Are you sick of being judged?

[madboysnmummy]

I am lining up for c/s no 3 in a few weeks and I am so sick of peoples opinions regarding why a c/s and is it really necessary and people assume you are just taking an easy way out. I especially feel it from a couple of friends who have only ever had perfect births

Anyone in the same boat?

[squiglet]

Sorry, but I've never been judged (not that I've found out anyway:o) for having my cs.
One freind was supprised to see me in hospital after my cs as I had only just gone on to her about my birth plan:rolleyes:
But that's it.
A few people have asked why I had my cs, but that was in polite conversation and they were showing intrest, that's all.

You must find it incredibly annoying having freinds that feel that way about you.

[fozzie]

Aww :hugs: Erin. Try and ignore them it's none of their business anyway.

I'm lucky I've not had anything said to me.

[Corie]

people assume you are just taking an easy way out.

my 1st daughter was born vaginally and my 2nd daughter was born via c-sect... no way in hell is c-section an 'easy way out!!!'. its major surgery.

having a c-sect was the hardest thing i have been through, especially when you have a 2y/o to come home to, its not easy.

whatever way is healthy for your bub to enter this world so be it, doesnt worry me 1 bit.

once upon a time i used to be against c-sects (i never wanted to have one) but when it come to my baby and I being in danger, i couldnt care less on what way she was bought into this world.

if people tell judge you about having c-sections, tell them to go jump!

*hugs* :hugs:

[neekynoo]

Both my DFs SIL made me feel like a total failure. Even now 14months on they still make comments. I had an emergency c/section at 38 weeks and wasn't "in" labour. DD wouldn't be here if I hadn't. You think that would be enough to satisfy some people but sadly it isn't.

Try not to take it personally. I know it hurts but the best thing you can do is ignore them and focus yourself and your family.

Good Luck :hugs:

[SassyMummy]

I didn't want, nor choose, to have an elective caesarean... but people always assume that it was a "made-by-choice" thing when I mention that I had one (usually only said because they'll say something like, "Well, if you've been through the pain of labour..." in which case I pipe up and say that it's not something I've experienced).

Nobody has ever judged me for it, despite them believing that it was an elective thing (I think the fact that I didn't go into labour lets them know it wasn't an emergency, and they therefore automatically believe it was purely my choice). Never ever.

In fact, I cop more flack from my comments about how I hated it, and how I'm never going to do it again.

People, IRL, seem much more happy with the idea of me having a purely elective caesarean than wanting to birth my babies via my vagina.

I dunno... I think there's more negativity to caesareans online than IRL. Perhaps because online, you're asking a whole bunch of people you don't know about an issue that's personal and close to your heart... and people are less likely to just pose a "what do you think about..." question IRL as they do here.

That's just my experience anyway... I think everyone thinks I'm smarter, or luckier, for having a caesarean.

[threechooks]

I have only ever copped it from 'natural birth advocates' and 'OB haters' in a forum type situation, never in real life. I wouldn't associate with anyone who did give me a hard time. But then again not many people I know would dare make any comment to me in real life :laughing:

[madboysnmummy]

thanks guys for your stories.

I have had it from one of what I would call a close friends on 3 occasions. She came to visit the other day and every time she mentions something about birth it is said about the "proper" way to give birth. And oh yeah you wouldnt know what thats like would you becuase you didnt even go into labour.
I said at least my babies were healthy and happy and had the safest option and she replied thats what all caesarian mums say to make themselfs feel better.:eek:

I have distanced myself from her since finishing work, but she has dropped in on several occations to visit still.

what sux is I never have an answer for fer comments becuase I think I am totally shocked that she would say this stuff as she is otherwise a lovely person.

The other comments are just random people and a few older family friends

I try not to read comments on forums that are too judging becuase like someone mentioned alot of people dont know the full story behind things and reasons. I think there is always a reason for everything and who am I to question it.

maybe Im just a little sensitive with the hormones and all going through my head :laughing:

[tootiredtosleep]

I've had 2 and couldn't do it any other way. People have asked me why I chose the 2nd one, and I told them it's the only way I trust for my babies to be birthed.
It's funny how some people think that they know your body and mind better than you do.

DD2 was born via elective caesar and it was a perfect birth to me!

[sandy_1902]

i was in labour for 14 hours before i had a emergancy c/s

18 months later i can still get those "oooh" looks.. i dont even explain it anymore..

try not to feel as if its a burdon or anything..

a c/s is just as wonderful as natural... its just more of a majour surgery. if anything its harder then a natural birth... i have only compared my c/s to my sister vag birth with a bad tear but she could do things alot faster then i could


try to ignore them hun :hugs:

[mum_I'm_hungry]

If all they have on you is that they gave birth vaginally and you didn't, you are doing pretty well, I'd say! Try not to take it to heart. You know you did the right thing by you and your babies :thumbsup:

[threepigs]

Mmm, someone at work called me a whimp when I said I'd booked in for a c/s this time (after a 24 hr labour and emergency c/s last time).

