When they say the D word...

[SweetSerenity]

Yes, that's right... Daddy! ;)

Last night while DS was playing with M (hide and seek)... I heard they were laughing and squealing in one of the rooms and DS started to say "Daddy" but quickly corrected himself and said his name.

M then came in with a big grin on his face and said "Did you just hear what he called me?"... lol it was so cute :goodvibes:

BUT....

DS's father is in his life (sees him every second weekend and every second Thursday night). Now I also felt quite warm and fuzzy inside hearing ds call M that, but should I be correcting him if he starts calling him Daddy all the time?

I've never referred to M as "daddy", always by his name... but if DS just decides to call him that (and I could tell M liked it) is it something that I need to pull him up on?

What have your experiences been?

[spoon]

:DTHAT IT WONDERFUL!!!!!:goodvibes:

My son was too old to call his step father "dad" or "daddy" by the time we got together Aidan was 8 turning 9. But if we had of met earlier I and it just came out the way you son has said it, I think I would go with it. If your concerned about confusion or what ever maybe make up and encourage a variation on the word daddy like "daddy-o" or something like that.

When Pete and I first got together his daughter started to call me mum, and I was unsure what to say so I just said you can call me whatever you like. Her mother however was unimpressed (can understand why) and completely FREAKED out and drummed it into her head that she was her mother which is fine but SD still wanted to have a special name for me. Even now years and years later, she struggles when she sees and hears her 4 brothers and sisters calling me "mum" which is very sad for her. I just don't want to force anything on her.

I would suggest though that you make certain your future together is there. It is one thing for sure that you love your man, but now your little guy has said it in his own way. I think I would like to know how sure this guy is that I am the one.

[SweetSerenity]

:DTHAT IT WONDERFUL!!!!!:goodvibes:

My son was too old to call his step father "dad" or "daddy" by the time we got together Aidan was 8 turning 9. But if we had of met earlier I and it just came out the way you son has said it, I think I would go with it. If your concerned about confusion or what ever maybe make up and encourage a variation on the word daddy like "daddy-o" or something like that.

When Pete and I first got together his daughter started to call me mum, and I was unsure what to say so I just said you can call me whatever you like. Her mother however was unimpressed (can understand why) and completely FREAKED out and drummed it into her head that she was her mother which is fine but SD still wanted to have a special name for me. Even now years and years later, she struggles when she sees and hears her 4 brothers and sisters calling me "mum" which is very sad for her. I just don't want to force anything on her.

I would suggest though that you make certain your future together is there. It is one thing for sure that you love your man, but now your little guy has said it in his own way. I think I would like to know how sure this guy is that I am the one.

That's a good idea about changing it around a bit :yes:.

I don't want DS to one day in front of his father refer to M as Daddy as I KNOW he would flip (which I can understand). So we'll have to come up with a special name if the same situation comes up again.

I can imagine how hard it would be for your SD to not be able to call you what she wants to call you, and like you said, hearing all the other children refer to you as Mum would be hard.

M has made it clear of his intentions of our future... we are actually setting up a room for DS this weekend at his house which DS will LOVE :D

He's also been touched on us having a bubba in 2010 :smiliedance: So things are pretty clear and serious :goodvibes:

[DoubleDelight]

I think it is lovely that DS and your DP have formed such a warm relationship. It must make it so much easier on you. I will say that when his father is in the picture that it is disrespectful to allow or encourage your DS to call your partner Daddy. Imagine if your ex got a new partner and encouraged your DS to call her Mummy - it would break your heart.

I think finding a special name for the two of them is good but Daddy is a no go zone - JMO.

[SweetSerenity]

I think it is lovely that DS and your DP have formed such a warm relationship. It must make it so much easier on you. I will say that when his father is in the picture that it is disrespectful to allow or encourage your DS to call your partner Daddy. Imagine if your ex got a new partner and encouraged your DS to call her Mummy - it would break your heart.

I think finding a special name for the two of them is good but Daddy is a no go zone - JMO.

My ex does have a new girlfriend...:yes:

There's ALOT of history behind my ex being a "father"... yes he sees ds every second weekend (this only started a few months ago after being separated 2.5yrs) but he has never been a proper father figure and never asks about ds in between the times he sees him.

I have never seen his father even half as involved in DS's life as my new partner is... which is why it's so beautiful watching them grow closer and closer.

I even remember not long ago my ex was talking about his new gf and said they are so good together as she's about "fun and games" just like him. So they have a serious relationship, but in no way are they wanting to provide ds a family situation the way M and I do.

It is hard.

I think it will be even harder for DS not to call M "dad" when we have children of our own.

We just didn't expect ds to say what he did last night.

[Tam-I-Am]

Hey Nat - I'm not a single mummy, so I hope you don't mind me giving my opinion :)

I think its great that your little guy gets along so well with your new partner - he obviously loves him and feels comfortable enough around him that he's able to call him Daddy, which is fantastic. I guess the problem that I'd have with it is NOT your ex's feelings, but how he's likely to react if/when your DS calls your partner 'Dad' to his bio dad's face. I don't know your ex, obviously, but from what you've written about him on here over time, I'm guessing he's probably lose his temper, and although I'm not suggesting he'd physically hurt your DS, he may very well emotionally hurt him, out of hurt himself, iykwim.

I think its wonderful to cultivate such a strong, loving, warm relationship between your DS and your partner....I guess I'd advise you to get DS to call him by his name, or by another, special name other than Daddy for now....When he has brothers and sisters, that may well be different.

My sister has now-13-year-old DS, hasn't been with my nephew's bio dad since she was 7 months pregnant, and he's been a bit of a drop-kick really....she's been married to a WONDERFUL guy who is, in all respects that matter, nephew's dad since he was 3 years old. My nephew now calls BOTH men 'Dad', and has done for some time - but when he started doing it it was clear that it was his own choice, whereas at age 3/4 I'm sure your partner would feel that you'd pushed him somehow into doing so - although YOU know you haven't.

Its such a tough call :hugs: Good luck to you all.

[SweetSerenity]

Hey Nat - I'm not a single mummy, so I hope you don't mind me giving my opinion :)

I think its great that your little guy gets along so well with your new partner - he obviously loves him and feels comfortable enough around him that he's able to call him Daddy, which is fantastic. I guess the problem that I'd have with it is NOT your ex's feelings, but how he's likely to react if/when your DS calls your partner 'Dad' to his bio dad's face. I don't know your ex, obviously, but from what you've written about him on here over time, I'm guessing he's probably lose his temper, and although I'm not suggesting he'd physically hurt your DS, he may very well emotionally hurt him, out of hurt himself, iykwim.

I think its wonderful to cultivate such a strong, loving, warm relationship between your DS and your partner....I guess I'd advise you to get DS to call him by his name, or by another, special name other than Daddy for now....When he has brothers and sisters, that may well be different.

My sister has now-13-year-old DS, hasn't been with my nephew's bio dad since she was 7 months pregnant, and he's been a bit of a drop-kick really....she's been married to a WONDERFUL guy who is, in all respects that matter, nephew's dad since he was 3 years old. My nephew now calls BOTH men 'Dad', and has done for some time - but when he started doing it it was clear that it was his own choice, whereas at age 3/4 I'm sure your partner would feel that you'd pushed him somehow into doing so - although YOU know you haven't.

Its such a tough call :hugs: Good luck to you all.


That is DEFININTELY my concern... on his reaction more so than his feelings. He is a hot head and I know for certain if ds ever did refer to M as "dad" in front of the ex he would lose it.

I always refer to M by h is name to ds. Example: "We're going to M's house now" etc.

That's why we were both a bit shocked last night lol :p

I think you are right in that when there's other siblings it's different, but for now we should just keep encouraging ds to call M by his name.

I think that's lovely with your nephew...it's good hearing that calling both "dad" eventually can work.

In the end as ds gets older, if that's how he feels about M I won't deny him that right of calling him that, especially like I stated that he's never had that proper father/son relationship with the ex, even when we were together.

It's just hard while they are still young and don't understand.

Thank you for your lovely and helpful advice, as awlays Tam :hugs:

[JustJettAndMum]

My ex does have a new girlfriend...:yes:

There's ALOT of history behind my ex being a "father"... yes he sees ds every second weekend (this only started a few months ago after being separated 2.5yrs) but he has never been a proper father figure and never asks about ds in between the times he sees him.

I have never seen his father even half as involved in DS's life as my new partner is... which is why it's so beautiful watching them grow closer and closer.

I even remember not long ago my ex was talking about his new gf and said they are so good together as she's about "fun and games" just like him. So they have a serious relationship, but in no way are they wanting to provide ds a family situation the way M and I do.

It is hard.

I think it will be even harder for DS not to call M "dad" when we have children of our own.

We just didn't expect ds to say what he did last night.


Your Ex sounds very very similar to mine.

Jett (3 and a half) the other week called my new FOTB "daddy".. I was a bit taken back because were not actually together..

But he explained why he did!

He said, 1 mum, 2 nans, 1 poppy, 1 granpa, 1 granny, 3 uncles and 2 dads.

I could FULLY understand where he was coming from!!

Even tho he knows FOTB is not his dad. He feels that he is like a dad.

Hes never said it again, He just calls him by his first name.. lol.

[spoon]

I tend to think it is more about the children that the adults. The kids afterall have to make sense of the relationships in their lives and if adults have :banghead::hair::hissy: moments then quite frankly it is their problem. Just so long as nobody is coaching him one way or the other then surely it is all good, just let him decide. Sure you can consider ex's feelings for a while and decide to play around with the word "Daddy" and find something of pete's own that he can call M that is different to what he calls his actual father BUT after that if your ex has a tanty that is up to him. Pete has the right to call his stepfather (future as it may be) something special, and I disagree that it is disrespectful to encourage it. Afterall, what did your ex expect??? Much of the time in my experience it has been myself and my step daughter that were stuck in the middle.

I have also been on the other side. My eldest son has a step mother and I seriously do not interferre with their relationship. I am secure enough to know that my thing with my son is solid and so does he.

[Pax]

My dh has been in my life since his step children (my daughters) were 4, & 6

He has had Daddy incidents and HE always has corrected the girls.

He has said, Call me Tony. he has always been conscience of not upsetting their father, I think if he was in my ex's position he would be very upset if his kids called someone else dad. I know i would be mortified if my kids called someone else Mum.

so yeah it is corrected in this house.

[Pax]

Could I also add that when you are speaking to your son about your ex you really shouldnt refer to his father by his first name, but refer to him as Dad or "your dad"

I was very hurt when i discovered my ex was calling me by my first name to my children. :(

I never did that to him, I always called him "dad" when discussing him with the girls.

[SweetSerenity]

Could I also add that when you are speaking to your son about your ex you really shouldnt refer to his father by his first name, but refer to him as Dad or "your dad"

I was very hurt when i discovered my ex was calling me by my first name to my children. :(

I never did that to him, I always called him "dad" when discussing him with the girls.

I never said I refer to his father by his first name? :confused:

Only my partner we refer to by first name...but his dad is "daddy"....

[PrincessDani]

I'm not a single Mum or even a Mum yet:hissy: so I hope you dont mind me crashing but I think is lovely that your son feels close to your new man and that your partner liked that! One of my friends is now engaged and has 2 kids. THey are still very active in their 'real' fathers life but their step dad is very much an active part of their lives. THey call their real father Daddy but they call their step dad Papa Joe! Its so cute! He loves it and their real Dad doesnt get upset because its not taking anything away from him! just and idea. Good luck and Im glad things are going well for you all!:goodvibes:

[SweetSerenity]

Thank you :)

I am loving that they get on SO well.

He's so fantastic with ds and never makes him feel like a burden.

Thank you for sharing your friends story, that's lovely :D Great idea too with the name.

Thanks again :goodvibes:

[headoverfeet]

:wave: Im not a seperated parent but come from a blended family. My Mum and S.D got together when we were all 10-16yrs old (4 chn) and we have always called our S.D "P" never Dad, I do refer to him as my Dad though I never see my "real" Dad anymore, my brothers do and they refer to S.D as Dad when talking to people who dont know our family. Makes it hard though as my mum and SD went on to have my half brother who is also called "P". So it can get a little confusing and poor half brother "P" gets refered to as Bub even though he is 12yrs old now :laughing:.

