What not to say/how to help?

[Manxie]

Hello Ladies:wave:

I hope you dont mind me posting in this area.

I ran into someone I know through playgroup the other day and got talking. It seems she is going through major issues with her little boy. He isnt meeting his milestones and they are about to commence testing and start physio etc.

I dont know this lady very well at all, just the usual chitchat you have with other mums at playgroup. She seemed very keen to talk and wants to meet up for coffee. She is obviously completely stressed and beside herself with worry.

Anyway to the point of this thread. Are there any big no no's that I shouldnt come out with when talking to her. I'm sure there are lots of things that people say that get your goat and I was very mindful when we were chatting that I didnt want to say anything that would either cause her more anxiety or upset her.

Also on a practical level is there anything I can offer to do to help. I said I would look after her eldest any time she had appointments but anything else?

Thanks ladies and sorry for crashing:goodvibes:

[Nowhere]

hugs how nice of you to care

In all honesty I would say just act normal, chat like you usualy would about your kids and hers if she asks if your litle one is crawling or walking etc just be honest and with the usual excitement that you would usualy KWIM

She wont expect you to walk in egg shels around her, as long as you dont try and play down her bubs isues, by telling her all the lines she has likely heard 1000 times such as he will do it when he is ready, he isnt delayed, etc etc, or by going the other way and comparing how great your kid is

Im sure you will be fine just be your self

[WorkingClassMum]

Coming from a support person's perspective (my cousins DD has CP and now epliepsy)

My cousin loves us coming to play 'cos we are just simply normal.

We ask how things are without probing. We treat her DD like a person. We gently remind the kids to be careful -just as we normally would. Our kids know to let us know if her DD has a fit, to remove all toys etc from around her and get adult help asap. (It's happened a few times now)

Cus and I chat about all things, not just about the physio and medication. Cus tells me in the normal line of converstaion about the physio and med.s.

We've had a long realtionship though, and all our kids are similar ages.

Cus loves us coming over for a play, as it encourages her DD to compete and to try things she normally wouldn't. My DD helped tp TTher DD and also simple things like dressing herself and putting on her own shoes and socks.

Just be a friend, be interested without being nosey and invasive.

[Nowhere]

Coming from a support person's perspective (my cousins DD has CP and now epliepsy)

My cousin loves us coming to play 'cos we are just simply normal.

We ask how things are without probing. We treat her DD like a person. We gently remind the kids to be careful -just as we normally would. Our kids know to let us know if her DD has a fit, to remove all toys etc from around her and get adult help asap. (It's happened a few times now)

Cus and I chat about all things, not just about the physio and medication. Cus tells me in the normal line of converstaion about the physio and med.s.

We've had a long realtionship though, and all our kids are similar ages.

Cus loves us coming over for a play, as it encourages her DD to compete and to try things she normally wouldn't. My DD helped tp TTher DD and also simple things like dressing herself and putting on her own shoes and socks.

Just be a friend, be interested without being nosey and invasive.

lol can we come over for a play lol

My best friend of all times is like that, we chat about normal stuff cooking shoping kids clothes toys funny stuff etc, and about the kids of course but not all doom and gloom

[WorkingClassMum]

lol can we come over for a play lol

My best friend of all times is like that, we chat about normal stuff cooking shoping kids clothes toys funny stuff etc, and about the kids of course but not all doom and gloom

You'd be welcome anytime :hugs:

[Manxie]

hugs how nice of you to care

In all honesty I would say just act normal, chat like you usualy would about your kids and hers if she asks if your litle one is crawling or walking etc just be honest and with the usual excitement that you would usualy KWIM

She wont expect you to walk in egg shels around her, as long as you dont try and play down her bubs isues, by telling her all the lines she has likely heard 1000 times such as he will do it when he is ready, he isnt delayed, etc etc, or by going the other way and comparing how great your kid is

Im sure you will be fine just be your self

Thank you:hugs: Its all the lines that I was worried about comming out with, not intentially of course:o I'd like to think being a nurse that I am fairly sensative but you never know and I'm sure that she is analysing every thing at the moment.


WCM-thanks as well. Hopefully I can achieve the balance between being interested and supportive and not being intrusive:yes:

[shelley05]

What an amazing woman you are to care to post! :yelclap:

As Amy said try and be as normal as possible it can annoy me when people (i do realise they are being kind) say "he'll be okay". If only that was true! But the worst of all is when people realise DS has medical issues they avoid you completely. :(

You are making such a positive foot print on your own children by being so open minded, informed and kind. :hugs:

Take care!

[kiwibird27]

HELLO...,. I know it's hard to figure out what to say, the best advice I can give is just to say "I don't know what to say!!!" Many people try and think of the perfect thing that will help but actually nothing will.. I just wanted to hear about the normal world out there, and if my child did something no one expected I would love to hear "WOW LOOK WHAT SHE DID"
I was still excited to hear about friends kids and I hated when people treated me with "SPECIAL CARE" Just say u have had read about lots of parents going thru the same thing as her... on here, and can't imagine what it's like... be honest... that will shine thru above all else.. and if u ask "how is it going" be prepared for the answer, some people would ask me to b polite but didn't really want to know about my dying 2 month old... it showed on her face!!!

All I can say is all I want from my child is to be treated as "NORMALLY" as possible..... just do that ... maybe ask ythem over for a "PLAYDATE" some parents are scared to invite special kids but the mums need it more than the kids!!!

[Manxie]

Thanks Shelly05:o and Kiwibird27 thank you both for the advice.

I bumped into this friend again at the weekend and we going to meet up to without kids for some chill out time which we could both do with at the moment:D

[MyFourCubs]

Coming from a support person's perspective (my cousins DD has CP and now epliepsy)

My cousin loves us coming to play 'cos we are just simply normal.

We ask how things are without probing. We treat her DD like a person. We gently remind the kids to be careful -just as we normally would. Our kids know to let us know if her DD has a fit, to remove all toys etc from around her and get adult help asap. (It's happened a few times now)

Cus and I chat about all things, not just about the physio and medication. Cus tells me in the normal line of converstaion about the physio and med.s.

We've had a long realtionship though, and all our kids are similar ages.

Cus loves us coming over for a play, as it encourages her DD to compete and to try things she normally wouldn't. My DD helped tp TTher DD and also simple things like dressing herself and putting on her own shoes and socks.

Just be a friend, be interested without being nosey and invasive.

:thumbsup: and :hugs: I couldnt' agree more!

I only like to hang with people who are relaxed around us and can deal with our issues without tip toeing around us. Just be YOURSELF you sound like a lovely person!:)