Kids parties: how to invite only a few children & not upset other kids in the class?

[ThisIsLiving]

DD's 5th birthday is coming up, and we have decided to have a small party for her at a local park with just a few of her closest friends from kindy.

Trouble is, how do I go about this without hurting anyone's feelings? I feel just awful only inviting 5 of her friends, but these kids are the ones she seems to be closest to, and I didn't want to have a "big" party for her this year, so for numbers sake DD was told to choose those she wanted to have at her party, but not to choose more than 5.

Then today I overheard some of the kids talking about her party at kindy today (I rang their Mums the other day to invite them, so obviously some of the kids are aware of it and are now talking at kindy), and some of the other children who are not invited asked my DD if they could come too. :( I felt so awful and sorry for not having included them too.

This is my first year experiencing this kind of thing, as DD hasn't been in a group situation such as kindy before. School years are looming - so there'll be plenty more of this type of situation (unless we decide to invite the ENTIRE class next time!). Which is what my guilt makes me feel like doing!

Am I thinking too much about it/reading too much into it? What do you do if you aren't inviting the whole class?

[Rell]

This might seam a little heartless but i strongly belive that this is just something kids have to experiance and learn to deal with. as adults we don't always get invited to everything so kids need to learn this too. For my DD's 5th she was also only allowed to invite 5 kids from her class. We didn't realy have any dramas with it. When it was another childs birthday party and DD didn't get invited she also took it well.

[tootiredtosleep]

We arent at the school stage yet, but I imagine that its pretty common not to invite everyone... if their are 30 kids in the class and 20 have parties, that's alot of parties to go to!

If you feel terrible, maybe you could make cupcakes and take them to school on her bday for all the kids?

[tiggles]

This is so hard, they are too little to understand properly. I have said in the past, "well DD is only having a little party and couldnt invite everyone. Maybe we can invite you next year". Just say it with a smile and be caring.

[amandaw]

If you feel terrible, maybe you could make cupcakes and take them to school on her bday for all the kids?

Great idea! At least that way they all get to be a part of it!

[Dannielle]

Honestly, its part of life and they need to learn that not everyone gets invited. DD just says "I'm sorry, mum will only let me invite a certain number of people". I like to do cup cakes for the class though.

I have heard some people say that it's not fair and the whole class should be invited. I hate that! It's just not realistic for most people especially us. Not only the cost but supervising and entertaining that many kids.

Whenever I hear that I tell them they are welcome to pay for and organise all my twins parties for me then. They are going to be in separate classes so around 40 children in kindy and up to 70 children in the later years!

[mum_I'm_hungry]

My daughter is at kindy and we just went through this as well.

We invited seven little girls to a birthday party at a cafe. I posted invitations as I didn't want to put them in the pigeonhole pockets so some of the kids would obviously have them and not others. They did end up talking about the party a lot at kindy (which worried me at first), but it was okay and the kindy teacher seemed fine with it. Like others have said, it's the way of the world. I did cupcakes on her actual b'day and took those to kindy and everyone got a bit of the action, but we simply couldn't invite everyone and didn't really want to. Come to think of it, all the kindy parties have been that way, so I think the kids are getting used to it now. We haven't been invited to one where the whole class has been invited.

[cassvanm]

My DD1 just had her 5th birthday, and I gave her a limit of 10 children, however I had a couple of "must invites" (family friends), which took up 4 of her spots. I told her that she could invite anyone else she likes, but she had to stay in the limit of children.
I agree with previous posters - kids need to learn about life, and part of life is not getting invited to EVERY party! If you invited every child who she plays with, and every child who's invited her, the list would be never-ending, and you'd be up for a fortune.
I didn't worry about it too much. My DD1 didn't invite one little boy who's mother I used to be quite close with. When she asked about it, I told her that Baylee didn't pick him as part of her allocated numbers, and she was fine with that!
Good luck.

ETA: At 5 your DD is old enough to pick her own friends. Give her that responsiblity, and she'll also learn a valuable lesson :)

[ThisIsLiving]

Thanks heaps for the replies.

There's some really great advice, and it makes a lot of sense. :yes:

As its the first time I've experienced this, its wonderful to hear other people's perspectives (and you've all put it into perspective for me too). I am a born worry-wort I am sure! :) And going up to kindy with patty cakes or something is a fantastic idea, I'm definitely going to do that. :thumbsup:

Thanks so much once again. :)

[Dannielle]

I always check with the teacher about allergies too. And ask if you can bring candles. Some places will let you and some wont but either way they will usually sing happy birthday.

I hope your DD has a good birthday.:)

My twin DD's are having their 5th next week but we are only doing a small family party this year.