To be honest, it doesn't really bother me what she thinks because I know I gave my decision a LOT of though, really considered my options, was under no pressure from my OB and have decided on a course of action that is valid for my experience and circumstances.

My reasons for the elective a complicated and very private and have a lot less to do with my DDs birth than many think.

The thing that annoys me most is that my mother things my choice is about wanting to plan my day so I'll know what to do with DD. Bizarre.

[Pax]

I actually start my conversation off about my elective c/section birth this way.

"I am taking the easy way out and having a c/section.... " :laughing:

saves all the bother of them feeling like they want to say it.. then we can move onto a new subject.

[babybump08]

I got a lot of grief from my HR department at work last week when I booked my maternity leave. I had to sign a stat dec to prove I was pregnant & they wanted a letter from my OB stating I was having a c-section on 7th Jan. When I gave this cow all the paperwork her comment was "oh you didn't put in your stat dec that you're to posh to push, haha". Yeah very funny!! She then made it an office joke so my team mates who didn't know I was having a c/s to begin with now think that I am doing it out of vanity as opposed to medical necessity.

[threepigs]

I got a lot of grief from my HR department at work last week when I booked my maternity leave. I had to sign a stat dec to prove I was pregnant & they wanted a letter from my OB stating I was having a c-section on 7th Jan. When I gave this cow all the paperwork her comment was "oh you didn't put in your stat dec that you're to posh to push, haha". Yeah very funny!! She then made it an office joke so my team mates who didn't know I was having a c/s to begin with now think that I am doing it out of vanity as opposed to medical necessity.

That's disgusting - that kind of treatment is appalling and is legally defined as harassment. If you've got the energy you should lodge a formal complaint against that person. I'm a HR Manager myself and that behaviour in the workplace is entirely unprofessional, along with being legislated against (which any HR practitioner worth the paper their quals are on should know).

:hissy::hair: people like that make me mad.

(ps. asking for the stat dec and the doctors cert is part of normal practice in most organisations and is legal but the rest of it is way out of line)

[MilkOnTap]

Are you sick of being judged?

I had an elect c/sect with Jedd and have felt even MORE judgement this time around for choosing a homebirth than I did for the c/sect.

In my experience, friends and acquaintances IRL are a lot more accepting of c/sects than they are of homebirths and I've copped a LOT of flack for choosing to have my baby at home.

Regardless of where/when/how you have your baby, people are always going to judge.

[MilkOnTap]

I got a lot of grief from my HR department at work last week when I booked my maternity leave. I had to sign a stat dec to prove I was pregnant & they wanted a letter from my OB stating I was having a c-section on 7th Jan. When I gave this cow all the paperwork her comment was "oh you didn't put in your stat dec that you're to posh to push, haha". Yeah very funny!! She then made it an office joke so my team mates who didn't know I was having a c/s to begin with now think that I am doing it out of vanity as opposed to medical necessity.

Thats not cool :no:

I do find it interesting that you have to write your c/sect date on a stat dec form though... I'm choosing a homebirth this time, and if I were to go through the hospital system I'd be booked in for a c/sect next week and hubby would be given leave in an instant. Instead because I'm having a natural birth he still has to go to sea for the week. Yep - he will be gone Mon-Fri next week, but would have been home if I'd booked in for a c/sect.

Just can't win either way...

[GirlsOnly]

I have had a few comments from people IRL as this is my 4th.
The majority of comments I get or hear are on this forum. Some people have VERY strong views on vaginal birth and arent shy about telling you their views.
I am a birth advocate - birth is birth and as I have said many times before
it shouldnt matter wether the baby comes out the door or the sunroof, as long as it is born safely.

[crzymumof2]

I have only ever felt judged by midwifes or doctors that don't no my history but it still makes me so super angry. When talking to a midwife a saying I needed to have a c-section she said I would have to see about that and would need to talk to the doctor, and her whole tone changed. I then had to explain that I didn't have a choice after having two previously, and bleeding throughout my first pregnacy. I guess I could have insisted on a natural birth like my mum did only to hemorage badly after each of her two children were born and then go on to have a historectomy at the age of 27 and then nearly die from blood lost. But do I really have to explain this to every judgemental person I come across. I read that its only about 4% of women that choose to have a c-section without medical reason but even then they usally still do have good reasons and are entitled to their choice. I think as long as mum and bubs are safe then thats all that should matter.

[babybump08]

I blasted the HR consultant infront of her manager & mine. And as far as I am aware she is facing disiplinary action. I also contacted the union who have gotten involved aswell.

I knew the stat dec & dr's letter are standard practice I actually thought it was funny that I had to prove I was pregnant (so did the JP). The payroll department are useless and always stuff up employees wages if a date gets thrown out. When it happens you then don't get paid till the following fortnight. With this in mind I told HR that my EDD was the 13th Jan but I would be having a c-section on the 7th. They then requested I put the c/s date in the stat dec as well as the EDD.

[madboysnmummy]

I blasted the HR consultant infront of her manager & mine. And as far as I am aware she is facing disiplinary action. I also contacted the union who have gotten involved aswell.

I knew the stat dec & dr's letter are standard practice I actually thought it was funny that I had to prove I was pregnant (so did the JP). The payroll department are useless and always stuff up employees wages if a date gets thrown out. When it happens you then don't get paid till the following fortnight. With this in mind I told HR that my EDD was the 13th Jan but I would be having a c-section on the 7th. They then requested I put the c/s date in the stat dec as well as the EDD.

good work they should be responsible for their actions I never had problems with my bosses they are brilliant, but the girl who keeps making comments is an ex work collegue.

thanks Girls for your stories too. I dont feel so alone

sometimes I feel some mums on BH can be a little opinionated too, but the majority have been lovely and supportive. I just dont get involved in threads that could get into debates over birthing choices.

I think no one should ever be judged for the way they bring their own flesh and blood into the world home/vagina or c/s

I shouldnt listen to peoples comments, but I think its only human nature to take such a personal thing like child birth to heart..

[fai firinne]

Two of the women I've supported as doula so far have had caesareans. Both were first time mamas. The first started labour naturally. She was in hospital with an Ob who had a 12% c/s rate, which is about as good as you can get. (WHO recommends that the c/s rate ideally should be 10-15%). She was very keen on a natural birth and her Ob was known to be very supportive of natural birth. She laboured beautifully and had a 'no regrets c/s'. Although it was of course disappointing, she felt in charge of the decisions and felt sure it was necessary and the right choice.

The second mama was induced at 42 weeks, I've noticed that inducing first time mamas is often the start of a cascade of intervention. I talked to her about the risks before she consented to the induction, but although she was well aware of the risk, she still felt to be induced was the right choice for her. She ended up needing a GA for the c/s because the epidural did not work and she could feel the cutting. This mama felt happy with the outcome and felt that she'd made the right decisions for her. Unfortunately her bladder got nicked during the c/s and also she got a severe epidural headache which affected her for nearly two weeks afterwards. Still, she was so proud of herself and felt the c/s was the right choice.

Both mamas went on to have a really successful and hassle-free breastfeeding relationship, and just LOVED being mothers. I thought that was nice, that bf went so well for them, after their births being a more challenging than the norm.

One of these mums attended a recent gathering of parents who I'd been doula for. Everyone discussed their various experiences of birth, and I don't think this couple felt judged or anything for their unique journey. I know it can happen, tho - there will always be thoughtless people who judge your journey through life. Some of my clients have been judged for things like choosing homebirth or freebirth or lotus birth too - they just have to have the courage of their convictions for what's right for them.

One of my good friends, who is really into natural birth, had a c/s after three blissful homebirths. Everyone's road through childbirth is so different and unique. Her c/s was not what she ideally wanted but really necessary, and of course as any mother would, she did what seemed right and safest for her babe in the situation they found themselves in. She made the best & bravest choice she could at the time and has every reason to be really proud of herself. There can be disappointed tinging the pride you feel after birth, it's common to have mixed feelings, especially if the birth was especially challening and took some unexpected twists or turns. It's nice to be able to de-brief with an understanding (and non-judgemental) ear.

[RedPanda]

I got a lot of grief from my HR department at work last week when I booked my maternity leave. I had to sign a stat dec to prove I was pregnant & they wanted a letter from my OB stating I was having a c-section on 7th Jan. When I gave this cow all the paperwork her comment was "oh you didn't put in your stat dec that you're to posh to push, haha". Yeah very funny!! She then made it an office joke so my team mates who didn't know I was having a c/s to begin with now think that I am doing it out of vanity as opposed to medical necessity.

The "too posh to push" comment is really harsh, but I don't think the stat dec is too unusual. I had to provide a letter from a doctor stating that I was pregnant, and when the baby was due. I had paid maternity leave, so I think they just like to make damn sure!:)
To the OP, I'm really sorry people are making you feel bad. I'm have a "means to an end" attitude about birth, so I can't really understand the whole hoop-la about birth options. I support women making informed choices, regardless of what those choices are.

Ignore the negativity - you have a beautiful bubba:hugs:

[jag5000]

I have felt judged many many times irl and online :( .. horrible feeling isn't it? and yes, I have gotten pretty much ALL the comments too

I very nearly went for a VBAC with DS, but then snapped out of it - I realised it was just the pressure from others that was influencing that decision and what I wanted was a C/S.. I also hate the question "why did you have a C/S?" .. firstly, none of your buisness, and second, why question me?

if I hear "too posh to push" one more time.. god help me... grrrrr

[MummyCharmzy]

I fortunately have never felt judged for my csects because everyone that knows I've had them also knows why... 1st csect due to severe preeclampsia at 31 weeks with IUGR bub, 2nd csect at 35 weeks due to severe PIH where it took hours for them to bring my BP down from 225/165 and I was NOT in a good way, 3rd Csect scheduled csect as I had Preeclampsia again and gestational diabetes and the prev 2 csects meant I was not a candidate for VBA2C.

I will be having Csect #4 next year and this time will be a classical csect as my uterus is too thin for another bikini incision and therefor definitely to thin for a trial VBA3C!

I would be very VERy hurt if people tried to judge me for this though, I never WANTED a csect, I had always planned on having an all natural water birth and was booked in at a birth centre to help me achieve this, unfortunately it was never meant to be and I was transferred to the closest hospital to help us achieve the best outcome.. which they did :)

[Xanthesmummmy]

I had a C-Section with my little girl 6 months ago because they thought she would be too big for me to give birth to naturally (She was 9 pounds in the end + a big placenta - they thought she would be closer to 10 pounds). Im glad I had a C-Section as I was terrified that she would be too big anyway as there is a big difference between the height of myself and my husband (6"4 to 5"2). I think whatever is right for the woman is the right choice and people should just butt out!

[miraclemum]

"Easy way out" ? Huh. I give anyone permission to slap anybody in the face that says that. There is no way in hell it is. 21 years ago, when my Mum had me, she was up and showered within 1/2hr. I was in bed for a day drugged up to my eyeballs on morphine in intense pain. I couldn't take care of my son properly, I could barely get out of bed and 12 weeks later my belly is still so sore that I can't lean against things (mind you, I ended up with an infection too). If anyone "chooses" to go through all of this, then there must be a damn good reason for it!

[TezTemJdTizJaz]

I think it's really sad- Granted, I haven't had a c sect- But I've seen alot of stuff said online- Don't take it to heart if that's where it's happening mate- But if it's IRL- Slap them across the face :) - Hopefully people will get over it one day!

Vaginal- or - "The easy way out" :P- Your bub is born- and is doing well- I always thought that, that was the most important thing- BUt there are some pretty ummm
... I cannot think of a nice word - or a decent one I can put in here about those people- But you get the picture :)
Rest in the knowledge that you are a good mum & Your kids are safe & Healthy- Screw what people think.
People's awful comments are usually only ever a reflection of themselves- Not you :)

[Charlotte'sMummy]

I feel for all who have been judged in regards to c-sects. I too have had to endure nasty comments about choosing to have one, one of which included my mother-in-law (who mind you is 1 year older than me) saying that my baby "wont love me as much" if i didnt do it naturally and how i wont feel as if ive achieved anything because i havent put any effort in..nice huh:banghead:

[zenifa]

I feel for all who have been judged in regards to c-sects. I too have had to endure nasty comments about choosing to have one, one of which included my mother-in-law (who mind you is 1 year older than me) saying that my baby "wont love me as much" if i didnt do it naturally and how i wont feel as if ive achieved anything because i havent put any effort in..nice huh:banghead:

Sorry but your mil's comments are totally out of line!! :eek:What a thing to say, to anyone!!!:no:
What a load of baloney - is there any child that doesn't love their mother regardless of how they were birthed? Also do you only have to birth vaginally to feel a sense of achievement or that you have put effort in - doh! NO!!

Motherhood is much more than just how the baby is born!!

I have been lucky to have had 2 elective c/s which went smoothly, my recovery was great and I was supported by all my friends and family (thankfully anyone who judged me -vely has kept this to themselves!).

[CaitlinArai22]

ARGH

This is actually ruining my whole pregnancy, and starting to become dangerous! The pressure is so great where i am, i'm making decisions based on guilt, rather then safety.

i have medical reasons for requiring a c/s - and my middies and ob would prefer i had a VB!!!
(isnt this backwards from most places?)
They think the risk to me is so slight (my surgeons say i',m likely to be re-paralysed, but the middies say i'll be fine:confused:), compaired to the horrible things i'd be doing to baby.

I have actually had full on comments like "You'll be DRUGGING your baby!" and "Women and babies DIE from c/s!" (hello, they die in natural birth too, dont they?) and generally just been made to feel like **** about what i'm doing.

It looks like i'll be having a VB at this stage, my doula is helping me find out if its safe for me or not, because i honestly dont think the hospital staff would tell me if it wasnt - they are all so pro vb who cares about the risk to the mother, its all best birth for bub.

Yeah, and its going to be best for bub when his mother is stuck in a wheelchair, in an upstairs apartment, trying to care for bub and DP who is already disabled!!!

I cant imagine the pressure on women that have "no reason" to have a c/s if its this bad on someone that needs it!

[CaitlinArai22]

I feel for all who have been judged in regards to c-sects. I too have had to endure nasty comments about choosing to have one, one of which included my mother-in-law (who mind you is 1 year older than me) saying that my baby "wont love me as much" if i didnt do it naturally and how i wont feel as if ive achieved anything because i havent put any effort in..nice huh:banghead:

:laughing: Off topic, and none of my business, but totally confused as to how your MIL is only 1 yr older then you - thats the same age as her son? teehee, just curious:D

[Charlotte'sMummy]

Hehe i saw this question coming :)

Well my fiances mother and father divorced a few years back and his father has now remarried and she is very young..roughly the same age as my partner in fact. Odd huh?!

