Someone please........

[babyboo]

help!!. I have a 5 year old daughter that lately just does not listen to what I say and thinks she knows best. It is doing my head in!!! She talks back, she throws a wobbly when she doesnt get her way, she wont do as she is told and says things back to me just to be rude, wont eat her dinner, she questions everything I say and has a down right HUGE attitude!!!! and she argues with me!!! Did I mention the fact that she is only 5!!!! The fact that im a sole parent and have no one to talk to or bounce this off is not helping at the moment (but have always managed before). Tonight she wouldnt eat her dinner which is what she has been doing with her meals lately, turning them away when there is noting wrong with it and saying 'ive had enough...and pulling the ive just decided look', so this time I got a little tough myself and said 'right, if you dont eat your dinner, get in your pajamas and get into bed NOW'. she still refused, so I followed through and sent her to bed, no desert, no bath, no story. and then ended up closing the door cause she was just carrying on and on and on.

What is the deal with 5 year olds???? (she is quite a bright girl and I know well and truely overdue for school and bored) but......

There must be someone, anyone out there that has been through it or is going through it and can shed some light???? Sometimes she can be good, but she likes to have my attention alot (only child) and claims to be bored alot!! Mind you she also goes to preschool 2 days a week. oh did i mention that my mother is also living with us at the moment in a small 2 bedroom unit!

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Goodness. I have no advice.. Brett's son is just like that, but aggressive and yells a lot.

He is worse when Brett is here.. I personally make him responsible for his own actions. If he throws a tantrum and throws his toys, they get put away somewhere where they can't be played with..

Things like that anyway.

I do the same with my DS. If he throws something.. It gets taken away.

But um yeah.. I can't help unless that rambling I just did helps a little. :o

Sorry..

[FishFace]

Ohhh I have a 6 year old with the same attitude!!

He is so damn argumentative.

Its boundary pushing. They are starting to work out where they sit in the big grand scheme.

I have found that I need to be consistent and tough.
Its liek when dogs nip and yap..they want to see if they are top dog..and their mother will put them back in the correct place! lol.

I give him choices..like dinner choices and what he would like to wear..so he realises yes he is bog and quite capable ...BUT some things are non negotiable.
Dinner, baths, bed and chores are all givens.

A reward chart works well. DS gets stars for each thing he does..
so a star if he eats dinner properly...etc..
If he is rude a star is removed.

We have talked about anger and frustration and the right way to deal with them...eg you can say Mummy I am angry and dont want to talk right now...Thats fine..go have some time to cool down
But anger is not an excuse for bad behaviour!

Good luck its so hard..my biggest downfall is when I am tired and end up sounding just like him..I have to remember I am nto a teenager lol.

[jazzak]

I hear you loud and clear !!!
Im going through the exact thing with my 7yr old DD



I dont have any advise cause I havent found much that works yet , apart from taking things away from her (fav toy etc) but even that she doesnt care about !!! so I will be watching this thread for ideas!

[dreamtobeamummy]

I Think its the age... My Neice is 6 and is exactly what you have described.. I have NEVER ever seen an attitude on such a young girl until her!!

Good luck with it all.. It must be tough! :hugs:

[~Candy~]

I have a 7 y/o dd who is just like this too. She's been like this since about 3 when she'd fight with me to wear a skirt to kindy in the middle of winter! She has a real nasty attitude when she wants and she can gets aggressive at times (she attacks me by scratching me). She'll walk around the house with a foul look on her face, stomping and slamming doors, back chatting, poking tounge and pulling faces...she'll even hit her little sister! When I question her as to what her problem is for this attitude, she just stares at me and wont answer, or she'll say 'I dont know'...when she fully does know! She purely wants her OWN way and when she can't, she thinks this behaviour will help her...I have told her...'NOT true my dear', 'all it does is gets you in trouble and sent to your room!'

