Coming close to the end?

[BabelFish]

Well, after nearly 19 weeks of battling, our breastfeeding relationship, I think, is about as good as its going to get. Which is to say - she feeds sometimes, I never know when, and just when I think it's perfect it all changes.

The only time I ever know for absolute sure she is going to want to feed from me, and feed well, is her bedtime feed and her feeds through the night if she wakes.

I have been co-sleeping with her a little bit recently which has done wonders for our breastfeeding relationship, and for the first time ever, she was using the boob for comfort, and only wanting to be with me and refusing bottles. I felt amazing and happy and was so thrilled, and then all of a sudden it's back to normal - which for us means all over the shop, crying and refusing the breast sometimes, wanting it other times. It's exhausting.

I wonder if she is this way, though, because I've been depressed for the last week, not eating properly and giving off a bad vibe. She really picks up on this, and it really disrupts her. Worse still, all of a sudden she's stopped sleeping through, and wakes up every single night for feeding. I used to bring her into bed with me, and she'd sleep and feed all night. Last night she woke at 3.30am and I brought her into bed and she stayed awake - all night.

What's happening?

Anyway, what I want to know is, is it possible for me to stop breastfeeding her during the day, and only feed her at the times I know she will feed (i.e. bedtime and through the night) and for me to still have any kind of supply? I know my body will produce enough milk for what she requires - but I don't want to stop completely and the times when she is really happy I still want to be able to BF her.

I didn't think anything would stop me, I've always been so committed and determined, but I'm wondering now if I'm finally defeated. Would she be happier with bottles during the day? Always having a full tummy? Knowing what's coming and when? I might be able to get something of a routine happening if I did that, because with breastfeeding we are just all over the shop.

But if I do that, will she still be able to feed from me at night?

I just feel tired, confused and demoralised at the moment. Should I finally just pack it in? The thought of stopping makes me cry, and feel sad and sick inside. But it's been so hard and I'm now starting to wonder if she would be happier if I did, and so I should just forget about how I feel about it. Sorry this is long - but really, I just don't know what to do now.

[BlueGin]

Hey, firstly I'd get in touch with the Breastfeeding Association, as they're the real pro's...

But my opinion; maybe get yourself to a GP just to have a chat about how you are feeling, 19weeks is still pretty young so you'll have your head reeling from the whole new-baby thing and all, and hormones messing with you too!

It would be a real pity if you did decide to cut out the day feeds only to later realise that with a bit more support you'd have been able to battle through...

Can you maybe spend a day or two just lazing about in bed with her, with food, drink, entertainment at hand, so she can feed freely without any pressures? Not sure if it would help but maybe would get her back in love with the whole process?

Big hugs to you, I hope you can find a solution that works for you and your sweet little baby girl (she is so cute!) X

[BabelFish]

Thank you. I should have put a bit more background in my OP - I've posted here quite a lot so I always assume everyone already knows ahahaha.

I am a member of the ABA and have been going to weekly meetings. I have seen three lactation consultants and my GP put me on Motilium to help me with my supply (which worked well for a while). I express, I use Fenugreek, I have tried every different hold and position (she will only BF with me lying down). She has reflux and this is being treated. She also had some neck problems which are now fixed.

I've literally done everything it's possible for me to do - and I've come a LONG way. But I just am really at the end of possibilities now!! If it was consistently bad or consistently good, I would be able to make a decision - but as it's all over the place, all the time, and I never know what's going to happen, I'm always in a state of limbo! Which can be a little tough!

[SuperGranny]

hi chesby, just a question, are you wanting a routine, by the clock, or are you wanting to continue feeding? If you are just wanting to breastfeed, then throw out the clocks. When baby refuses you do you give a bottle? or do you offer some solids?? I would not use a bottle and I would not express inorder to give a bottle. I would supplement with solids, just some baby cereal or something like that. I think if you stop breastfeeding through the day, and only give the breast at night, that will effect your supply, and you could end up having to wean. The more you feed the better the supply the better the relationship will be. I applaud you for all you have been through, and you have done a great job to last this far. Forget housework, and forget clocks, and forget any routine, just go with the baby, wont do any harm if the carpets arent vacummed by ten in the morning. Cheers, Marie.

[BabelFish]

Well I've been just going with the baby for over four months and neither of us are happy. If she was perfectly happy I wouldn't even be asking these questions, but she isn't. She's quite an unsettled baby and that's why I'm wondering if, after all this, she would be happier if I didn't breastfeed her. And yes she does get a bottle - and even though I know this is not ideal, my ABA lactation consultant agreed that with my baby, this was the best way to go. Poppy does not settle down enough to take the boob once she's decided she doesn't want it. There is no way of getting her to do so - and three experts have agreed with me! They all advised that when she gets the way she does, the better thing for everyone would be to give her a bottle. So now I'm wondering if it will just make her happier.

She has had a taste of solids and she was quite amenable to it - we're going to introduce that slowly over the next few weeks.

As for the housework, well, my husband does most of that so I most certainly don't worry about it and I also don't clock-watch (well, apart from wanting to know how long she's been asleep for). I've never really wanted her to get into a routine that I've imposed - I've always followed her lead. I believe in demand feeding and demand sleeping (after all - that's the way I live, why should my baby be any different?). But I also know that babies like consistency and they like to be able to know what to expect with their day. This is all I would like to be able to provide for her.

[BabelFish]

Oh yes, I forgot to add, I have bipolar disorder and am being treated for post-natal depression. This issue is affecting my health. I am coping well for the most part but the more things affect me the more dangerous it is for her. So it's very important for me to get this sorted and make a decision either way.

