babydreams
18-05-2006, 12:26
Where has everyone gone? It's very quiet in here lately! I'm hoping this will spark some debate/opinions in this forum...
Babydreams
BBC News
17 May 2006
I'm the daddy
By Denise Winterman
BBC News Magazine
Ian Mucklejohn made history when he became the first single man in the UK to have his own children without a female partner. But he knew one day they would have to meet their mother.
Five years ago bachelor Ian Mucklejohn, a 58-year-old millionaire businessman, decided that what was missing in his life was children.
He could have found a woman just to have a baby with, but didn't think that would have been ethical or morally justifiable. Also, if the relationship broke up, the mother would get custody.
So with the help of the internet he found an American egg donor, had her eggs fertilised with his sperm in California and paid a surrogate to carry the babies - something he would not have been able to do legally in the UK.
One-parent family
The total cost topped £50,000 and the result was triplets - Piers, Lars and Ian. Six weeks after their birth, Mr Mucklejohn flew to the US to collect them and bring them home. Five years on his self-created family is happy and healthy.
Despite being very close to his own mother, he does not believe his sons are missing out because the concept of "mother" plays no part in their daily existence.
"I am the anchor in their lives," he says. "That's not to say having a mother isn't a great thing, but as long as I am doing my best by them I don't think they are missing out. I knew I could combine both genders, and do constantly with the boys. I give them lots of cuddles and then play football in the garden with them.
"My children are the product of a single-parent family, like many of their friends and lots of people in today's society."
But the possibility that they might want to know more about their mother in the future played a large part in Mr Mucklejohn's decision to take them to the US recently to see how and where they were created, and meet their biological mother Melissa Valdovinos and surrogate mother Tina Price.
"I don't know if the children will ever need their mother," he says. "I don't think they will because she has never been a part of their daily lives, but I think it is important to keep a good relationship with Melissa
- also Tina - so in the fullness of time they can find them and talk to them if they want."
For Melissa, their biological mother, the extraordinary moment she met her three sons for the first time was a positive experience, but no more than that.
"I felt attached to them but not in the respect that I feel they belong to me," she says. "I don't see myself as their mummy because I'm not doing the job of a mother. I realise they are Ian's responsibility - not mine."
Melissa's own mother walked out on her when she was just two. She does not feel that she suffered as a result, which could explain her ability to remain detached. It was more emotional for surrogate mother Tina, who cried when she saw the boys.
"I still feel connected even though I don't know them," she says. "My heart felt full just watching them play and watching them with their Dad. It felt nice to have been part of it and seeing that they are a family."
Life complete
Their reactions proved to Mr Mucklejohn that he had picked the right women for the job.
"For Melissa there was a satisfaction with what she had done and for Tina it was a bit more emotional," he says.
"But I had a sense when I chose them both that they were doing it for the right reasons and there would be no difficulties on their side when the babies were born."
And for the boys? They are still too young to fully understand the role both women played in their creation and behaved like typical five years olds, more interested in playing than meeting the women.
"They never really asked before and they have shown no more interest in either of their mothers since they met them," says Mr Mucklejohn.
He is aware that his decision about how to create a family is not understood by everyone. But he published a book And Then There Were Three to set the record straight.
Since then the response has been mostly positive, especially from people unable to have children themselves.
"I have seen the unhappiness childlessness brings and this country makes it too hard to overcome that," he says. "But it can be done."
One Life: I'm The Daddy will be broadcast on Wednesday 17 May 2006 at 2040 BST on BBC One.
(comments from UK in next post)....
Babydreams
BBC News
17 May 2006
I'm the daddy
By Denise Winterman
BBC News Magazine
Ian Mucklejohn made history when he became the first single man in the UK to have his own children without a female partner. But he knew one day they would have to meet their mother.
Five years ago bachelor Ian Mucklejohn, a 58-year-old millionaire businessman, decided that what was missing in his life was children.
He could have found a woman just to have a baby with, but didn't think that would have been ethical or morally justifiable. Also, if the relationship broke up, the mother would get custody.
So with the help of the internet he found an American egg donor, had her eggs fertilised with his sperm in California and paid a surrogate to carry the babies - something he would not have been able to do legally in the UK.
One-parent family
The total cost topped £50,000 and the result was triplets - Piers, Lars and Ian. Six weeks after their birth, Mr Mucklejohn flew to the US to collect them and bring them home. Five years on his self-created family is happy and healthy.
Despite being very close to his own mother, he does not believe his sons are missing out because the concept of "mother" plays no part in their daily existence.
"I am the anchor in their lives," he says. "That's not to say having a mother isn't a great thing, but as long as I am doing my best by them I don't think they are missing out. I knew I could combine both genders, and do constantly with the boys. I give them lots of cuddles and then play football in the garden with them.
"My children are the product of a single-parent family, like many of their friends and lots of people in today's society."
But the possibility that they might want to know more about their mother in the future played a large part in Mr Mucklejohn's decision to take them to the US recently to see how and where they were created, and meet their biological mother Melissa Valdovinos and surrogate mother Tina Price.
"I don't know if the children will ever need their mother," he says. "I don't think they will because she has never been a part of their daily lives, but I think it is important to keep a good relationship with Melissa
- also Tina - so in the fullness of time they can find them and talk to them if they want."
For Melissa, their biological mother, the extraordinary moment she met her three sons for the first time was a positive experience, but no more than that.
"I felt attached to them but not in the respect that I feel they belong to me," she says. "I don't see myself as their mummy because I'm not doing the job of a mother. I realise they are Ian's responsibility - not mine."
Melissa's own mother walked out on her when she was just two. She does not feel that she suffered as a result, which could explain her ability to remain detached. It was more emotional for surrogate mother Tina, who cried when she saw the boys.
"I still feel connected even though I don't know them," she says. "My heart felt full just watching them play and watching them with their Dad. It felt nice to have been part of it and seeing that they are a family."
Life complete
Their reactions proved to Mr Mucklejohn that he had picked the right women for the job.
"For Melissa there was a satisfaction with what she had done and for Tina it was a bit more emotional," he says.
"But I had a sense when I chose them both that they were doing it for the right reasons and there would be no difficulties on their side when the babies were born."
And for the boys? They are still too young to fully understand the role both women played in their creation and behaved like typical five years olds, more interested in playing than meeting the women.
"They never really asked before and they have shown no more interest in either of their mothers since they met them," says Mr Mucklejohn.
He is aware that his decision about how to create a family is not understood by everyone. But he published a book And Then There Were Three to set the record straight.
Since then the response has been mostly positive, especially from people unable to have children themselves.
"I have seen the unhappiness childlessness brings and this country makes it too hard to overcome that," he says. "But it can be done."
One Life: I'm The Daddy will be broadcast on Wednesday 17 May 2006 at 2040 BST on BBC One.
(comments from UK in next post)....