I do not put up with this at all, and @7, she's getting better...though it's still there, she's learning to control her temper and she knows this is unacceptable behaviour. When she backchat's, she's told to stop it, whenever she gets cranky and starts stomping about with a cranky look on her face...she's sent to her room. That's basically her punnishment whenever she's got an attitude....I send her to her room and tell her none of us want to deal with it...she goes to her room (stomping...slams the door) and she's not allowed out untill she's in a better mood and she says sorry. If she starts slamming her cupboard doors ect when she's in her room and she dosn't calm down, she gets a smack on the butt, and told if I come back in because of bad behaviour, she starts getting band from the PC, then it'll be her DS...ect if she keeps it up ect....and she's basically been left with nothing at one stage!

She gets her attitude from me..I was like this as a kid, but my mum didn't do anything about it, I got away with it and come teenage yrs, that was mum's biggest mistake which I have learnt by...hence I wont put up with this bad behaviour. I've given dd a good talking to when she's in a good calm mood, and I've told her this isn't how to express yourself when your angry and if she doesn't learn to controll herself, she'll end up with no friends. However, she doesn't do this at school or with her teachers ect...it's just at home with us and her nana. It's basically..."you misbehave with your attitude, then we ignore you and you get sent to your room"...so now, it proves no point for her to be rude because she now knows that it gets her no-where except in trouble.
One thing I dont have a problem with...is food. She LOVES her meat and vegies and always eats everything up :thumbsup:

All up though, she IS a nice little girl and loves to help me and care for her siblings...she's very good at school (the teachers pet), and she has good friends and their parents love having her over to play because she's so well mannered!!!! Most of the time she is...it's just when she can't control her temper she gets bad.

[2girls&1boy]

You could be describing my 4 year old at the moment. I agree with what the other mums have said. I think you handled the dinner situation quite well.

My problem is that I threaten to take things away etc but more often than not don't follow through.

Good luck with her behaviour.

[AM]

My 5 year old son can be like this at times, actually I am reading this really interesting book at the moment called "Children are people too" by Dr Louise Porter, she gives a lot of good alternatives to rewards and punishments, I'm finding it to be very thought provoking and helpful.

[babyboo]

I have a 7 y/o dd who is just like this too. She's been like this since about 3 when she'd fight with me to wear a skirt to kindy in the middle of winter! She has a real nasty attitude when she wants and she can gets aggressive at times (she attacks me by scratching me). She'll walk around the house with a foul look on her face, stomping and slamming doors, back chatting, poking tounge and pulling faces...she'll even hit her little sister! When I question her as to what her problem is for this attitude, she just stares at me and wont answer, or she'll say 'I dont know'...when she fully does know! She purely wants her OWN way and when she can't, she thinks this behaviour will help her...I have told her...'NOT true my dear', 'all it does is gets you in trouble and sent to your room!'

I do not put up with this at all, and @7, she's getting better...though it's still there, she's learning to control her temper and she knows this is unacceptable behaviour. When she backchat's, she's told to stop it, whenever she gets cranky and starts stomping about with a cranky look on her face...she's sent to her room. That's basically her punnishment whenever she's got an attitude....I send her to her room and tell her none of us want to deal with it...she goes to her room (stomping...slams the door) and she's not allowed out untill she's in a better mood and she says sorry. If she starts slamming her cupboard doors ect when she's in her room and she dosn't calm down, she gets a smack on the butt, and told if I come back in because of bad behaviour, she starts getting band from the PC, then it'll be her DS...ect if she keeps it up ect....and she's basically been left with nothing at one stage!

She gets her attitude from me..I was like this as a kid, but my mum didn't do anything about it, I got away with it and come teenage yrs, that was mum's biggest mistake which I have learnt by...hence I wont put up with this bad behaviour. I've given dd a good talking to when she's in a good calm mood, and I've told her this isn't how to express yourself when your angry and if she doesn't learn to controll herself, she'll end up with no friends. However, she doesn't do this at school or with her teachers ect...it's just at home with us and her nana. It's basically..."you misbehave with your attitude, then we ignore you and you get sent to your room"...so now, it proves no point for her to be rude because she now knows that it gets her no-where except in trouble.
One thing I dont have a problem with...is food. She LOVES her meat and vegies and always eats everything up :thumbsup:

All up though, she IS a nice little girl and loves to help me and care for her siblings...she's very good at school (the teachers pet), and she has good friends and their parents love having her over to play because she's so well mannered!!!! Most of the time she is...it's just when she can't control her temper she gets bad.

wow...our dd's could be twins apart from the age difference!! Thankyou so much for your input, it has really helped. My dd is so much older than her years and its a comment I get from complete strangers aswell, I just find it very difficult at times now that she is getting older. I think i will have to talk to her about when she gets angry and how to deal with it and what will happen if she doesnt calm down. As she gets angry and then I do - which help nothing and no one of course. At times I threaten to take things away, but it just doesnt reach the desired effect and I also find that if I take away her favourite toy, etc, she will pester me to do things with her as she is an only child so it kind of backfires on me!!

[~Candy~]

wow...our dd's could be twins apart from the age difference!! Thankyou so much for your input, it has really helped. My dd is so much older than her years and its a comment I get from complete strangers aswell, I just find it very difficult at times now that she is getting older. I think i will have to talk to her about when she gets angry and how to deal with it and what will happen if she doesnt calm down. As she gets angry and then I do - which help nothing and no one of course. At times I threaten to take things away, but it just doesnt reach the desired effect and I also find that if I take away her favourite toy, etc, she will pester me to do things with her as she is an only child so it kind of backfires on me!!

It would be hard...with her being the only child and relying on you to be there all the time for play ect...maybe if you give her some pencils and paper or a colouring in book, and tell her if she can draw you a nice picture, she can have it hung up for display and that would make you proud of her...put some puzzles out and tell her to try and do them and show you when she has finnished...things like that where she can work by herself and love the compliments from you. Hopefully once she goes to school/prep...she'll find more things to keep her occupied. Have you thought about giving her a pet to be responsible for? Maybe a guinea pig, tame bird or a kitten for her to care for and love...be the 'mum' to? :)

[Incy Wincy]

Hi, my son is 5 and has started to get a tiny bit of attitude after starting school. I also think it's an age thing. He's actually a pretty well behaved kid but gets silly at times especially in a group of other kids.

I try and stay calm, consistant and in control when dealing with any behaviour my son displays that I/we don't like and try to praise the good and ignore the bad as much as we can.

I have always found Dr Tanya Byron's advice very helpful see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanya_Byron She also had a T.V. series called, 'Little Angels' which shows her techniques being used on real life families. There was another series called, 'House of the tiny tearaways' which dealt with some other v.interesting issues. She's written a few books. Amazon would probably stock a few.

IMO her way of dealing with behaviour issues really works. From watching some of the families she's worked with it takes some persistence, esp at the start but pays dividends in the future. Many of the families on the show were just getting through the day with their kids but are now enjoying them and their lives together.

Best of luck.

[SuperGranny]

hi, I have found if you cant enjoy your children at whatever age they are now, you wont like the adult they become. There always needs to be boundries. some behaviour is acceptable, some is acceptable sometimes, and some behaviour is never acceptable. What ever you tolerate at home be prepared to allow it in public. whatever boundries you set, have to be set in concrete, no changes, and no excuses. Once you get that sorted, there should not be any more problem. Of course there can be the odd time, we are all human, but stay firm, the kids will benifit from it, and you will have adults that you love to spend time with.

[gypsy72]

My son turns 5 in January and has developed an attitude also. He is sooooooo ready for school. He's not content to play by himself as much and constantly demands my attention (especially since the baby arrived in May!!!). There is only so much playing shops, games and colouring in I can do!!! Dinner needs to be cooked and washing needs to be done. Besides that he seems to be very angry as well- again the baby might have something to do with it.
BUT....I have started reading this book
"How to talk so your kids will Listen and Listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
I have been using some of the techniques already and seen success in getting my kids to do things.
They also have a number of other books. They are two Mums who ran parenting workshops based on a child psychologist Dr Haim Ginott. I only wish they did the workshops in QLD. I think there is someone in Melb who does the workshops based on their books-check their website.

I found their books easy to read and they have heaps of practical examples and dialogue to try on your kids.

Another website I stumbled across is "Love and Logic" which has some interesting articles with solutions to common behaviour problems. I like the article about bully proofing your child!!!