[SpottySocks]

Chesby, it sounds like you have really tried to do your best with breastfeeding and 19 weeks is great, lots of mums don't make it this far.

I think you have to do what is best for yourselves and if giving Poppy a bottle during the day makes life less stressful for both of you then it sounds like you are doing the right thing. I am very pro-breastfeeding but not if it is going to damage your relationship with your daughter.

My only concern would be that you may find she starts refusing the breast at night, as long as you are aware that could happen - but then again it might not!

Another thing - you mentioned that you haven't been eating very well lately and she is fussing more. I notice that if I don't eat well, ie too much chocolate and greasy foods then my little one doesn't feed well, she tends to pull on and off alot. Your diet could be affecting your milk's taste.

Goodluck and best wishes for what ever you decide. Don't be too hard on yourself you've done all the right things and at the end of the day a happy healthy baby & mum is the best outcome for both of you.

[cassvanm]

I may totally be way off base here, but have you considered that bub may have silent reflux?
Piper has a mild case, and can breat refuse, she can be very fiddly during feeds, and arches her back etc during feeds. She is also the most calm during her night feeds.
Check out this website to see if she "fits" (as best as any baby fits a list :p)
www.reflux.org.au (http://www.reflux.org.au)

[BabelFish]

Now, cass, you got in early because I was just about to reply to my own thread with the conclusion I came up with tonight.

You are not way off base at all - Poppy has silent reflux and was diagnosed at four weeks of age. She has been on Losec since then.

I had a good, long think tonight. For weeks she has been unsettled. Hubby tells me she screamed all day today, hardly ate a thing and hardly slept. Enough was enough - I told him it just wasn't normal for a baby to cry as much as she does, and I wanted to take her back to the doctor. I took her a couple of weeks ago because I've been worried for ages (about five to six weeks now - but also around 14 weeks is a traditionally fussy period for babies so I really just thought it was that) but at that doctor's visit (Poppy was about 16 weeks then) the GP told me I could double her dose of Losec, and she also had a temperature, so we wondered if she had a UTI. She also told me I could try her on solids if I wanted to - which I did (she liked it, but that's another story...)

Anyway, she is a super wriggly baby, but recently it's been more than that. She has SUCH an aversion to being on her back - from the minute she could roll over she has, straight onto her tummy, the second her back hits the floor - it's like a compulsion, a reflex she can't help. I just thought she had learned a new thing and wanted to do it all the time.

But now she does it in her sleep, and is far happier sleeping on her tummy, sucking her thumb (another new thing she's learned). But for weeks now she has been unsettled, grizzly, unhappy, squirming around all the time, drawing her little legs up - I thought she was in pain but I thought it was wind. She gets the hiccups all the time (always has) but in the last few days she's started posseting a lot - not like her. She is waking through the night now and not going back to sleep well. She is hard to get to sleep at night - almost impossible to get to sleep during the day. She started refusing feeds a few days ago - bottle or boob. She cries ALL the time - really is only happy for a few minutes at a time.

I finally decided today she is in pain, it's just not normal for a baby to cry this much, and so made a doctor's appointment for her. But then it occurred to me - for weeks now, she hasn't been getting her Losec properly. She spits it nearly all out, and we never know how much she's got. Doubling her dose has been a joke - she doesn't take any of it in. The chemist told us not to put it in her bottle because it's got to be cold, but when I really examined it properly, I've realised she's hardly been getting any Losec at all for weeks. So stuff it - I'm putting in a bottle. She was so happy when we were doing that before, it obviously works, so we're going to try it again.

I went to the infant reflux website and guess what? She has ALL of the symptoms of uncomplicated reflux and ALL BUT THREE of the symptoms of reflux disease - right down to having Sandifer's syndrome (which we thought was a neck complication because of her forceps delivery). Not only does she have reflux, she has it badly.

So. Clearly, my little baby has been in pain for nearly six weeks. I have been so frazzled over it that many times I have just let her scream so that I could have five minutes to take a deep breath. I have got angry sometimes. I've thought that she was just a cranky baby and have resented it being such hard work. I have avoided her some days because it was all just too much. And all this time it's most likely (I'm 99% sure) been that she has been in pain.

Some mother I am. Poor little precious baby has been suffering and it took me over a quarter of her life span to date to work it out. Sure, I've taken her to the doctor, read a million things and known that something was wrong, but I didn't work it out soon enough and have not been anywhere near vigilant enough with her medication. I feel like total poop. :(

[cassvanm]

:hugs:
Dont be so hard on yourself! Babies can't talk, they can't tell you whats wrong, and you have to guess most of the time! You've perservered when you thought something was wrong, you've listened to "expert" medical advice, and you are still recognising she needs more.
From what I can tell you are a normal mummy. By that, I mean that you do all you can for your baby, but you are human, and you don't know everything! Now you have a better idea of what is going on, so you can react accordingly.

[BabelFish]

Thank you - you're right. I perhaps shouldn't be so hard on myself. This mothering thing can be very confusing!!

I think (apart from her reflux, which hasn't been good) that a lot of the problem last week was, well - this morning she woke up with a tooth!!! Her first little tooth poking out of her bottom gum. Little monkey! It certainly explains a lot - we have been wondering if she's teething early. I guess we've got proof now! :D

[cassvanm]

Well, that explains it! Congratulations on the tooth!
It's so exciting - but I hope she doesn't nip you too much :rolleyes:

[BabelFish]

So do I! It's not all the way through yet but I really thought I'd get longer than 18 weeks to enjoy that little gummy smile. I don't know where my baby is going - it's so sad!!