I think it is an age thing, your son is quiet young and I could understand how his dad might feel about "M" being called Dad too, I would probebly just leave your son to call "M" whatever he felt comfortable with and keep refering to "M" as "M". My mum always refered to SD as "P" to us and Dad to half brother.

[trina73]

I think it is lovely that DS and your DP have formed such a warm relationship. It must make it so much easier on you. I will say that when his father is in the picture that it is disrespectful to allow or encourage your DS to call your partner Daddy. Imagine if your ex got a new partner and encouraged your DS to call her Mummy - it would break your heart.

I think finding a special name for the two of them is good but Daddy is a no go zone - JMO.
sorry but :iagree:My DP was gutted when his daughters called their step dad, dad. he is involved with the girls but it got to the point that they were calling him dad right in his face. their mother forced it upon them. it hurts. and yet if the girls called me mum the whole world would fall apart.

[SweetSerenity]

sorry but :iagree:My DP was gutted when his daughters called their step dad, dad. he is involved with the girls but it got to the point that they were calling him dad right in his face. their mother forced it upon them. it hurts. and yet if the girls called me mum the whole world would fall apart.

I can understand that, but I am not "forcing" the issue.

As stated, my son came out with it on his own...

No one told him to say anything, and I NEVER call "M" daddy or dad.

[trina73]

sorry i didn't say that you were forcing the issue, i'm just going by what happened in our situation. i just know how it feels for my DP is all.

[werdxela]

My partner and I have been together since my son was 4, he is 9 now. We never forced or encouraged him to call R dad he does it cause he wants to. I remember how shock D was and how chuffed R was when it happened for the first time. Ds will call him DAD when he is talking to him or other kids but If he is talking about R to me or my mum he sometimes still refers to him as R. Same as Dp referring to him as his son. Last week at a family event where we were meeting most family for the first time Ds was introduced as "his son" ,so no body there would have known any different which works in our situation cause Ds has no contact with his father.

I guess it a case of finding what is comfortable for everyone involved.

[SweetSerenity]

sorry i didn't say that you were forcing the issue, i'm just going by what happened in our situation. i just know how it feels for my DP is all.

I understand it would be very hurtful.:yes: Especially being forced upon them.

I guess like Spoon stated though, if it's the children who are the ones taking that step and saying it, not the step parent or parent forcing it, then ultimately isn't it up to the child what they prefer to call them? If they love that person as a father/mother, then shouldn't they be able to express that?

I don't think my DS will say it again anytime soon, but if he does it will be very hard to stop an almost 4yr old with possible autism issues to not say what he feels he wants to and explain to him why he shouldn't be saying that.

If the day came he was to call his girlfriend mum yes I wouldn't like it but what can I do about it? Not that I see that happening as they both don't see him very often or speak to him very often.

It's just a hard place to be put in as we do act like a little "family"...and ds is embracing that as we never had that even when we were with his father.

I don't think there can be a right or wrong answer as everyones family situations are different.

[NewBeginnings]

Oh Nat that is so beautiful! :cloud9:

DS used to call this babies dad "daddy" as well. It didn't really bother me all that much... well because he hasn't had a dad figure in his life for well over a year. Although when he did do it either bubs dad or I would correct him. It got really bad there for a while, but has all stopped since an incident with him that obviously reminded him of his bio dad! :(

I did stress about what to do when this baby arrived and called him Dad etc.... but now we are no longer together I don't really worry about it too much.

One of the ideas I did come up with was DS calling him "Daddy J...." (is his name) or calling him "Uncle J...." just so he was more than just another person iykwim and out of respect.

I think it's wonderful that they have such a beautiful connection though! I'm so happy for you both! :goodvibes::hugs:

[SassyMummy]

Living together, the bf has taken on a bit of a "father" role with DD. He's the only adult male here most of the time, and it's kinda natural that he's taken to that role. Well, maybe it's not... I guess some men could live with their gfs (who have kids to other men), who don't get involved at all.

Anyway, DD told me she has 2 Daddies. She has her real Dad, and then her pretend Dad (the bf).

She hasn't said anything about it to the bf, and I haven't mentioned it either, because I'm not sure how he'd take it tbh.

I'll NEVER mention it to her father, because it would offend and upset him, and I don't want that to happen. I would HATE it if his gf (if he has one) was referred to as "Mummy."

I know I put in a lot more time and effort than her dad does, and so I 100% deserve the "Mummy" title, but even though he does way less than I do in regards to Chanel, I dunno, it would still upset him.

I won't be encouraging Chanel to call the bf Dad or Daddy or anything. If she starts doing it on her own, I dunno what I will say. There's a possibility she'll have siblings who WILL call him Daddy, and given that she'd live with the both of us, he'd very much be her non-official father.

I have no idea what I'd do there.

I'd LIKE to think I'd discourage it, but I dunno, if it makes her happy to call him that... should I really stop it?

I dunno... no idea Nat, sorry. :p

[rainbow road]

IMO, if your DS sees your partner as a Daddy figure, I don't see what's wrong with him calling daddy, but i do realise it could gut his really daddy. what if u talk to his real dad and say DS called M daddy and then corrected himself, but it seems obvious he will start calling him something and does he mind if DS calls him something like daddy-M or something?

I called my step Dad dad from day dot virtually and he calls me daught as well.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Brett's other son calls me Mummy.

No real reason, he just does. He sees him biological mother regularly and calls her Aleisha.

Let your son decide what to call him.

Don't correct him, but call him by his name (since he isn't your daddy) and let whatever will be, be.

[Freya]

While my DP is the only father K has ever known as he rarely sees XDP I still wouldn't feel comfortable K calling him Dad simple because he is not his Dad. I always call him Lukey and now K has picked that up.

I think you should just remind him that M isn't his Daddy and that he already has a daddy. (but you already would have lol)

I know I would be heartbroken if K called anyone else Mummy...

[Lil Mamma]

:iagree:

Whilst neither my ex nor I have yet to re-partner, I would be devastated to hear my children calling someone else mummy. I like the idea of a special name, like daddy-M.

Oh and that's so cute that he said that about your partner, they must be developing a lovely bond between them :goodvibes:

[Issey]

my son is younger than yours but he started calling b/f daddy for awhile and I just let it go. i did not want DS to feel bad by correcting him every five minutes which is what i did in the first instance and he got horribly upset and confused so i just let him do what made him happy. later on he changed back to calling my b/f by his name, and sometimes when very excited or emotional will call him daddy but not often. when this first occured i would just add b/f's name to the end of Daddy so i could work out who he was talking about. 99% of the time it is now b/f's name. Also b/f has two of his own boys so DS would hear them call him Dad and wonder why he couldn't.

i think the key thing is not to make your son feel bad or that it is wrong.

my DS's dad is in his life every second wkend, I wouldn't bother telling him. i don't tell him much about our lives only what he needs to know, so why would you tell your ex anyway?

it is nice that your son has a bond with your b/f and feels comfortable enough to want him to be his Dad. its not like you tell him to call your bf Dad he just did.

[kezzaskids]

My partner and I have been together since the birth of my DS. My partner is not the biological father of DS. We decided not to influence DS decision of what to call DP right from the begining and always refered to DP by his first name. By 12 months DS was calling DP 'Da'.....his name is Dan.....so we went with that and refered to DP as Da. By the age of 2 and a half DS was calling DP 'Daddy Da'. No one had refered to DP as Da or Dad as my other children call him by his first name only. By the age of 3 this has now been shortened to Daddy or Da through DS own choice and absoloutly no coaching. I think that this is the age where children identify themselves as a member of a family unit and the male role model is 'Dad'. He sees other children at daycare and out and about with their Dads so therefore it is normal for him to assume that DP is his Dad.
Ds is told that DP isnt his bio father and that the man he knows as A is but luckily for us A is rarely in the picture and definitly not in a father type role.
I think the main thing for all of the adults concerned here is to take the needs of this little boy into consideration. Dont make him feel insecure by telling him not to call M dad epecially if M is likely to be the full time role model / dad figure in his life. How ever if the relationship is only new or not that serious ( not that I think this is the case) then I wouldnt ecourage it.
Good luck :)

[SweetSerenity]

Thank you everyone for your responses/experiences.

DS hasn't said it since so maybe it was just a slip of the tongue? But one thing is certain is that he adores/looks up to M so much.

M definitely is a big part of both our lives and is such a fantastic role model for DS... so I'm very grateful to have found someone who is great for us both.

Thanks again everyone :)

[mummy_to_my_son]

i'm not in a relationship, but i always said if DS wanted too call my partner dad or daddy if thats what they both wanted

but than having his real father involved than that is something that you have too discuss with him and how he feels about the situation, when my DS father was around we talked about it and he was always happy for DS too call a future partner dad, but there were guide lines too go by, and i will still go by the ones i can

but sorry about my whole life story lol but yeah talk too his dad and see what he feels about the situation

[SweetSerenity]

Thanks hun :) lol i don't even need to ask my ex as i know EXACTLY what his reaction would be :yes: A very aggressive one! Ds still is calling him 'M', it was only the once he said daddy...but i think it's something that may occur more regularly so i will be looking back on all this advice for sure :). It's just hard when you feel like a family but the blood side of things comes into play...

[hubberonholidays]

Hi Nat - Just thought I'd add my two cents worth in here :)
I call two people Dad and have done ever since I can remember. My biological Dad and my Step-Dad who I met when I was 3.
I have no memory of every calling my Step Dad anything other than Dad but according to Mum it was never pushed on me and I just decided one day that that's what he was (I was about 4 I think) and when they had my little brother a year later, it just felt perfectly natural to me that I had two Dads.
I still call them both Dad and I have to admit that if my Son is little enough when my partner and I are serious that I'd love for him to decide that he's worthy of the name Dad too.
I was very lucky that both of my Dads were able to put my feelings first and instead of making me feel guilty about loving them both, they just accepted that they both had a significant place in my heart and that it really didn't matter what I called them.

[SweetSerenity]

Thanks Jade :)

My son is now 4, and we'll be TTC from May for no.2 and I feel that once DS hears our other children call M "Dad" that he will most likely follow their lead, which I will never discourage him from as it's up to him how he feels about DP and what he calls him in my eyes.

It's nice to hear of a positive story of someone having 2 "dads" in their life :)

Nat x

[Jo_Jo]

Hi ladies,

My son did this at around the same age, same thing play fighting and wrestling and the D word would come out.......and partner would get all shucks on me..lol.
Son would correct himself a soon as he said it and nothing more would be said, at that stage would see there dad every second weekend and holidays.
I never sat him down to talk with him about it and thought if it happens it happens, months later my daughter let me know that a few times when playing with his dad while with him on a weekend he called him my partners name and then corrected himself to say dad!!
I said how did your father react, my daughter said oh he said nothing but you could tell he was a bit peeved!!
So i decided to have a chat with him, he said oh mum sometimes i get mixed up dad and partner play with me in the same way and i forget!!
I thought you poor little fella here you have these 2 major same sex role models, who are going to be huge influences in your life and sometimes you just get mixed up caught up in the moment, one of them smiles if it happens and one of them looks sad about it.
I said mate don,t feel bad everyone gets mixed up it,s like me calling you but i mean your sister!
I said have you thought of calling Rod, dad he said yes but i don,t want to! i said thats fine mate, he looked at me and said i will get the hang of it....lol
And he did! but when he was 10 and i was due for his little brother he asked me what will happen when the baby calls Rod dad and im calling him Rod i said, well thats what he will know....he said maybe i should call him dad when the baby starts talking i said whatever suits you mate!!
now he is weeks of 14 and his little brother is his pride and joy but he still calls SD by his name but when talking to his mates or at school he refers to him as his dad. He only catches up with his dad a couple of times a year now and it,s been that way for about 3 years, so SD is his male role model and they have a great relationship....my youngest will call dad, Rod sometimes like his big brother but rod pays no attention to it and it goes straight back to dad!
Because only when they are calling rod or talking to him they use rod the rest of the time with little bro they refer to him as dad.....like wheres dad, or get daddy, or look daddys home!!
Go with the flow, it all falls into place.
Cheers.:yes:

[SimplyMum]

DS has started calling DP Dad. DS bio dad isn't in his life at all so this did come as a bit of a surprise but I see where he has got it from. He sees his nephew calling my bro 'Dad' and obviously figured 'J's my dad'.

