AP Support thread

[Rainbowbrite]

Just thought i'd start a thread to give idea's, support, experience or anything positive really in relation to Attachment Parenting :)

What do you do AP wise?

We co-sleep, love baby wearing (though MJ is very wriggly now & always wants to go to daddy :rolleyes: ) & I plan on letting MJ self wean when she's ready :smiliedance:

[MamaSage]

Yay! Good thread idea. I'll be back after dinner. :yes:

[cheezelkat]

I baby-wear, co-sleep, breastfeed and don't believe in "controlled crying".

I'm my mums worst enemy it seems- she's always on at me to stop all that! She's a controled crying kind of grandma and said it didn't do me any harm :rolleyes: She despises the fact that we co-sleep and bags me in front of her friends

I had the nicest compliment the other week. A midwife told me Liam was the most relaxed baby she had ever met. I truly believe that attachment parenting means a happier baby.

[Goosie22]

Great idea Rainbowbrite,

My personal exerience is that I just followed my instincts, it wasnt untill I hooked up to the internet that I discovered the whole AP tag. I breastfeed because I know its best for my children and I know I will do anything to give them the best in life. I wear my children in slings because I want them to be with me as much as possible and it makes them and me happy. Same reason I cosleep.

I have always been involved in womens issues so I read "those types" of books I suppose and injoyed natural remedies and life style. Also I was brought up the way my children have been brought up, my mother slept with her children untill they decided to get into another bed, she breastfeed us all in the early 70's and disregarded advice to supplement as a marketing ploy of Formula companies. My father was even at all our births and talks about it foundly quite alot. I have memories of my mother feeding my siblings and her friends feeding thier babies, actually I am still friends with a lot of the children I grew up with. We went to naturopaths and chiropractors and GPs as a last resort. My mother had us getting acupuncture for tonsillits ect and I still have mine. She may have got all her ways from her mother (my Nana) who was a lay midwife and herbalist.

sounds like I grew up in a hippie commune? Well I grew up on HMAS Cerbrus who knew the Navy had so many Hippies:D .

[nemosmum]

Im with you Goosie, I dont label it as AP but alot of the stuff I have done and do is AP

Bfing, co sleeping , using natural altrnatives for ds's allergies and asthma etc etc

But the best thing is the way we discipline ds its very much AP iykwim,

DS is a very strong willed child and responds really well to AP tech's re: discipline rather than an authorative style, its amazing.:smiliedance:

[misskittyfantastico]

I too do a lot with my bub that is in the AP style...sometimes others can get me down. I wonder if I should be trying to "enforce" a better routine for Amelia but it just doesn't feel right. I've always just followed her lead.

[kymmy]

I am an advocate for co-sleeping,
breastfeeding (on demand), self weaning
hugging my children:hugs:
and I hate routine

Aaaah the natural life!

[LucyE]

Great thread! I'm an AP parent because that's what feels right for us. Some people see AP as being really alternative and hippy but all it's about is accepting that a babies' cry is a form of communication (and not manipulation) and responding to their needs in the most appropriate way. So many people are AP without realising that there's a 'title' for it.

We exclusively breastfed for 7.5 months, gently weaned at 21 months (because I wanted to ttc otherwise we would have kept going), coslept from the start (even in hospital with midwives telling me it was bad and that I would roll on him), babywear (although it took us a little while to find the right carrier for us) and even now when DS sees me pull out the sling he gets very excited. Until recently, I also rocked DS to sleep nearly every night because I do not believe in controlled crying. And we also believe in gentle discipline and positive parenting techniques.

And to all those nay sayers who gave me a hard time because they thought I was a naive first time mum (including MIL)
- DS didn't breastfeed forever. I was able to gently wean him over a period of months with very little upset. I will not be breastfeeding him at the school gate.
- He is no longer in our bed and actually doesn't want to sleep in it anymore. He much prefers his own bed and bedroom. We gently moved him out of our bed into a sidecar option and then when we moved house we moved him into his own bedroom. It was all gentle and non-traumatic for DS. So, thanks MIL but I doubt DS will still be in our bed at 16!
- DS has learnt to walk just fine and is happy to walk alongside me holding my hand. So obviously all that holding and carrying him hasn't done any long term harm.
- DH and I managed to continue our social lives after DS's arrival because we were not afraid of taking him out with us. We were his sleep association so we weren't chained to the house with a strict sleep routine and could go out for meals etc and not worry about DS. And no, I don't foresee myself rocking him to sleep when he's 5 because we have gradually taught him to fall asleep with just our presence. Slowly, we will wean him off that (when he is ready) so that he will be able to fall asleep on his own without any tears or trauma.

And even though it's not really AP, I use cloth nappies fulltime too. While pregnant when I told family for friends, they would all snigger and makes comments about 'we'll see how long that lasts'. Well, 2+ years on, we are still using cloth and have saved $$$$ and will save even more when I reuse them on #2 :D

I suppose what I'm getting at is to do what feels right for your family and don't let the scare tactics of those ignorant of your particular situation/emotions sway you from doing what you feel is best.

[cheezelkat]

I think a lot of people on the shops death glare me for taking Liam out at night, but we don't have a need for a schedule and if Liam sleeps, then great! Our social life hasn't been sacrificed at all. Baby wearing means Liam can sleep beautifully no matter what I'm doing.

[Pixie]

Well I basically do what ever Eliza wants, not becuause she owns me but it works better, we demand feed although I am controlling it a bit at the moment to help her with her reflux issues, I am still demand feeding her but breaking her off the boob now every 10 minutes to burp her. she sleeps in our bed at night and in her cradle in the day I wear her in the sling the majority of the time unless I am going far then we take the pram as well. I always wear my sling lol

I too take her out at night, what's the big deal if she needs feeding/changing we do it!

I have people asking me how do I have such a content baby..I really have no idea, but I truly believe if a baby's needs are met then it will be happy, there is no need for the crying etc. Someone asked me the other day did I know which cry is for what and I said no idea she doesn't cry she wakes up quietly and looks around she grumbles a bit in the evenings during her cluster feeds but shes truly a good baby!

I am so over people saying cosleeping is bad, you're spoiling her, your over feeding her etc....

Hey it's working for me and her and DP so that's what matters!

[*Chels*]

I breastfeed on demand-altho now im trying to cut back a little coz my son is 7 months and i want to get him on solids more.
We co-sleep too.i didnt realise that so many people did it!!i always thought it was the done thing for the baby to sleep in bassinet/cot.
i started co-sleeping because i fell asleep during the night while feeding.so we just started lying beside each other,he feeds,i sleep and when hes done he goes back to sleep.
we are trying him in cot now,put him to sleep there but when he walkes for feed,he comes into bed with us.i miss him when hes not htere-hes soooo nice to snuggle!!!
i wish i had tried a sling-another thing i wasnt aware of!!if we have another baby i think i will try it.
my son only has a rough rountine,hes never been a good sleeper.ive tried controlled crying out of desperation.i dont like it and i just dont believe that its right to let your child cry.it breaks my heart!!
he basically is a great kid,very happy and content excpet when hes overtired or teethin!
i think its all just natural and instinct-if youre baby cries-comfort them.if they are hungry-feed them!!:hugs:

[stellaj]

great thread!! i am going to stick a sign to my son saying ' you cannot spoil a baby', there is no such thing as feeding him too much, picking him up too much and letting him be with me 24 hrs a day. :hugs:

[the_queen]

I didn't know about the term "Attachment Parenting" until I got pregnant with Curtis and discovered bubhub! But I have always been an AP type of parent to Vallerie. We didn't co-sleep for the first 2 years, but that was more about DH saying NO than me not wanting to. When DH and I were separated Vallerie and I co-slept every night. Now we're back together, most nights she goes to bed in our bed (by herself) and then we put her in her own bed after she's asleep. I breastfed her for as long as possible (some of you know my story) and I am definitely a "lactivist" :D. I plan on BFing Curtis until he self-weans. We have a side-car sleeping arrangement with Curtis' cot. I have 2 slings, but so far Curtis has absolutely HATED them, so we'll keep trying... I've heard a hugabub is great, I might have to get me one of those!

Gentle Discipline has worked for us, even with lots of turbulence in Vallerie's home life (me and DH fighting a lot, then splitting up, then me having depression, then us getting back together, then the fighting started again, then I got pregnant, now we have a new bubba...) she is a well-adjusted and happy child. She is outspoken and passionate, she is creative and compassionate, she has a good sense of self-worth and she loves life. She is not clingy, like people predicted she would be.... She knows she can come to me anytime for a cuddle and kiss, and then she goes back to whatever she was doing. She doesn't whinge or throw tantrums, but she will stand her ground and debate with you for hours on end!! Some would say she's "precocious" - I just sit back and dream of the future, of how my QC daughter will look after her mumma in her old age :laughing:


Bubba has now fallen asleep at my boobie so I'm going to try to prise his vice-like jaws off me, and go climb into my bed with him and Vallerie. It just feels nice to lay down with my babies and have them fall asleep in the comfort of their mumma's arms.

[Elfin]

I didn't know the AP term either until quite recently but there are so many aspect i really like. Even though I had never read anything about AP parenting I found we did a lot of things that are consistent with it. I think the main thing was instinct parenting, never had a sling as I never used to know they existed but we used a front carrier quite a lot and I also used a baby backpack. We did some co sleeping and had our babies sleeping in our room with a cot. We try to used gentle parenting techniques as much as possible.

I dip out on the breastfeeding part, although I tried so so hard it never worked out very well for me. So not completely AP but not completely mainstream either.

[Funkychicken]

What a lovely thread. When pregnant with DS#1 we did the hospital birthing classes and during one of these the regular midwife was away and the fill-in was a beautiful soul who had no children of her own, but just seemed so natural with them. Anyway, somebody in the class asked a question(can't recall what it was exactly) and this midwife answered with "just pop him into bed with you". I remember feeling so comfortable with this idea. When DS#1 was born and I was recovery from the whole induction/episiotomy/forceps ordeal, I spent most of my hours just staring at him. Eventually I grabbed him out of that plastic tub and "popped him into bed with me". Now this felt right! So began my journey with AP, although I had no idea of that term. Apart from loads of holding, rocking, breastfeeding for hours on end DS#1 did spend most of his time in his own cot. Too much influence from my Dear Mother! He actually loved sleeping on DH's chest at night and we did this sometimes.
The arrival of DD-a beautiful, magical natural birth with DH and a girlfriend present, who spent the entire 6 hrs giving me Reiki and massage in a birth centre. DD spent about 2 hrs in the plastic tub then straight into bed with me. When we got home the next day it seemed natural to co-sleep and we did this mainly between the hours of 1am (when she woke for a feed) and morning. This worked on and off for 5 years. I would avoid conversations with my mother and other like-minded people about our sleeping, feeding arrangements. I almost felt like I had a bit of a secret. Then our DS#1 started school. What a relief to find a whole community of people doing just what we had and more. These were/are the people I need to spend my time with.
DS#2 arrives!;) SURPRISE! Wow, what an oppurtunity to 'do' parenting exactly as we feel like. My mother doesn't even dare question us this time. We co-sleep, breastfeed on demand, I wear Hamish when we go out and I feel so normal doing all this! I am surrounded by other mums who have done/are doing AP and it's the most wonderful feeling to be supported this way.:D
PS Sorry for long post-obviously had to get all that out.:o

[Funkychicken]

sounds like I grew up in a hippie commune? Well I grew up on HMAS Cerbrus who knew the Navy had so many Hippies:D .
LOL:laughing: . I grew up on the peninsula and often encountered what I now know to be AP's. Mums of friends of mine that always seemed so cool and comfortable in their own skins. I used to admire one mum who wore the most amazing foot jewellry-I wanted a mum who wore toe-rings and went topless at Somers beach!
My BIL is a recently retired Warrant Officer and is sooooo what you expect the navy blokes to be like. A true blue, dinky-di detachment parent!:rolleyes:

[HugsAndKisses]

thank you for this thread and for mentionioning wat AP stands for :laughing:
i too co-sleep with my son and always felt bad as though i was putting him in danger doing so but obviously im not the only one who thinks its a good idea....
i started doing it when DS was feeding one night and i fell asleep and when i awoke was scared i may have let him fall but luckily he hadn't.
from then on id sleep and he'd feed and then we'd cuddle up and have a good nights rest and i had more energy in the morning.....
now that he's on a bottle and eating regular meals he sleeps in his own room and bed and i must admit i really miss him but i know he's growing up (13months) but i have been having him in our room just lately as he's teething and needs his mummy:hugs: (must say i love the neediness) thanks ladies for making me feel more comfortable that im doing the right thing:thumbsup:

[Funkychicken]

thank you for this thread and for mentionioning wat AP stands for :laughing:
i too co-sleep with my son and always felt bad as though i was putting him in danger doing so but obviously im not the only one who thinks its a good idea....
i started doing it when DS was feeding one night and i fell asleep and when i awoke was scared i may have let him fall but luckily he hadn't.
from then on id sleep and he'd feed and then we'd cuddle up and have a good nights rest and i had more energy in the morning.....
now that he's on a bottle and eating regular meals he sleeps in his own room and bed and i must admit i really miss him but i know he's growing up (13months) but i have been having him in our room just lately as he's teething and needs his mummy:hugs: (must say i love the neediness) thanks ladies for making me feel more comfortable that im doing the right thing:thumbsup:
Just following your instincts is doing the right thing. You are very fortunate to have this wisdom and strength at a young age. You're a great example to young and not so young mums out there.:D

[misskittyfantastico]

This thread and members like Goosie and Rainbowbrite have given me such confidence. I wish I'd been a BH member when DD was tiny....I wouldn't have doubted myself and would've been able to give her what she wanted. I will do things very differently next time around.

[Rainbowbrite]

This thread and members like Goosie and Rainbowbrite have given me such confidence. I wish I'd been a BH member when DD was tiny....I wouldn't have doubted myself and would've been able to give her what she wanted. I will do things very differently next time around.

Thanks for that. Thats what Bubhub is all about, giving people the confidence to be the best we can.

I too have gotten many rude & unwanted comments/advice like "let MJ cry, its good for her" or "you should stop bf, she's too old" or "you'll spoil her." :ecomcity: I dont think you can ever spoil a baby with affection & closeness. Co-sleeping is the only way I can function of a day, if we didnt i'd be a zombie :sleeping:

I wish MJ would let me use the sling more, she's such a fidget nowadays.

One question though, as MJ is becoming more & more aware of her world & testing her boundaries can someone let me know more about Gentle Discipline please?

Oh & Queenie, congrats on bubby :hugs: Dont remember if i've said that yet. I'm so glad the bf is working out for you. Just wait till he's MJs age & his eyes light up when you mention milk. MJ runs across the room with her mouth open as soon as I say the "M" word :laughing:

[Funkychicken]

My MIL told me when our DS#1 arrived that he needed to be left to cry so it would strengthen his lungs!:eek:

[HugsAndKisses]

thanks sal008 what a lovely compliment to get :hugs: hope it does help any other young and older mum's out there in doubt but i cant take too much of the credit as all the advice on this thread is very helpfull and encouraging :yelclap:

[the_queen]

Oh & Queenie, congrats on bubby :hugs: Dont remember if i've said that yet. I'm so glad the bf is working out for you. Just wait till he's MJs age & his eyes light up when you mention milk. MJ runs across the room with her mouth open as soon as I say the "M" word :laughing:


That is so gorgeous!!! :D What a cutie pie your daughter is!!!!

[H&B'sMum]

What a great thread RB. I try not to call myself an AP parent but sometimes can help it.

I breastfeed exclusivly until 7 months, then until Harry self weaned. We baby wear and love that closness it gives us, we also love our cloth nappies. I do lots of gentle disipline techniques, use homopathic remedies over panadol and nurofen, I visit a natuopath often and I read lots of alternative books. I'm currently reading "buddism for mothers" and loving it.

My dad calls it vudoo parenting, my mum calls it different parenting and my IL's don't really have an opinion (my SIL also choses AP so they can't really say to much or they would cope it from both of us). WE call it being Harry's parents and to us we are parenting him the way he is meant to be parented. With conscious, thoughtful and respectful parenting. So yes I suppose that does make me an AP parent:smiliedance:

[Mummabear]

I guess I am but I'm not :confused:

I tried desperately to BF (some of you will be familiar with my struggle), I desperately wanted to co-sleep but DH wouldn't hear of it plus we have a waterbed so it's not safe, I tried to use a sling but couldn't find one that was comfortable for both DS and I as I'm a rather large woman. So I guess I have all the intentions of an AP Mumma but have never executed them properly.

I am very gentle with my son, I speak to him nicely and gently, I don't tell him off, instead I ask him not to do something (he's only 10 months so doesn't understand obviously, but I figure I should start the way I intend to continue). I've never raised my voice or my hand to him, nor do I intend to. I firmly believe that we help shape our children's internal voice (the way the speak to and think of themselves) so I always use positive enforcement, I praise him, complement him, encourage him and speak to him with the respect he deserves.

DH did controlled crying with DS a while back :gloomy:. He's back to being hard to settle and waking some nights quite often and I'm back to rocking him to sleep and singing to him :smiliedance: :kiss:.

Now that I am pregnant again I am hoping to buy a bunk for the spare room that is single on top and double on bottom so that DS can remain in his room and I will co-sleep with the baby, or we could all share the bed, which would be AWESOME. I keep begging DH to get rid of the waterbed bladder and buy a normal mattress, but he loves the waterbed. That said I think I would prefer to be in the bed alone with the kids as he's a heavy sleeper and moves around a lot. Sometimes when DS is tired we lay on the floor with a pillow and he has his milk and we watch TV and snuggle - it's so wonderful.

I'll also be trying once again to BF and will allow all my future children to self wean (as I would have with DS).

Can someone please point me in the direction of some good info on gentle discipline? DS is naturally very rough (I guess most boys are, lol) and I want to make sure I'm doing all that I can to nuture his gentle side without supressing who he is meant to be. It's more about training me than anything to do with DS - I want to make sure that I'm doing the very best that I can to help him be the very best that he can be.

[H&B'sMum]

I would recommend "Children are people too" by Lousie Porter. She will challenge your thinking and really make you critcally look at your parenting, but if you can deal with that, then it's a fabo book.

[Pixie]

I love this thread just read it all again :D :hugs:

Intresting thing happened to us over the past week thought i'd share..DP and I had "a talk" lol about many things...and after a while he said how long will Eliza be sleeping in our bed? He said he doesn't mind he just wondered...hmm..:rolleyes:.

Anyway Monday night I was very, very sick with gastro and he was up some of the night with me. He kept saying she'll wake up as you're not there etc but she didn't, she sleeps through most nights anyway..So that night I stayed in the bathroom lol and he slept in bed with Eliza he said to me in the morning..she can stay there with us as long as she wants shes is happy there and that's what matters to him, really changed his views him being alone with her that night, last night he woke me up to ask if he could take over holding her for the night but then she woke up wanting a snack so that went out the window. It's a really great feeling knowing you both want the same thing :D

[kymmy]

M&P that is so wonderful!
I live this thread too- we need the support and affirmation i think.

[Rainbowbrite]

Intresting thing happened to us over the past week thought i'd share..DP and I had "a talk" lol about many things...and after a while he said how long will Eliza be sleeping in our bed? He said he doesn't mind he just wondered...hmm..

We had a similar convo. MJ has been particularly unsettled this week, very clingy, whingy etc & everyone has been giving us advice on what to do, telling us to put her in her own room, stop co-sleeping, do cc etc :banghead: I even contacted tresillian :gloomy: But after being told they will teach her to sleep by letting her cry i said no :no: After talking with DH we came to the conclusion that we love having MJ close & there is no way we'd let her cry. She is our baby & we'll take advantage of the cuddles while she's willing to give them.

We'll be co-sleeping till MJs ready to stop :smiliedance:

Oh & to quote myself
One question though, as MJ is becoming more & more aware of her world & testing her boundaries can someone let me know more about Gentle Discipline please?

[the_queen]

I haven't read too much about Gentle Discipline, and like I've said before, I just kinda parent "instinctively" and didn't realise I was AP until pregnant with Curtis and heard the term for the first time. Anyway, my point, RB, is that when Vallerie was little my discipline techniques were kinda shaped around what I'd learnt at TAFE when I did a child care course. And even now, I look to her kindy teachers as inspiration. Everyone can remember the wonderful fantastic beautiful loving caring softly-spoken magnificent kindy teacher they had, yes?? (I hope everyone has a teacher like this in their past) Mine was called Mrs Laurenson, and she never raised her voice, she didn't call names or put us down, she just spoke to me like we were friends and I adored her and I chose to behave appropriately because of how lovely she was. So I try to be like that with Vallerie (to be honest I'm failing at the moment :crying: It's hard to be gentle after no sleep and with a 4 week old dangling from your nipple constantly)

Anyway, the main theme of my disclipine is "Natural Consequences". I explain all Vallerie's choices to her, ie you can choose to eat your dinner, and then your body will have all those wonderful nutrients in it to help you grow big and strong and have plenty of energy to run around; or you can choose not to eat your dinner, and you will probably have a rumbly hungry tummy at bedtime. I try to remember that most of the stuff I have to discipline her about, doesn't actually affect me personally so I just try to get her to see the consequences of her actions.

Dr Sears' discipline advice (http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp)


9 DEVELOPMENTAL REASONS WHY TODDLERS CAN BE DIFFICULT TO DISCIPLINE

To cope with toddler behavior it helps to remember the basic principle of developmental discipline: the drive that babies have to develop is the same one that creates discipline challenges.

1. Wheels to run on. Imagine how it must feel to learn to walk! He can see all those tempting delights around the room, and he finds ways to get his hands on many of them. once the developmental skill of walking appears, children have an intense drive to master it. So toddlers toddle—constantly. And they can toddle into unsafe situations. Walking progresses to running, and climbing a few stairs turns into scaling kitchen counters.

2. Hands as tools. Along with learning how to pick up things, the one- year- old baby develops hand skills to manipulate what he gets. Doors are to be opened, knobs turned, drawers pulled, dangling cords yanked, and waste cans emptied. Everything within walking and grabbing distance is fair game, or so he figures. To the inquisitive adventurer, the whole house is an unexplored continent, and he intends to leave no stone unturned.

3. Out of the mouths of babes. The development of language—verbal and body— makes parenting a bit easier. Baby can now begin to tell you what she needs with words. This new skill is a mixed blessing. While baby words are entertaining, they can also be frustrating as the parents struggle to understand just what "da-boo" means. Toddlers like to try on different noises to hear how they sound and how they affect their audience. They screech and squeal, yell and jabber. Sometimes their little baby words are pleasing to your ears, and at other times they are nerve-wracking. Language also gives expression to feelings; a feisty "no" from your formerly agreeable child can raise your eyebrows.

4. A mind of their own. Toddlers think, but not logically. Just as motor skills take off during the first half of the second year, toward the last half mental skills blossom. The one-year-old plunges impulsively into activities without much thinking. The two-year-old studies her environment, figuring out a course of action in her head before venturing forth with her body. But a baby's desire to do something often precedes the ability to do it successfully. This developmental quirk drives toddlers into trouble and caregivers to the brink. Even though you know that baby hasn't mastered a skill yet, your explanation won't stop him from trying. For example, one morning our son Stephen insisted on pouring his own juice. He had the ability to maneuver the cup and pitcher, but lacked the wisdom to know when the cup was full. He did not want us to pour it for him, so we let him stand at the sink and pour water into cups while we poured the juice at the table. After a pouring party at the sink, he accepted my hand on his hand and followed my nudge for when to stop pouring.

During the second year your baby's temperament will become more apparent. "Bubbly," "daredevil," "determined," "cautious," and "adventurous" are just a few of the labels toddlers acquire. Children come wired differently, and different kinds of children need different kinds of discipline. Matthew, a relatively cautious toddler, seemed to think out a task carefully before attempting it. If he got himself in too deep he would not protest being rescued. our two-year-old Lauren came wired with a different program. She sees an enticing gadget on top of the kitchen counter and she is willing to risk life and limb to get it. Because of her personality, we don't often let her out of our sight. Her drive helps her keep going, to get up after falling, to persist after being told "no," to struggle with words to make her needs known. It also inspires her to climb higher if the cookie jar has been promoted to the top shelf. The parents' task, in the words of one frazzled toddler manager, is to "keep my child from breaking his neck, and yet encourage him to learn." Think "age-appropriate behavior" and you'll be able to give age-appropriate direction.

5. Some challenging behaviors are developmentally correct. In the normal course of development those same behaviors the child needs to developmentally advance to the next level are the very ones that can get him into trouble. As a child goes from dependence to independence, he will often merit labels like "defiant," "won't mind," "bossy," "sassy," and "impulsive." Some of these behaviors are simply a byproduct of the child's need to become an independent individual. And the "stubbornness" that keeps your child from "minding" is the same spunk that helps him get up after a fall and try again.

6. Get in "phase" with your child. Developing children take two steps forward and one step backward. In each stage of development, they bounce back and forth from equilibrium to disequilibrium. While they're stepping forward into uncharted territory, finding new friends, trying new things, expect discipline problems due to the anxiety that tags along with experimenting. In each stage, expect the calm to come after the storm. The same child who spent two months in a snit may act like an angel for the next three. This developmental quirk can work to the child's advantage and yours. Spot which phase your child is in. If he's trying to move away and grow up a bit, let out the line. During this phase, your child may seem distant from you; she may even answer back and defy you. Don't take this personally. This phase will soon pass. The child is just in the "do it myself" phase and needs some space and coaching (including correcting) from the sidelines.

One day soon, as sure as sunrise follows nightfall, you'll find your child snuggling next to you on the couch asking for help with tasks and suggesting activities you can do together. You may even wake up one morning and discover your six-year-old nestled next to you in bed. This child is now in a reconnecting phase, a pit stop in the developmental journey when your child needs emotional refueling.

When parents and child are out of harmony, discipline problems multiply. If your child is trying to break away when you are trying to bond, you are likely to overreact to what may be normal behaviors of independence. If you are too busy while your child is in the reconnecting phase, you miss a window of opportunity to strengthen your positions as comforter, adviser, authority figure, and disciplinarian.

7. Respect negative phases. Projects such as toilet training should not be undertaken during a negative phase.

8. Plan ahead. Discipline problems are likely to occur when a child is making the transition from one developmental stage to another, or during major family changes: a move, a new sibling, a family illness, or so on. I recently counseled a family whose previously sweet child had turned sour. The mother had started a new job, and at the same time the child started a new school. If possible, time major changes in your life for when a child is not going through major changes herself.

9. What is "normal" may not be acceptable. "I don't care what the book says, Bobby and Jimmy, fighting is not going to be normal in our home," said a mother who knew her tolerance. Part of discipline is learning how to live with a child through different developmental stages. A child's early family experience is like boot camp in preparing for life. A child must learn how to get along with family members in preparation for future social relationships. He needs to be adaptable and learn to adjust his behaviors to a particular family need. Billy is boisterous by temperament. Yet, Billy is expected to play quietly for a few days because mommy is recovering from an illness and has a headache. It is healthy for the child to learn that the sun rises and sets on other people besides himself. Children must learn to adapt to house rules to prepare them to adjust to society's rules.

[Funkychicken]

I honestly believe we are having our babies in an age when the universe is calm and we are calm with it. DH, who has always been a fantastic father but never all that keen on the co-sleeping, rocking to sleep thing, is awakening as a brand new dad with Hamish. He adores rocking him to sleep and when I suggested putting him into his cot last night (which is next to me), his reply was, "Leave him in our bed, he's happy there." I think he is having such a wonderful love affair with this baby that he is experiencing things that he may have overlooked the first two times around. I did most of the attachment work then (happily) so it is so heart-warming to see him experiencing the rewards of AP this time around. It has bonded us as a couple an extra few notches too!:D

[kymmy]

It is lovely to hear that there is support for co-sleeping from the partners :thumbsup:

[Reidymac]

*** Sigh *** It has been so lovely to find this thread and read your stories about parenting instinctively/ attached parenting. I hadn’t heard then term previously and like many of you have had to deal with an onslaught of “well meaning” parenting advice from friends and relatives who believe my children will be spoilt, over-fed, over-emotional, too dependant, squashed, have weak lungs from lack of crying and poor motor skills from being swaddled and worn.

The very same friends and relatives who regularly comment on what lovely, content and affectionate children I have, that my baby son (almost 6 months) has never been heard to cry and how strong, generous and independent miss 2.5 is. Both children have been exclusively BF on demand up until 6 months, and then until DD self weaned at 18 months (due to pregnancy?). We have also supported our children to fall into their own patterns of feeding and sleeping, rocked or BF to sleep, co roomed and co slept, swaddled, baby carried and used gentle and respectful discipline.

I often find myself wondering if I’m lazy or not diligent enough when my new mothers group friend are discussing feeding schedules, sleeping and settling routines, controlled crying and solids recipes for their under 6 mth olds. My current struggle is with MIL who considers it a personal affront that we don’t send her our children to baby-sit and sleep over at her place (we visit regularly). She doesn’t seem to understand that my partner and can have a strong and loving relationship that includes our children and does not require us to take time out away from them. More power to all of you for listening to your instincts and to your children and thanks for a great thread!!

[stellaj]

Thought you guys might appreciate this snippet from Connor's kinder teacher about the song Connor sung for show and tell- it went somehting like this-

'there were 4 in the bed and the little one said 'i'm hungry' so we all rolled over and mum's boob fell out and the baby was fed'.

the teacher did not look amused but i thought it was priceless. It is a bit squeezy with 4 in the bed atm but Connor comes and goes between his room and ours.

:hugs:

[kymmy]

I love that stella!:)

[Goosie22]

Stella, no doubt you will have burning ears for a while:laughing: I love it.

[Pixie]

That's funny Mel