Tell Me Its Going To Be Ok....

[earthfairy]

Hi Fellow ADF Mums:wave:

sorry if this is a bit of a whinge post but i really need someone to tell me its going to be ok....

I am 32 weeks pregnant with bub #1 & DH is in the Navy ~ he has just recently gone back on a boat to sea & i now know this means weeks & months apart from eachother.

The thing is, i am so scared of being on my own with this baby. Everyone keeps scaring me about how bad the sleep deprivation is & how hard work it is. I do know that this isnt going to be a walk in the park but how am i going to cope doing it all on my own?

And not to mention DH is sad too because of all the things he's going to miss out on.

We live in Darwin & all of our friends up here dont have kids so they arent "really" interested in the kid/baby thing iykwim?
We have no family up here either....

Did any of you ever resent your DH for being able to just go & live normal & have normal nights sleep?
We know someone who LOVES being on duty coz he says its the only time he gets sleep & sometimes he even volunteers for it!

I know that many women have done it on their own before me, but i am just so scared & worried that im not going to be a good mum & that im not going to cope with doing it on my own when DH is at sea:(

[earthfairy]

:( anyone?

[MilkOnTap]

:hugs:

I'm a navy wife as well, and though I haven't experienced the first few weeks on my own - I do understand the trepidation involved when bringing a child into the world, knowing full well that you will be ultimately doing it 'on your own'.

Dont let people scare you though. All babies are different; and their own 'bad stories' are issues and problems that THEY need to deal with; not you!

Most hospitals do a check-score test to see if your a possible candidate for PND. I wish I could remember what the name of the test is! Most people do it at the beginning of the pg, and then again when bub arrives. It asks all sorts of questions about your support mechanisms etc - so you need to be absolutely brutally honest with it. As it turned out, I was 'high-risk' for PND, simply because of my social isolation from friends and family so I was asked if I would like to attend a mother/baby group. It was the best thing I could have done!

I dont have any contact points in Darwin I'm sorry - but even contacting LifeLine might help put you on the road in the right direction. DCO and DFA are usually useless - but you could always give them a try anyway.

Take care - and keep on posting :hugs:

[earthfairy]

Thanks so much MOT:hugs:

At this stage it looks like DH will be home in time for the birth & for a few weeks after the birth which is wonderful.

Im just worried about being used to him being here & then having to deal with the bub on my own....

I know that i shouldnt worry about what "might" or "might not" happen but its just hard when i am faced with something the first time.

Thanks again for your advice hun:hugs:

[lavenderpegasus]

I'm going to keep it short as having a terrible day...

But i have a few friends in Darwin if you are interested there bubs is nearly a year but anyone would be good to get in contact with... She is lovely pm me and I'll put you in contact


Things will be ok. Get in contact with the FLO at DCO and they will be able to help you.

HIH

lp in wa

[ConcernedParent]

I have just come from Darwin and can vouch for the local VVCS in Palmerston. I have friends who work there and they are fantastic dedicated people. If you find yourself needing to do something, get in touch with them and they will host you at one of their programs. Their programs are fun, social and aimed at easing the stress of lonliness that comes from deployments. Sometimes they even provide babysitting for you to go out for a day or to dinner, (this is funded so no cost to you).

The best thing about this service is that they make an effort to introduce you around to everybody and engage you in conversations. VVCS takes on the role of hosting you, until you feel comfortable to do it yourself.

I am also aware there is also a Partners Support Group. This group is for all services - for partners who are away for any reason, or length of time (could even be a weekend). It is mainly run from Robertson Barracks. They used to do some good things and always considered the needs of parents with children of all ages.

Maybe even you could use some of your RLLT to get a family member brought up for a period of time. I know you can use your RLLT for family reunion travel. Alternatively, you can go down south, (while bub is small enough to sit on your knee). Once they get to age 2, they have to have their own seat/ticket.

Everything will be ok - you can do this. Forget about what everyone says. It's a big change - get into it and enjoy it, there will be tears and triumphs. Finally, look after yourself and try to get out and about as much as you can.

Cheers.

[mummyof5]

Hi EF,
I know that feeling of how am I going to manage this one? My DH left for 5 months in the states when I was 10 days post partem with no.2, and had a 1yr, 1day old...and I did it, I survived.
Get onto your Maternal Health Nurse, asap after bubs arrives to join a mothers group. They may not be defence, but then, being Darwin, chances are they might be too.
What CP said about RLLT is a great idea, especially for going to visit your family if possible. The younger the baby, the easier it is to fly with them.
As for the scare tactics, yes, bubs will wake up, but then the luxury of having no-one to answer to means you can stil be in you pj's at midday. No one to gripe if the house is shambles or dinner isn't cooked or any of that stuff.:)
The most improtant thing for you is to make sure you sleep when baby sleeps and remember to eat, especially if you want to BF. While your DH is home, cook bigger meals and freeze some for when he isn't, so you can just reheat them without haing to cook a meal from scratch for just you. Take a bath with baby if you are having trouble getting you both sorted, stuff like that.
Other than that, take lots of pics to email to your DH when he is at sea.
And come here when ever you want reasurance or to ask inane questions or to have a vent.:yes:
Oh, and yes I do resent DH at times for his ability to go out when the ship is alongside somewhere exciting...and the most excting part of my life is cleaning up the kids mess, lol. But that is only human, and you do get over it.:D

[KJEmum]

Navy here too. I found it difficult when my first was born and I had to go back to work full time when he was 3mths old.

There are a few playgroups in Darwin so whether they are defence or not .. you should go just to have adult conversation.

I think Billeroy Community House still has the cuppa mornings on Fridays. .. I'd go there twice a week to playgroup plus the friday cuppa group. Very relaxing and lovely folk and some of the ladies are still there.

Even with me and 3rd time mum (8yr age gap), I needed a refresher course on bathing, changing and going up and down escalators lol. I suggest you get out and about when hubby is with you or have a friend meet you at Casuarina shops. My lovely friend Cindy is always up for a cuppa there at short notice and I'm still in contact via facebook with a bunch up there. You can turn up to a playgroup and have mums dying for a hold of a baby .. which is great when you're on your own.

I never resented DH for having normal sleep and so on but do have issues when he's out pubbing and getting drunk while I'm stuck at home being a mum with kids 24/7 and doing the school runs etc. I guess it's normal. Thing is my hubby is very hands on and always takes over when I need him too especially with newborns. Teach your DH to change a nappy and so on .. if you're breastfeeding (which isn't as easy for some as it is for others so don't beat yourself up about that, get help if you need it and don't hesitate). Express milk if you have to so your DH can feed bub while you have a sleep.

We too didn't have family up there (moved from Darwin in Dec) but friends were all around and although I didn't live in their pockets, I knew if I needed help with something, they were there for me.

You'll be fine, have confidence in yourself and vent / talk to others even if it's on here.
I know sometimes we don't like to ask for help but maybe it can come in the form of an invitation for a new friend to come over for a cuppa. Darwin is filled with beautiful warm friendly people .. both defence and non defence so utilise that. :D

Oh and for a bub that is a bugger to get off to sleep, a carry pouch or sling are god sends so if it's not on your baby item list, get one .. cos hanging the washing, vacuuming, or just at the shops, it can help settle a bub being next to you when you need your arms free :D although i didn't use mine much in Darwin but the slings apparently rock !

[MrsPee]

Hi,

Navy here too and I am also expecting Twins.
I had the same concerned that you have as well because DH's ship was/is due for a long deployment a month before I am due. We have been told though that they will land him and he will have 8 weeks leave after they are born to help me out.

As for you I would remember not to have any high expectations and as some of the other ladies have said, if you are still in your Pj's at lunch time, so what. Sleep when the baby sleeps and when you are awake set the timer on the oven for 10 mins and clean just for that time frame, that way you will not feel over whelmed with all the chores.

If the dishes are not done or the bed not made, the world is not going to cave in so just listen to your body and your baby and you will be fine. I would tell those LOVELY friends that continue to feed you their horror stories that you would rather not hear anything but positive things from now on in.

The best for last.......... Once a week do something really nice for yourself. It does not matter if it is a soak in the bath or just reading a book for 20 mins with a nice candle burning, but just something that calms you. Your worth it and you will feel so good after it.

Goodluck

[ciehann]

my DH is in the navy too but has a shore posting. but still only had 2 weeks off work and then went away for a week when DD was 3 weeks old. it wasnt too bad at all. dont always believe the horror stories! just use the time to bond with ur new bubba. or put bub in a sling/pram or whatever you are using and go for coffee just to regain your sanity! i found it hard to shower without a screaming baby so i put her rocker in the bathroom with me and left the shower open so she could still see me, worked a treat!
pm me if you ever want to talk
cheers
ciehann

[rellebelle]

I'm with the Army but do know what it's like to go though long seperations from your partner.

It's hard at first but once you establish that routine that both you and your baby will need, you will be fine.

Don't listen to others on how bad it could be. Every baby is different. You will no doubt discover your groove together soon enough. :)

I live in Darwin and have found that getting myself out there and making friends has been the saviour of my being here. I met the wonderful Anna (KJEmum) and other lovely ladies that i am best of friends with now. Being without family is hard but as we are all in the same boat together, we all band together and help each other out when needed.

If you ever need anything, i am happy to help. We could always meet up for a coffee or you could join the online mothers group that i am with, on another site. We chat online all the time and have regular meetups IRL also, both in Palmy and Darwin. PM if you want details.

Narelle

[Seacretsquirrel]

I'm here too earthfairy I am due #2 in Feb and will be in Brisvegas till after the birth but feel free to PM me for a coffee meet anytime before the 15th of Dec or after March or PM me for support online too! I'll still be on BH at mum's!

I was lucky and had DH on a shore posting last time but he was away often even then (don't ya just love the navy) but the others are right use and RLT get an extra support person up here if you need it (I'd see how you go for a wee bit first as you need to find your routine with bubs. Get out as often as you can I think the best piece of advice my mum gave me was if bub is screaming the house down get out of the house go for a walk (hard in the heat I know) but I remeber walking around cerberus at 4am with DD. it is never as bad outside!

Good luck! and we are there for you!

[australia]

My husband is in the Army and was deployed when I was 30 weeks pregnant.

Our little boy was born 10 weeks into a 6 month stint. It's been hard and there were times that I felt extremely sorry for myself, but at the end of the day, I know that he's missed out on so much more than me. He's missed seeing his two children change and develop and grow. At least I've had that much.

But he's home in a few weeks, so I know that the hard slog will just fade into distant memory in no time. :valentine::smiliedance::flowerz:

Can you tell I'm excited?? :yelclap: