How hard is it?

[Briannabear]

Just a question for all the mums out there with more than one child...........
How hard is it to recover from birth when you have another child to look after?

I had a good pregnancy (besides the morning - or all day - sickness!), but I had a pretty yucky labour which ended in an emergency CS. :( It took me months to recover, and I still have a few lingering 'minor' health issues. I would be pretty unlucky to have the same thing happen next time around, but its still a scary thought!

I wonder how hard it is though to deal with that when you have an extra 'little person' to look after.

I love my daughter so much, and I really enjoy being a mother and spending time with her. Is it hard to have to share your love and time with another child (as well as hubby too - obviously!!)? Or does your motherly instinct just kick right in when it happens? Its hard to imagine loving another person as much as I love Brianna. (Husband excluded!) Or does that love just get expanded to include your next addition to the family? :D

It may seem like a strange question, but its really been playing on my mind lately! :p

How have all you mummys coped? Id really appreciate your thoughts and honesty!

Cheers! :D

[petster]

Great question Briannabear! I've been wondering the same things myself lately, as we are wanting to try for #2 in December... I will await the replies with much anticipation!

Cheers!

[draught]

I actually bounced back from the birth quicker after number 2 - maybe because my body had already done it once.

As for love - it is an amazing thing - your heart just expands and you make equal room for the new little one and your love for both of them continues to grow on a daily basis. I was also worried about this while I was pregnant, but looked at my mother (4 kids and now 6 grandchildren) and grandmother (10 kids and 30 grandchildren) and realised that all of their children and grandchildren felt loved and cherished, and that if they could do it with that many, surely I could cope with two! And I was right. Of course now I worry that if we had a third that DD2 might miss out on love, attention etc.......!

Things I didn't expect included that my second daughter would be so much like my first in the first few weeks - it was very disconcerting having what felt like the same baby again! I also didn't realise how big my eldest would seem - physically - after the arrival of the tiny bundle. Probably the biggest shock for me though, has been sleep deprivation - we really didn't have any with DD1 when she was little, but the combination of a new baby and a toddler who wakes early means that some days my day started at 3.30am.....so my advice is to try very hard to get them both to sleep at the same time during the day and then sleep yourself - make it a priority!! Now things are much better but for a while there I was a zombie!

I also feel guilty sometimes that DD2 doesn't get the same amount of attention that DD1 had, because I am constantly chasing her older sister and keeping her out of mischief. DD2 is a very happy baby though, and is months ahead of her sister in the crawling, climbing department, so I try to stop worrying about this and just enjoy them both.

[willsmum]

Depends what kind of birth you have for no 2. I had a planned csection both times and we prepared William well in advance that Mum wouldn't be able to do heaps of stuff. I think it was better though because my nerve endings were mangled from the first cs so the pain was less. Also, you just have to cope because of the older one.

As for loving them, someone said to me that if you rlove for no 1 is like a cake, you don't have to chop it in half when no 2 arrives, you just get a whole new cake. And it's true.

[mumof2girls]

I had 2 3rd degree tears so I was pretty sore after both but I found that because I involved my daughter throughout the entire pregnancy and she knew what to expect that it wasn't a shock to her and she was able to cope fine with everything. My girls are just under 2 years apart so the 1st was toilet trained etc before the bub #2 arrived which made it easier as well. I also explained that when the baby cried that I had to help the baby as it couldn't do things for herself and when the baby was asleep I would spend time with the oldest. I guess I was spoilt though in the fact that my children would eat & then sleep for a good 6-10 hours at a time. :)

Believe me when you hols your baby in your arms you will love it just like you do your daughter, you would be surprised how much love can fit into 1 small heart!
Just go with the flow and I'm sure it will all work out well :)

[Lallas' Mum]

Hi Briannabear & Petster,

I think a lot depends on how old your first child is, how your delivery goes and how much support you have.

My first son was just a little over 18mths when I had my second son by elective caesarean (bub was too big - 5.01kg). I had a far bit to deal with both physically and emotionally. My 1st son was a natural delivery so it was all very different second time around. The first two-three weeks were tough. I was trying to settle in at home with the new bub as well as recover from major surgery. I also had a little toddler bouncing around wanting to play and cuddle. Luckily my husband had four weeks off and I had plenty of support from other family members. My caesarean was also complication free which helped in a speedy recover.

Bub is only eight weeks old but we have all settled in as a family very well.

I will be honest and say however it did take me about a week to really bond with bub number two. The whole caesarean thing made me feel like I hadn't really given birth and I was a little resentful that I couldn't cuddle my eldest son properly because of the procedure. But now I just can't stop cuddling both my boys and telling them how much I love them (and when I've actually got the time I cuddle my "other" baby and tell him how much I love him and am thankful for all his support love and help).

Some days can be draining and chaotic to say the least. But organisation helps sort the day out. It also helps to remember you're not superwoman and the dirty laundry,dishes and house can wait but babies won't!!!

It is hard to predict the future but I am sure that the future willhold another bub that you will love just as much as your first.

Good luck in Dec petster.