15 year old single mum to be

[terri]

to tell you the truth im terrified
my name is terri-lynn im 15 and the babys father is denying us totally
im hoping to meet mums of a similar age in the brisbane toowoomba area
please anyone with advice etc please help me out im currently livin with my grandma but we both agreed this is short term i can stay til i geta place which i hope is soon

is it hard on your own im truly terrified but i also love feelin my baby inside me its amazing
please feel free to e-mail me
terri_lynn_darker@hotmail.com

[Melissa1983]

Hi Terry
I know what you are going through, its scaring doing it on your own. I was 19 when i had my first daughter, and her father didnt want nothing to do with us and my father wasnt happy about it either, but my mother was very supportive. Its good your grand mother is helping you go this. When are you due? You will alway find someone who will love you and that special little baby. Mikayla was only 3 weeks old when i met my husband, and he treats her like his own.
Private message me if you want to talk about anything

[terri]

thanks mel
but the truth about him is hes 20 and when his parents are around he listens to whatever thay have to say if i could just talk to him on his own it would be fine but he lives in mackay and im down here!
i still love him so much and his freinds say he feels the same but he doesnt have a mobile so i have no way to talk to him with out his parents knowing!

[jarrahsmumma]

hey terri-lynn,
i'm also a young mum, but in perth, the best advice i can give is try to get into a young mums group, like playgroup etc, your child health nurse or hospital may be able to help you, i am in one that helps you get back on track with education etc, they set up workshops so you can further your life and run free creche and daycare while you do that, and they are very understanding of all situations

good luck with everything
peace
natalie

[terri]

2 days ago i recieved a letter from my baby's daddy making it clearer than it already was that there was no chance of us trying to work this out for the baby
ive already understood and accepted that but does he have to be so nasty about it???
he seems to think i want to press charges against him for statratory rape which i
have absolutley no intentions of doing i just want to know where this baby and i stand with him.

if he choses to have nothing to do with me or the child i want to know when bubs asks about daddy do i encourage them to contact him and let them talk together for themselves or do i tell the child that daddy doesnt want anything to do with them because they are my child aswell!!!

i used to blame my mum for my father not being there and although i know now why and it wasn't my mums fault i still caused her greif for years because i thought that if it was'nt for her i wouldnt be the only kid at school who didnt make fathers day cards for dad i made them for no one because there was no dad for me.

i dont want my baby to think the same of me

[Lucybelle]

Don't worry about those things yet - bubs isn't going to ask for Daddy anytime soon, and you will know whre you stand by then.

Please make sure you take care of what you need to do - check out Centrelink, and see if there are any young mums groups around your area. They can be fantastic, I'm still friends with one girl I met 12 years ago, and the kids are still friends.

I was a young mum, and I swore I would always remember what that was like, but I'm 32 now and listen to me bossing you around!!!!

Just an old tart now I suppose!

[Lucybelle]

P.S, make sure you keep that letter that guy sent, you never know when you might need it - trust me.

[terri]

haha nah ur not an old tart ur slightly younger than my mum but doubly supportive thanx!! :D

[lilizzysmommy]

hey terry. I had a friend whos babys fathers also didnt want anythithng to do with them (they only slept that once and she got pregnant so I know is different) but when her lil boy was born he was there for them 100% even tho he had another girlfriend. Guys just need time to get used to the idea.But if he doesnt get round to the idea of you and the baby, don't be sorry for it, and believe me if you explain to your child what happened he/she won't hate you for it. I grew up without my mom and I only used to see my dad on weekends (mom moved to another country when I was 5 and i lived with my garnma till I was 11) and altho I was very resentfull for many years (I became quite a rebel, I left home at 17 cos things at home where bad) I wish someone had sat down with me and told me the situation when I was young so that I woun't of have grown with a lot of bitterness in my life. But for reason whatsover let him get away from his financial responsabilities to your child, because it is really hard and $4000 won't last long. if he doesnt want to see the child, fine! his problem but you getting pregnant was no holly conception. he probably thinks that because you are young he can play you and walk all over you but you gotta be smart, i know you love him but is not about you and him anymore is about your child and his right to be finacially stable. SUCK HIM DRY!!!!!I know it sounds mean and selfish but you gotta be, is time we teach them that we are no toys.

