I just dont know

[samantha03]

I lost my baby 2 weeks ago 21 weeks in to my pregnancy. I am slowly moving on but find it hard every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman.
I hate the fact I left the hospital with out my baby while other people get to take there baby home. I feel so empty.
And now a very good friend of mine at work, had a baby girl on the weekend.I hate the fact that I don't want to go and see her and her baby.
And now everyone at work is talking about her and her baby. They treat me like I was never pregnant and don't talk to me. They talk about how great it is that she has had the her baby, but they all seems to forget that I had a baby, he was born to early and died but he was still my baby.
It all just seems to hard and I don't want my friend to think I don't care. Its just that I find it hard to see other babies.

[TeenyT]

I'm very sorry for your loss. It is completely understandable for you not to want to be around other babies. Its only been a couple of weeks and the pain and devastation are still very raw. Seeing another baby just rips open healing wounds and reminds you of what you lost. Your workmates could develop a little bit of sensitivity but they may not talk to you as they dont know what to say. Some people worry that if they say the wrong thing, it will upset you so they avoid you as they feel uncomfortable. Try not to let it get to you. :hugs:

As far as your friend goes, maybe write her a letter (so that she wont see you crying and you can take your time). Explain exactly what you have said in your post - that you are very happy for her but are dealing with the loss of your precious one and just find it too difficult at the moment. The day will come where you can see her baby and it wont hurt so much but it is still too soon. Surely she would understand why you cant visit her.

In the meantime, just be kind to yourself and dont try to rush things. It will take some time for you to heal but you will know when you are ready.

[dearmum]

Hi Samantha:hugs:I feel your pain i also lost my baby boy @ 20 weeks pregnant 2 months ago and i still feel sad and lost.I feel the only way to move on will be to have another baby but it wont be to replace my boy as he will always be in my mind and my heart but i need to have my pregnancy again i miss it so much :crying:
Have you thought of getting pregnant again?
The saddest thing about me was i bought all my baby things when i found out he was a boy and now i have had to put them in my garage because they are to painful to see.I just feel its unfair and i have nothing now.

[JabberJaw]

:hugs::hugs:

I am so sorry for your loss, i too have lost a bub and could have written your post myself.
I know it is really hard at the moment with everything so 'raw' but it is true that time does help heal. Not completely, but it does get easier.

I was in the same boat with people not talking about me and my bub but chatting about a friend that just had hers. IT is as TeenyT said, they will be at a loss as to what to say to you, people who have not lost a bub have no idea of the right thing to say, so they tend to not say anything.

It was hard for me, but i actually found a colleague who was willing to listen, and spoke of my loss so that they could try to understand, and it helped my healing to speak about it, even if they didn't have the right words to say back.

I ended up going to visit my friend who had her bub, it seemed to help the healing too, it wasn't that i didn't want her to have her bub, it was that i wanted mine too.

Have you had some kind of ceremony or anything?

Honestly, having lost a bub myself, i still find it hard to say the right things to people who have been there also. Because everyone is different, and we think and grieve differently.

I have now gone on to have another healthy bub, and everyday the son i lost crosses my mind, but i try to turn it into positive (as much as i can) i feel that my bub in heaven is now watching over us, and he was sent to me for a reason, so that i really appreciate all that i have now. This might not apply to you, but it is how i turn such a horrible situation, to something a little more positive.

Hang in there, it will get that little bit easier, and remember, it is OK to cry. It is OK to be angry and it is OK to be confused. But if it is consuming you, go see yr GP, because grieving can turn to depression really quickly.

There a plenty of Bubhubbers here to talk, or listen if you need to vent. :hugs:

[samantha03]

Thanks everyone. I'm sorry for all your losses
My first thought was to just start trying and to have another baby, but I'm so scared that something will happen again and I don't think I could go through all that again so soon. And the more I think about things the more I need to make sure in my heart I am ready to have another baby.
I understand how people feel its to hard to talk to me about things at work. But it just hurt when everyone asked what my friend had, and I feel like screaming I had a baby to, know one asked me what I had and what I named him. And it gets worst when I see a girl at work who's due date was the same as mine. And I see her walking around and I think, I should also look like that now.
And we are meant to have drinks at work this Friday, and people say to me. Oh now you can come drinking with us. And I don't think I want to,
Thanks for listing to my vent.

[SixtiesChild]

Hi Samantha,

I am very sorry for your loss and of course your baby's identity does matter very much to me too. :yes:
I had a miscarriage and experienced the same emotions you describe- very normal to feel that way. Just tell your friend that it's really difficult for you to look at babies right now, having lost your baby- surely she'd understand.
Then when you do see the baby, just stay for a short time.

I find it sad that Our society is such that the unborn aren't very respected but you will still heal from this over time and more than likely have a full term birth and a healthy baby whenever you are ready.:)

Best wishes

[angelfriend87]

I just wanted to give you a hug and to let you know that you have every right to be respected and thought of. Your baby boy will always be in your heart and in the hearts of those close to you. Take time for yourself and for your emotions to come naturally. dont force anything and dont block or stop anything. i would say try and find a counsellor you can trust with how you feel,so you know youve always got a safe outlet for your feelings. take care

[SomewhereOverTheRainbow]

Samantha,
I just found your post and couldn't not reply. As someone else said, I too could have written your post myself. After I lost my bub in July everything seemed blurry for a while, and even now I hate seeing babies or pregnant women. As you can see I am newly pregnant again myself, but it still hurts to see pregnant women.
There is a good chat thread in the support after m/c section and the girls there are all so lovely. If you feel up to it, come chat there. They have provided me with so much support these last few months and it helps to have other people who just 'get it'. :hugs: