Do you think it is okay?

[BreithCuidiu]

When you had your baby, did things go your way? Were you able to assert yourself? Did they even listen? When they performed procedures, did you really consent (I am not talking about written consent - Did you really consent)?

I'm wondering how these situations have changed you as a person, and if you believe you are stronger or weaker as a result.

[HugsBunny]

When you had your baby, did things go your way? Apart from the fact that I ended up with a baby at the end of it all, no it really didn't go my way at all.

Were you able to assert yourself? :laughing: No.

Did they even listen? :laughing: No.

When they performed procedures, did you really consent (I am not talking about written consent - Did you really consent)? Not at all. Most of the time I had my thigh slapped/tapped to say 'let's have this baby'. While on my back (wasn't given a choice on what position or spoken to at all really), there were 2 midwives standing at the foot of the bed talking about my privates as if I wasn't even in the room. Bub arrived, and before I knew it some b!tch was stabbing a needle into my thigh - yeah thanks for the warning there!!

I'm wondering how these situations have changed you as a person, and if you believe you are stronger or weaker as a result? Not sure on that one. I'm definitely going to be stronger during the next birth. I listened to alot of people talk about their traumatic births but I think I'd blocked alot of mine out. I used to think mine wasn't that bad, but when DS got to be around 2 I realised just how truly horrible it was.

It's taken me over 3 years to get over the birth of DS and to think I could maybe handle having another baby. Before now, the idea of another child filled me with dread.

[Ana Gram]

No, no, no and no.

I don't think it has really changed me too much. I am still very angry about it and I haven't had sex is 4 years which probably contributes to my crankiness. I would certainly never let it happen again.

[Bearskin]

When I had DS I really felt I lost control of birthing. I had an easy labour with DD and expected easier with DS but he turned posterior during labour and was delivered that way. After 2 hours of pushing the OB was called and I found nothing more degrading than lying on a bed with my legs in stirrups whilst the OB and mid are discussing me like I wasn't even there. I refused an episiotomy and was told by the OB "I'll cut you if I have to" (no consent from me and terrified of being cut - he was a pr!ck). He scoffed at my request for a pysiological third stage and DS was still not birthed and spoke about me like I wasn't even present ("why would she want etc; who put that ridiculous idea in her head etc.")
The mids were great and supported me every step of the way; the OB lacked any sort of empathy, care and respect for me as a person.

It took me many months to get over that experience. I felt I was overreactiing for months as I had no physical damage from the labour but talked it over with a trusted midwife months later and she defined my feelings of loss of control. If I ever have another baby it will be at home.

[learo dochais]

did things go your way?

hmm yes and no - I was induced and I felt very upset about it although I had consented to it. I felt very upset that I had not been physically able to bring my son to labour naturally however on meeting and knowing my son - you cannot force him to do a thing :) he'll do it all in his own time. That said he was getting bigger by the day and any longer and it would have been a c-section.

Were you able to assert yourself?

Because I had never factored in that I would be induced nothing went as I had 'planned' I was brought in to get the gels and my husband sent home for the night. I was kept in as DS heartrate dipped at one point. What I took from the experience was my OB didn't want to take any chances and kept me in, I did wish my husband could stay but they gave me sleeping tablets so he would have been exhausted if he had and no use at the time that I needed him. The nurses were lovely and when I went in asking for some panadol they saw the look on my face and promptly moved me to the delivery suite (my waters broke one minute later!)


Did they even listen?
When I was in the delivery suite I wanted to put on the tens machine - she asked did I want to have a shower first to see if it helped - I tried but it didn't and they popped the tens machine right away. Each time I asked for drugs they responded immediately - with exception for the epidural because I was quite far into the labour they rang the OB to ask her opinion, once she said yes it was on the way. It did take about half an hour from asking to getting the drugs.

When they performed procedures, did you really consent (I am not talking about written consent - Did you really consent)?

My DS was royally stuck. I was pushing for 2 hours when his heartrate dipped and they said they needed to get him out. To be honest I said whatever you have to do - just do it. I trusted my OB (who is lovely) to care for both me and bub. I guess things were informal in some ways - when it came to the episiotomy my OB poked her head up from between my legs and said 'sorry! gonna have to use these' but I trusted that she was doing what she felt is best - it turns out she only gave me the episiotomy because she felt I would tear the entire way. At that stage I just wanted him out safe and sound. She decided to use forceps - I remember her saying that she felt it would be better than vacuum because he was still so high up,at the time I was so out of it I just felt that I wasn't clear headed enough to make any serious alternative arguments. To be honest my instinct hated the idea of vacuum as I felt it would damage him more.

The only thing I would say is that following the birth of my son I had a lot of haemorhoids, anal fissures and general discomfort. I couldnt walk properly for quite a while and had some problems with continence.

I'm wondering how these situations have changed you as a person, and if you believe you are stronger or weaker as a result.

I think my birth trauma is more as a result of the birth rather than the staff who were present - I guess it came from the fact that I really trusted my OB we had a good relationship before hand and I felt that she had mine and my sons best interests at heart. Certainly I feel stronger as a result of giving birth to my son, I asked for what I needed and each time the staff responded positively or if they couldnt accomodate me they gave really valid reasons. for the most part though I have to say I was so out of it that I think my memories of what happened are not fully clear. I think at the end of the day the staff were fantastic but it was my belief that the birth should be specific way that was the thing that upset me most. I had thought I was open minded but I found that after the birth I was so saddened by the fact that so much intervention was needed.

ooh that was a long one! thanks for listening :)

[NibbleCurlynBub]

With DS, no.

I begged her not to cut me (episiotomy) but she just yelled 'PUSH' and well.. in that situation there isn't enough time to argue properly.

With DD, yes. :yes: Everything was all in my control.

With this bub, I am not letting anything slide either. :no:

[workin'mumof2]

When you had your baby, did things go your way? Were you able to assert yourself? Did they even listen? When they performed procedures, did you really consent (I am not talking about written consent - Did you really consent)?

no to all above

8months and still struggle with the way things went. cant have sex and scared of anything near my privates as a result.

[lovelymum]

I feel so lucky that things seemed to swing my way during the birth of DS 1. I had an induced labour (my choice) went into it with really no birth plan but had a lovely midwife who took the time to talk to me before we got started. She asked me what "I" wanted, I told her no epidural and that I was open to other pain relief options. She helped me with that heaps offereing gas, bath etc.... We did however come to blows when I told her I needed to push, she said no I was only 4cm dialated it was not time, but I trusted in my body & I knew he was coming we kinda argued & I demanded an internal. She did it & I was 10cm so she called my OB. During the actual birth I was really spaced out hit the transition bit really hard, the midwife explained to me inbetween contractions that my OB was going to perform an episiotomy with my next contraction without an anasthetic :eek: I immediatley said NO!!!!!!!! let me tear, so they did and I only had 5 stiches. So yes I feel that I was listened to and that I was somewhat (as you can be) in control during labour. It was a really positive experience for me, one I can't wait to do again!!!!:)

[MagsMum07]

When you had your baby did things go your way? No, i had expected labor/birth to be very hard but not as hard and draining as i found it. i had a 24 hour labor with contractions AT LEAST every 15 minutes gradually getting closer together (very tiring). I did have a vaginal birth which i wanted , but it hurt alot more and took alot longer than i had expected (movies, friends expereinces etc all gave me a foggy view of what its REALLY like)

Were you able to assert yourself? No not really,... tho i did try! I was constantly asking for gas.. the midwife tried to delay/put me off having it, then i was asking for pethadine.. once again, i was delayed.. then i was pushing for and epidural and all i got was "youre doing just fine.. keep going, youre fine". In the end i wasnt listened to in regards to pain relief and i suffered greatly as a result. i was pushing my son out for 3 1/2 hours, he came out with a haematoma on his skull and it lasted for months and months (from pressing up against my pelvis) and i now have ostieitis pubis (a pelvic inflammitary condition) because of it. I feel that adequate pain relief would have really helped me.

Did they even listen? As above, i had an 'oldstyle' midwife who kept trying to persuade me off of pain relief.

When they performed procedures, did you really consent? kinda kinda not

Has it changed me? Yes, i feel angry that i had to go through all that and that as a consequence of my birth trauma i have been put off havning any more kids. I always wanted 2, but i just dont think i would cope if i ever found out i was pregnant again.

[SmileyBJ]

When you had your baby, did things go your way? Were you able to assert yourself? Did they even listen? When they performed procedures, did you really consent (I am not talking about written consent - Did you really consent)?

I'm wondering how these situations have changed you as a person, and if you believe you are stronger or weaker as a result.


Things didn't all go my way... however I was deffinately assertive, and what I said was what I got. There was nothing performed in which I didn't want done & My doula, midwife & Ob all listened to what I wanted to happen.

[Leisa21]

When you had your baby, did things go your way?
Yes they did.

Were you able to assert yourself?
Yes they were fantastic, I never felt like I had to overly assert myself though. I said something they listened. There wasnt a matter of having to push for what I wanted.

Did they even listen?
Yes, see above. Except when I asked for an internal as i felt i was ready to push my midwife said no:laughing: he said trust yourself, if you want to push, push you dont need to know how far you are... that was good enough for me :)

When they performed procedures, did you really consent (I am not talking about written consent - Did you really consent)?
Of course!

I'm wondering how these situations have changed you as a person, and if you believe you are stronger or weaker as a result?
I am definately stronger for what I went through, it was amazing, specail and just beautiul. To birth with my husband, my mother and our midwife who was amazing, just amazing. I 'm brought to tears each time I think of him, we named our son after him. I went through something incredible, I knew my body could do it and I let it do it even through a complicated pregnacy.

[BeautifulBoys]

With DS1 No I didn't feel like things went my way everything that could go wrong did go wrong I went along with what the midwives/Ob's said I didn't know any different,DS2 I felt much more incontrol & made all the decisions:yelclap:

[reAllytee]

I admit I begged for the epidural ....After 3 days one tends to do this when no one helped in other ways ( my mum & aunty were at a loss by this stage as they had never seen anyone like this & they all has easy straight forward labours ! ).

After that nothing was ever asked of me ... Except to push :rolleyes:

They always did something & then advised DP what they did along with scaring the beejesus out of him that he would be lucky to have one of us survive :ecomcity:

DO I think its ok.

No, no way never.

[LibranTwin]

When you had your baby, did things go your way?
Yes

Were you able to assert yourself?
Yes I was. My midwife talked to me about my birth plan at the start of the labour and we stuck to it.

Did they even listen? Yes they did. I wanted to be upright for the delivery but I was exhausted. The midwife talked to me and said she knows that I want to be upright but thinks I might to better laying down, so I did. She made me feel totally in control and I made all the desicions.

When they performed procedures, did you really consent (I am not talking about written consent - Did you really consent)?
Yes

I'm wondering how these situations have changed you as a person, and if you believe you are stronger or weaker as a result?
I believe I am stronger. I know that if I ever get a midwife that isn't positive/ncie/professional etc. that I have the positive experience of my first birth to be totally in control and confident of my own decisions and assert them.

[flick82]

When you had your baby, did things go your way?
Yes, both times

Were you able to assert yourself?
Yes I was. My midwife said im just here to catch the baby.

Did they even listen? Yes they did. was induced (medical reason)2nd time, and didnt want to lay day at all and they said as long as i can keep the monitor on i can walk around.

When they performed procedures, did you really consent (I am not talking about written consent - Did you really consent)?
Yes

I'm wondering how these situations have changed you as a person, and if you believe you are stronger or weaker as a result?
I believe I am stronger. I know that if I ever get a midwife that isn't positive/ncie/professional etc. that I have the positive experience of my first birth to be totally in control and confident of my own decisions and assert them (copied because its a great answer and how i feel)

[beebs]

When you had your baby, did things go your way?
Not at all

Were you able to assert yourself?
No

Did they even listen? They seemed to just see me as a number, someone to get in and out. When I told them I was feeling really sick (after the birth) they just kept giving me endone - they never even asked what was wrong or checked me out.

When they performed procedures, did you really consent (I am not talking about written consent - Did you really consent)?No, I felt pressured into things that I didn't really feel comfortable with - ie induced after just 9 days instead of waiting until day 12 or later.

I'm wondering how these situations have changed you as a person, and if you believe you are stronger or weaker as a result? Weaker - I'm terrified about having another baby. I ended up with post traumatic stress, panic and anxiety and agoraphobia. I want to have another one (I am in the process of finding out if I am m/c ing) but it scares me to death. I don't trust hospitals or doctors anymore. Its really damaged me.

[beebs]

When you had your baby, did things go your way?
Not at all

Were you able to assert yourself?
No

Did they even listen? They seemed to just see me as a number, someone to get in and out. When I told them I was feeling really sick (after the birth) they just kept giving me endone - they never even asked what was wrong or checked me out.

When they performed procedures, did you really consent (I am not talking about written consent - Did you really consent)?No, I felt pressured into things that I didn't really feel comfortable with - ie induced after just 9 days instead of waiting until day 12 or later.

I'm wondering how these situations have changed you as a person, and if you believe you are stronger or weaker as a result? Weaker - I'm terrified about having another baby. I ended up with post traumatic stress, panic and anxiety and agoraphobia. I want to have another one (I am in the process of finding out if I am m/c ing) but it scares me to death. I don't trust hospitals or doctors anymore. Its really damaged me.