[kiara]

Hi Terri,

My babies father didn't want anything to do with us either. I decided that I was going to raise this baby by myself and just went on doing things for myself. I always told myself that he can only walk back into my babies life once. This ment to me that if he decided after bub was born to have something to do with it then that was all well and good, but I was never going to let him back into mine. I also made it very clear that once bub was born and he chose to have something to do with it, if then he walked away again he will NEVER come back into their life.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you stay strong.


Warm wished xxx

[rbloo]

Hi Terri

I've been exactly where you are...except I was seventeen. Despite protesting that I didn't care what he did or whether or not he wanted us...I desperately wanted him to want us. No matter how hard I wished, tried and cried...he didn't.

In the end it was for the best. Not having anyone to lean on meant that everything was down to me. If I was going to succeed at the whole parenting thing I had to do it myself. So I did.

And I think I did it better because he wasn't around. I did it better because I knew everything I got I'd earned. I knew that I was worthy of being loved just for who I was, not because I'd trapped, pleaded or cajoled some guy into loving me.

Stop waiting for the last person who left your life to come back and start making preparations for the one who'se coming, they should be your priority, not some guy who's happy to disown you when it suits him...both you and your baby deserve better.

Take care of yourself, you deserve the best so make it happen.

Bec

[terri]

thanks every one you all made me feel better and im trying to get it through to my self all the stuff youse have said and its SLOWLY getting there but part of me still wants to live on that he mite come back! :(

but anyways rite now im too happy to worry bout him coz i got my scan done the other day and the scandoctor thing( radiolloiogist i think?? :confused: )
yeh well he is quite certain im having a boy and considering the day before i got my grandmother to ask the pendulem ( shes into crystal healing etc) and it said definatly boy aswell im going to believe him so i have decided

Jacob Luke :D Xander Darker

and yeah hes so wow and big i cnt belive i only have 3 and a half months ish to go wow!!!! well i should probably let you all go read your other forums but thanks again very much for your support especially the part about him only coming back into jacobs life once because other wise i'l feel bad seeing my little boy be hurt by his dad because at least mine wasnt going backwards and forwards full of false promises he was gone and i could only hate him for not knowing him so i couldnt realy hate him! but thankz again i really appreciate everyones advice

Love terri-lynn 13/01/1990
Jacob Xander Luke EDD 29th november

[Lallas' Mum]

Hi there terri-lynne,

A boy - how wonderful!! I have two darling little boys. My two cents worth is - that there is one sure thing your love for your child. Stay true to it. You need to stay strong and focussed on the task ahead. It is all to easy to let yourself get consumed by what might have been and what you wished would happen. You need to hold your head high and look to the future. There is a reason why the past is behind us. Learn from it but move on. You'll still have days when everything will heap upon you and when it does look to your child (and us here on BubHub) for strength.
I agree on the one chance offer. Offer it when the birth is close and let the father know he has one chance to be part of the baby's life. A Father who is there one day but gone the next is way worse than one who is never there.
I also agree that you should seek child support from the father. Not as vengence but as a means to supporting your child. I'm sure you want what is best for your child. There is no denying that money helps (a lot!!). You don't need to talk to the father about it as I think that centerlink can help you help there. They are there to help you and your bub. They should also be able to help with rent assistance also. Defineatley make sure you find your local community health center - they are a god sent gift.

Enough natter from me. If you need to talk or need any advice on anything at all just ask. There are plenty of seasoned Mums out there in BubHub land that can help with all sorts of wierd and wonderful things.

Take care and remember to look foward.