Any advice?

[SiarasMummy]

Hi, I'm 24 and my daughter is almost 8 months. I'm married to a great man and we tried for a baby for 3 years before finding out I had PCOS. I had to go through fertility treatment to conceive and now I finally have the baby I have wanted for so long. I always wanted a girl and she is so pretty and well behaved during the day...but the lack of sleep is really starting to get me down. She wasn't a great sleeper in the beginning but then we had 3 months where she would only wake up once a night for a feed (which was great!) but for the last 2-3 months she is up sometimes 5 times a night - sometimes for a bottle and other times she just cries or wakes up at 2am and thinks it's playtime! I have tried all different ways to settle her and nothing works- apart from putting her in our bed. Sometimes her Nanna has her overnight and she always sleeps well for her - I don't know why she won't do it for me! I called a few sleep schools a month ago (which I always considered a last resort) and I can't even get a call back until Nov 19th.
I feel really angry about it sometimes and sometimes I cry. I haven't talked to my health nurse or anyone else about it because I feel so stupid and ungrateful. I should just be happy my daughter is healthy and happy (during the day at least!). I knew being a Mum wouldn't be easy but I didn't expect to still be getting up 5 times a night after 8 months! Can anyone give me some advice?:no:

[Nomsie]

Hey there...

Maybe she is giving you abig hint... if she will only sleep in your bed, is that such a bad thing? If you're sleeping, and she is sleeping... then the problem would be....? It's prob not what you had in mind, but I have found that rather than parents controlling babies, it often works better 99% of the time when the babies control the parents! :)

It's normal to cry and feel upset at times- I know I do, and I feel so much better after it! :hugs:

[laylasmumma23]

what sort of night routine do you have her in? what sorts of things have you tried to settle her?
i have found the bedtime routine needs to happen exactly the same way every night or my baby wont sleep. It does take alot of trial and error as they do change alot.
Have you tried controlled crying for self settling?
keep at it, i know its tough,your not a bad mum everyone has trouble sometimes and your asking for help not suffering alone. good luck xx

[SiarasMummy]

Hi, Thanks for your help, problem is with sleeping in our bed, I have been a really light sleeper ever since I fell pregnant and when she is in our bed I find it really hard to sleep. And she won't sleep unless my arm is around her which makes it hard for me to get comfortable and my arm goes dead! As for her routine, she has a solid feed about 7pm, then she has a bath or shower at about 8.30pm and I usually give her a bottle at about 9 (She usually goes to sleep between 9.30-10pm. Even with a bath every night it can still be hard to settle her in to a night sleep. She has always gone to sleep fairly late in the evening but we have tried getting her to sleep between 7-8pm but it never happens. She used to settle herself but for the last couple of months she hasn't been. When she wakes up during the night and if she isn't hungry I have tried CC - she just gets hysetrical - I have tried to get her to settle herself and I have rocked her or patted her bum. She usually goes to sleep when I rock her but she will be awake again within an hour or so. A friend of mine said she may be feeding off my frustration and that's why she wakes up? I try and keep calm but maybe she can feel me getting upset? I just don't know what to do!!

[blissfullybonkers]

the only suggestions i have you might have already tried..
* give her a dummy
* Drop a day time sleep
* Is she over tired from being up so late?
* definately keep calling the sleep schools cos ppl who are booked in might cancel their appointment.
My DD slept perfect til 4 months old and i tried what i could til she was 8 months then that was it for us off to sleep school!! what we did was more self settling than CC,

our system was this
*pop bubs in the cot, say shh close your eyes its time to sleep walk out
* if bub still crying after 5 mins go back in and lay bub down facing away from you or dont make eye contact and settle by patting and shhing, repeat close your eyes, it time to sleep, good girl for closing your eyes as you pat her for 5 mins.
* out for 10
* if still crying back in and settle for 10min same as above.
*out for 15
*back in if still crying and start over from 5 min settle.
This worked well for us as we could comfort her not just lie her down and walk out over and over, also instead of going in every 2 mins the CHN made bigger gaps as frequent visits hyped her up more. it only took 2 days and she was so much better!!
Goodluck!

[laylasmumma23]

It sounds like she might have a bit of separation anxiety, you could try having her sleep in a bassinet or portacot next to your bed? that way she's near you but not in your bed. Then gradually move her back into her own room. My bubby had a bit of this when she was younger, would sleep for an hour then wake up. I found wrapping helped alot! they feel secure and safe and also those sleeping bags. I use the wrapping for her day and night sleeps but only the sleeping bag for her night sleep and she knows the means bedtime. I have also found baby massage really useful, with the johnsons baby lavender lotion, she has a bath in this also (the bath one tho).
You could also try switching around her feeds, give her a bath before she has a feed,so that way she's relaxed and warm and will have a long feed (hopefully) instead of needing top up feeds during the night.

Babies can tell when your stressed out, maybe you should get your partner to step in and give you a break. even if he doesn't try to get her to sleep but just read her a story or listen to soft music..relaxing things that dont get her all energetic before bed.
Does she always wake up crying? it may be wind or teething or even a wet nappy, sometimes you just have to guess.

I hope this helps. Just use what you think will work for you :) xx

[nugglyboysmum]

.sorry you not getting any decent sleep. My DS only sleeps through if he is in our bed and he is 2.5! He has always slept through for my mum and even slept in til 10am!

Something another mum said to me about a year ago was that your bub loves and trusts you so incredibly much adn feels so safe that no matter how she behaves(or doesn't behave) you will still love and care for you, which is why she pushes you to the limits, but behaves perfectly well for others. The reason she behaves so well for others is that, even though she knows they care for her, she doesnt' trust them as completely as she trusts you, so she doesn't push their boundaries just cause shes not sure their love is unconditional. This makes a lot of sense to me and knida makes me feel a bit better when DS is being awful to me and an angel for everyone else.

I know at one stage that DS would not go to sleep at night if i were at home. SO, for about a week i would go out somewhere for a couple of hours while DH put him to bed. He would go straight to sleep for DH then i would come home and relax.

Do you thinjk there is a possibility of you suffering from some PND? The way you described you feeling atm sounds similar to what i used to feel. Maybe chatting to a counsellor would help you feel a likttle less stressed with the whole situation.

Also, what has helped me immensly with all DS sleep issues is to ring Parent Helpline and just chat to them about things, several times i have bawled my eyes out while they joked with me and convinced me that he would grow out of it eventually and i would live through it. They also have many wonderful ideas on how to get them to sleep. I have tried somany different things, everything woprked well, but unfortuinately only lasted a short time each, so i was forever having to make up new routines with the help of the women on parent helpline.

I hope you stat feeling better soon x

[crazyaboutbubs]

Hi Siaras Mummy, sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. :hugs: I don't have any bubs or any real experience.. but i remember reading a thread about 'Safe T Sleep' which is something you can use to put your bub to sleep, it wraps about the bubs and keeps them in position.. and a lot of the mums said it was doing wonders for their bubs that used to wake a lot in the nite. Google it.. it could be an option. I hope you find something that works for you. :thumbsup:

[SiarasMummy]

Thanks all so much for your advice. I am going to try a couple of the things you have suggested. Having said that - last night Siara only woke up once during the night for the first time in months - unbelievable! I gave her solids at 8pm, she didn't have a bath or shower and by 10pm she was asleep and didn't wake until 3am for a feed and was then up at 9am this morning. Maybe she knew I was at breaking point and would go crazy if I didn't sleep last night! I have been bathing her in the johnsons lavender since birth but it didn't seem to have any effect on her. Last night I folded up a couple of soft blankets and put them under her head before she went to sleep - maybe that made a difference? I thought I would try and make her bed a bit more comfortable for her. Let's hope it stays this way! As for me going through PND - I'm not sure...Sometimes I feel angry or upset and sometimes when I have the opportunity to sleep I will just lay there staring at the wall for hours. Is this something I should be worried about? My Mum has always worried about me having PND as I had a difficult pregnancy and (what I would consider) a traumatic birth. But I have always been a fairly strong person so I didn't think PND was something I needed to think about?

[nugglyboysmum]

I am so happy to hear that you had a better night last night.

I didn't think PND would be a possibility to me either, all my life all i've wanted to do was be a mum, it took us a while and a lot of stress to get pregnant, and i was overjoyed to be finally pregnant, i thought I'd be on cloud nine. Unfortunately things didn't go according to plan and things i could never have forseen hapened. It took 18 months before i realised i had a problem and talked to my GP about my feelings. Thankfully my GP referred me to a great counsellor and i am SO much better. But yeah it can happen to the people you would least expect.

Hope your D keeps sleeping well

[SiarasMummy]

Maybe I should talk to a health nurse about my feelings...I just hate sounding like a drama queen. I guess we all have our limits though. It took us a while to get pregnant as well and I had to go through hormone treatment etc before I conceived. I was so excited about finally being pregnant that maybe my idea of being a mum wasn't exactly what it has turned out to be. I knew it would be hard and I knew I would have sleepless nights but I think this whole time I thought I would be a perfect mum - but really none of us are and it's all about trial and error. I'm glad I have found this forum though because now I can bounce my thoughts and ideas off people that won't judge me. I have always been the 'strong one' that I feel a bit embarassed to admit that I am struggling a little bit. Rather than saying 'I think I need some help' I have been waiting for someone else to point it out to me....Anyway hopefully she will start sleeping a bit better..although one night of good sleep doesn't mean much yet!

[NeonPink]

Hi Siaras mummy..


I have always been the 'strong one' that I feel a bit embarassed to admit that I am struggling a little bit. Rather than saying 'I think I need some help' I have been waiting for someone else to point it out to me...


What you said there was me to a T. I ended up pushing my son, and family away. I would constantly visit friends or family as I knew they would feed, change, comfort him.. I ended up bursting into tears one day and spilling my guts to my GP (Which yes, I did feel silly for) but he had seen it all before and helped me find a councillor and some antidepressants..

Although im off them now I still feel so frazzled sometimes with Dante. He is almost 1 and his sleep patterns vary week to week. 2 weeks ago he would sleep through, but wake up at 4am ready to play .. Other nights (like this week) he is waking again around 11-12 for a feed..

For almost 6 months we've been persevering with the self settling techniques but thats only because he would no longer settle with/for us..

You need to ask for help, ask your partner to do a night shift or even one feed.. You need some sleep to keep your sanity ( I too am unable to sleep during the day )

And as for them being little angels for grandma.. I too am familiar with that and there is nothing more frustrating!!

Chin up sweets, we are all here cheering you on hoping you find a solution :hugs:

[SiarasMummy]

Siara is still waking up 2-3 times a night but thankfully over the past week I feel like I have got some of my sanity back. I had a call from a sleep school and they are going to try and fit me in soon - hopefully I hear from them before Xmas as it would be nice to enjoy Xmas instead of just feeling tired.
The hardest thing over the last couple of weeks is that my Husbands work hours have changed and now he isn't home until after 7pm every night instead of 5-6pm. Makes it really hard to get dinner ready as Siara is generally in a good mood during the day but I pretty much have to play with her constantly to keep her that way. I know all of us have to juggle tasks but this little lady hates to be left alone for even 2 minutes! Sometimes it's very hard to keep up with her.
On her sleeping -I have tried a few of the suggestions given but nothing seems to really work...I gave her a bath every single night last week and gave her dinner after a bath and she still didn't sleep much better...although 2-3 times a night is much better than 8 times a night like it was when I first wrote.
Aaarrgghhh I just wish I knew what to do, she seems to change her sleep habits every night, even if I keep my settling routine exactly the same.
I am glad I am not completely losing the plot though.
My mum has been a great help but sometimes she can get on my nerves - does anyone else feel like that? Sometimes I feel like her 'supportive' way is so weird...If I am in a grumpy mood (usually cuz I'm tired) instead of cheering me up in a nice way she gets annoyed with me and tells me 'I'm so moody' but then she will do something nice. Last week she was helping me out by taking Siara out shopping so I could relax for a few hours but before she left she kept commenting about how I hadn't washed any of Siara's clothes for a few days...I ended up crying and telling her that I'm constantly busy and that sometimes the washing just has to wait...But overall I think I do really well with the housework, it always looks tidy and I never leave dirty dishes in the sink...She can constantly pick at little things - sometimes she is only joking but she knows how quick I snap these days but she never learns her lesson...she will comment a few times about something and then I snap and then she wonders why I am getting annoyed with her!
On the other hand though she has been helpful - I guess I am lucky that she has Siara overnight sometimes. And I know that she understands how I feel but sometimes it would help if she just bit her tongue instead of keep having little digs at me...
Anyway that's my vent for the day, now back to reality.:(