I'm kinda of at a loss what to do actually.

There's allot of background that I don't want to hijack your thread with.

In short, I told DS that 'he doesn't have a Daddy, he has a J'- he seemed rather satisfied with that.

[SweetSerenity]

Jo Jo that's gret advice...

You can't really plan what happens I guess can you?

By the way sounds like you have a beautiful family life :yes:


DS has started calling DP Dad. DS bio dad isn't in his life at all so this did come as a bit of a surprise but I see where he has got it from. He sees his nephew calling my bro 'Dad' and obviously figured 'J's my dad'.

I'm kinda of at a loss what to do actually.

There's allot of background that I don't want to hijack your thread with.

In short, I told DS that 'he doesn't have a Daddy, he has a J'- he seemed rather satisfied with that.

Hijack away hun :yes: I don't mind :)

Any input or others situations help!

[SimplyMum]

Ok, well ever since DS was born I've really wanted to move to QLD but never got around to it. Than J came along and I thought, I took stick it out here and one day I can do the big move.
Well, after telling myself and trying to convince myself of that for over a year, I have decided that I do still really want to move- and it's in DS's best interest if it's done sooner rather than later so I have decided that I'm moving to QLD late 2010.
I told J this and he's not keen on the idea. I asked him if he would even consider moving for only a period of time- to test the waters so to speak. He said 'he doesn't know'.
*Please note that I am not angry at DP for his opinion/way of thinking. I can't blame him for not budging when I'm dead set on going myself.
So, while under normal circumstances I wouldn't discourage DS to call what I thought is my 'partner for life', 'Dad'- under these circumstances I'm not sure if it's a good idea.

So I'm kind of at a loss what to do. I realise that it's probably not the best to keep the relationship going with DP if it's not going to progress- esp with DS. But how am I to know if it's not going to progress? I mean, it's 2 years away- things can change. DP might come around and try it out for a period of time, we might give the long distance thing a go until we decide if it's worthwhile or not. I just don't know.

[SweetSerenity]

Wow lee... all I can say is, FUDGE! What a situation and a half.

Has your DP given you any reasons as to why he may not want to do the move?

:hugs: HUGS for you, that's a big toughy.

No wonder you feel stuck.

xoxoxox

[SimplyMum]

Well, he said that if our friends moved up than he would.

He doesn't exactly have a six pack and wears a t-shirt whenever we go in the pool so I don't think he feel all that comfortable on the beach.

I'm moving up to the Gold Coast, near where my bestie and her fam live (that way, at least I have some support). He's never met them and I'm not sure if he'd be in the same sort of comfort zone as they are. My bestie has 3 bro's- 2 are beach bums, tanned good-looking teenagers, the other bro is a young 13 so not in the same age bracket.

So, basically for him he'd be moving to a state where the general consensus is not really down his alley (he's a computer geek), and where he knows no-one.

To give you an insight into the type of person he is, he said that if I were to fall pregnant (yes, after my last- we had the pregnant talk early on), he would move out to where I am although this would mean he would have to spend a total of at least 3 hours travelling each day.

He's reasonable and respectful. After 2 years I rate my chance at about 60% to swing him around. I, unfortunately am not budging of this idea. I want to give it 2 years at least as a trial period, if it didn't work out in that time than I would be willing to negotiate/compromise. I have wanted this for 3 years and I think I would end up resenting him for not going if I did not give it a try.

What will be, will be.

[shockinamillion]

I am also going to Hijack here a little. I am from a (very) blended family. Calling your partner dad, is an accident, as sweet as it is, he no doubt knows but in a moment we can slip up with a person we trust. I call my SD "D" but sometimes I accidentally call him Dad. I find I have also called teacher I REALLY get along with with or like a lot, Mum and Dad also.

It is a WONDERFUL sign of trust.

As your child gets older it should really be up to them. I would be highly upset if I was told by any of my parents that I could not call my SD Dad. My dad doesn't have the right to and it is not my mums choice. The only people that need to be comfortable with it is the child and the step parent IMO.