like that!

[Jackson84]

you remembered!

oh that made my day! :D

[misskittyfantastico]

Anytime.......

[SamanthaJane]

ARRGH! Bugger them! Age has nothing to do with it. (unless of course your commenting on something like "what its like to give birth at 50":rolleyes:) They just found a pathetic reason as to why you disagree with them.

Just think- they are probabaly jealous old fogies with nothing better to do with their time;)

:hugs:Stick with the people that make you feel welcome and loved:hugs:

[kate_perth_10]

i had a similar experience on another parenting forum.
my dh and i were going through a rough patch (like everyone does) and i put a question out to see if anyone had any ideas that might help.
Anyways when i read what people had put i ended up in tears instead of helpful advice i got all these remarks about how i wasn't even old enough to be in a long relationship let alone have kids (i'm 21) it made me so upset cause it was implied that my hubby must have no job and spend all night partying etc ect when actually the opposite was true.
(sounds like we've been on the same other forum LOL)

Please don't doubt ur ability just because someone can't keep there stupid opinions to themself. If they have to critise u then its probaly cause they are jealous and insecure in themself!!!!:)

[WeThree]

Jackson84, I have always found your posts to be insightful, well thought and just all round enjoyable to read, both here and on the 'other' forum. Like X said, life is too short, so try to hang out with woman who lift you up, not try to pull you down. :)

[Jackson84]

thanks guys. i appreciate the support. :)

[~Danni~]

As awful as it is I'm glad that I'm not the only one that that happens to! The other day we were walking through the car park to our car and a middle aged woman started shouting out at us that we were irasponsible and didnt deserve to have a baby and that we should have been thinking about what we were doing, she also told us we couldn't afford to raise a baby, we laughed at her as we drove past in our brand new 4wheel drive while she was getting into her old bomb (not thats its about cars but at least we felt better about ourselves!! I get sick of people assuming that because were young we cant provide for our families or that were 'those kids' who made a big mistake and now have to live with it. My DF's family (who we dont talk to now) on finding out about our bub kept saying "don't worry you will just have to move on from now things will get better" AHHHHH hello we WANTED to have a baby!! Ok sorry bout the vent i'm all better now! Dont worry your opinions matter no matter what your age! (how about the ones who havent even had kids who try and lecture you about parenting, lady I've been living it, back off!!) :p see calm as a clam now

[shed]

Yeah, well enough of the old lady bashing for a minute.

Nobody has the right to judge anyone else, but while we're here I'll tell you something that has always bugged me.

My friends ALL have children (well, you get that when you wait this long LOL) and for years I have been told that I'll "understand when I am a mother".

Its so annoying that people think they know everything. They have presumed that I have no understanding of what it is like to care for a child, meanwhile taking advantage of my babysitting services I might add.

So, I don't know you personally, and maybe at your age you are too young to do whatever it is you're doing. But that would be because of your personality, not because of your age. And everyone is different. Some people probably are too young at your age, and some aren't. If you say you aren't too young then I believe you. Why shouldn't I.

I am sure you know your own mind and you don't need to be bothered by people who are judgey types, whether they're old or young....lets not judge people by age either.

[Jackson84]

ooooooh, doesnt that just **** you off?

we havent had that sort of comment yet, but i have friends who do get them. the whole money thing annoys me. you never know what is going to happen in your life. prepare all you want, but a lot can happen in a day. in my family, my dad was a teacher, adn earned enough to keep us relatively well. he died very suddenly before i was two, and all-of-a-sudden we were living poor. i mean, we hadnt been rich when dad was alive, but things were really tough after he died (obviously). i know of another young couple that had very good jobs, earned and saved good money. the husband changed jobs, was ripped off by his new boss, and they lost almost everything. i mean, finances are so fickle - how can you judge your ability to have kids on that?

i also dont like the idea that being a young single mosther gives people license to judge you. im not a single mother, but i am friends with a few, and honestly, those girls do what i could never do. sure, i might not like all that they do, but theyre certainly no worse than older couples!

anyways. im grateful for the support. :)



My friends ALL have children (well, you get that when you wait this long LOL) and for years I have been told that I'll "understand when I am a mother".

Its so annoying that people think they know everything. They have presumed that I have no understanding of what it is like to care for a child, meanwhile taking advantage of my babysitting services I might add.

i just wanted to say, that as irritating as that is, it is true. i was told that constantly while pregnant, and i once asked my MIL why people kept telling me that, and she said "because nobody really knows until they have kids" and so i said, "so then whats the point in saying it???"

but, not having kids doesnt mean youre not allowed to form opinions or make decisions about having them/raising them/treating them. honestly, i think that is sensible (having an idea of how you want to treat your kids when you have them, that is). however, you need to understand that it is one thing to babysit for 4 hours, and another thing to babysit for 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year, for 18 to 30 years straight. there are some things you just cant do.

[~Danni~]

Thats what we were thinking! We went from being really rich to really poor once my dad passed away and not once did my mum get accused of not being able to look after me!

To Shed I dont have a problem with all 'older people' just the ones who judge me because I am young and not on the fact that I am a loving caring mother who would sell her left leg to provide for her kids.