So yes, there has been tension after these silly remarks were made..last time i open up about my pregnancy with her :shame:

Needless to say i know that im making the right decision for me and thats all there is to it tbh. Dont let these middies try and make you feel bad with their comments- stick with what your surgeon is telling you cos at the end of the day, he would really know what would be best between the two wouldnt he?

Good luck and try to stress less! Definately easier said than done but honestly, you need to do what's best for you and ultimately what you want, not anyone else:hugs:

[Fuchsia!]

No not really, it doesn't bother me at all. I was 100% ahppy with my decision so it didn't bother me. People usually ask questions cause they are curious so i will answer them :)

As for judgmental people? Well they will always judge, someone will always judge someone for something. I have had some nasty comments about it, one has even said i shouldn't have children if they are to be born by C/S!! But soem offend but i don't feel judged because they have no idea on my circumstances at all so it deosn't bother me

[SorenLorensen]

No not really, it doesn't bother me at all. I was 100% ahppy with my decision so it didn't bother me. People usually ask questions cause they are curious so i will answer them :)

As for judgmental people? Well they will always judge, someone will always judge someone for something. I have had some nasty comments about it, one has even said i shouldn't have children if they are to be born by C/S!! But soem offend but i don't feel judged because they have no idea on my circumstances at all so it deosn't bother me
:iagree:
someone can say something to me but i refuse to let them make me feel bad for it. they have no idea abotu my situation and if they want to judge me badly for something they dont knwo anything about then their opinion really does no matter to me.

i had a comment from some **** i went to school before that was when i said DD1 was born via c/s i got "oh cool so im the only REAL mum here" refering to the fact that she was the only one out of 4 of us that had a natural birth (1 was a friend of mine who had an emergency c/s becuase her twins needed out quick smart, the other woman i didnt know).....but yeah, she was the only REAL mum :rolleyes:....freakin d!ck head in my opinion, i still laugh when i think about what she said as it just proves she has no clue.

[NZMUMMYINAU]

I think it really depends how the first was born if it was due to e/c I don't blame people for future one's but to just start off with having them not knowing if your body is capable of giving birth is a different story as some women really bug me that they just decided to have c-section and book themselves in....My first was born by an e/c-section after 3days of labour they had me pushing and everything, had 15top-ups with epidural, 1 and half bags of Oxytocin and she was not going anywere as she was 10pd 9, head was 39cm and length was 60cm's + she was posteria....no 1 has ever commented on me due to the circumstances....I'm now 4 and 1/2 mths prega's with No.2 and I've been offered a c-section but have asked for a vbac as I don't want to think that is my only option only thing is that it could end up in another c-section but at least I can say I gave it another go!!!!!

[embryonichappyperson]

Great do I have comments to look fwd to? I told a lady yesterday I'm having a c/s and she got all funny and after I explained that my first pregnancy resulted in revealing a 11lb 15oz baby stuck in the birth canal later and a broken tail bone then she changed her tune. I shouldn't have to reveal why I'm choosing to have a elective c/s. I have my reasons and I would be stupid to go through natural labour again and my pelvic floor couldn't take another birth.

[jaynett]

i had a c/s with my first 15 years ago at 29 weeks in the uk and when i went to doctors and hospital here i had mixed opinions about wat way to go my main concern was that no one knew the internal damage my dp wanted me to have a c/s as he then knew i was in good hands if anything went wrong some doctors amd mids tried to convince me vb was ok with only slight risk and tried to make the guilt make my decision which it nearly did but the safety of bub and me came first i did wat i felt was right for me not for them im glad i did as i was having bp problems once i made the decision and told everyone and got all the comments over and done with with the help of dp defending my honor as he put it my dd was born healthy by c/s i wouldn't have had vb as i was worry too much about complications


ARGH

This is actually ruining my whole pregnancy, and starting to become dangerous! The pressure is so great where i am, i'm making decisions based on guilt, rather then safety.

i have medical reasons for requiring a c/s - and my middies and ob would prefer i had a VB!!!
(isnt this backwards from most places?)
They think the risk to me is so slight (my surgeons say i',m likely to be re-paralysed, but the middies say i'll be fine:confused:), compaired to the horrible things i'd be doing to baby.

I have actually had full on comments like "You'll be DRUGGING your baby!" and "Women and babies DIE from c/s!" (hello, they die in natural birth too, dont they?) and generally just been made to feel like **** about what i'm doing.

It looks like i'll be having a VB at this stage, my doula is helping me find out if its safe for me or not, because i honestly dont think the hospital staff would tell me if it wasnt - they are all so pro vb who cares about the risk to the mother, its all best birth for bub.

Yeah, and its going to be best for bub when his mother is stuck in a wheelchair, in an upstairs apartment, trying to care for bub and DP who is already disabled!!!

