Need help with bub's frustrated 'tantrums'

[UmmInayah]

Hi,

Please bear with me as I am hopeless at explaining things!

My DD is almost 18 months old. She gets so frustrated when she wants to do something that she can't do, or when I do something she doesn't want (without me realising).

Here is an example:

She was eating a piece of broccoli. She had finished one piece and asked for some more, so I took another piece which was quite big, and broke it in half. It was like her world just came crumbling down. She grabbed the broccoli off me, took it in her two hands, scrunched it up and threw it on the floor and started getting angry. She wouldn't let me hold her, she just threw herself back and cried and cried, grabbed my face and scratched me!

Usually when she does this, I manage to let her cry in my arms and stroke her hair, letting her know it's okay to be frustrated etc..

But my worry is that this is happening more and more, and even with the most tiniest of things. Like if I accidentally happen to move a piece of paper on her table. Things like that. Things that seem unreasonable to me, but mean so much to her. Sometimes she will ask me to do something and then the moment I do it she just throws a tantrum about it!

What do I do? How do I help her release this frustration without hurting me and without it getting worse?

[kkaz]

I'm sorry, I don't have any real-life experience with this, so this might sound really silly....

but in the medium term have you thought about baby sign language?

I am not sure how easily your DD communicates with you now, so it may be of little benefit if she is a very good communicator already. But often an 18monther is particularly frustrated because they understand so much but are unable to express all they need/want through words. Signing is easier for them, and can be taught reasonably quickly. It has been shown to reduce frustration for toddlers.

Not sure if this is possibly a problem for your DD though? :confused:

[UmmInayah]

Thanks kkaz for your reply.

My DD does know some baby sign and she speaks very well. She tells me sometimes before she throws a tantrum that she is angry, so I think she knows what that means?

She is pretty good at communicating what she wants. Today she has started saying "Whole one" so I think that will help with some of the frustration about wanting things whole, not broken.

It's just really difficult even when I am playing a game with her or playing with her dough. She will tell me to play with her, and even hand me some dough, but the moment I touch it, she gets upset with me.

[gizmoduckus]

It is just a phase that they all go through. It does subside when they learn to communicate more effectively.

My DS is 26 months and he is just now starting to settle with his frustration tempers.

My advice is that if she doesn't want to be held and hurts you when you attempt to do it then don't try holding her. Maybe just try talking her through it first and then once she is settled then give her a big hug to let her know that it is all okay.

[UmmInayah]

It is just a phase that they all go through. It does subside when they learn to communicate more effectively.

My DS is 26 months and he is just now starting to settle with his frustration tempers.

My advice is that if she doesn't want to be held and hurts you when you attempt to do it then don't try holding her. Maybe just try talking her through it first and then once she is settled then give her a big hug to let her know that it is all okay.

Thank you so much for that. I don't restrict her when I am holding her, I let her go if she wants to go.. But I always remain with her doing something like stroking her hair.

Last night she had a tantrum because she wanted a drink and then she didn't want a drink. I just let her cry and roll around her cot for a bit and said it was okay and that I was here. She stopped crying eventually and let me pick her up and I gave her a drink and she went back to bed.

Why does she do it if she wants a drink and doesn't take it the first time!?

[canberramomma]

Would so agree that it's a stage.

My 2 yo is currently throwing tantrums that will only harm herself.

Pulling her hair, pinching herself, biting herself, etc.

The only real diversion I have found is telling her that is 'silly' and doing another activity.

Whether it''s finger painting, play dough, drawing, a game, outside activity, whatever!

It stops the self destructive behaviour (which believe me, helps when they are older).

Good luck!

PM me if you want!:yes:

[Aussiemummy]

Have you thought that cuddling her may actually be encouraging her to throw tantrums as shes being rewarding with good attention??

[JimJamsMum]

I so understand where you are coming from. DS is 19 months old and behaves exactly the same way. It can be distressing to have to watch such a drama, especially when DS throws himself around or bangs his head. I find it best to just sit by and watch passively not giving it too much attention but also making sure he doesn't hurt himself. In my experience, cuddles and attention tend to make the tantrum worse and prolong it.

It is also worth noting that toddlers have a real sense of order so they tend to get upset when things are out of place or not how they perceive they should be. That would explain the tantrums over things that have been moved or "broken".

Be assured that it is just a phase and they'll get over it eventually :fingerscrossed:

[~Temet Nosce~]

My dd has just started throwing some whopper tanties also. I usually just move her to a spot where she can't hurt herself from throwing herself and flailing arms around etc. and ride it out until she is over it. There is no reasoning with a tantying bub! lol

[UmmInayah]

Have you thought that cuddling her may actually be encouraging her to throw tantrums as shes being rewarding with good attention??

I don't believe there is such a thing as good attention verses bad attention. I think when she is tantruming, she is asking for help to get over whatever it is she is going through.

I think there is a perception nowadays where we think we should ignore children when they are looking for attention (i.e. tantruming), when infact I believe we should be doing the opposite.

Anyway, she is with me 24/7 literally and she almost always has my attention, so I don't think she is tantruming because of that..