time Battle - How to get my 4yr old to bed

[purtig]

Bedtime has been an issue for the last week or 2. DS has been whinging at bedtime, procrastinating etc, whining about how it's not fair and how he wants to stay up with us.

I really don't think he's that hard done by. His bedtime is usually 7.30pm - I think that's fair for a 4 year old. DH extended it to 7.45pm but then we had to drop it back when he started misbehaving.

We have tried a reward chart. We have tried explaining that his body needs rest so he will have energy for the next day. We don't know what else to do.

Tonight we resorted to smacking, banning tv for tomorrow and banning him attending 3yr old kindy on Thursday. And still he kept coming out. He has just cried himself to sleep with his door locked shut.

I don't want to smack him again - it wasn't an angry smack, it was one given with a warning first of what was going to happen and why (Mummy and Daddy don't know what else to do to teach you when nothing else has worked) but I still don't want to smack really.

Does anyone have any bedtime tips? He has a bath at around 6.15pm, then stories or quiet play. His brother goes to bed at 7pm then we play boardgames or card games with him or read more stories to him - it's not like we just leave him to watch tv by himself or anything. He gets at least 30mins of time with just us.

I know this is long but I am so despondant at the moment - I really don't know what to do. Any tips appreciated, or any comments on his bedtime if you think it's too early for his age.
Thanks.

[purtig]

The title for this thread was meant to be bedtime battle - if anyone knows how to fix this please go ahead!

[mum_I'm_hungry]

I take it he's not having a daytime nap? You certainly seem to have a good routine in place. Maybe one thing you could add is a small chapter of a soothing chapter book when he's actually in bed. This worked well for our daughter, as she's lying down then and just listens. Half the time she falls asleep listening to us read...

[Chunkydunks]

When you work something out can you let me know. 10 or 11pm are usual for us and his bed time is 8.30:eek:

[OJandMe]

No idea :hugs:

We're having the same battle with our two. 4-teen yr olds..

Usually I say something like... "I'll sit with you a while."

and then "I'll come check on you in 5 mins okay?"

and they usually fall asleep in that 5 (cough... 30) mins.

[SassyMummy]

DD is younger, so it may be a bit different (she's not yet 3.5), but we were having bedtime issues too.

Until I just started setting a bedtime routine, a very simple 3-step routine, that had nothing to do with time. Sometimes she'll go to bed at 7.00, sometimes closer to 8.

Unless we're out, or for some reason she can stay up (if we have another little girl over past bedtime, for example), it goes Dinner, Bath, Bed (though she gets a shower rather than a bath if she refuses to eat her dinner or is naughty).

Now she's done if for about a month now, and she automatically follows through to the "next step" without question. Actually, tonight it was out of whack and I gave her a bath BEFORE dinner, as we were running late and ordering take-away, and if she had a bath after, it would be pretty late by the time she got to bed (and after a busy day at kindy, I figured she NEEDED some sleep).

Anyway, I'm sure that's no help to you... I'm sure you've tried that... but figured I'd reply anyway.

Good luck!

[purtig]

He hasn't had a daytime nap since he was about 23 months old! DS2 has just gone 22 months and has stopped napping too.

I like the idea of a story with chapters. Might have to get my mum to bring over some of my old Enid Blyton books to try. He doesn't have any books with chapters yet but loves reading so will give that a go.

Keep the ideas coming though!

[mysunflower]

we were having issues also what we have done is after dinner we have family time where we all sit down and watch a family movie together and they know when the movie is over its bed time and thats it for the night it has worked great some nights they fall asleep so we just carry them to bed and other nights they are happy to go to bed this has helped us so much

[mum_I'm_hungry]

He hasn't had a daytime nap since he was about 23 months old! DS2 has just gone 22 months and has stopped napping too.

You mentioned kindy, which made me think he might be. My daughter is at kindy (she just turned 5) and they have nap time and a lot of the parents stuggle with bed-time on those three days per week. The kids don't have to sleep, but sometimes they want to and then they're up till 9pm etc.. This is why we have problems -- my daughter is out like a light there three days per week for an hour and a half. And she's five!

Good luck with the chapter books! The Magic Faraway Tree might be a good start :yes:

[kezzaskids]

my 4yo is in bed at 8.30pm but often wont sleep til 10 or so. He reads books or plays with his action figures etc I figure that so long as he is in his room, resting and self settling to sleep for the night then its ok.

[kayla]

maybe you can change the routine. I usually bath mine right before bed and i have been doing that since he was a baby so he has gotten in the habit of bath, bottle then bed at 8:30.

[2s'nuff]

Have you tried counting down the time remaining before bed? I warn DD1: "20 minutes until bed" and count down. This way she knows bedtime is coming up. We also have a book at bedtime and if there's any dramas the book is cancelled for the night.

Lisa

[3blue&1pink]

We have a routine.. it took a few weeks for them to follow it but now I have no problems unless there over tired and hear there daddy come home (they don't see there daddy during the week most nights)

Noah goes to kindy every day expect Thursday so our routine goes..

In the afternoon they play until the house is dark.. I do not a turn any lights on till its dark.. when its dark that means bath time..

After bath time they dress them selfs then tell me what they want for dinner.

After dinner they get a book (childrens book) off the book shelf and go to bed.. I get a kiss and hug goodnight then they go to sleep!

Before a routine my nights were hell! I find now if we are out or the routine is not followed I get 3 very grumpy kiddies.. my 4month old even has a bed time routine!

[purtig]

I have thought about changing the routine a bit to make bath closer to bed time. Only prob is his younger brother goes to bed at 7pm so bath really can't be much later than 6.30pm to allow for delays. With DS2 not napping now he sometimes needs to be in bed by 6.50 or so. I don't want to do 2 baths so they need to be in there together. Could try delaying until 6.30pm. Also I was thinking of trying to get them to eat later, so it's more of a definite dinner followed straight away by bath. At the moment they eat at 5pm - DS2 just can't wait any longer than that. I could try stretching them out slowly though, to get dinner time to 5.45 or 6pm.

When bedtime is approaching we remind him to look at the clock so he knows 7.30 is getting closer. He knows how to tell the time so we do it that way instead of a count down. He usually just whinges that he wants to go to bed at 8.30 not 7.30. Whatever time we tell him is bedtime, even if we try letting him stay up later, it is never enough for him. He always wants to go to bed later than we say!

This morning I have made up a big chart for him with a list of things he has to do today without whinging in order to win back him getting to go to kindy Thursday. Hopefully he manages to do it as I don't really want him at home tomorrow morning!!