I cant imagine the pressure on women that have "no reason" to have a c/s if its this bad on someone that needs it!

[CaitlinArai22]

i had a c/s with my first 15 years ago at 29 weeks in the uk and when i went to doctors and hospital here i had mixed opinions about wat way to go my main concern was that no one knew the internal damage my dp wanted me to have a c/s as he then knew i was in good hands if anything went wrong some doctors amd mids tried to convince me vb was ok with only slight risk and tried to make the guilt make my decision which it nearly did but the safety of bub and me came first i did wat i felt was right for me not for them im glad i did as i was having bp problems once i made the decision and told everyone and got all the comments over and done with with the help of dp defending my honor as he put it my dd was born healthy by c/s i wouldn't have had vb as i was worry too much about complications

:hugs:good on you for being so strong... i only hope i make the right choice for me and baby

[jag5000]

Caitlin - I wish you luck with your decision and your birth :hugs:

I too took a while to decide what was right for me... the thing is I knew all along what birth I wanted, but the pressure got to me and made me doubt everything. In the end I just thought, if this were a perfect world, a there was no judgement, and not one person had said anything to me.. what would I choose. I got my answer and was very very happy.

I really hope you can decide what is right for YOU! :hugs:

[Mummabeartotwo]

HI, I am quite a walking contradiction when i talk about c sections.

My first child was born by "emergency" c section due to "failure to progress" which is a load of crock, i was only in labour for 37 hours. No biggie.
My second child was conceived 11 months after the birth of my first. No hospital in QLD would allow me to attempt a VBAC. Which devastated me. SO i sadly agreed to a c section.

I am sad about my decision not to stay home and birth in a safe enviroment.

The mortality rate for mother and baby is significantly higher when you have a cs delivery, the health of the child is less then favourable and the immunity of the child is not as strong as a vaginal birthed baby. If anyone wants these statements backed up by research PM me and i can give you all the links.

Yes, vaginal delivery is the normal proper way to give birth. CS's do however have their place in the obstetrics field, but they are grossly overused.
WE live in a society where cs have become the norm. That we have to fear a baby squeezing out of our vaginas.

Cutting your stomach open and ripping a baby out before its due date is not natural or normal. But in a true emergency it is needed.

I love that we live in a society where a woman has rights to decide how to birth, i just wish i could see more woman going down a different path than what i did.

[Luna Lovegood]

JMO- I don't care if someone has a VB, or Csec....as long as their baby is born healthy, and free of a crack adiction, than that all that matters..............

I also don't think people have the right to judge- neither is easy on the mother physically or emotionally. People have their reasons, and others really can't judge someone else unless they feel what they feel, and see what they see. A friend of my DF has had 2 c/s because the thought of a vaginal birth gives her high blood preassure and stresses the baby. Another people I know has OCD and HAD to to have a date the baby was going to be born and it HAD to be born on that day, and she could see it no other way. To me- those are good enough illnesses as any....

[sansha]

I chose to have a c-section and I was surprised not to receive anything much in terms of negative feedback. The only people who actually said anything other than "OK" were those who were curious about the option for themselves.
There is a LOT more negativity online about c-sections (and about anything short of the 'squatting alone in a wood with essential oils and moon chanting' approach to birthing). Don't let people get to you.

The "you just want the easy way out" comments always amuse me. Why wouldn't I want my birth to be stress free and easy? I really don't understand what some people think that is a negative?

[Luna Lovegood]

There is a LOT more negativity online about c-sections (and about anything short of the 'squatting alone in a wood with essential oils and moon chanting' approach to birthing). Don't let people get to you.


:laughing: Absolutely brilliant...


I had a VB and an EPI :eek:


I'm obviously the :devil:

[Mummabeartotwo]

I chose to have a c-section and I was surprised not to receive anything much in terms of negative feedback. The only people who actually said anything other than "OK" were those who were curious about the option for themselves.
There is a LOT more negativity online about c-sections (and about anything short of the 'squatting alone in a wood with essential oils and moon chanting' approach to birthing). Don't let people get to you.

The "you just want the easy way out" comments always amuse me. Why wouldn't I want my birth to be stress free and easy? I really don't understand what some people think that is a negative?

But is a c section stress free and easy? I thought it would be harder? i cant compare the two but neither is pain free.

[sansha]

But is a c section stress free and easy? I thought it would be harder? i cant compare the two but neither is pain free.

It was definitely stress free for me. I personally found it easier than any vaginal birth experience than I've ever heard of, but different people have different things that are important to them.

Some women, for example, would find it hard to be away from baby in recovery, or not to be able to pick them up for a day or two which I was happy with with.

As for 'pain free' - my entire c-section experience was less uncomfortable than my pregnancy. I was never in great pain. It was certainly far less painful for me than most vaginal births are described to be.

[beebs]

I don't know about you girls, but the thought of being sliced open sounds terrifying to me! doesn't sound easy or stress free to me!