As good as baby sitting is ( I have a 3 year old brother) I dont think its possible to know what its like to have kids (I understand i'm treding unsafe waters by saying this) As soon as I had DD I had an extreme feeling towards her that I cant explain nothing in the wolrd has ever effected me like that and I assume its because she is all mine, its kinda odd to look at a bub that you made! Your right though I feel that it is rude of peopel to assume that you couldnt understand what they go through because you yourself dont have kids (I am only speaking from my own experiance and do not presume to know how you feel) Although I was totaly capable of looking after bubs and kids before DD I never felt what I did untill I had her, I think it adds a little somthing to my parenting skills! Blah Blah. All I mean is their is a feeling you get for your own child that I dont think you can imagine untill you actually have them I assume that this is what yopur friends are refering to (either that or they are just a bit rude and feel they know better!! any way hun good luck with the bub due soon!!)

I swaer I dont 'old lady bash'!! I just get so much flack from peopel while trying to do the shopping, fill the car or whatever that it makes me some what bitter (I do look like I am about 15 and not nearly 20, maybe thats were I go wrong!!)

[InSaneOne]

i look quite young and you should see the stares i get when i say these are my kids and introduce all 4 of them. as 3 of them are teenagers or nearly i get some odd looks. i don't like explaining that they are my stepkids as i think that is hurtful to them. when we are out sometimes they call me mum or sometimes they call be belinda. i don't really mind which.

and if they were my natural kids i would have been pregnant at 9 and had anita at 10.

[~Danni~]

Maybe youe should say yep I had them when I was 9 heheh, somedays its worth the laugh. After one particuler shopping debarcle with my brother (3) and DD an old woman asked if I was one of those stupid girls hassling boys for child support!! I was like what the????:eek: I told her I wasnt sure who the fathers were and walked away laughing, my mum and DF found the story funny at least..................................;)

[shed]

i just wanted to say, that as irritating as that is, it is true. i was told that constantly while pregnant, and i once asked my MIL why people kept telling me that, and she said "because nobody really knows until they have kids" and so i said, "so then whats the point in saying it???"

but, not having kids doesnt mean youre not allowed to form opinions or make decisions about having them/raising them/treating them. honestly, i think that is sensible (having an idea of how you want to treat your kids when you have them, that is). however, you need to understand that it is one thing to babysit for 4 hours, and another thing to babysit for 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year, for 18 to 30 years straight. there are some things you just cant do.

Absolutely agree. But the thing is that the people who were saying it are people who are not as good at being a mother as I am going to be!! :laughing: :laughing: and it was about stupid things, like the actual "knowing what to do" component of parenting, not any of the deep and meaningful emotional side of it. The stuff that is learned is learned. And that's the stuff I get annoyed about being told I won't know till I am a mother.

Well, I should add...I used to get annoyed about. Now with motherhood iminent nothing much annoys me because I will be getting my chance shortly.

[Femme-Fetale]

i also dont like the idea that being a young single mosther gives people license to judge you. im not a single mother, but i am friends with a few, and honestly, those girls do what i could never do. sure, i might not like all that they do, but theyre certainly no worse than older couples!

Awww shucks. Im a young single mother and yep, i love the labels that get thown at us too. Alot of older ppl think we are tramps who dont even know who our babies daddies are!! :mad: Its not like that at all most of the time now-a-days! And hell yes, too true Monica, regardless of statur no one ever really agrees with everyone else about how they do stuff, but we are certainly no worse off then a married couple, a defacto couple or a old couple haha. If anything, we get to hog the bed and get to keep all the kiddies hugs n kisses all to ourselves hehehehe :thumbsup:

[nats]

Youv'e been through and will no doubt go through alot.
Those silly old crows with no sense of humility are just cranky cos you weren't old enough to have to wear silly bloody blue eye shadow in the 80's and they did, that's all it is..;)

[Femme-Fetale]

PMSL @ NATS!!! hahah
:laughing: :yelclap: :thumbsup:

[Jackson84]

Youv'e been through and will no doubt go through alot.
Those silly old crows with no sense of humility are just cranky cos you weren't old enough to have to wear silly bloody blue eye shadow in the 80's and they did, that's all it is..;)

the ironic thing is i probably listen to more 80s music than they do! LOL

not to mention the 1680s, 1780s and the 1880s LMAO i also listen to a lot of old-school jazz too (think 10s-50s). so older now, huh? :D

[Jackson84]

well, in this situation is was the "oldies" dismissing me because of my age.

anyways, its all over now.

[nats]

the ironic thing is i probably listen to more 80s music than they do! LOL
:D

I like 80's music too but then for us it doesn't bring back memories to cringe to. I don't have any of those till New Kids On The Block (know who they are sweetie ;) )
Seriously though, your break dancing Panda says it all!!!!

[Jackson84]

of course i know who "the new kids on the block" are! i have my sister for thank for that...

breakdancing panda? i never saw it as breakdancing... i thought he was a baby panda playing... well there you go... it does kinda look like he is breakdancing... maybe thats where my son gets it from?

[kymmy]

Soon ppl will dismiss you for being too old...