Having said that - I'm opting for an elective c section this time after a shocking vb with my DS that left me physically and emotionally broken. I don't think its an easy decision - well - it hasn't been for me anyways:no:

[madboysnmummy]

Its funny this thread is still running.

I now think people can be so judging in relation to everything not just birth options. I thought it was just IRL but now more online.

The judging continues to why Cant you BF
re nappies, why your child isnt toilet trained, dirinking out of a cup, not sleeping in a big bed etc.

For some reason there is a hight expectation out there from some mummies to meet a certain criteria.

I dont know about you guys but I always do what feels right and my gut tells me and if I have to try too hard then I try a different thing.

feeling judged and guilty of doing something which I feels right regardless of my reasons is just not fair

:ecomcity: ok now Im rambling this adelaide heat is getting to my head! :laughing:

[iMischa]

i came across this thread because ive been told by my midwife that i have a choice on how i will birth my baby.

i want to know, if having a vbac is the best thing for the mother and the baby, then why are we given the choice??

and why are we frowned upon when we make our decision and it isnt what others want to hear??

i feel scared to want another c section, i dont know how the medical staff will react to me, if i will be given a lecture and if i am meant to come up with an acceptable reason why ive chosen that route..

my ds1 was born by emergency c section due to his heart rate dropping below 40, 10 minutes after i was induced on his due date, knowing he was not ok, and if he wasnt taken out of me and soon he wouldnt have made it, instilled alot of paranoia and fear into me, if i had been one of those woman who declined monitoring, my baby would have died...

i understand that every baby and pregnancy is different, but i dont know IF my sanity could go through another EMERGENCY ceaser..

[sansha]

i came across this thread because ive been told by my midwife that i have a choice on how i will birth my baby.
i want to know, if having a vbac is the best thing for the mother and the baby, then why are we given the choice??


You are given the choice for the same sort of reason that you are able to chose different car seat. As long as something is safe, it doesn't have to be the very safest. I believe repeat c-section is safer but VBAC can also be safe and so both choices should be available.



and why are we frowned upon when we make our decision and it isnt what others want to hear??


You shouldn't be frowned on by anyone in the medical profession and personally I'm not interested in the medical opinion of people without medical training. Don't let them bother you.


i feel scared to want another c section, i dont know how the medical staff will react to me, if i will be given a lecture and if i am meant to come up with an acceptable reason why ive chosen that route..

I would be stunned if any medical professional denies you a repeat c-section. It is usually a bigger issue to request a VBAC (although much less so these days)

[Mummabeartotwo]

How can you honestly say that a cs is safer then a VB? even a vbac is still just a VB!

[Cordelia]

I have had 2 caesarean experiences:

1. emergency: traumatic, rushed, stressed, scarring (emotionally), painful

2. planned: joyful, relaxed, happy, exciting, celebratory, miraculous

What people think: who gives a fiddler's fart? I have 2 beautiful kids and a have experienced birth from all different angles. who knows - i might try a VBAC for my 3rd. My business not theirs!

[Mummabeartotwo]

Our experiences sound quite similar Cordelia!

I Will be having a VBA2C next :)

[stellarella]

We get judged no matter what we do. It's just a part of life unfortunately. Some judgements are understandable, some just stem from ignorance and lack of education.

It probably feels as though c/secs are judged more than anything else but I can guarantee that women who homebirth get it just as much, if not more, seeing as it is so taboo and so incredibly "risky and dangerous."

Of course we are also the butt of numerous jokes and digs from people who think they are clever.
Exhibit A (below)



There is a LOT more negativity online about c-sections (and about anything short of the 'squatting alone in a wood with essential oils and moon chanting' approach to birthing).



So....pot calling the kettle black? :(

[beebs]

Yes, but we of all people shouldn't judge others - we all know how hard it is to be pregnant, birth and raise kids. We should be supporting each other.

I have to say - I find it a little annoying that on every single thread where ladies ask for positive c/section stories because they are going have an elective people always jump on and try and change their minds. What is that all about???

Also when I *had* to give up breastfeeding - not just give up but *had* to. THe comments and looks I received from other mothers was unbelievable. Even though they new nothing of my story or background.

We all know breast is best and we all know c.sections are major surgery - some people just don't have the luxury of the choice to be honest.

[beezee]

There does seem to be more negativity and judgemental commentary online - but this may also be because sometimes it's harder to express what you mean in written words. I can't say I've ever come across anyone at a party who's had any kind of militant view one way or the other!

My babies have been:

#1 - VB - not the best, not the worst. Traumatic enough for me to not be all that keen on doing it again though.

#2 - CS - hard to say whether was elective or not. Wasn't keen on a VB again but willing to do it as I didn't really have any reason not to. At the last minute medical reason came up which gave me a significantly reduced chance of a successful VB so went with an "elective CS".

#3 - booked in for a weeks time for elective CS. Not really fussed on either birth method to be honest (although for me the CS was a much nicer experience than my first birth!) ...

I've never experienced anything overly negative from people about any of the choices I've made - but the birth process is not something I feel all that strongly about so negative comments wouldn't really be a bother to me anyway. Whichever is quickest, safest and less traumatic in your own circumstances is good from my perspective ... for some ppl that would be a VB and for some a CS so it'll be different for everyone.

Personally, I'm still looking for a third (completely pain free) birthing option :->

[beebs]

A 3rd option - yeah thats a good idea! I swear - if my husband could have babies we'd have 10!!!

[erinjacob]

i personally don't understand why women choose csections but i also think if they have done there research an no whats involved then it there choice no one should tell them what to do with there body and there babies. no one will ever agree on what to do so think about ur self an what u want and try not to judge others think about the good things like a happy mum and baby not why there happy

[CaitlinArai22]

A 3rd option - yeah thats a good idea! I swear - if my husband could have babies we'd have 10!!!

funny i always hear "if men had the babies, we'd die out!" or "they'd all stop at one!", its nice to hear someone with faith in their hubby:laughing:



I have to say - I find it a little annoying that on every single thread where ladies ask for positive c/section stories because they are going have an elective people always jump on and try and change their minds. What is that all about???

mmm i have to agree with this one! Some of us have damn good reasons for having a c/s, we need to be encouraged and made to feel better about it, not have it questioned and made to feel like we're doing the wrong thing by our babies, or just second guessing all our choices.

[sansha]

We get judged no matter what we do. It's just a part of life unfortunately. Some judgements are understandable, some just stem from ignorance and lack of education.

It probably feels as though c/secs are judged more than anything else but I can guarantee that women who homebirth get it just as much, if not more, seeing as it is so taboo and so incredibly "risky and dangerous."

Of course we are also the butt of numerous jokes and digs from people who think they are clever.
Exhibit A (below)



So....pot calling the kettle black? :(

There is a difference between homebirth and freebirth but I agree with you - women who homebirth cop far more **** than they should get. My 'joke' is directed to the latter birthing style, not the former.

Truthfully though, I wouldn't be likely to deny a women the right to freebirth either.

[erinjacob]

i no what u mean about bein judged about home births i still get horrible comments but there always about me wanting my child dead for trying

[madboysnmummy]

i no what u mean about bein judged about home births i still get horrible comments but there always about me wanting my child dead for trying

OMG! are you serious!??

Why are we as mummies ourselves so judging?

Its kinda sad really that people arent more encouraging.

[beebs]

funny i always hear "if men had the babies, we'd die out!" or "they'd all stop at one!", its nice to hear someone with faith in their hubby:laughing:



mmm i have to agree with this one! Some of us have damn good reasons for having a c/s, we need to be encouraged and made to feel better about it, not have it questioned and made to feel like we're doing the wrong thing by our babies, or just second guessing all our choices.

Yes - I think it very interesting, why some people care so much about what others do to their body. I have heard someone say it's bordering on child abuse to have a c/section - they have obviously never seen a victim of child abuse!
An elective c/section for me is something I have been stressing and wrestling and have recently come to terms with. I have read all about it - from both sides of the spectrum the pro and the anti. It has been difficult for me to make the decision. But I feel its the right one for me.

Caitlin - I have read your story as well and was totally for you having a c/section - can't believe some medical staff- they just weren't listening to you were they?

Hahah - I totally believe if it were up to men we would've died out long ago.;)

[erinjacob]

it is sad but i do it my self an it hard not to but we all have to try try being happy for some one making there OWN decisions an not focus on the negative

[Josh]

I'm hearing you loud and clear on this one, I have had caesar's as well as natural and to me personally a natural birth is so overated, I can;t understand why some women jump up and down to have a vaginal birth, the health of both mother and baby is THE most important thing to consider, and for some ladies the c/s is the one and the only option.

[CaitlinArai22]

we've all been so guilted ive just worked out we're still doing it with each other - this is a thread we are saying we are tired of being judged and having to defend our actions/decisions, but we're defending them automatically now without thinking, eg, "some of us need to have c/s" "its not an easy way out" etc etc.

who cares whether its easier harder, if we 'need it' or dont, if we choose for medical, emotional, whatever???

we shouldnt have to defend it! its should just be "i am having" that simple!

but everytime i mention my c/s, i feel i have to say why i'm having it because i am afraid someone will judge me. and it sucks.

beebs, thank you, i hated how everyones advice for "why wont they support me in my c/s choices" was "you should look at this option, you might not need one" - i wasnt asking if i needed one/should get one, i was asking how i could get5 them to support me! dont try and change my mind!!

[beebs]

I know what you mean Caitlin - some of the replies in your thread really annoyed me - the way that people just didn't listen to you. You said straight up that you specialist had said that you can never have a labour. I just don't get why people where trying to change your mind. And alot of them didn't even really realise what they were saying. When some people were saying that labour doesn't affect your back... and labour absolutely can damage your back if it goes wrong.

And you're right - we shouldn't have to defend our decisions - but i still feel like I do:(